Epiphany
by T'Key'la
Summary: What do you owe to the memory of the woman who was your mother only because she gave birth to you? When Jim's mother dies, he has to return to Earth to sort out this and many things. Spock does what he can to help Jim on his journey. Final chapter up. k/s
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I started this story several months ago. I had planned to finish it well before now but other...things got in the way. Now that I have started posting "Becoming," this story demanded to also be posted. (Ah - sibling rivalry.) This story is unrelated to "Becoming." And not to worry (not that I'm implying in any way that you are worried) I am still working on "Becoming" and will post more soon.

Hope you like this one! Reviews are writer-crack! Love and a shout-out to my most faithful readers/reviewers. You keep me going!

* * *

"Captain," Lieutenant Uhura said, her tone more respectful than usual, her serious expression not a good sign.

"Yes?" Captain Kirk responded, swiveling his chair to face her more fully.

"Admiral Pike is requesting to speak to you, sir. In private, on a personal matter," Uhura said.

"I see," the Captain responded, wishing his stomach didn't feel like it had sunk into his boots. He was pretty sure he wasn't in trouble for anything, having avoided any diplomatic incidents in the past few months. "I'll talk with him in the conference room."

"Aye sir," she agreed, turning back to inform the Admiral.

Kirk stood and automatically pulled his gold uniform lower over the black shirt he always wore beneath, trying to ignore all of the eyes of his Bridge crew trained on him. He was fairly sure he would see concern mixed with respect and no small amount of curiosity. Spock reached his side when he arrived at the turbolift.

"Should I accompany you, sir?" Spock asked quietly, his black eyes studying his Captain with an almost unnerving intensity.

"No, Spock. I'm pretty sure I'm not about to be reprimanded, this time," Jim responded, his smile only on his mouth and not anywhere near his blue eyes that were minus their usual sparkle. "You have the Bridge."

"Yes sir," Spock agreed, clearly reluctant to remain but obediently going to take the Captain's chair and his responsibility.

Jim made his way to the conference room, letting Uhura know he was ready. Her beautiful face faded, replaced by Admiral Pike, looking worried and possibly upset. "Admiral," Jim said.

"Jim," Chris replied. Okay, so he wasn't in trouble with Starfleet. "I'm afraid I have bad news, son."

"Yes sir," Jim responded, watching Chris steadily from where he stood before the viewscreen.

"It's your mom. She was leaving Platleta Major after the relief efforts. The shuttle was hit by lightening and crashed." Chris paused, studying Jim and seeing the recognition on his face. "I'm sorry, son. There were no survivors."

"I see," Jim said, not sure what other response was appropriate. Not sure what he should be feeling right now.

"I have your bereavement leave form completed, Jim. Once you decide when you want to come to Earth, let me know. I'll submit it with the pertinent information and you'll be temporarily relieved of duty."

"Yes sir," Jim repeated, not sure what Chris was talking about. Leave? He was going to be required to leave Enterprise? That didn't make sense to him.

"Jim," Chris said, taking him out of his reverie. "You'll need to come home. You have things to settle here. I know you don't want to return to Earth but there are details that must be taken care of. Do you understand, son?"

"Not entirely," Jim admitted, his unblinking eyes staring at Chris. His head was buzzing and he wasn't sure the Admiral was even speaking English. He saw Chris' lips moving but what was it he was saying?

"Stay there for just a minute, Jim. Don't leave, alright?"

"Yes sir," Jim agreed, staring at the screen as Chris faded out to be replaced by the Starfleet Headquarters emblem. What was expected of him now? And why was Chris talking about him being relieved of command? Was he in trouble for something new he had done that he didn't know was wrong?

He looked over with a start when Spock entered the conference room. "What are you doing here?" he asked, sure he had left Spock on the Bridge.

"Admiral Pike requested my presence, sir," Spock told him quietly.

"Oh," Jim said, frowning at him. "Why?"

"In order for me to discuss with him the details," Spock explained.

"The details? Of what? Am I being relieved of command?" Jim asked in a neutral voice.

"No, Jim," Pike assured him. He had reappeared on the screen but Jim had failed to notice, Spock his only focus.

"Sir," Spock said, nodding at Pike. "Will her body be returned to Earth?"

"No, Commander. That is not possible," Pike said in regret. "Will you come with Jim to Earth? I know it will be difficult for you, with the circumstances, but…"

"It will not pose any difficulties to me, sir. I will come," Spock said with a nod.

"Where are you going?" Jim asked Spock, concern in his eyes.

"I am going with you to Earth, Jim," Spock explained.

"I'm not going to Earth," Jim said with a frown.

"Jim," the Admiral said, drawing Jim's focus to him once more. "You must come to Earth. To settle your mother's affairs. Spock will accompany you."

Jim shook his head. He understood what Chris had said. His mother had been killed in a shuttle crash. What did that have to do with him? He hadn't spoken to her in at least four years. Not since before he joined Starfleet. She hadn't even contacted him after the Narada incident, to congratulate him, one of the few who hadn't. As far as he was concerned, she had been out of his life for most of it. Was he now expected to grieve for her?

When he focused again on Spock, it was to discover that he was talking to Chris, his presence apparently unnecessary to the conversation.

"Where are you going, Jim?" Chris asked from the viewscreen.

"To the Bridge, Admiral. I'm on duty," Jim told him with an edge of impatience. Jim heard Chris sigh and was sorry he had angered him or disappointed him or… well, he wasn't sure what the sigh was for. But he was sorry he had caused it. He'd apologize to him later, when things again made sense and he could hear anything other than the roar of his head.

He wandered down the corridor of his ship, certain he was returning to the Bridge. Instead, he ended up at Medical Bay. Visiting Bones had become his default when he needed to think, to have a sounding board. He didn't hear any of the medical personnel speak to him as he went directly to Bones' office, glad his friend was there.

"What's wrong?" Bones asked, rounding his desk to close his door. He recognized that expression, one he had only seen twice before. It was not good.

"My mother was killed in a shuttle accident," Jim said softly, sitting down because Bones wanted him to, the Doctor in the chair next to him.

"That was the call from Pike?" Bones asked.

"Yes. He's talking to Spock. He apparently thinks I am going to Earth."

"Of course you are, Jim. There are things that you have to take care of," Bones told him.

"No," Jim said, shaking his head. "You never even met mom. What does that tell you?"

"I know, Jim. But you are the only Kirk left. There are matters which must be dealt with. And it's your responsibility."

"What matters? Her body wasn't recovered. She won't buried. It's done."

"Jim," Bones said softly, shaking his head, one hand on his friend's arm. "You have to deal the farm. You have to notify the family that are left. You have no choice but to go home."

"I do have a choice, Bones. Just like she did. Her choice was to pretend I didn't exist," Jim told him, only an edge of anger in his voice.

"I know," Bones repeated, watching through the glass wall of his office as Spock approached. He opened the door so that the Commander could join them.

"I am not going to Earth," Jim informed Spock before he had a chance to speak.

Spock didn't know what to say to that and could only look to the Doctor for guidance. He understood the Captain's reluctance but equally understood the necessity of Jim returning to Earth under the circumstances.

"Spock is going to go with you, Jim," Bones said gently. "You won't have to deal with it alone."

"I will be accompanying you, Captain," Spock agreed.

"You go. I have no intentions of it," Jim stated firmly.

"Jim," Bones sighed.

"What, Bones? She deserves my grief? She deserves me leaving my ship? No. She gave birth to me. After that, she barely acknowledged me. It's been even worse since Sam died. Like I'm to blame for his death too. Apparently I killed her husband and her only son. And now that she's dead, I should be overcome with grief? Not likely," Jim scoffed.

"Doctor?" Spock asked, unable to comprehend the words his Captain was saying.

"You know it's complicated, Spock. Jim, you have to go to Earth. It's not an option to stay away," Bones told him firmly.

"Why?"

Bones sighed, shaking his head again. "What time is it?" he asked Spock.

"1619," Spock responded, studying the Captain who was staring straight ahead and acknowledging neither of the other two men.

"Alright," Bones said. "Jim, alpha is over. Go to the gym with Spock and try to beat the shit of him. When you're done, call me."

"Why?"

"Because once you've taken out your frustration on Spock, you're going to have a bloody nose and the grief is going to replace your anger. And it's going to take us both to deal with it."

"You're wrong about the grief. I'm not ever going to feel it," Jim informed him as he stood.

"Go with Spock. Call me when you're done," Bones reminded Spock.

"I will," Spock confirmed, leaving the MedBay to go to the gym, making certain the Captain was following. He knew Jim was operating on auto-pilot and hoped that McCoy was right – once he'd worked out some of his anger, the grief would find its way to the surface.

Spock led Jim into the officers' locker room, changing and making sure Jim did as well. When they were both dressed in their workout clothes, he went with Jim to one of the private rooms, securing the door so that they would not be interrupted.

"So what now?" Jim asked Spock as they stood on the thick padded floor.

"I suggest we start with the Xindi holds and counterholds," Spock suggested. Those were the techniques they had most recently practiced so he thought they would still be fresh in the Captain's muscle memory.

Jim nodded, approaching Spock in the way they had utilized when they had practiced, his center of gravity low and balanced. Spock evaded him for the first minutes, studying him and deciding how engaged his Captain was in the exercise. He had to be careful not to hurt him if he was too distracted and yet provide enough of a challenge to work out some of his anger. Making the decision, Spock slowed his movement so that Jim was able to grasp his shoulders enough to throw him to the mats.

"If you aren't going to try, Spock, there's not much point," Jim told him where he lay across Spock's legs.

"You will not defeat me," Spock assured him, knowing his Captain would rise to his challenge. He raised up on his elbows, studying the Captain in his prone position.

"I did last time," Jim reminded him, catching his eyes. "And I will this time."

"Not likely, sir," Spock countered, jumping gracefully to his feet after Jim had moved away. When Jim was upright, they engaged in full Xindi Oppugnāre, Spock holding back only a quarter of his superior strength. Jim grappled and counter-moved with his usual quickness and unpredictability, Spock more deliberate and disciplined. Spock was able to throw Jim four times to Jim's three wins.

"Call," Jim finally said as he lay beneath Spock, both sweat soaked and panting, Jim's breathing more labored than Spock's.

"An excellent match, sir," Spock said as he rolled off of his Captain to lay staring up at the ceiling.

"Was it?" Jim asked, turning his head to see Spock's flushed face, the sweat gleaming off his forehead, his black hair slicked to his head.

"Indeed, sir," Spock agreed.

Jim wiped the sweat from his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and slowly sat up. "You didn't bloody my nose this time."

"I apologize, Captain. I will be more diligent in future," Spock said. Jim had to laugh at his joke, shaking his head.

"Bones will be disappointed but I don't mind," Jim assured him. "Why do I have to go to Earth, Spock? I'm not deliberately being obtuse. I just don't understand."

"There is much that must be seen to. Her personal items and the farm must be dealt with. You must have an Earth death certificate on file."

"Why?" Jim asked.

"It is protocol. There are matters with Starfleet that you must see to. She would have been receiving death benefits from your father and brother. Those will now come to you, as will hers."

"I don't want them," Jim said, shaking his head.

"I understand. However, a new beneficiary must be named. There are forms to be signed, paperwork to be filed, arrangements to be made. And you must notify any remaining family of what has occurred."

"And who's going to do that for me when I die?" Jim asked, trying not to sound as bitter as he felt.

"Dr. McCoy and I will, sir, providing I do not kill him prior to your death," Spock said.

"Please don't," Jim requested with a half smile. "And I'll probably outlive Bones."

"I certainly hope so, sir," Spock said.

"If we're discussing you acting as my next of kin, don't you think 'sir' is a little misplaced?" Jim asked.

"It simplifies discussing matters of a personal nature," Spock explained. "To think of you at a distance."

"Oh," Jim said, laying back by him. "Thank you."

"For what?" Spock asked, turning his head to study his Captain, his friend.

Jim shrugged. "You better tell McCoy I'm okay. Because he'll be here soon to find out."

Spock nodded, going to the intercom on the wall and letting the doctor know that they had finished and neither were in need of his services.

"How's Jim?"

Spock turned to look at Jim, an eyebrow raised in question. Jim just gazed back at him. "I believe he is…all right, Doctor."

"I see," Bones said. "Do I need to come?"

"No," Jim answered for himself slowly standing. "You want to meet us in Officers' Mess in 45 minutes?"

"Yeah. Shower first," Bones chided him gently.

Jim ignored him, entering the code to unlock the door, leaving for the locker rooms. They stripped and showered, putting on their uniforms before making their way to Officers' Mess. When they entered, those present tried not to be obvious about studying their Captain but it was clear that they had all heard about his mother. He chose to leave their curiosity and their concern unaddressed. When he and Spock had their meals, they joined the doctor and Mr. Scott at the Captain's table.

"Sir," Scotty said, watching him.

"I'm okay," Jim told them.

"Did you beat Mr. Spock?" Scotty asked as he ate more of his fried chicken.

"Three time. Spock won four," Jim said with a shrug.

"And no bloody nose?" McCoy asked, studying Jim closely.

"No. He apologized for failing to injury me," Jim joked with a half smile.

"Next time," McCoy requested, gesturing his fork at Spock.

Spock nodded, eating his dinner mostly in silence as the other three talked of their days and anything which had occurred. Jim seemed slightly subdued but not totally out of sorts. No one brought up the subject of Jim taking leave, Bones knowing it would fall to him to tackle it once more. Between him and Spock, he felt sure they would convince him of the necessity of returning to Earth.

"Thank you, sirs," Scotty said when he was finished. He stood and gathered all of the plates, taking them away as he left the table.

"Jim," Bones said, watching the Captain as he sipped his coffee. Jim looked over the rim at Bones, setting down the cup with a small sigh.

"I know. I have to do it," Jim said in resignation.

"Yes," Bones confirmed with a nod.

"Can't you come?" Jim asked, not wanting to sound overly needy.

"I can't, Jim. I'm sorry. Spock will be with you. And you can reach me over the communicator any time you need me," Bones reminded him.

"Yeah," Jim sighed, glancing at Spock. "Did Chris say if they will be sending a relief Captain while we're gone?"

"He said that we will go to Spacestation VanHalen. Mr. Scott will be able to oversee the repairs and upgrades he has wanted to have made for some time," Spock said.

"Okay," Jim agreed. "Will the rest of the crew have leave?"

"Not engineering," Bones said. "And I'll be at the Intergalactic Medical Conference most of that time."

"Yeah," Jim repeated, staring into his cup. "Okay. I guess I better contact Chris and tell him."

"You will need to wait until tomorrow. It's 0130 in San Francisco," Spock said.

"I'll send him a message and then he can contact me tomorrow at his convenience," Jim said. "Did you tell Sulu to alter course?"

"I did not. The Admiral asked that I wait until you had made your decision," Spock said. "I will contact Lt. Browne now."

"Thanks," Jim agreed with a nod, watching Spock go to the intercom to convey the message.

"When are you going to finally tell him?" Bones asked softly.

"Tell who what?" Jim responded.

"Spock. How you feel."

"Uhm…never. Never's good for me," Jim said.

"You think for one minute he doesn't feel the same way about you?" Bones asked.

"I have no idea. And I'm not going to risk the second most important friendship I've ever had just to find out. Better he stays my friend."

Bones shook his head, giving up sooner than usual. He still could not fathom why Jim didn't just tell Spock how he really felt about him. Jim had never shied away from anything before, which Bones supposed that only emphasized how important Spock was to him. If he cared less, he'd be more willing to risk what they had for what could be. If only Jim would believe that his feelings for Spock were reciprocated. But Bones couldn't prove it and Jim did everything he could to hide the true depths of his feelings for his first officer. Of course it was no coincidence that Bones wasn't going to Earth with them. He probably could have with a little trouble but time alone together was what they both needed, for a lot of reasons.

"Course altered and laid in, sir," Spock confirmed when he was standing by the table, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Thank you," Jim said. "I'm going to my quarters. Let me know if either of you need me."

"Alright," Bones agreed.

"Would you care for a game of chess, sir?" Spock asked Jim.

"So you can beat me physically and mentally?" Jim asked with half a smile.

"I would not choose to use that particular phrase," Spock said.

"No, you wouldn't," Jim acknowledged. "Sure. I'll lose to you in chess too. Give me half an hour."

"Of course. I need to go to the Science Labs and will come to your quarters following that."

"Good," Jim agreed, going out of the mess with him, McCoy talking to a couple of the crewmembers.

When Jim reached his quarters, he sat behind his computer, fully intending to send the required messages. But instead he began to think about his mother and the impact her death would have on his life. He couldn't imagine it making any difference and that pissed him off. Their relationship, if he could even pretend they had one, had always been …difficult. It wasn't just his father dying that caused the distance between them. It was Jim's rebellious nature and his head strong attitude. He would be the first to admit he was a difficult child but wasn't every child difficult in his or her own way? Well, he couldn't imagine Spock being difficult but he had heard a rumor about several very un-Vulcan-like scuffles that Spock had initiated as a child. And although Spock rarely talked about his mother, Jim knew that she had been the most important person in his life and her death had been devastating to him. He still had some guilt about the things he had said to Spock to gain control of Enterprise but they had put that unfortunate episode behind them when Spock had requested to become his First Officer.

Jim had sometimes found himself envying the cadets who were close to their parents. He had tried to ignore his classmates' delight when their mothers and fathers would pay a visit to the Academy, to attend Parents' Weekend, or to come to Homecoming. He and Bones spent those weekends together, often in a drunken stupor, Bones claiming he was too old to engage in such juvenile activities. He was a doctor, dammit, not a cheerleader. That was fine by Jim. He knew his mother would never step foot on the Academy grounds, never visit her son, never see the tributes to her husband that Jim was sure were erected to simply taunt him and make him feel less worthy than ever before.

And when he had defied all odds and made good? Had she so much as commed him to congratulate him? Of course not. There was only one Captain Kirk she would ever acknowledge having existed and it sure wasn't him. Never mind that his father was only captain long enough to be heroically and tragically killed. This Captain Kirk, the one who had also first gotten the position under unavoidable circumstances but had retained the title officially, this Captain Kirk did not exist in Winona Kirk's world. And now she was dead. She'd been as good as dead to Jim for a long long time. About the time she left him with that monster she had married, the one who had beat Jim senseless more times than he could count.

"Come," he called when his door buzzed. He tried to have an easy smile for Spock as he entered but he knew he didn't succeed.

"I believe that were Dr. McCoy here, he would say something along the lines of 'those are some dark thoughts you are having,'" Spock said when he stood opposite Jim.

"Yeah," Jim admitted. "I didn't set up the chessboard yet," he said unnecessarily as it was clear that Spock could see it wasn't on his desk.

"Perhaps chess is not what you require," Spock suggested, studying him thoughtfully.

"Maybe not. But I'm not willing to talk about it, if that's what you're thinking," Jim told him.

"Then perhaps you would be willing to allow me to talk," Spock suggested as he sat in his chair.

"About what, Spock? You aren't exactly known as garrulous."

"Thank you," Spock said with a nod. "I had thought to discuss the arrangements for the trip to Earth. I will deal with all the required details once those decisions have been made."

"You don't have to, Spock. Starfleet can do it. Or I can," he sighed softly.

"You are fully capable. I am fully willing," Spock said.

"Alright," Jim agreed.

"Spacestation VanHalen can arrange our transport to Lilliput IX where we will be able to obtain passage to Earth on the Starfleet freighter SS Dierdre. It is the largest ship I found heading toward Earth from this sector."

"The Dierdre," the Captain repeated, his chin cupped in his hand, his elbow on the arm of his chair. "At a maximum of warp two from Lilliput IX, it will take at least five days to get to Earth."

"Not ideal, sir. But I found no other transportation from this sector."

"What are you going to do on a freighter for those five days?" Jim asked him.

"Read science journals which have accumulated. Play chess. Correlate research data. Talk with my Captain," Spock said.

"Increase the efficiency of their warp drive?" Jim suggested lightly.

"If the opportunity presents itself."

"So what are the decisions you are waiting for me to make?" Jim asked.

"Whether or not those arrangements will be satisfactory," Spock said, studying his Captain, his friend.

"Of course they are. I thought you said you were going to the Science Labs, not researching transportation to Earth."

"I was able to accomplish both," Spock said.

"I see," Jim said with a nod.

"When we arrive on Earth, do you prefer to stay in your mother's house or in a hotel?" Spock asked.

"A hotel," Jim said, not elaborating but he was sure Spock didn't need him to. The fact that he had asked the question revealed Spock's understanding of the situation.

"I will find us suitable accommodations in the morning. How long should I reserve the rooms?"

"I don't know. A week? I have no idea how long it will take. You might want to ask Bones. And we'll have to go to San Francisco. To deal with the paperwork with Starfleet."

"Do you want to stay with Admiral Pike while we are there?" Spock asked.

"He didn't invite me. It would be presumptuous for me to assume," Jim said.

"I apologize. He did invite us, after you left the conference room. He indicated that if we chose to, we were welcome to stay with him."

"Oh. I'd prefer that. You won't mind, will you?"

"Not in the least. Once we are ready to return, I will find appropriate transport back to Enterprise," Spock assured him.

"Thanks," Jim said with a nod. "Tell me about your mother."

Spock was thoughtfully silent for a few minutes, considering his words. "She was …extraordinary. In many ways. It was not easy for her to live on Vulcan. The climate was challenging, the societal norms were different, even the language was not hers. But the love she had for my father made it all worthwhile to her."

"And her love for you," Jim added.

"Yes. I never doubted that she loved me. She was much more affectionate than was permitted but she was never ashamed of her feelings. I was never as comfortable with her open displays of affection as she would have liked. But I knew without any doubt that she loved me and was proud of me."

"The holographs I've seen of her are very beautiful," Jim said quietly.

"She was beautiful," Spock agreed. "And she radiated kindness. She loved roses and Sarek made sure her garden was well tended. She couldn't always care for it herself, the heat of Vulcan keeping her indoors many of the hours of the day. But she would collect any water that she could to use it to nourish her roses."

"I'm sorry that you lost her, Spock," Jim said softly.

"I am as well, Jim. But there is no point in wishing for what cannot be," Spock said, shaking his head.

"Except I can't seem to stop myself," Jim admitted.

"I believe that is a natural reaction to a death," Spock suggested.

"Probably. It sounds like our mothers were exact opposites. My mother didn't like me, much less love me."

"I am sorry. And you know that her assessment of you was incorrect," Spock said, content to wait until Jim was ready to continue.

"I'm learning that. One day I hope to fully believe it. It's getting easier now that I don't seem to fuck up every single thing I touch," Jim said with a hard laugh.

"I do not believe that you ruined every situation you encountered."

"There was a time," Jim said with a shrug. "What Chris ever saw in me is beyond me."

"Your potential, your spirit, and your determination."

"I guess so."

"And his assessment was correct, Jim. That is why you are the finest Starfleet captain."

"Thank you, Spock," Jim said sincerely. "I appreciate that. I know there are those who are still waiting for me to fall flat on my face. I have no plans to give them the chance to say 'I told you so.'"

"They will never be afforded that opportunity," Spock assured him. "No other captain could have convinced the Strantrers to allow us to mine their dilithium deposits."

"That was mostly luck," Jim said. "They shouldn't have challenged me to blackjack."

"How could they have known you had honed your card skills at the Academy by defeating every cadet there?"

"Not every cadet," Jim laughed. "I had to get beer money somewhere."

"Yes," Spock had to agree. "Did you win a sizeable amount for finally defeating the Kobayashi Maru?"

"No. No one would take me up on it. Not even Bones. He was sure I would never beat it," Jim said with a shrug. "It really should be winnable."

"We have had this discussion many times, Captain. You will not change my mind on the topic."

Jim laughed at him and shook his head. "Fine. When I leave Enterprise, I'm going to teach at the Academy and I'm going to make it possible to win."

"I wish you luck in that," Spock said. If a Human had said it, it would have been accompanied by a smirk. But Spock didn't smirk. Ever. "It would be easier for you to obtain a teaching position there if you had actually graduated."

"Well, I was a little busy. Saving Earth and all," Jim reminded him with another laugh. "Maybe Chris will let me graduate while we're there. What do you think?"

"Will you require pomp and circumstance?" Spock asked.

"The song or the arrangements?" Jim laughed.

"Either."

"Nay. If he'll just graduate me, that'll be fine. Maybe he can graduate Bones too. In abstentia."

"Does Dr. McCoy have any opinion concerning that?" Spock asked.

"No idea. I'm sure he blames me for the fact that he never graduated," Jim said with a shrug.

"If he still holds a grudge, he has never mentioned it," Spock said.

"He only would if he needed it for leverage," Jim agreed. "I'm a little surprised he isn't coming to Earth."

"I know that you would prefer that he accompany you," Spock said.

"That's not true, Spock. Not at all. I'm very glad you are coming with me. I meant it surprises me that he isn't coming as well, not instead of you."

"You would not prefer his company to mine?" Spock asked in open curiosity.

"God no. What would make you think I would?"

"You are often more comfortable around him," Spock pointed out.

"No I'm not," Jim said, shaking his head. "My friendship with him is different. It's not better or closer. It's just different."

"I see," Spock said, considering Jim's words.

"I'm sorry if you thought I wanted him to come instead," Jim said.

Spock nodded to accept his words, unsure exactly how to respond. It warmed him more than he was willing to admit to even himself that Jim would say that to him. He could hardly imagine what it would be like if Jim went to Earth without him by his side. He had become so accustom to being with Jim that he knew if Jim left him, he would be completely at loose ends. Not that he would ever be able to tell anyone that. Not even Jim.

They spent the next 45 minutes discussing ship's business, including duty rotations for the time the ship would be in Spacedock. They also discussed the content of the message Jim sent to all the members of their crew, finally finding the right balance between stoicism and sadness.

"I'm not lying to them, am I?" Jim asked before he hit send.

"No. You are saddened to inform them. Those who do not already know will be saddened for you. And sometimes human convention must be followed."

"Yeah," Jim agreed, hitting send to dispatch the message. The one to Admiral Pike had already been sent, including an acceptance to his invitation to stay at his house while they were in San Francisco. "I'm sorry," Jim said when he yawned behind his hand.

"It is late. I will leave you now," Spock said as he stood.

"Thank you for everything, Spock," Jim said, looking up at him.

"No thanks are necessary, Jim. Good night." With that, Spock left, leaving Jim's quarters way too quiet and way too empty.

"Bones," Jim said into his intercom.

"What the hell do you want?" Bones groused at him. Jim knew he hadn't woken him and the tone was all for show.

"Can I sleep with you?"

"No."

"Please."

"You are a goddamn starship captain. You are too old to need to sleep with me," Bones said gruffly.

"Then come sleep with me," Jim requested.

"Fine. I'll be there in five minutes."

"I love you. You know that, right?"

"Shut up and go to sleep," Bones said, terminating their conversation.

Jim changed into pajamas, getting the extra pillow out of his closet. He was again glad that the Captain's bed was larger than standard issue, making it big enough to accommodate them both, something they had discovered shortly after Jim had officially become Captain and had fallen ill with a fever that most people would have recovered from within 24 hours. Not Jim Kirk – he nearly died twice and most probably would have if Bones hadn't slept with him for the week he was sick.

He was sitting up against his headboard, reviewing reports when Bones entered in his robe and slippers, a scowl on his face. "Don't look at me like that."

"It's what you deserve," Bones told him, taking off his robe. "If you would just tell Spock, you'd have him in your bed every night."

"I don't think you are right about that," Jim said, watching Bones climb into bed next to him. "Did I interrupt anything?"

"A good night's sleep," Bones told him.

"You weren't asleep. Don't give me that BS."

"I would have been. But no. Intrepid Captain Kirk, savior of the Earth, can't sleep by himself."

"Why do I love you when you make fun of me?" Jim asked with a pout.

"You love me because I'll tell you the truth. Who else will?"

"Spock."

"Yeah. Well. He's not in your bed, is he?" Bones asked, rolling on his side, his back to Jim.

"No. I don't think he ever will be."

"And I'm telling you you are wrong. He loves you. More than I do," Bones claimed.

"Nobody loves me more than you do," Jim laughed.

"I cannot fathom why that is."

"Because. And I don't want to have sex with you."

"Thank god. Try it and you'll be unconscious the rest of your life. And beyond that."

"You want me. You just don't want to admit it," Jim teased.

"I want you like I want Saharan sand fever," Bones retorted.

"I had that once. It's not nearly as bad as everyone thinks," Jim laughed.

"You have not. Shut up so I can go to sleep."

"Good night. And thanks," Jim said, one hand on Bones' shoulder.

"Anytime, Jim. You know that," Bones replied softly.

Jim smiled at the words before returning to the reports that were always waiting for his review and approval and submission. Lord but there were a lot of paperwork required to run a starship. Forty five minutes after Bones arrived, Jim decided he could not stay awake to review one more report. After requesting that the lights be turned down, he stretched out next to Bones, listening to the comforting sounds of his friend sleeping. It had been months since he had needed Bones' company and he wished it was no longer necessary. But truth be told there were still demons that lurked in his closet and he had sense enough to admit he could not control them on his own. He didn't know how many of his crew knew that Bones occasionally slept with him but he figured the ones who did know thought that they slept together in every sense of the word. That was fine with him. Better they thought they were having sex than knowing the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim woke the next morning to the soft sounds of Bones talking, presumably to Spock as he was the only other person who would enter his quarters without his express permission. He slowly rolled onto his side to find his friends sitting on his love seat deep in conversation, Bones drinking what he knew was coffee, Spock having a cup of Vulcan tea no doubt.

"'Morning," Jim finally said with a yawn, his head unusually foggy from the left over sleep.

"Hey," Bones responded, sipping from his cup.

"Captain," Spock said with a nod.

"I'm fine, thanks," Jim told them.

"No you aren't," Bones corrected. "Do you know how many times you woke me up last night?"

"None?" Jim guessed, trying not to feel guilty about it. In truth, he didn't remember waking up anyone, himself included.

"Try six," Bones said with a weary sigh.

"I'm sorry," Jim said, slowly sitting up and wondering if the bad dreams were the reason his head was pounding. "That why Spock's here?"

"Yes," Spock agreed. "Once he finally was able to sedate you, I remained to make sure you were both all right."

"You sedated me?" Jim asked, rubbing the side of his neck that had a familiar ache to it.

"I had no choice. It was that or let you beat the crap out of us both."

"I'm sorry," Jim repeated. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Luckily your sleeping punches are much less lethal than your awake ones," Bones assured him, sitting on the bed next to him. "Take it slow. You still have the sedative in your system."

"I noticed," Jim said, laying back on his pillow. "What time is it?"

"It doesn't matter. You're relieved of duty," Bones told him, laying his palm on Jim's forehead.

"Uhn," Jim groaned, swatting away Bones' hand. "I don't need to be relieved of duty."

"Don't start. It's already done. We'll be at VanHalen in four hours. You don't need to sit on the Bridge and brood."

"I don't brood," Jim denied with a distinct pout. "What was I dreaming?"

"As far as I could make out, you alternated between thinking I was Frank and Nero. But I'm not sure. You make even less sense than usual when you're having nightmares," Bones told him.

"Thanks," Jim said with a sigh. "So I can go back to sleep, right?"

"You should," Bones agreed. "I need to get to Medical Bay. But Spock is staying."

"You don't need to," Jim said to Spock who had been observing their conversation.

"I choose to," Spock assured him. "Would it be helpful if I was in your bed with you?"

"No. As long as you are near-by, I'll be okay," Jim told him. "I hate you. You know that, right?" he said, looking up at Bones with round, innocent eyes.

"Whatever. Go to sleep. Spock will let me know if you need me."

"'Kay. Thanks," Jim said, rolling onto his side. "You can use my computer," he told Spock sleepily.

"Thank you," Spock agreed, walking with Dr. McCoy to the door. He briefly stepped outside before returning to sit at the Captain's desk.

"Hey Spock," Jim said softly.

"Jim?"

"Do you think I'm a coward?" Jim asked in a low voice.

Spock rounded the divider and sat on the edge of Jim's bed, looking down at him with as much warmth as he ever had in his eyes. "I think that you are stronger than any human I know. It is not in any way cowardly to admit to needing help. Cowards hide behind bravado and bluster. When you need assistance from your friends, you ask for it so that we may provide it."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. We all have our secrets, Jim. Some are large and omnipresent. Some are easily dealt with or ignored. Yours have come to the surface through circumstances not of your making."

"You have secrets?" Jim asked him, studying him.

"We all do. Mine generally do not keep me awake at night or cause me to fight in my sleep. That does not make you weak for needing help to contain your demons."

"Does Vulcan theology include demons?" Jim asked.

"It does not. It is a useful term for describing chimerical ideas."

"I don't know that chimerical is entirely correct," Jim said with a shrug. "Although I guess thinking you and Bones were Frank or Nero is pretty fanciful."

"Your subconscious trying to work through all the disparate emotions caused by the death of your mother," Spock confirmed.

"Yeah," Jim had to agree, yawning. "Sorry."

"Return to sleep. I will be here if you require me," Spock assured him, going to Jim's desk.

"Thanks," Jim said quietly before giving in to the sleep he could not resist.

"You're welcome," Spock responded softly before turning all of his attention to the computer.

~o0o~

Three hours passed before Dr. McCoy contacted Spock to check on Jim. With Spock's assurance that he still slept soundly, McCoy reminded Spock to contact him if he needed him before signing off.

"He is such a worrywart," Jim's soft voice said from his bed.

"I do not believe that he can help himself," Spock said as he rounded the divider.

"I know. How long did I sleep?" Jim asked, unfocused eyes looking up at Spock.

"Three hours and fourteen minutes," Spock said. "How are you feeling?"

"Less like a meteor hit me in the head," Jim decided. "Is it lunch time?"

"It is. I will accompany you to Officers' Mess if you like," Spock said.

"I guess I should. I know the crew must be curious about my absence."

"I believe that they understand. No one has attempted to contact you all morning," Spock said.

"Oh. I guess I ought to be glad. But I thought I was a little less dispensable than that," Jim joked as he slowly stood, making sure his body was ready to cooperate.

"You are indispensible, Captain. You are also dealing with a personal loss."

"It doesn't feel much like a loss truthfully," he responded. "Not the way it would for most people."

"You are not 'most people'," Spock reminded him, making Jim laugh.

"There is that," Jim agreed. "I'll be ready once I shower and dress."

"I will return to my quarters to do the same," Spock agreed with a nod.

"Okay. And Spock, thanks," Jim said.

"No thanks are required, Jim," Spock assured him before leaving his quarters.

Jim went into his bathroom to shower, the water hot and refreshing. He was sure it helped to wash away any lingering cobwebs from McCoy's medical meddling. He felt badly that he had tried to attack Bones and Spock but knew from experience that they held no grudges for his actions.

Once he was dried and dressed, he automatically sat at his computer, pulling up his messages. The first one he opened was marked _personal_ and was from Chris Pike. He read and re-read it and was still considering its content when Spock entered.

"Captain," Spock said in greeting.

"Hey," Jim returned. "I have a message from Chris. Turns out Starfleet wants to buy my mother's farm."

"I see," Spock said, crossing over to sit in the chair facing the Captain's desk. "May I inquire as to your thoughts on that?"

"I don't know," Jim admitted. "I get it but really. Does there need to be a 'James T. Kirk was born here' plaque on the house? I wasn't even born on Earth."

"It is not human tradition to commemorate the location of significant occurrences?" Spock asked.

"Yeah. It would make things a lot simpler. I wouldn't have to worry about selling it. I'd be willing to deed it over to Starfleet," Jim said.

"You do not want a place of your own on Earth?" Spock asked.

"Not the farm. Too many bad memories. I'll eventually buy a house in San Francisco."

"Or in the woods of Montana where it snows an inordinate amount all year long."

Jim laughed at Spock's description, shaking his head. "I know you hate snow. But I still love it."

"As is demonstrated by almost every shore leave you have taken."

Jim shrugged at that, standing behind his desk and pulling down his shirt. "I'm starving."

"An excellent sign," Spock agreed. "Dr. McCoy will meet us in Officers' Mess."

"Okay. We aren't at VanHalen yet, right?" Jim asked, feeling the vibrations of his ship beneath his feet as they went out and toward Officers' Mess.

"Another 13.2 minutes and we will dock."

"Oh. Do you want to wait and eat at the Spacestation?" Jim asked him.

"It will be another hour and half before we can disembark," Spock reminded him.

"Oh right. Apparently Bones' sedative is still in my system," Jim said, shaking his head.

"And you barely slept last night," Spock added.

"Yeah," Jim sighed. "Did you tell me when we'll take the transport to Lilliput IX?"

"Those arrangements have not yet been made. We will secure passage once we arrive," Spock said, nodding to two members of his Science staff as they passed by going the opposite way.

"Why is Collins so unhappy?" Jim asked when he was sure they were out of earshot.

"I have no idea. Nor do I care to find out," Spock informed him.

"Then transfer him already. I told you I would sign the paperwork."

"You did," Spock agreed.

"So why haven't you done it?" Jim asked in curiosity.

"It would necessitate also transferring Mystly. I am reluctant to be without her assistance on the theoretical astrophysics research we are undertaking."

"They aren't joined at the hip. Collins has no reason to expect to be permanently assigned with her," Jim reminded him.

"Except that Mystly is currently the only crewmember who can communicate with Collins," Spock said.

"Uhura hasn't finished the translator yet?"

"She is having some difficulty with the necessary interfaces. Mr. Scott has promised that he and Keenser will assist her while Enterprise is docked."

"Uhura isn't taking leave?" Jim asked as they entered Officers' Mess to find it mostly deserted.

"For part of the time. She would prefer to remain on board and then use her accumulated leave to visit Earth."

"That makes sense. Did she tell you this or did you learn it second-hand?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"Our relationship is cordial, sir," Spock told him stiffly.

"Cordial?" Jim repeated.

Spock's only response was one raised eyebrow and Jim knew to leave it lay. There was some low murmuring as they went to the food replicators which continued while they went to the Captain's table. Spread across the surface was a sheet of paper that had on it sentiments in many different handwritings.

"What's this?" Jim asked, putting his food carefully to one side so as not to soil the white paper with his cheeseburger and fries.

"It's from the crew," McCoy said from the opposite side of his table. "They didn't think you'd want 460 cards so they did it this way."

"Oh," Jim said, looking at the kind words the crew had written. "They didn't want to use their computers?"

"They wanted something more personal. More you," Bones said with a smile.

"It's very kind," Jim agreed, reading more of the messages. "I'll need to put it up somewhere."

"Put it on the wall outside your quarters," Bones suggested. "So they can add to it. The ones who haven't signed it yet."

"Okay. I'll have my yeoman take care of it," Jim agreed, carefully moving it to an empty table next to his.

"Good idea," Bones agreed. "Know when you're leaving for Earth yet?"

"Those arrangements have not yet been made," Spock said. "Once we are on VanHalen, I will find appropriate transport."

"When are you leaving for your convention?" Jim asked Bones.

"Conference. There is a difference, you know," Bones huffed.

"Whatever. When are you going?"

"Day after tomorrow."

"Bring us some cool samples," Jim teased.

"I am going to find new and better ways to make you miserable and to keep the rest of your crew healthy. There will be no samples that would be on any interest to you," Bones said.

"Chill, dude," Jim laughed. "I was kidding."

"You are hopeless," Bones told him.

"Yeah, I know. But I am your Captain. A little respect would be appropriate."

McCoy's only response was a dismissive snort before he turned his attention to Spock. "I'm really sorry you have to go to Earth with this infant."

"I will endeavor to return him unharmed," Spock said.

"Just don't lose track of him," Bones requested, making Jim laugh.

"I will use a GPS locator on him at all times," Spock promised.

"You can try," Jim said, turning his attention to Chekov and Sulu when they stopped by his table.

"Captain," Sulu said.

"Sulu, Chekov," Jim responded.

"We wanted to tell you how sorry we are, sir," Sulu said, Chekov nodding in agreement.

"Thank you both. Are you staying on VanHalen or taking leave?" he asked.

"We are going to Warewon for a few days, sir. Then we'll come back," Sulu said.

"Good. Be careful on Warewon. The snow should be prime but it will be crowded," Jim said.

"Ve'll be careful, sir," Chekov promised.

"That's all I ask," Jim agreed with a smile.

"Safe travels, sir," Sulu said as he and Chekov left, talking softly to each other.

"So are they sleeping together or not?" Jim asked.

"I'm a doctor not a gossip," Bones claimed.

"The sleeping arrangement of any of the crew is of no interest to me," Spock added.

"Y'all are hopeless," Jim said. "I'll ask Uhura. She'll know."

"But will she tell you?" Bones asked smugly.

"I'll play the sympathy card if I have to," Jim decided.

"You received no cards, sir," Spock pointed out.

"It's an … oh," Jim said. "You know exactly what I mean."

Spock only nodded once, refusing to elaborate. Jim had to laugh, knowing that the sound attracted an unnecessary amount of attention. But he wasn't going to act like he was devastated by the death of his mother just because that's what others might expect.

"Didn't you review the leave rosters?" Bones asked him casually.

"Yeah. But I didn't memorize them," Jim said. "I still feel a little uneasy about leaving the ship."

"It's natural, Jim. The crew will survive without you for three weeks. They'll be safely on VanHalen or on leave," Bones said.

"I know," Jim sighed.

"It is natural that you feel this way. Captains are responsible for the welfare of their crew. You do not stop feeling that responsibility because you are not with them," Spock said.

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "I know you feel it too, in your own way."

"I do," Spock said with a nod.

"And so do you," Jim said to McCoy.

"I feel no such thing. I leave this ship and I don't think about anybody until I get back."

"You are such a liar," Jim informed him.

McCoy just shrugged, watching as Scotty and Keenser entered the Mess. "They're staying here?"

"Yeah. Hope Scotty doesn't end up killing him while we're gone," Jim said, smiling up at Scotty as they approached the table.

"Mind if we sit with ye, sir?" Scotty asked.

"Of course not. Please do," Jim agreed as McCoy got an extra chair.

"I was sorry to hear of your mother's passing," Scotty said to Jim.

"Thank you. Will you two please try to behave yourselves while Spock and I are gone?" Jim requested.

"I will, sir. I'm makin' no promises for anyone else," Scotty said.

"You don't answer for me," Keenser informed him in typical fashion.

Scotty shook his head before focusing on Spock. "We will work on the translator for Collins, sir."

"That would be most helpful," Spock said. "Lt. Uhura will be here much of the time."

"She told me, sir," Scotty confirmed.

"I'm going to provide you with my authorization for the repairs and upgrades," Jim told Scotty. "If there are any that you aren't sure about, contact me and we'll discuss it."

"Aye sir. It'll be mostly routine. 'Bout time they allow us time in spaceport," Scotty said.

"I know you wanted to come much sooner," Jim said. "I'll try to request the next stop-over without so much time elapsing."

"'Preciate it sir," Scotty said, turning to argue with Keenser about…something that remained a mystery to the others. Jim had to leave the table when the wall intercom hailed him, requesting his presence on the Bridge.

Jim acknowledged the request and once Spock had joined him, they went together to the Bridge to take care of the docking requirements. It was all standard procedure but the Captain was required to sign and acknowledge and respond to all the processes involved.

"So," he said to Uhura when he was standing by her station with his most charming smile, his official requirements temporarily complete. "What do you know about Chekov and Sulu?"

"Why are you so nosey?" she responded.

"It's important that the _Captain_ knows what's going on on his ship," he reminded her.

"Then ask them. _Sir_," she said, arching an eyebrow at him. He wondered briefly if she had learned it from Spock or if she had always been able to do it.

"I wouldn't want them to think I was…spying on them."

"You don't want them to know you want to know," she corrected. "You're just being nosey."

"You're just being nosey, _sir_," he emphasized.

"You don't deserve any respect while you're trying to get your crew to gossip, _sir_," she informed him with a great deal of sass.

"Seriously, Uhura. Are they sleeping together or not?"

"You'll have to ask them yourself, _sir_," she said, leaning around him to look over at Spock. "Your First Officer needs to speak with you."

Jim looked over his shoulder to find Spock studying his readouts and paying no attention to their conversation. "He doesn't care that I'm talking to you. He knows I'm not talking about him."

"I'm not talking about any of your crew," she informed him.

He sighed and shook his head at her. "You're going to miss me while I'm on Earth."

"Sure," she said. "I am sorry about your mother, sir."

"Thanks. Was the sheet of sympathy your idea?" he asked.

"No. McCoy."

"Oh," Jim said in some surprise.

"We really will miss you while you're gone," she said more quietly, sympathy in her dark and beautiful eyes.

"Thanks. All things being equal, I'd rather not go," he confessed.

"You have no choice. You know that," she reminded him kindly.

"Yeah. Contact me if anything unusual happens," he requested.

"Of course, _sir_," she agreed, watching him walk away, a secret smile on her face.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked Spock when he stood next to the science station.

"Attempting to ignore the conversation you were having with Uhura, sir," Spock claimed as he continued to study his terminal.

Jim shook his head at that, leaning against the console. "Really. What are you doing?"

"Making certain that the relief crew is in place. Finding transportation to Lilliput IX. Reviewing the list of upgrades submitted by the Chief Engineer."

"I haven't seen them," Jim said, leaning closer to look at the screen. "He submit them before he came to the Mess?"

"Yes, sir. They are what you would expect. Do you want to review the entire list before submitting your authorization?"

"Did you review them?" Jim asked, scrolling through the list.

"I did. There is nothing out of the ordinary included."

"It's fine, then," Jim said. He signed it electronically, submitting it to the Spacestation. "I'm going to pack. You'll let me know when we need to be on VanHalen?"

"Of course, sir," Spock agreed, watching him walk away and pause by each station to have a quiet word with every crewmember on the Bridge. He briefly wondered if they were telling the Captain good-bye, or expressing their sympathy for his loss. It was of no consequence, of course. He simply could not help but marvel at the Captain's ability to connect with each member of his crew in his own particularly human way.

Once Jim had said his quiet farewells to all those on the Bridge, he went to his quarters and packed for the trip to Earth. He included a couple of pair of jeans and several extra uniforms. He had no idea what other clothes he would end up needing but assumed he'd either be able to buy them or borrow them. He wondered if Spock would only wear his uniform while they were away but surely he knew that settling things at the house could be a little…messy. "Spock," he said into his intercom.

"Spock here, sir," came the response.

"You're going to take some casual clothes, right?"

"I had intended to," Spock agreed.

"Okay."

"I have secured our passage on a private ship at 1834," Spock said.

"Okay," Jim repeated. "When will we arrive at the planet?"

"Tomorrow morning. 0540 ship's time."

"Good," Jim said. "Do you want to go to the Spacestation in a little while? Check in with the administrators?"

"Yes sir," Spock agreed. "I would also like to see if we can find a miniature chess set that will be easy to transport."

"Good idea. I'll meet you at the crossover in 15 minutes. And bring your tote to my quarters. My yeoman will make sure it gets to VanHalen."

"Very good, sir," Spock agreed, signing off.

Jim made sure he had everything packed he could think of that he might need. He had to call Bones one last time, to tell him good-bye officially.

"It's not forever you know," Bones told him.

"I know. But…"

"Yeah, I know. You'll be fine. Don't forget for one minute that you are Captain James T. Kirk, of the Enterprise, and nothing from your past changes that."

"I will. Thanks," Jim said before disconnecting and trying to stop himself from wishing futilely that Bones was coming with them. He wasn't and that was that. He straightened and left his quarters, going to the crossover to wait for Spock.

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

The crossover turned out to be an excellent place to spend some time, talking with his crew as they passed over to the Spacestation or back to Enterprise. Some looked slightly guilty as though they did not have permission to be off the ship. Some were surprised to find him at the crossover as though he had far too much to do be standing at the walkway. Many expressed their sympathy, Jim responding as noncommittally as he possibly could.

"Captain," Spock said when he arrived at the crossover. "Have I delayed us?"

"Not at all. It's interesting to stand here and talk to the crew who are coming and going," Kirk admitted.

"I would imagine it would be a study in human nature," Spock said.

"It is. It's strange, isn't it, that some of the crew act like they don't have permission to go over to VanHalen?"

"Perhaps it is your presence that causes them to think they are in trouble," Spock suggested.

"You think? I have to stand somewhere."

"True," Spock said. "It is human nature to think that observation equates disapproval."

"Yeah. You know it's weird to be Captain sometimes," Jim observed as they crossed over to VanHalen.

"I can imagine. I have no plans to have personal experience in that."

"You don't want to ever have your own ship?" Jim asked in some surprise.

"I do not. My place is as your first officer."

"Oh. Well," Jim said, stopping to look up at him. "Thank you."

Spock nodded to accept his words, continuing toward the Spacestation when Jim did. Jim had to consider what Spock had said, finding it surprising and… oddly pleasing even though he didn't think Spock should be content to be perpetually second in command. Didn't every Starfleet officer want their own ship? Wasn't that the normal order of things? He had to think more about this. And he knew the trip to Earth would provide him plenty of time for just that.

They wandered around the Spacestation, visiting some of the numerous shops that sold all manner of merchandise. The third store they visited had a miniature, portable chess set that would be ideal for their trip to Earth. Jim purchased it and requested that it be sent to the transport, the clerk assuring them that it would be delivered in plenty of time.

They then went to office of the administrators, checking in to make sure all of the paperwork was in order and all of the repairs and upgrades could be made while Enterprise was there.

"I was sorry to hear of your mother's passing," the administrator said to Jim.

"Thank you," the Captain said with a nod. "My crew knows how to contact me should there be any questions concerning the repairs or upgrades. Otherwise, Lt. Commander Scott has my official authorization."

"Very good, sir."

"Captain," Spock said quietly. "We need to make our way to our transport."

"Of course," Jim agreed. "Take good care of my ship."

"You can be sure that we will, Captain," the administrator assured him with a smile.

Jim nodded, going with Spock to the private ship dock to find the one on which he had arranged passage.

"Captain, Commander," the human Captain of the small Lucky Lucy said in greeting. "You are welcome aboard."

"Thank you, Captain," Kirk responded with a smile. "We appreciate your assistance."

"Not at all. I appreciate you being with us," the Captain said. "Please, sit anywhere."

"Thank you," Jim agreed, going into the small cabin with a dozen seats. He and Spock sat in two near the back, strapping themselves in. "Will you be able to sleep?"

"I will meditate. Will you sleep?" Spock asked.

"I think so. When does the Diedre leave Lilliput?" Jim asked, staring blindly out the window of the small transport.

"Noon tomorrow."

"Good," Jim said absently. "Good thing Bones didn't come. He would be freaking out."

"He is remarkably inept at space travel."

"Yeah. I did mention that the first time I met him. He didn't seem to care," Jim laughed.

"He can be extremely contradictory."

"That's an understatement," Jim said. "God love him."

"May I ask a personal question of you?" Spock asked tentatively.

"Of course," Jim agreed, turning his full attention to Spock.

"Have you ever…do the two of you…perhaps it is not appropriate that I ask," Spock decided.

"If the question is about me and Bones having sex, the answer is no. He is good enough to sleep with me when I need it. As much as I hate admitting it. But we've never made love. We're like brothers, Spock. In a lot of ways."

"Yes. That is apparent to all," Spock agreed. "Thank you for answering."

"I can't think of anything I wouldn't be willing to tell you, Spock. If you want to know something, you only have to ask."

"Yes," Spock acknowledged. "When did your blood brother die?"

"I'm not entirely sure he is dead," Jim admitted. "It's assumed he is. Starfleet declared him dead after he was missing for seven years. Mom of course blamed me."

"Why is that?" Spock asked.

"Who knows? Something about me driving him away. But Sam loved me. I know that without a doubt. When he left, I wasn't the reason. Frank was. But she couldn't see that. Easier to blame me than herself."

"Yours was an unfortunate childhood."

"That's for sure," Jim said with a shrug. "It's something of a miracle I survived it. I was pretty self-destructive."

"I have heard," Spock confirmed.

"Yeah, I guess you have," Jim laughed. "I've tried to quell some of that destruction. Otherwise I could end up endangering our ship."

"You would not do so intentionally," Spock assured him.

"Never," Jim agreed, watching the Spacestation seem to move away. "Was it very expensive to secure our seats?"

"It might have been, had they accepted payment. They refused."

"Oh," Jim said. "That was awfully kind of them."

"They insisted. I attempted several times to pay them but they would not accept."

"I'll have to thank them," Jim said.

"I believe your presence is their thanks," Spock said.

"Mmm…" Jim responded completely noncommittally.

"You will never be accustom to it, will you?" Spock had to ask.

"Not anytime soon. You don't stop believing you are a complete fuck-up overnight," Jim said with a shrug.

"Yet you are not. You are a hero," Spock reminded him softly.

"I know. So are you. Doesn't it bother you?"

"I find it tedious when it is all-consuming. However when I am in your company, you are the focus of the majority of the accolades."

"I'm sorry," Jim said.

"I am not. I prefer it."

"Yeah, I would too," Jim agreed with a smile. They chatted amicably, accepting some dinner from the ship's captain, not the best they had ever had. But it was edible and filling and greatly appreciated.

"I think I'm going to try to get some sleep," Jim decided, reclining his seatback.

"An excellent idea," Spock agreed.

"Wake me up if I start trying to beat you up," Jim reminded him.

"Be assured that I will," Spock said, standing up to get two blankets from the open compartments above their heads. He draped one over Jim, holding on to the second for himself. "Will you be warm enough?"

"I'm good, thanks," Jim said, closing his eyes. "'Night."

"Sleep well," Spock said, turning down the light over their heads and closing his eyes in an attempt to meditate. He did not achieve as deep a level as he would have liked, concern for Jim keeping him more aware than not. Jim slept with no loud or violent nightmares.

~o0o~

"Jim," Spock said, a light hand on his arm.

"Mmm…" Jim grunted, awake almost immediately. "Everything okay?"

"It is fine. We are nearly to Lilliput," Spock explained.

"Oh. Good. I didn't punch you last night did I?" Jim asked, stretching within the confines of his seat.

"You did not. You seem to have slept fairly well, under the circumstances."

"Good," Jim said, looking out the window at the dark sky. "Is it night on Lilliput?"

"I believe it is. We will have time to eat breakfast and make certain our totes are transferred to the Diedre."

"Good. I especially need some coffee," Jim decided, watching out his window as the Lucky Lucy glided effortlessly into its slot, a soft thud indicating that they had come to a rest.

"There will be time," Spock agreed, watching with Jim as the ship's Captain came into the small cabin to greet them.

"Good morning," the Captain said. "You are free to disembark. Thank you again for traveling with us."

"Thank you for hospitality," Jim said with a smile. "If ever we can repay you, just let us know. I'm sure you know how to reach us."

"I do," the Captain agreed. "Safe travels, sirs."

Jim nodded and left the small ship, Spock close behind. They made their way from the small airport into town, finding a café that served a satisfactory breakfast for them both, and plenty of hot, tasty coffee for Jim.

"Do you want to take a walk outside?" Jim asked as they looked out the window onto a narrow street. "We have some time to fill."

"That would be pleasant," Spock agreed. There weren't a lot of people about with the early hour, the proprietor of the café telling them that it was 6:05 on the planet.

"It is quite safe to walk our streets," the proprietor assured them. "We have great respect for all Federation citizens."

"Thank you," Jim agreed, turning to leave after settling up.

"Have you ever met Captain Kirk?" the older man asked, his eyes wide and curious. "He's a hero to so many of us."

Jim glanced at Spock who arched an eyebrow at his Captain. The decision on what to say had to be Jim's. "I…uhm…"

"No, I don't suppose you would have," the man said, shaking his head. "Starfleet is so big."

"Tell him," Spock said very quietly.

"As it turns out," Jim said, "I am Captain Kirk."

The man gasped softly, staring at Jim and then at Spock. "Of course. Oh my heavens. Captain Kirk and Commander Spock right here in my very own café. Oh sirs. This is truly an honor," the man said, breathless in excitement.

"You honor us," Spock said with the smallest bow.

"And if you wouldn't mind keeping it under your hat, we'd appreciate it," Jim said softly.

"Of course, of course," the man agreed. "Thank you both. Thank you for coming to my café."

"Thank you for breakfast. It was delicious," Jim said with a charming smile.

"You are very welcome. Do come again if you are ever on Lilliput," the man requested.

"We most certainly will," Jim agreed, turning and leaving with Spock. They went outside to the bright morning, the blue sun slowly making its friendly way in the orange sky. "Where to?" Jim asked, looking up and down the street that was lined with shops of various types, some restaurants, a few empty storefronts.

"Perhaps if we should ask if there is a nearby park," Spock suggested.

"Hmm…if I was in charge of this town, I'd put a park…," Jim looked up and down the street, checking the position of the sun, and finally turning 180 degrees. "I'd put a park this way," he said, pointing down the street that curved out of sight.

"There is no logic to your assessment," Spock pointed out as he walked next to Jim.

"Can you be sure?" Jim asked with a laugh. "I've been to enough small towns to know where parks are usually located."

"Those are generally Earth towns. Perhaps the residents of Lilliput do not believe in parks."

"Maybe not. But it's still a beautiful day. And we're going to be on the Diedre for five days. Good to get some fresh air while we can."

"Indeed," Spock said, walking next to Jim, his hands clasped loosely behind his back. They encountered several inhabitants who nodded politely but did not attempt to engage them in conversation. They also saw several Humans with whom they chatted, learning that they were part of the mining guild.

When the buildings began to thin out, they came to a wide expanse of pink grass, several tall trees graced with pink leaves offering shelter and welcome.

"Had you consulted a map prior to our arrival?" Spock asked in suspicion as they sat on a bench by a pond that was home to several floating birds that looked like a cross between a swan and a flamingo.

"No," Jim laughed. "Honest. It just made sense that the park would be down here."

"What evidence did you have to support that hypothesis?"

"It wasn't a hypothesis as much as a hunch. I told you, if I were in charge of the town, this is where I would put the park."

Spock made no response to that, unsure what he could possibly say that would make sense. He really didn't know why he had bothered to doubt Jim's guess, having witnessed numerous times the veracity of many of his "hunches."

"You're pissed, huh?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"Not at all. Simply trying to understand the…process that led you to this conclusion."

"Don't you ever just know something, Spock? Like a gut feeling? That you can't really explain?"

"I do not believe I have experienced a gut feeling," Spock decided. "I normally rely on facts and research. They generally provide me a dependable outcome."

"What facts would you use to decide where the park would be? I mean, you could have looked at a map. But since we didn't have one, how would you decide which way to go to find a park?"

"I believe that I would have asked an inhabitant. Failing that, I would have concluded that a park was not necessary to be found."

"Not necessary?" Jim laughed. "If you were here by yourself, what would you have done until the Diedre was ready to leave?"

"Research."

"Research? On what? Parks?"

"I would have my computer with me and I would work on one of the various projects which are not yet complete."

"Oh," Jim said in realization. "If you want to go back and spend the time doing research, I'll be fine here."

"I did not intend to imply that I would prefer research to walking to a park. You asked what I would have done had I been alone."

"Okay," Jim agreed with a nod. He tried to think of something noncommittal to say, to bring up some topic that would not be a source of confusion or misunderstanding, but his mind had gone suddenly blank. He fully acknowledged to himself that he and Spock often had quite different communication styles, Spock being utterly scientific in his thinking. Everything needed to line up for him, make sense, each cog in its proper alignment. Jim's thinking was much more circular, more fluid. As were his actions much of the time. "I'm sorry, Spock. I missed your question."

Spock assured him that it hadn't been especially important, simply a question to initiate a casual conversation. Jim responded to his inquiry with a smile and they passed the next hour talking about topics of no importance except to themselves.

"No, Uhura wouldn't tell me if they were sleeping together," Jim admitted. "I thought you said you were trying not to listen to our conversation."

"I managed to miss part of it," Spock said. "Chekov and Sulu have shown signs of an intimate relationship."

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "I guess it's possible she didn't know the truth."

Spock lifted an eyebrow at that, making Jim laugh.

"Okay. There isn't anything that goes on that Uhura doesn't know about."

"That has been my observation as well," Spock said.

"Did she use to tell you when you were still together?" Jim asked.

"Not generally. The crew confides in her precisely because they know that they can trust her."

"That's true. I am surprised she wouldn't tell me about Chekov and Sulu. It sure doesn't need to be a secret."

"Perhaps she withheld the information simply to annoy you," Spock suggested.

"Probably," Jim laughed. "I will find out eventually."

"By asking them?"

"I guess that would be the simplest way to find out. But where's the fun in that?"

"You must decide if knowing or finding out is the most important aspect," Spock pointed out.

"Yeah," Jim said with a shrug. "I just hope I don't find out when they break up. Because it could get ugly."

"You do not believe that if they are together it will be a long-term commitment?"

"I doubt it. Chekov is awfully young to have decided he wants to spend the rest of his life with Sulu. I'm pretty sure he hasn't had a lot of experience and he must be curious," Jim said.

"It is possible that he knows Sulu is who he is meant to be with," Spock said.

"It's possible," Jim agreed. "Good for them if it is meant to be."

"They would be most fortunate," Spock said.

"They would," Jim said. "Do we need to start back?"

"There is still some time before we must arrive at the Diedre," Spock said.

"I'd like another cup of coffee, if you don't mind going back to town," Jim said.

"Certainly," Spock agreed standing as Jim did, going leisurely back to town. They returned to the same café, the owner giving them coffee, tea, and fresh baked cookies, for which he refused payment. He continued to keep their secret, although they felt his eyes on them for much of the time they were at one of his tables, conveniently set up on the sidewalk.

"Do you like raisins?" Jim asked as Spock ate a second oatmeal raisin cookie.

"I do. You do not?"

"I don't see any reason for them to exist," Jim admitted with a laugh. "Why couldn't I just have oatmeal cookies? Those raisins have no business being in there."

"Hmm…" Spock considered those words, taking another bite. "I think that the cookie would be bland minus the raisins."

"Would it?" Jim said, eating one of the cookies and attempting to avoid the raisins. "I think it's fine. But then if they aren't chocolate chip, there isn't much reason for the cookies to exist either."

"You only like chocolate chip cookies?" Spock asked.

"Mainly. Have you ever had double stuff Oreos?" Jim asked.

"Stuffed double with what?" Spock asked.

"Cream. They are my absolute favorite cookies. But they have to be real Oreos. Any other brand are just also-rans."

"Perhaps you can introduce me to this delight when we reach Earth," Spock said, eating another oatmeal raisin cookie.

"You can be sure of that. Is it true what I've heard about Vulcans and chocolate?" Jim asked.

"That depends greatly on what it is you have heard," Spock responded.

"That chocolate acts like alcohol?"

"That is not true," Spock said.

"Does chocolate have any effect on Vulcans?" Jim asked.

"Vulcans in general or this Vulcan in particular?"

"You sure are being evasive about this," Jim laughed. "What are you hiding?"

"I am attempting to determine what information it is that you desire."

"Never mind," Jim laughed again. "I'll give you Oreos and find out for myself."

"Very well," Spock said with a nod.

"You don't drink milk, do you?"

"Not generally. Why do you ask?"

"Because few things are more delicious than Oreos with really cold milk," Jim said, licking his lips.

"In that case, I would be willing to make an exception and drink milk with the Oreos."

Jim nodded at that, watching the comings and goings of the people of the town, no one paying them any particular attention. "It's nice here, isn't it?"

"It is most pleasant," Spock agreed.

"It's not an official shoreleave planet, is it?"

"It is not. They do not have many of the recreational facilities that most personnel expect on a designated shoreleave planet."

"Makes sense," Jim agreed. "I wouldn't mind coming back sometime."

"How would you spend your time, other than locating parks?" Spock asked.

"I don't really know," Jim admitted. "I wonder what the other parts of the planet are like."

"Perhaps we can research that information on our trip to Earth."

"We could. Not much point though, really," Jim said with a shrug.

"I suppose not. It would be wise for us to begin making our way to the airport," Spock said.

"Okay. I'll return our cups and plate then we'll be ready," Jim said, gathering them up to take them inside. "Thanks again."

"You are very welcome," the man assured him with a pleased smile. "I hope you will come again."

"I'd like that," Jim agreed, leaving with a smile. "I'd like to find a public terminal at the airport."

"You need to check on the Enterprise?" Spock asked knowingly.

"Yeah. Professional hazard of being Captain," Jim decided.

"As it should be," Spock said, going with him back to the airport. Once they arrived, it didn't take long to locate a public computer, Jim talking briefly with Scotty – long enough to be assured that things were just fine with his ship. He then talked to Bones for just a few minutes, McCoy telling him everything was fine, just like he knew it would be.

"Thanks," Jim said to Spock as they walked away from the computer.

"No thanks are necessary. I should have kept my computer so that you could have used it."

"I could have kept mine too," Jim pointed out. "Just seems like too much trouble to carry it around."

Spock nodded in agreement to that as they went to the freighter section of the airport. It wasn't hard to find the Diedre docked between two smaller ships. The crossover was open so they made their way onto the ship, waiting at the entry.

_TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't long at all until a woman in khaki overalls came to greet them. "Welcome Captain, Commander," she said, a smile warming her face and her brown eyes. "I'm first officer Hazel Hazelton. Name's not really Hazel. That's just what everybody calls me. Captain Harrington is on the Bridge and asked me to tell you she'd be down shortly. I'd be happy to show you to the cabin where you'll be staying if you want. It's not a huge cabin but you won't be too cramped. I'm sure it's not as nice as the ones you have on Enterprise. Your totes are already there. They were brought aboard 'bout twenty minutes ago. Did you have lunch on Lilliput? We haven't eaten yet so you're welcome to join us if you want. We'll eat right before we depart. We should be leaving…"

"Hazel," a second woman said who had an unmistakable air of authority. She was a few years younger than the first officer, her black hair in multiple braids, her warm brown eyes crinkled in a smile, her very tidy overalls all black.

Hazel turned her full attention to the woman, nodding to her. "Captain."

"Thank you, Hazel. I'll see to our guests," Captain Harrington said in dismissal.

"Okay," Hazel responded. It appeared that she had more to say but one look at her Captain's face convinced her to hold her tongue.

"She always talks too much," Harrington said quietly when Hazel had walked away.

"She was very helpful," Jim said with a laugh. "We learned a lot in a very short amount of time."

"That's Hazel," Captain Harrington confirmed. "I'm Catherine Harrington. Welcome aboard Captain, Commander."

"Thank you. We appreciate you giving us passage to Earth," Jim said.

"No one would refuse passage to Captain Kirk or Commander Spock," she said. "We were just lucky enough to be the freighter going your way."

"Lucky for us," Jim said.

"I am sorry for your loss, Captain," Harrington said in sympathy.

"I appreciate it. And I hope you'll call me Jim," he said.

"Certainly," she agreed. "May I show you to your cabin before we eat lunch?"

They agreed to her suggestion, following her along several corridors and down one flight of steps. She opened one of the doors that looked remarkably similar to the others and stepped inside. It wasn't a huge cabin but neither was it tiny. There were bunk beds attached to the right wall, the left wall with a small desk and a porthole in between. The left wall also had another door which Captain Harrington opened to show them the bathroom that they would be sharing with the occupants of the cabin next door.

"Lock both doors and no one will come in," she assured them.

Jim nodded at that, thanking her once more. They said that they would find their way to the mess on the same level within the next 20 minutes. Spock listened carefully to her directions on how to find the mess, Jim leaving it to Spock to find it for them both.

"Do you want the top or the bottom?" Jim asked Spock as they stood side by side, their shoulders barely brushing, looking at the stacked beds.

"I prefer the bottom if you have no particular preference," Spock said.

"That's fine," Jim agreed, going to the end to climb up enough to see the bed. "Looks serviceable enough."

"Quite," Spock said, sitting on his bed.

"I was on a ship once that had cabins like this," Jim remarked casually. "Makes me think that if we go up to the deck, we could feel the sun on our face and the wind in our hair."

"You have been on a sailing ship?" Spock asked.

"Yeah. A long time ago," Jim said. "But that's a story for another time."

At Spock's suggestion, they made their way to the mess, finding several of the all-female crew already there. They introduced themselves, the crew already aware of the identities of their very famous passengers, the looks on their faces that familiar mix of awe and disbelief. Jim and Spock were a little surprised that the food on the large table was real and not replicated but the crew explained that since they were assigned to relatively short trips across Federation space, they had the luxury of frequent resupplying stops, making real food one of the perks of serving on a freighter.

They had not been present long before Captain Harrington arrived with Lt. Hazelton who entered talking. Her verbal tsunami was quelled somewhat while she ate, the freighter captain asking Jim and Spock about serving aboard Enterprise. After much consideration of the similarities and differences, the Captain offered them a complete tour of her ship, an offer they readily accepted.

Captain Harrington took obvious pride in her ship, one that Jim and Spock could understand. It was well maintained and well run, the crew respectful and appropriate at all times. The bridge was much smaller than that of Enterprise but still large enough to oversee the operation of the entire ship.

"Thank you so much," Jim said when they had concluded their tour, Jim complimenting her on the excellence they had observed.

"Your kind words are greatly appreciated, sir," Captain Harrington said with a nod and a smile.

"We'll leave you to your work," Jim said, leaving the bridge with Spock, assuring the Captain that they would be in mess for dinner. "I think I want to return to our cabin," Jim decided when they were in the corridor.

"I will return to their science lab. There were several experiments being undertaken about which I would like more information."

"I'm surprised there is a lab on board. Good for Starfleet for making every vessel capable of research."

"They undoubtedly encounter lifeforms which we never would," Spock said.

"I'm sure they do. Should I meet you for dinner or are you going to come to the cabin first?" Jim asked as they approached the correct door.

"I do not know how long I may be in their lab. If I do not arrive back here in time, I will meet you in mess."

"That's fine," Jim agreed, entering their cabin. "See you later."

"Yes," Spock said before walking down the corridor. If he was aware that Jim had left the cabin just long enough to watch him walk away, he gave no indication of it.

Jim climbed onto his bunk and lay on his back staring blindly at the unfamiliar ceiling. Bones was right. He should just tell Spock. But what if Spock rejected him? Worse, left him? He knew he would be assigned a new first officer but that would not replace the friendship he would have lost. He had never hesitated to express his desire to anyone before. It frankly pissed him off that he lost his nerve whenever he considered telling Spock the truth.

He knew that the older Spock had been inordinately close to the other Jim. But had that included a…romance? But that wasn't the word he wanted. That made them sound like something out of a cheesy novel. Not that he had ever read anything that could be remotely termed a romance novel. But still. He could not help but wonder if the other versions of him and Spock had found what he was looking for. What he wanted from Spock. Maybe he should just ask the older Spock. But what had been true in that timeline wasn't necessarily true in theirs.

With a quiet, exasperated sigh, Jim rolled over onto his stomach and promptly fell asleep.

~o0o~

He woke slowly, unsure where he was. The rhythm around him was wrong. Where was he again? It eventually filtered through his sleep shrouded brain that he was on the Dierdre headed for Earth. Once his eyes decided to open, he found Spock at the small desk, studying his computer with his usual intensity.

"Are you awake yet?" Spock asked softly, slowly turning to look at him, a warmth to his brown eyes that Jim greatly appreciated.

"Nearly. Did I sleep through dinner?" Jim asked with a yawn.

"It is still 45 minutes," Spock said, gracefully standing to approach the bed. Jim was a little over his head and he gazed down over the side of his bunk at him with a smile.

"'Kay. What were you doing?" Jim asked, one hand under his cheek still pink from sleep.

"Nothing of importance. How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy. Fine otherwise. Did I have nightmares again?"

"Not while I was here. You did not move. You are not unwell are you?" Spock asked.

"I'm fine. Really. Just sleeping because I can. Napping used to be a hobby of mine," Jim admitted with a laugh. "Being a Captain forces you to abandon that indulgence in no time."

"And the circumstances under which you find yourself are exhausting," Spock added.

"I guess," Jim said, shrugging. "I promise I'm not going to sleep the entire way to Earth."

"It is of no consequence if you decide to do so. There is nothing required of you while aboard the Dierdre."

"True," Jim agreed, slowly sitting up, moving so his legs dangled over the side. "Did you discover anything interesting in their lab?"

"They are attempting to cultivate vegetables that require less water to grow and flourish. They have some advanced working models. Should they succeed, their research would greatly benefit all of Starfleet."

"Are you going to help them while we're on board?" Jim asked with a knowing smile.

"Possibly. I was researching data on water consumption of some plants that were native to Vulcan. However as those are now extinct, it was not especially useful."

"I'm sorry," Jim said although he wasn't sure why he was apologizing. Except every time Spock mentioned Vulcan, he was nearly overwhelmed with a futile sense of guilt mixed with hopelessness. Which made him wonder how Spock felt whenever he mentioned it. "Spock," Jim started then thought better of it.

"Jim?"

"No. Never mind," Jim said, looking down at him. "I think I'm going to take a shower. There's still time, right?"

"There is," Spock agreed, backing out of his way as he jumped down off the bunk. "I would not recommend that method of egress each time."

"I'll be careful," Jim laughed as he rummaged in his tote for clean clothes. "Think I would scandalize Captain Harrington if I wore jeans?"

"On the contrary," Spock said, leaving it at that.

"Isn't there usually more to that statement?" Jim laughed again, turning to study Spock and catching an unfamiliar look in his eye. Was that appreciation? Or…something almost intimate in his gaze? Maybe it had been wishful thinking on his part.

"Generally."

"What?" Jim asked, shaking himself to focus back on Spock rather than his internal questions for which there seemed to be no ready answers.

"There is generally more to the statement. However, I believe I conveyed all the pertinent information," Spock said, one eyebrow raised in silent amusement.

"Hmm…" Jim grunted, going into the bathroom, making certain that he locked both doors. Not that locking the one to their cabin was really necessary. He knew that Spock had no intentions of entering the bathroom while he occupied it.

When he was showered and dressed, he returned to their cabin, finding it far too empty. That was strange, he thought. Why hadn't Spock told him he intended to leave while he was showering? Not that he needed his permission. Jim had just expected him to be there so that they could go to dinner together.

The mystery was quickly solved when Spock reentered from the hallway.

"Oh," Jim said. "I thought you had gone on to the mess."

"I was speaking with the First Officer," Spock said, silently appraising Jim in his jeans and pale blue button down shirt tucked neatly into the waist.

"Speaking with or listening to?" Jim asked.

"Listening to," Spock agreed with a nod. "She was informing me of our current location and estimated time until we arrive on Earth."

"Has it changed?"

"It has not. However she felt it important to keep us apprised of our progress."

"Why?" Jim asked.

"I do not have any further insight into her motivation. I only know what she conveyed to me."

"I see," Jim said, zipping his tote closed and straightening to look over at Spock.

"Surely you know that I would not have left for the mess without waiting for you," Spock said.

"You aren't obligated to me in any way, Spock. I'm glad you're still here but you could have gone on if you wanted to."

"Not when I had said I would wait," Spock responded.

"Thanks," Jim said with a nod. "Should we go then?"

"Certainly," Spock agreed, opening the door to allow Jim to precede him out. Jim thought he could feel Spock's eyes on him as he went into the corridor but surely that was just his imagination.

They arrived at the mess to find several crewmembers present they had not yet met and joined them at their table. The women were welcoming and amusing, questions about Jim and Spock curiously absent from their conversation. Maybe Captain Harrington had instructed her crew to no longer bother the two men with their inquiries. After all, the crew of the Dierdre were also members of Starfleet and needed to show the Enterprise Captain and his First Officer the appropriate respect.

After they finished eating, Jim agreed to join the poker game that was a regular occurrence following dinner. Spock declined, assuring them that watching would be as welcome a pastime as playing. The stakes were cookies provided by the ship's cook, two chocolate chip the buy-in.

When the game was finished, Jim had an impressive stack of cookies of all flavors, second only to the ship's engineer who was declared the unqualified winner. The other players confirmed that Engineer Mottaky won more than most and if any thought she cheated, none would say so out loud, not directly at any rate. Mottaky took her triumph and the veiled suspicious looks in stride, doling out her winnings so that everyone had the chance to enjoy them.

"Does she cheat?" Jim asked Spock as they returned to their cabin well into ship's night.

"If she does, I was unable to detect it," Spock said as he munched on one of Jim's winnings.

"You weren't bored were you?"

"Not in the least. The crew is quite lively," Spock said.

"They sure are. You should play tomorrow night," Jim suggested.

"Perhaps I will," Spock agreed as they entered their cabin. "Tomorrow I am planning to return to their lab unless you have any objection."

"Of course I have no objection, Spock. You don't have to explain yourself or request my permission."

"I…" Spock stopped, uncharacteristically starting a sentence he did not complete. Jim let it go, sensing his hesitation to say anything more.

"I think I'm ready for bed," Jim decided. "Are you staying up?"

"I plan to work for a time. Then I will meditate," Spock said, looking at his Captain, his black eyes veiled and hiding some important thoughts. "I trust I will not disturb your sleep."

"Not at all. If I have nightmares, please wake me up," Jim said, taking his pajamas out of the tote. "Are you going to be warm enough?" he asked, pulling off his shirt and shedding his jeans.

Spock did not answer making Jim look up at him to find Spock studying him with an unnerving intensity. Jim stood in just his briefs, gazing back at Spock, an open question on his face.

"Spock?"

"I apologize, sir," Spock said, turning his back, his shoulder stiff, his posture ramrod straight.

"You don't have any reason to apologize," Jim assured him. "I was just wondering what you were thinking." When Spock did not answer, Jim circled him to look at him although his expression revealed nothing except…discomfort. "What?"

Spock shook his head, taking a tiny step backwards.

"Tell me," Jim said, a thin edge of command to his tone. What had caused Spock to close down on him? It couldn't be the fact that Jim had removed his clothes in front of him. They often dressed and undressed in each other's presence. It was a common occurrence and one they barely noticed when it happened. He was sure Spock wasn't his version of angry. There was something else, something intangible that Jim could not puzzle out by himself. A tiny flare of hope sprung up in Jim's mind but he suppressed it, extinguishing it before it could come fully to life.

"It would not be…appropriate," Spock finally whispered, his voice low and rough.

"What wouldn't?" Jim had to ask. He wished his heart wasn't beating quite so fast or quite so loud. It was making it harder for him to think. "What's wrong?"

"It is…you cannot be so naïve as to not know the effect you have," Spock said.

To his relief, Jim laughed. "I haven't been called naïve since I was six," he said, shaking his head. "Do you know why Bones didn't come?" Jim asked more seriously, deciding instantly that this could be his chance. The "now or never" part of his brain had clearly taken over and he wasn't sure if he wanted to wrestle control from it. Well, he'd already started down that road. He may as well see where it led him. Hopefully not to the Dierdre's medical bay or to Starfleet Headquarters to be assigned a new first officer.

"His attendance at the Medical conference," Spock answered automatically wondering when he had lost track of the conversation.

"That's what he said," Jim confirmed, pulling on the tee shirt he was planning to wear to bed. Maybe a few more clothes would help the conversation. "He could have changed his mind."

"Why are we discussing it?" Spock asked.

"He didn't come because he wanted us to be together. Alone," Jim said, watching Spock to catch the instant that the truth dawned. When it did, there was a warming glow of recognition in Spock's eyes.

"Alone," Spock repeated only slightly less breathless than Jim.

"Yes. He has been insisting that I ought to tell you the truth," Jim said quietly, almost tentatively.

"The truth," Spock parroted.

"Yeah," Jim said, holding onto the soft pants he had been planning to wear to bed. He'd much rather not but that was now up to Spock.

"The truth about…." Spock started then stopped.

Jim thought for a moment that it was about to become a question. But surely Spock already had the answer.

"You and me," Spock said.

"Yeah. I guess my question is whether my truth and your truth are the same," Jim said, watching his friend very closely, hoping that he would not retreat into his Vulcan shell to never again emerge. Something inside Jim's head that sounded strangely like Bones' voice was repeating – 'just tell him just tell him.'

"There are many truths in the universe," Spock said. His answer was most unsatisfactory.

"We're not discussing philosophy, Spock. We're discussing…." Jim stopped. Well, what exactly were they discussing? He had almost said _us_ but as of this moment, there was no _us_. There was Spock and there was Jim. And unless Spock indicated his willingness for that to change, there was not one thing Jim was willing to do about making an _us_.

"Our trip to Earth without Dr. McCoy," Spock said, as always factually correct. And immensely annoying to his Captain.

"And the reason he didn't come," Jim said with an edge of impatience. Really, why couldn't Spock just say it? But come to that, why couldn't Jim? What right did he have to be annoyed at Spock's reticence when he had the same hesitation? "So we'd be alone."

"Yes," Spock agreed automatically, staring at the sparkling blue eyes of his friend. "I…wish that…."

"What Spock? What do you wish?" Jim asked, stepping just a little closer, taking up just a little more of Spock's personal space. He could feel the warmth radiating from Spock's body, warming him inside and out. He found he liked it. A lot.

"That these bunks were not so narrow," Spock whispered, sounding almost afraid to say it aloud.

Jim smiled at the words, a real smile that lit his face, his eyes, Spock's world. "Yeah. Me too."

"That is your truth?" Spock asked.

"Oh yeah. Has been for…a while."

"Why have you not told me?" Spock wanted to know as he stared at the Human.

"Because I wasn't sure what you would say. If I were wrong…"

Two hot Vulcan fingers stilled his words and his lips. "You are not wrong. What do we do now?"

Jim looked over at the beds, sighing very softly. "Well. As you pointed out, these bunks are awfully narrow. And I guess it would be wrong to go from friends to… something much better without any of the intermediate steps."

"What steps would those be?"

"Dating. Getting to know each other as…more than friends." Jim shrugged. "I've never had much experience with relationships that weren't entirely horizontal."

"Except with your crew," Spock pointed out.

"I don't want them in my bed," Jim said. "Well, not most of them," he added with a laugh.

"Are there other of your crew you intend to seduce, sir?" Spock asked, taking a step back, radiating disapproval and threatening to shut down.

"God no. Only you," Jim rushed to assure him. "There was a time. Not any longer. You are the only person I have any interest in seducing. Which is why I haven't tried it up to now."

"I see," Spock said, closing the distance between them and reaching over to tentatively kiss Jim's mouth.

"No," Jim moaned making himself step back. "I want our first time to be perfect. These bunks hardly qualify."

"Then may I request that you put on your sleeping pants, please?"

"Oh. I'm sorry," Jim said, realizing that he had been clutching them the entire time. He hastily pulled them on before straightening to look at Spock. "I really really want to sleep you."

"Sleep? In the euphemistic sense? Or in the slumbering sense?" Spock asked.

"Just sleep."

"Do you think that would be wise, Jim?" Spock said reluctantly. "Do you not think it will become much more?"

Jim sighed and nodded. "You're right. Okay."

"In addition to the narrowness of the beds, I have the impression that these walls are less well insulated than ours," Spock said.

"Oh god. You've heard me?" Jim asked in horror as what Spock was saying came all too clear to him.

"Only when you were especially…vocal," Spock had to admit, wishing he had not said anything at all. "Not in the past 3 months."

"The past 3 months," Jim repeated. "I should bring you up on charges of insubordination."

Spock shook his head at that, seeing the barely suppressed smile threatening to break out all over his friend's face. "Starfleet would not support your claim, Captain. Your reputation would ensure my exoneration."

"Yeah," Jim had to agree. "I swear it was never a member of the crew. Well, except for Gaila. But that was only twice…or three times. Which is why I finally had to transfer her."

"She was rather insistent," Spock agreed.

"Always had been. Not that I minded, especially. But she really did get close to insubordination on several occasions." He shrugged at that, climbing up onto his bunk to look down at Spock. "You know why it's been so long, don't you? Since I've had sex with anyone?"

"You were waiting." Spock guessed, almost entirely sure he was correct.

"For?" Jim said.

"Me," Spock acknowledged, gazing up warmly at Jim.

"Yep. And now I can wait until we reach Earth. I hope," Jim said. "Have you slept with anyone since you and Uhura stopped seeing each other?"

"I have not. I believe, in retrospect, I too was waiting."

Jim nodded at that. "Yeah. We're a couple of lunkheads. I should have listened to Bones and told you sooner."

"Indeed," Spock agreed, making Jim laugh at him.

"You could have told me, you know," Jim pointed out.

"I had considered it on more than one occasion," Spock told him as he casually stripped out of his uniform to replace it with one of his lighter meditation robes.

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know that I can answer that," Spock confessed. "Perhaps I never found the perfect opportunity. Perhaps I too over-thought the process and the possible outcomes."

"You think I over-thought it?"

"I do. Because I am guilty of it. I was unwilling to risk our friendship," Spock said.

"Yeah," Jim sighed, flopping down on his bunk. "Me too."

"I find that an encouraging sign," Spock said, looking up at once more him. "We did not rush headlong into a relationship without considering all the possible consequences."

"I'm pretty sure you've never rushed headlong into anything," Jim laughed.

"I avoid it whenever possible. I believe I am correct when I state that you do it enough for us both."

"I guess so," Jim said with another laugh. "You have to give me credit though. I don't do it nearly as much as I used to."

"True. I do not believe you would have survived up to now had you not begun to consider your actions prior to engaging in them."

"Yeah," Jim had to agree. "I try really hard not to leap without looking."

"And I appreciate it. I would not want any harm to come to you."

"Thanks," Jim said with a smile over at Spock. "I think I'm going to try to go to sleep. All alone up here by myself."

"Your sad story will not alter my resolve," Spock warned him.

"I know. You'll wake me up if I have nightmares?"

"I will. Good night, Jim. Sleep well."

"You too," Jim said, his eyes drifting closed, the warm smile still fluttering around his mouth.

_TBC_


	5. Chapter 5

When Jim woke, he was surprised that Spock was still asleep. He leaned over the side of his bed, watching Spock and smiling to himself. There was something undeniably endearing about seeing his friend sleeping so peacefully, his face relaxed, no signs of strain or struggle. He wondered if he should wake Spock and then realized he had no real idea what time it was. Since he was awake, he assumed it was morning but the cabin did not have a clock. And his internal sense of time was abysmal. It had always been weak but being in space with no sun to gauge by, he generally had absolutely no idea what time it was.

He carefully climbed off of his bed and crossed over to the bathroom. Finding it unlocked, he went in to take care of his morning routine. As he finished brushing his teeth, he realized he'd forgotten to lock the doors when the one to the other cabin was opened by one of the crew they had met at dinner.

"Oh. I'm so sorry, Captain," she said, the color creeping up her pale cheeks under the most adorable freckles he thought he had ever seen.

"No apology necessary, Lt. Williamson. I forgot to lock the door," he said with a charming smile. She was wearing fleece pajamas that did an admirable job of covering her up and he didn't think her blush was caused by what she was wearing.

"I still should have knocked, sir," she said in a rush.

"No harm no foul," he said, picking up his shave kit and his slightly damp towel. "I'll leave you to it."

"Thank you, sir."

"Could you tell me what time it is?" he requested when he was standing in his cabin, the door not yet closed.

"0734, sir," she said.

"Thanks again," he said with a nod, backing the rest of the way out of the range of the door.

"Only you could find someone to flirt with this early in the morning," Spock said, one eyebrow raised in silent amusement.

"I was not flirting," Jim denied, throwing his towel at Spock. "I was trying to make her less uncomfortable."

"That is a reasonable explanation," Spock said in that tone that said he did not believe it for one second.

"I'm surprised I woke up first," Jim said casually, sitting on Spock's bed as Spock slid up to rest against the headboard.

Spock shrugged at that. "We have no particular place to be. While sleeping late is not my custom, it is a luxury in which I will indulge given the opportunity."

"You enjoy it," Jim teased.

Spock made no response to that, merely gazing back at him.

"I didn't wake you up last night, did I?" Jim asked with a laugh at Spock's lack of denial.

"You did not. You made no indication of any dreams," Spock assured him.

Jim nodded at that. "Good. If I can find my way to the mess, I'm going to go get some coffee."

"Should I draw you a map?" Spock asked

"Nah. I think I remember where it is," Jim said as he stood up to dress. "If I get lost, one of the crew will direct me."

"True. I will meet you there once I am ready," Spock said, watching as Jim pulled on his blue jeans and a tee shirt.

"Are you wearing your uniform?" Jim asked as he put on his shoes.

"I am not."

"'Kay. I'll see you soon," Jim said to Spock nods. He found the mess much more easily than he had expected, many of the crew already there. With a cup of steaming coffee and a plate of waffles and bacon, he accepted Captain Harrington's invitation to join her at her table. Already there was Chief Engineer Mottaky who was telling her Captain about a mysterious leak which she had been unable to trace or repair.

"I'm pretty good with hydraulic lines," Jim said casually. "I'd be glad to see what I might be able to do."

"You won't mind getting grease all over your hands, sir?" Mottaky asked with a smile.

"I was what you might call a grease monkey before I joined Starfleet," he said.

"I'd appreciate your help then, sir," she agreed. They looked over at the entrance at Spock walked in, dressed in all black. He came directly over to the table, greeting those already there.

"You slept well?" Captain Harrington asked him.

"Very well, sir," Spock agreed with a nod.

"Please join us when you have your breakfast," Harrington said in invitation.

"I will. May I bring anyone anything?" Spock asked.

They all declined his offer and he went to the window where he could request the food he wanted. It wasn't long before he returned with a bowl of oatmeal and a large plate of fruit.

"Is it good?" Jim asked after Spock had tasted his oatmeal.

"Quite delicious, sir," Spock said.

"Our cook is very talented," Mottaky agreed.

"We're jealous that you get real food," Jim commented. "Replicated food leaves something to be desired."

"We've heard," Harrington agreed. "There are advantages to serving on a starship."

"Definitely," Jim said. "Spock was telling me about the plants you are growing in your botany lab."

Harrington confirmed that they were trying to develop plants that consumed less water, and that their quartermaster/part-time botanist had made good progress. Captain Harrington was delighted when Spock expressed his interest in returning to those labs to assist in the research.

"You are certain she will not object, sir?" Spock asked, needing to make sure.

"Not at all. Would you like me to take you and introduce you?" Harrington offered.

"Do you have the time?" Spock asked.

"Absolutely," Harrington confirmed with a nod. "Have you had enough to eat?"

"I am quite satisfied," Spock agreed, standing with Harrington. "I will see you at lunch, sir?" he asked Jim, assessing him silently.

"Of course," Jim agreed, standing with Mottaky and watching Spock leave with Harrington.

"You're sure this isn't an imposition?" Harrington asked Spock as they walked together down the corridor.

"I hope that my presence will not be an imposition, Captain," he said to her.

"Oh gracious. Not at all, Commander. We are honored that you would want to help," she said, looking up at him, studying him in a way he had noticed Humans sometimes did when they had a question they couldn't decide if they should ask.

"The honor will be mine, sir," he said, slowing his steps when she did. He waited patiently as she looked up at him.

"I hope I'm not out of line, Commander," she said in a low voice. "But is Captain Kirk all right?"

"In what way?" Spock asked quietly.

"Although I've never before met him, you can imagine that we're well acquainted with his reputation. And the reputation of your entire fine crew."

Spock nodded, waiting as she gathered her thoughts.

"He seems…subdued, I suppose. And I recognize that he is returning to Earth under unfortunate circumstances. But he doesn't seem as sad as…mmm…contemplative, maybe?"

"While most people in his situation would be mourning their mother's passing, he is dealing with conflicting and multiple emotions. He is not grieving in the traditional sense," Spock confirmed.

"Yes," Captain Harrington agreed. "I hope I'm not out of line saying anything. I guess I just wanted to know if there was anything we could do to help."

"I appreciate your concern, Captain. It is entirely possible that he will be unable to sleep at some point. You have a ship's surgeon, correct?"

"Yes," the Captain agreed with a nod. "I'll make sure she's at our table at lunch. I've heard the stories of your Captain's avoidance of anything remotely medical."

"He is unusually adverse to medical intervention, sir. Fortunately our CMO is Jim's closest friend which makes things a little easier on them both."

"I can only imagine," Harrington said with a smile. "It's good that your Captain has two such good friends."

"We are the ones who are fortunate," Spock said with a nod.

She agreed with his assessment, going with him into the botany lab to find Lt. Hansen behind a table with several thriving plants and a microscope. "Captain, Commander," she said as she rose to greet them.

"Lt. Hansen. Commander Spock has been good enough to volunteer to assist in your research," Harrington told her with a smile.

"Wow," the younger woman said. "That would be awesome, sir. Thank you."

"I'll leave you to it then," the Captain said with a nod. "Abigail, I trust you'll see Commander Spock to the mess for lunch."

"Of course, Captain," Lt. Hansen agreed with an enthusiastic nod, looking up admiringly at Spock.

"How may I best assist you, Lieutenant?" Spock asked her, silently amused by the near reverence of her expression.

"Huh? Oh. Well," she said, looking at the lab table and the computer on which she was keeping her notes. She explained what she was doing and what she thought would be the next steps. Spock agreed with her assessment and said he would certainly assist in recording the data as they worked to gather it.

~o0o~

As promised, Lt. Hansen escorted Spock to the mess when it was time for lunch. In the interval, she had become more comfortable in his company, chatting easily as they walked together to the mess, answering his questions without the hesitation she had shown when they first began talking.

Jim was already at the Captain's table drinking a cup of coffee when Spock entered.

"Have you eaten already, sir?" Spock asked when he stood beside the table.

"Not yet," Jim said with a shrug. He was dressed in a pair of black overalls, a streak of grease across his nose.

"I see," Spock said, sitting across from him, the only ones at the table. The others in the room were careful to pretend that the two men were not present, sensing that something other than idle chatter was occurring. "Why are you not eating?"

"I didn't say I wasn't eating. I said I hadn't eaten yet," Jim corrected, his voice hard but quiet.

"Why?"

"Stop nagging," Jim requested, staring into his mostly empty coffee cup.

"You barely ate anything at breakfast. And now you are not eating lunch," Spock said, observing his Captain with a look of undisguised concern.

"Stop nagging," Jim repeated, refusing to look up at him.

"Jim," Spock said softly. The word and the way in which it was said made Jim look up at Spock, Jim's face unable to hide the turmoil of emotions behind his mask. "Talk to me, please."

Jim shook his head, looking away from Spock and back at his cup. "I…uhm…." He had completely closed down by the time he didn't finish his thought.

Spock sighed very softly, standing up. "Would you like more coffee, sir?" he finally asked.

"No."

Spock nodded, going to the kitchen to request his lunch, sitting silently across from Jim when he had his plate.

Jim stood, leaving his cup on the table. "I'm going back to engineering."

"Very well, sir," Spock responded, watching him walk away. Jim barely acknowledged Captain Harrington as he brushed past her and the other woman who entered at the same time. "Captain," Spock said, standing when Harrington stopped by the table.

"Commander," she responded, looking over at the other woman, several years older, her black hair liberally sprinkled with gray, and with all-seeing eyes that identified her as the ship's surgeon even before the Captain confirmed it. "This is Dr. Crosbyn, Commander."

"Doctor," Spock acknowledged with a nod.

"Do I need to talk to Captain Kirk, Commander?" the doctor asked in undisguised concern.

"I do not know that it will be useful, ma'am. Have you spoken with Dr. McCoy?" he asked wishing he did not feel so utterly hopeless and out of his depth in trying to deal with the turmoil so clearly going on with Jim.

"I have not. Do you think it would be useful?" she asked gently.

Spock paused, considering her question. Looking at the woman in turn, he finally made a difficult admission. "I do not know what would be best at this time."

"Your Captain…" Dr. Crosbyn started then seemed to change her mind. "It is difficult."

"Yes. Might you direct me to Engineering?" Spock finally asked, deciding that he alone needed to see to his Captain.

"Take the corridor to the left, go down two flights and turn right," Cap. Harrington instructed.

Spock nodded, going down to find Jim's head and shoulders underneath one of the turbines. Spock squatted next to his hip, waiting.

"I'm not talking about it," Jim's voice filtered out to him.

"Why?" Spock asked.

"What's the point? Go eat lunch," Jim said. His words were followed by a loud banging as the wrench he held impacted on some of the tubing.

"Destroying one of the Dierdre's engines will not alter your circumstances," Spock said over the banging.

"Shut up," Jim responded.

"I cannot do that, sir," Spock said. Spock heard Jim sigh before he scooted out from under the turbine to look up at Spock, misery written all over his face.

"We would end up on a ship of all women, wouldn't we?" Jim asked.

"Oh," Spock said, realization dawning. "I apologize."

"Not your fault. The irony is nearly…overwhelming. I don't know whether to hit on them, ignore them, ask them to adopt me, or…well," Jim said with a shrug.

"What would you like to do, Jim?"

"There's nothing I can do. And I know acting like a four-year-old isn't helping. But really. I'm on my way to Earth to see to the affairs of the woman who was my mother only because she happened to give birth to me. And we're surrounded by women who… remind me of her or are the kind of woman we would all choose for our mothers if we were given the choice. Or the kind I would have hit on, before."

"That never occurred to me," Spock admitted.

"I didn't occur to me either until this morning," Jim said with a sigh. "I don't want to hit on them because I want to hit on you. But should I even be thinking of having sex with my best friend on my way to dealing with my mother's death?"

"Distraction is generally welcome under these circumstances."

"Yeah. But can we jump from best friends to best friends with benefits without any of the in-between steps? We aren't rabbits," Jim said. "God I'm fucked up."

"I disagree," Spock said, sitting next to him.

"If what I'm thinking doesn't qualify, I don't know what ever would."

"You are being overly harsh on yourself," Spock told him. "I understand it yet do not know what to do to ease your mind."

Jim sat up and looked at his friend's face, his very presence bringing to him a calm and reassurance he cherished. "I don't know either. They have a gym, don't they?"

"They do," Spock agreed, gracefully standing and holding a hand down to Jim.

"You probably don't really want to touch me right now. I don't want to overwhelm you."

"I am willing to risk it," Spock said.

Jim nodded, giving Spock his hand and allowing him to help him up. "Well?"

"I am aware of your turmoil and your desire," Spock said walking next to Jim to return to their quarters to change.

"Mmm…" Jim responded as non-committally as he could. Yeah, the desire was definitely there, a desire he should be suppressing since he couldn't seem to eliminate it as much as he wanted to.

"You need not be…embarrassed," Spock assured him.

"I know. It's just terrible timing," Jim said as they entered their quarters. They got their work-out clothes and made their way to the gym where they chose a gravity-null chamber, bouncing off the walls and ceiling for an exhausting hour before Jim said he had to stop or he was going to be even more embarrassed by the unfortunate consequences of his stomach's protests.

Spock slowly re-engaged the gravity until they floated back down to the floor, resting to allow their bodies time to adjust.

"You didn't break my nose this time either," Jim said, turning his head to look over at Spock who was staring blankly at the ceiling.

"The anti-gravity would have made the resulting blood flow difficult to contain," Spock explained, making Jim laugh.

"I see. You talked the ship's surgeon before you came to engineering, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"What did she say?" Jim asked, his tone not betraying any anger or concern.

"She asked if she would contact Dr. McCoy. I confided to her that at some point you would probably be unable to sleep without assistance," Spock said, looking over at Jim who could only nod.

"'Kay." Jim slowly rose to his feet, swaying slightly when he was fully upright.

"Are you dizzy?" Spock asked when he also stood.

"No. Just accommodating the return to gravity," Jim assured him as he opened the door to leave. They agreed to return to their quarters, the gym showers not providing them any privacy which normally would be of no concern but since they were the only men aboard, it was sensible that they shower in privacy. "You go ahead," Jim insisted when they were back in their quarters.

Spock nodded, locking both doors and showering away the evidence of their workout. When he emerged, he was not surprised to find Jim talking to Scotty about the repairs and upgrades.

"That's fine," Jim was saying. "You have my permission to make those decisions."

"Aye sir. I'll alert you if it becomes necessary."

"I appreciate it, Scotty," Jim said, signing off and looking up at Spock.

"Jim?"

Jim shook his head, going into the bathroom to shower and dress. When he came out, he looked freshly scrubbed and less…distracted. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Spock asked, looking up at him, patiently waiting.

Jim shrugged and sat at the small table with him. "I know I'm taking it out on you. And I know I shouldn't. And I'm sorry."

"You are not taking anything out on me, Jim. And if you feel as though you are, I am not disturbed by it. In addition, there is absolutely no reason for you to apologize for your behavior. You have nothing for which you need apologize."

Jim had to laugh at his speech, shaking his head in amusement. And gratitude. "Thanks. I should have known you'd understand."

"Certainly I do. Should you feel the need to continue 'taking it out on me,' you have my unqualified permission."

"You may be sorry you said that," Jim said with a charming smile which made Spock think nothing Jim could do would ever make him sorry.

"I will not," Spock assured him.

"Thanks," Jim repeated, standing and stretching. "Think I can get some lunch?"

"I believe that you can," Spock said. "Should I accompany you?"

"Of course. You haven't eaten either," Jim reminded him.

Spock nodded, going with him to the mess to eat a very late lunch, the cook assuring them she did not mind in the least. She even joined them at their table, chatting amicably about life on board the Deirdre.

The next four days passed in much the same way. Jim managed to keep his emotions under control, not taking it out on Spock except when they worked out in the anti-grav chamber. But even then it wasn't an angry kind of work-out. It helped to give him a healthy outlet and he did feel better afterward.

He had some trouble sleeping but refused to allow Spock to alert the doctor. It was not the beginnings of insomnia, just the kind of trouble he had when there were too many things weighing on his mind.

When they arrived at San Francisco, they thanked the crew for their hospitality and their help. And with promises that they would not be strangers, Kirk and Spock left the Dierdre behind to find Admiral Pike waiting for them when they had disembarked.

"Jim, Spock," the Admiral said in greeting when he had gotten their attention.

"Admiral," Jim said in response, wondering what had brought him to the cargo station.

"How was your trip?" Pike asked conversationally, studying Jim as discreetly as he possibly could.

"Fine, sir. The crew of the Dierdre couldn't have been nicer or more professional," Jim said, Spock nodding in agreement.

"Excellent," Pike said with a nod. "Let me buy you lunch before you board your transport to Iowa."

"Is there something you require, sir?" Spock finally asked as they walked with him toward the officers' mess.

"Lunch," Pike laughed, entering the mess when Spock had the door pulled open.

"We aren't in any kind of trouble, are we, sir?" Jim asked, glancing at Spock while they followed Pike to a table and sat with him.

"How could you be, Jim? You have two and a half hours before you leave for Iowa. I had time to come see you off. So here we are," Pike explained, acknowledging the waiter that came up to see to their needs.

After they had ordered their drinks, Pike wanted to know how Jim was doing, Jim not able to explain exactly. Spock filled in the missing spaces, Pike understanding but careful not to sympathize which he felt would not be welcome. "It's normal, you know," Pike assured Jim.

"I hardly know what's normal, sir. My entire life has been anything but," Jim reminded him.

"I know," Pike assured him, pausing so they could place their orders. "Do you know how long you'll be in Iowa?"

"Bones thinks it will take about 10 days or so, sir," Jim said with a shrug. "I'm willing to deed the farm to Starfleet."

"They got your message. They will accept it but are insisting on paying you for it. The house will be preserved and the farm used as a living classroom."

"That is an excellent idea, sir," Spock said.

"I thought so as well," Pike agreed. "We'll take care of the paperwork when you come back."

"Okay. Should I have my lawyer contact you, sir?" Jim asked.

"That would be fine. I'll direct him to the correct parties."

"Her, sir. My lawyer's name is Courtney St. Peter," Jim said.

"She the one who kept getting you out of jail?" Pike laughed.

"Yes, sir. Her expertise isn't in real estate but she'll be able to deal with the paperwork that's involved. I contacted her yesterday and we'll meet with her next week," Jim said.

"Makes sense," Pike agreed. "Just let me know when you'll be coming back and I'll try to meet you. If I can't, my yeoman will pick you up and take you to my house."

"I appreciate it," Jim agreed, waiting as their food was placed before them, Jim glancing over at Spock. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ordered a cheeseburger."

"I have no objection," Spock assured him. Jim nodded, focusing back on the Admiral who was asking about the repairs.

Jim explained, acknowledging that as long as Scotty was there, the Enterprise was in excellent hands, and that he had been in contact with Jim. The Admiral wasn't at all concerned, assuring him that he would sign any authorizations the repair facility felt needed higher permission than Jim's.

After a very pleasant lunch, Pike walked them to the passenger section, his rank getting then directly onto the transport with no fuss or delay.

"Keep in touch," he requested as they entered the transport.

"We will," Jim assured him with a last wave, taking the seat the attendant indicated, Spock next to him.

_TBC_

_

* * *

_

_A/N: Hey! Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and/or alerted my stories, especially this one. The more of "Epiphany" I write, the more I realize it's going to be a looooong one. Hope that's okay. _

_This here is a shout-out to the lovely and talented Dr. lyricoloratura, my fiancee/FFTA. She not only guides me along the sometimes perilous road of "does this suck?", she is also the one who made my awesome new avatar. Isn't it just the cutest thing, like, ever? (Of course, I doubt she'll be pleased with the questionable phrasing and grammar of this love note!) If you've never read any of her stories, you owe it to yourself to do so! Amazing doesn't begin to describe them. And please review THIS story, because she always gets more reviews than I do, and as my frequent readers know, I suffer from Review Envy. It's not pretty but it's true. Not that I adore you any less, dear readers!! And especially you, Dr. Lyri!!!_


	6. Chapter 6

A little over an hour later, they arrived at the airport, renting a car to get to the farm. When they arrived, Jim stood at the end of the driveway, looking up at the farmhouse that held so many competing memories. He didn't quite know how to feel about being back there. And he couldn't remember precisely the last time he had stood at that particular spot.

The farmhouse was remarkably unchanged from the picture in his head. It was fairly ordinary by Iowa farmhouse standards, two stories, white with black shutters. The wide expanse of yard was well tended, the daffodils in full bloom in front of the brick foundation of the house, trimmed hedges behind them below windows with white curtains floating in the light breeze, the very front of the house enclosed with a screened-in porch.

"Do you know the Earth date?" Jim asked Spock who was simply waiting for Jim to be ready to approach the house.

"It is April 3," Spock said, looking at him as he gazed up at the house.

Jim nodded, taking a deep breath and going up the driveway, the gravel crunching quietly beneath his shoes. The wooden steps leading to the porch added their welcome as he stepped on them, the creak ageless and never-changing. Just as the squeak of opening the screen door was timeless. He stopped when he was on the porch, the 4 wooden rockers waiting for all work to be finished for the day. He had no idea how old they were but they had always been there, older than he was.

After paying his respects to the porch and its inhabitants, he entered the house itself through the wooden door that was all windows on the top half. That door led to the kitchen, which in the tradition of many Iowa farmhouses, was the largest room of the house. It was the heart of the house, where family, friends, and neighbors gathered, talked, gossiped, shared the fruits of their labor. The kitchen was dominated by the large round wooden table, the very center of life on a farm. It was at this table that Jim had done his homework, eaten numerous just-picked tomato sandwiches, bent over for the whipping from Frank for his latest misdeed.

Jim shook himself, glancing over at Spock and hoping he did not see the ghosts that were at the table. Spock could see the reflection of their presence on Jim's face and wished he knew what to say to sooth the hurt.

Before Spock could say anything, a voice called out from the vicinity of the back stairwell, just off the kitchen. "Jimmy? Is that you?" the woman's voice asked. Her voice was accompanied by the unmistakable sounds of her descending the steps.

"Yes, Maddie, it's me," Jim called back, going to the doorway as she emerged. She was almost the same size around as she was tall, her gray head coming only to Jim's chest, her arms wrapping themselves part way around his waist as they hugged in greeting.

"I'm so sorry about Winona's passing, sweetie," Maddie said, releasing him to back up.

"I know you are, Maddie," he said, gently wiping a tear off her cheek. "I know you are."

She sniffed and nodded, pulling a crumpled tissue out of the pocket of her denim jumper, using it to swipe at her nose.

"Maddie, this is Commander Spock," Jim said, indicating the silent Vulcan who had been watching.

"Commander," she said with a nod.

"Please, ma'am, I hope that you will call me Spock," Spock said politely.

"Of course. Of course," Maddie agreed. "Sit down, Jimmy, Spock. I have a pound cake I was just coming to take out of the oven. And I have some fresh coffee. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, please," Spock agreed, sitting at the table next to Jim. They both turned slightly so that their backs would not be to the kitchen and Maddie as she bustled about.

"Where's Tyrl?" Jim asked her as she poured his coffee and put the kettle on to heat.

"Back forty. Overseeing the planting. We weren't sure if we should but since we have every year for the past 30, we figured we'd go ahead," Maddie explained.

"Thanks," Jim said, accepting the steaming cup of coffee.

"What're you goin' do with the farm?" Maddie asked, standing next to him, her hands on her ample hips.

"Sell it to Starfleet," Jim said with a shrug. "They're going to turn it into a working classroom. If you want me to make them keep Tyrl, I will."

"No, Jimmy. This is our perfect excuse to finally retire," Maddie said. "Tyrl's ready. And since Boston's graduating next month, we have no particular reason to stay."

"Boston still have a 4.0?" Jim asked with a smile.

"Thanks to you. Since she didn't have to work. You know Arnessa's in New York?"

"I got her note," Jim agreed. "She's very talented. I can see why she got that job on Broadway."

"I declare, Spock. I am so sorry," Maddie said, shaking her head. "Here we are just going on and on. And you don't have any idea who we're talking about."

"I have no objections," Spock assured her. Jim heard the very quiet amusement in his voice, certain Maddie did not detect it.

"Boston's our youngest. She's at University of Iowa. Studying engineering. I'm sure Jimmy understands it but I have no idea what's she talking about half the time," Maddie said with a shrug. "After U of I, she'll be going to Starfleet Academy. Jimmy already got her in. Arnessa's our oldest. She's an artist. Set designer."

"I see," Spock said with a nod.

"And Morgan?" Jim asked.

"Last time he called, he was in Hawaii. Living with some friends of Aleola. I swear, Jimmy, you think he'd of settled down by now," Maddie said in maternal exasperation.

"He will," Jim promised her. "You never thought I would."

"I saw it in you. I wasn't at all surprised when you got the Captaincy. How is that nice Admiral Pike?" she asked as she went to the stove to take off the whistling kettle.

"He's fine," Jim laughed. "I'll be sure and tell him you send your regards."

"You'll do no such thing," she scolded with a laugh. "You staying in town?"

"Yeah. It's just a lot easier," Jim said, Maddie nodded.

"I know it is. Some of the neighbors have asked if there's going to be a memorial for her," Maddie said as she gave Spock his cinnamon tea.

Jim sighed at that, studying his coffee.

"I know, sweetie. Me and Tyrl can take care of it if that's what you want. They knew you were on your way here."

"I guess I should," Jim conceded. "I don't have to speak, do I?" he asked, looking up at her in near pleading.

"It will be expected," she said kindly. "It's what done."

"Yeah," Jim had to agree. "But then if I don't do what's done, nobody will really be surprised, will they?"

"Not by you, sweetie," Maddie agreed, going to the oven to take out the cake when the timer sounded.

"Do you think you could endure a service?" Spock asked quietly.

"I have no idea," Jim admitted. "I'd rather not find out."

"Understandable," Spock said, sipping his tea and watching Maddie.

"Do you boys want some pound cake?" she offered when she had it out.

"Is it for a church supper?" Jim teased.

"No, Jimmy. I made it for you special," she scolded gently.

"I'd love a piece. Yours is the best. Spock?"

"I would like a piece as well, please," he agreed.

"Good. Good," she said, giving them each a thick slice. Spock had to agree with Jim that it was indeed the best pound cake he had ever eaten, easily giving into Maddie's insistence that they each have a second piece.

Just as they finished, they heard loud footsteps enter the porch, followed by the entrance of a very tall man in overalls and a battered hat. "As I live and breathe. You did come home," the very tall man said, taking off his battered hat and putting it in one of the chairs.

"You knew I would, eventually," Jim said, standing up to shake the man's hand, his disappearing into the other man's huge hand. "Good to see you, Tyrl."

"You too, Jim. You too," Tyrl agreed, studying him with intensely green eyes that missed nothing. His face was that of a working man, deep lines around his eyes and mouth, his skin leathered from the weather he'd seen.

"This is Commander Spock," Jim said, indicating Spock who nodded at the taller man.

"Good to meet you," Tyrl said with a nod. "Heard a lot about you."

Spock didn't quite know how to respond to that so didn't even try.

"We were discussin' whether we ought to have a memorial service," Maddie said, pouring Tyrl a cup of tea before sitting back at the table.

"We'll do it, son. You won't have to," Tyrl told Jim over his tea, the sturdy mug dwarfed in this hands.

"I know, Tyrl," Jim sighed. "But everyone will be expecting me."

"You never felt bound by convention before," Tyrl said not unkindly.

"Winona's never died before," Jim said.

Tyrl shook his head at that, looking over at Maddie to decide what to say. "Well. One thing I know for sure. No law says we have to decide today. And we need to be getting' home. Do you want us to come tomorrow, Jimmy?"

"What day is tomorrow?" Jim asked.

"Sunday," Maddie said.

"No. You go to church and have Sunday dinner with the family. We'll see you Monday."

"If you're sure," Maddie said, standing up, barely taller than Jim where he was still sitting.

"Of course I'm sure. Spock and I will come and start tomorrow. And I'll let you know about the service."

"Alright, Jimmy. You want us to come, you only have to call," Maddie reminded him, kissing his head.

"I know that," he agreed with a smile. He stood to walk them to the door, watching as they got into their pickup and drove off. "I'm sorry," he said to Spock when they were alone in the house.

"For what?"

"I should have told you they'd be here," Jim said, putting their dishes in the dishwasher and making sure the coffee pot was off.

"I do not mind, Jim. Although I do confess to a little confusion."

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "Maddie and Tyrl have worked the farm since before I was born. Well, Tyrl has. He's the foreman. Maddie takes care of the house, especially when Winona wasn't here. She looked after me and Sam when nobody else was home with us."

"And your step-father?" Spock asked cautiously.

"She did everything she could to protect me from him. But his worst abuse happened after she left for the day. She knew it was happening but there wasn't anything she could do about it. The two times she reported him to the sheriff, it was even worse for me afterwards. And Winona never let the charges stand."

"Your mother did nothing to protect you?" Spock asked, his anger slipping through.

"It's really complicated, Spock," Jim said in one of the true understatements of all mankind.

"Is your step-father still alive, if it is not out of place for me to ask?"

"He is. As far as I know. Winona finally divorced him five or six years ago. A little too late if you ask me," Jim said in undisguised bitterness. "And since you are now well on your way to being completely immersed in the madness that is the Kirk family, none of your questions are out of place." He and Spock left the farmhouse, going to the rental car, Jim automatically entering the driver's side.

"I will endeavor to make my questions appropriate," Spock assured him, making Jim laugh, a hard, unhappy sound.

"Don't worry about that, Spock. The more you learn, the weirder you'll find we really are."

"As was said by one of Ensign Chekov's favorite writers, 'All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.'"

"That's for sure," Jim agreed.

"If there is a memorial service held, will he attend?" Spock asked cautiously. It was a question that needed to be addressed but he understood the volatility of the inquiry.

"I have no idea. If he does, Tyrl will tell him he has to leave. He may be in prison," Jim said with a shrug.

"Did I understand Maddie to say you pay for the education of their daughter?" Spock asked, curious about that statement she had made.

"Yes. I can afford it a lot better than they can," Jim explained.

"And when you were in the Academy? You paid for her also?"

"Winona did. She paid for Arnessa's education too. When I became Captain, I took over Boston's tuition. We would have paid Morgan's but he hasn't grown up enough to go to University yet," Jim explained.

"I see. And Boston will be attending Starfleet Academy?"

"I recommended her. Pike made sure, not that she needed anyone's help. She'll start in the fall term. This summer she's going to Paris. One last summer of freedom," Jim said with a smile.

"And are you financing her travels?"

"Why are you asking?" Jim laughed, glancing over at Spock.

"Inappropriate curiosity," Spock admitted. "There is an entire family dependent on you and you have never mentioned them."

Jim shrugged again. "That's the way it's always been. When you have a family that's worked for you for more than 30 years, they become your family. They are my responsibility."

"I see," Spock repeated, considering what Jim had said, what he had learned from being with him. "She clearly loves you."

"Yes," Jim agreed, not adding to that statement and apparently concentrating on driving back into town. Spock suspected it was what humans would call "a cover" because he was certain that the Captain could drive these roads blindfolded but he respected the need Jim had to work some things out for himself.

"It's really…complicated, isn't it?" Jim asked quietly after several minutes of contemplative silence.

"Life often is," Spock agreed.

"And there's no manual. No regulations on how to deal with these parts of it. And I want you to know that the irony of it isn't lost on me, Spock," Jim said, glancing over at him.

"The irony?"

"I have the chance to say good-bye to my mother and don't want it. You never had the same opportunity and would give anything to have had it."

"Our relationships with our mothers are polar opposites," Spock agreed.

"To say the least," Jim agreed. "Have you talked to Sarek recently?"

"I spoke with him the day before we left the Enterprise. So that he would know where I was," Spock said.

"And he is okay?"

"He is well. He continues to work closely with the Ambassador to establish Vulcan II. There is much left to be done."

"I know there is," Jim agreed, not wanting to add to that. He was secretly afraid that if they discussed it at any length, Spock would decide he'd made the wrong choice and go join the Vulcans, something Jim could not even contemplate without his breath growing short.

"You are thinking I will return to Vulcan II," Spock said, guessing correctly which shouldn't have surprised Jim.

"I'm sorry," Jim said.

"You have no reason to apologize. You also have no reason to consider it further. My place is aboard the Enterprise, so long as you are there," Spock assured him in a tone Jim very much liked hearing. It was warm and true and ….affectionate.

"Thank you," Jim said with a half smile over at him. "Are you hungry? I guess it's time for supper, huh?"

"It is 17:13 local time," Spock said not otherwise commenting on Jim's suggestion.

"Okay. The hotel has a restaurant. Or we can ask for room service," Jim said, pulling in front of the hotel. They got out and went to the check-in counter, the young man behind it looking up at them. He smiled when he focused on Jim, stepping around his kiosk.

"Jim," he said in greeting, holding out his hand.

"Noik," Jim returned, accepting his hand. Spock observed that the other man had black hair and his skin had brown tones, making him look slightly exotic. "You're still here?"

"Yeah, man. I finished at I of U last year. Mama wanted me to come home so here I am. One day I'll be manager of this hotel," Noik said with a smile. "Doesn't compare to being a starship captain, of course."

Jim shrugged at that, turning toward Spock. "This is Commander Spock."

"Good to meet you, sir," Noik said with a smile that lit up his round face. "Welcome to Iowa."

Spock nodded at that, studying Jim and Noik as they chatted casually, as old friends were wont to do.

"I'm sorry about Winona," Noik said sincerely. "Mom said she thought you'd have to come. Settle things up."

Jim nodded at that. "Makuahine is doing well?"

"She's fine. As cantankerous as ever. You know."

Jim laughed, shaking his head. "Don't let her hear you say that. She'll box your ears like she did when we were in school."

"If she doesn't, Kupunawahine will," Noik agreed. "Well, you didn't come all the way to Iowa to hear about my family," he said, returning to stand behind his podium.

"Do you happen to know if Frank is around?" Jim asked. He could see Noik tense slightly at the question before looking up to meet Jim's eyes.

"He's here, Jim. He works at the grain mill. Supposedly been sober for two years."

"I see," Jim said as non-committally as possible.

"I'm pretty sure nobody's planning to tell him you're here. And if he were to show up, you only have to call the sheriff," Noik reminded him.

"Noulaul still with the sheriff department?" Jim asked, Spock hearing the strain in his voice.

"He is. I'll call him tonight on the Q-T. He'll keep an eye on Frank," Noik promised.

"I appreciate it, Noik," Jim said with a nod, careful not to look over at Spock who he knew would read the anger in his face.

Noik nodded, turning his focus back to his computer. "Here you are. Suite 554. Two bedrooms connected by a sitting area. You want us to leave it under the name of Tom Jones?"

"Yes please. You need my credit chip?" Jim asked, reaching into his pocket for it.

"No. Starfleet took care of it. They insisted," Noik assured him.

"Oh. I had no idea," Jim confessed, looking suspiciously over at Spock who just raised an eyebrow at his implied question.

"Give me the keys to your rental and I'll have it parked. Have your bags brought up to you," Noik said. Jim turned over the keys, going with Spock to the elevator and up to the fifth floor.

"Noik is of Hawaiian descent?" Spock asked conversationally.

"Yeah. His family has lived here for centuries. He's married to Eielaka who was the prettiest woman I had ever met until Nyota. It's her brother that is a deputy sheriff."

"Did you date her?" Spock asked, making Jim laugh.

"No. I did not. She hated me. Not unlike Uhura when I first met her," Jim admitted, going down the hall to their suite. It was what he expected only larger. The sitting room had four comfortable chairs, and a couch in front of the window that overlooked the fields that grew up to the edge of town. The bedrooms were on opposite sides of the sitting room, a tiny kitchen tucked in the front of the sitting area. "Did you know Starfleet was paying for our rooms?"

"I did. I was told that it is standard protocol."

"Really?" Jim asked, looking out the window at the familiar green landscape.

"Why would I prevaricate about it?"

Jim laughed at his question, turning to look at him. "You wouldn't. But you would also insist to them that they should do it."

"Perhaps," Spock said mysteriously, going to the door to allow the young man to enter with their totes. That he recognized them was obvious from his expression although he did not speak to them, depositing their bags where Jim indicated and leaving with a last look back.

"I'm going to take a really long, really hot shower," Jim decided, picking up his tote. "And then I may sleep for the next three days. I hope you don't get bored."

"Were there any chance you would actually sleep for so long a period, I can assure you I could keep myself occupied," Spock responded, Jim laughing at the formality with which he said it.

"Without a doubt," Jim agreed.

"I am going to request some dinner. What would you like?" Spock asked, referring to the mammoth menu he was holding.

"I'm not hungry. But I would like a Dos Equis."

"With lime?" Spock asked surprising Jim.

"No. No fruit," Jim responded.

"Ought I inquire as to whether or not they have Oreos?" Spock asked, still studying the menu.

"No," Jim laughed. "We'll get them tomorrow at the grocery store."

"Very well," Spock agreed, sitting at the hotel terminal and inputting his request as Jim went into the bedroom on the right.

_TBC_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: This chapter is a little shorter than usual. Just sayin'. Let me know if you like it? Thx_

_

* * *

  
_

Jim stripped off his somewhat grimy travel clothes and turned the water in the shower as hot as he could stand. It felt good to be in an Earth shower after so long and he stayed as long as he wanted, the luxury of the waste not lost on him. When he was feeling more relaxed, he left the shower to brush his teeth and dress in his pajamas. A little early, yeah. But his body had no idea what time it really was and he knew he'd be in bed before too much longer.

"Hey," he said as he emerged from his bedroom, his hair still damp, the curls more in evidence.

"Better?" Spock asked. He had also showered and dressed in a pair of loose fitting black pants that were more attractive than they had the right to be. As was the black silk shirt he was wearing.

"Better," Jim agreed, sitting on the couch next to where Spock was seated in one of the comfortable chairs. Spock handed Jim the cold bottle of Dos Equis, condensation on the smooth surface. "Thanks."

Spock nodded at that, eating more of his salad, and casually studying Jim who had stretched out on the couch, his head held up by several fat cushions. "Have we dated sufficiently?" Spock asked out of the blue, making Jim laugh.

"What?"

"While we were aboard the Dierdre you stated that we could not go from best friends to best friends with benefits without the intervening steps. While I recognize our timing is questionable, I desire to take the step that comes after 'dating'," Spock explained, sounding vaguely scientific as though he were explaining how dilithium makes a starship run.

"I see," Jim laughed. "I don't believe I've ever been propositioned in quite that manner before."

Spock gracefully rose from his chair and sat on the couch by Jim's waist, putting Jim's bottle on the table before staring down at him with fire in his black eyes. "Perhaps this is the method to which you are accustom," Spock suggested, the fire from his eyes making his voice smoky, and sexy, and irresistible.

"Depends on what comes next," Jim whispered, staring up at Spock, a hunger in his eyes Spock recognized.

"This," Spock said quietly, leaning closer to very gently kiss Jim's mouth, an almost chaste kiss.

"You taste like salad dressing," Jim said, his words creating tiny puffs of warm air to cross Spock's lips.

"And you taste like toothpaste," Spock returned, kissing his lips again before turning to his cheeks and working his way up to the blue eyes that were endlessly fascinating to him. They momentarily closed as Spock gently kissed the lids in turn. "Have we dated a sufficient length of time?" he whispered into Jim's right ear before taking the lobe between his teeth.

"Oh yeah," Jim breathed, his hips rising on their own. "Definitely."

"Good. I do not want to wait any longer," Spock said, returning to kiss Jim's mouth. This kiss was harder, Spock's tongue entering Jim's mouth and getting to know his tastes. Jim savored Spock's delicious kiss, making him want for more.

"We should move this into one of the bedrooms," Jim suggested softly, his fingers threaded through Spock's black hair, enjoying the texture of the gossamer strands. _Oh God,_ Jim thought. _Gossamer strands. I have it really bad._

"What are you thinking?" Spock asked, kissing him before he could answer.

"How beautiful you are," Jim lied. Well, it was only a tiny white lie. No way was he going to admit that his inside voice had turned into a romance novelist while he was distracted. "Before we go further, will you explain to me about bonding and what it means?"

Spock kissed his enticing lips once more before straightening. Jim was glad he remained seated on the edge of the couch so that Jim could continue to enjoy his presence and the heat radiating from him. It wasn't just regular Vulcan heat; it was _I-want-you-in-every-way-possible_ heat. Of that Jim was entirely certain because he was about to become an inferno himself.

"It is possible for Vulcans to enter into a relationship of an intimate nature without bonding," Spock said.

"Like you and Uhura."

"Precisely. It is satisfactory to do so."

"Satisfactory?" Jim repeated.

"When Vulcans bond, their relationship is completed. They become one with their bondmate. It is a life-bond. There can be no other in either partner's life. The bond unites them in ways that non-Vulcans cannot comprehend."

"A mind meld is part of it?" Jim asked.

"It begins it," Spock confirmed. "So that our thoughts are one…"

"…and together," Jim finished.

"Precisely. If either partner were injured, the other would be aware. If one died, the survivor will suffer until a healer can temper the pain of the severed bond."

"Even if one is a Human?" Jim asked.

"A Human would feel the pain to a lesser degree but would still be aware of the fractured bond," Spock explained.

"Okay," Jim said, sensing there was more to be said and waiting for Spock to decide how to convey the other information.

"Being bonded also ensures that both parties will enter pon farr when it is time," Spock said evenly, the words not easy for him to speak out loud.

"Pon farr," Jim repeated.

"Do you know the meaning of it?" Spock asked cautiously.

"I have an idea. I know it's the time of mating. Most Humans have at least heard about it," Jim said, still looking up at Spock, his eyes unafraid.

"Yes," Spock said, again considering his words carefully. "Some call it madness. I have not yet experienced it. Apparently my dual heritage makes mine unpredictable. I have heard of others whose cycles were disrupted by the destruction of our planet."

"Cycles?" Jim repeated.

"Under ordinary circumstance, pon farr occurs every seven years. These are not ordinary circumstances."

"And you should have already gone through it the first time?"

"Vulcans generally experience it at full maturity - 25 to 30 Earth years of age."

"But you haven't," Jim said.

"I have not. However, before we enter into a relationship of an intimate nature, you must be fully cognizant of what it means should I enter into the fever."

"I do understand. And I'm not worried about it, Spock. I'm a lot stronger than you might think."

"I am aware," Spock assured him.

"And after we bond, will you be able to read my thoughts?"

"If we bond, I will be aware of those thought to which I am allowed access. Barriers can be constructed. Bondmates respect the privacy of the other."

"If we bond," Jim repeated, studying Spock closely. "Is bonding with me what you want?"

"It must be a mutual decision. Only one cannot choose it."

"That doesn't answer my question, Spock," Jim pointed out. "Do you want to bond with me or not?" Spock hesitated before answering, Jim growing impatient. "Well. Do you?"

"I believe you know the answer to that, Jim."

"Maybe. I need to hear the words. And I need to know why you are hesitating."

"I am all too aware of your reputation. I harbor some concerns that I alone will not be sufficient," Spock finally admitted.

"You think I can't be faithful to you," Jim said in a hard tone.

"I fear I will be inadequate to fulfill all of your needs," Spock said.

"Fulfill all of my needs?" Jim repeated, sliding to sit up and stare at Spock, careful to make sure his pajama pants were not left behind. "I don't have sex on bar tables or in my Captain's chair. At least not yet."

"I am aware. However your sexual experience is vastly greater than mine. What if I am unable to be the partner that you require?"

"You are failing to factor one very important element into your equation," Jim told him.

"What is that?" Spock asked, wishing Jim didn't look so angry and so hurt. They had not even gotten fully past the dating stage and he had already managed to cause Jim pain.

"Love, Spock. You aren't some passing fancy I found at a bar. You aren't a quick pick-up to fill some time. I'm in love with you," Jim said quietly but firmly, giving him the truth he thought Spock already possessed.

"Yes," Spock said in response.

"I think I was looking for a little more than 'yes'. This isn't a quiz."

"I am aware of your feelings for me. What I am uncertain about is if I have those same feelings in equal measure."

"You aren't scared you don't have them," Jim corrected. "You're scared to admit that you do have them." Jim knew he was right when Spock stood up and walked several paces away from the couch.

"This is a mistake."

"Which part, Spock? Me telling you how **I **feel? Or telling you how _you_ feel? Do you want to return to San Francisco tomorrow? I'm sure you can get a shuttle back to Spacestation VanHalen," Jim said. His voice was carefully controlled and almost neutral. Well, this was certainly a fine how-do-you-do. And not at all the way he had envisioned this night ending. Stupid Vulcan pride.

"I have no intention of leaving," Spock assured him.

"Then which part is the mistake? Don't close down on me. We're both in this," Jim said firmly.

"I do not wish to hurt you," Spock said, his back turned to Jim.

"That's something you ought to have considered ten minutes ago before you propositioned me. I'm not going to be a roll in the hay to you. I want all of you or none of you. If that's not what you want, then I'm sorry."

"Should we not explore our sexual compatibility prior to entering into a permanent bond?" Spock asked sensibly.

"How long do you propose we conduct this exploration? A week? A month? Until you are ready to admit that you are, in fact, in love with me?"

"You cannot know that for certain," Spock said, turning to face him.

"Oh yes I can. I feel it. I see it in your eyes. I heard it when you thought I wanted Bones to come. And I also know that the first Kirk and the first Spock were more than friends."

"That does not make it true in this timeline," Spock said.

"Maybe not. When you suggested we go past dating, was it only because you want to have sex with me?"

"I…do not know," Spock admitted, sitting back in his chair, his spine ramrod straight, his hands clasped tightly together. "I cannot imagine my life without you in it. You are often the last thing I think of at night and the first thing when I awaken. I have gone to the Mess simply because I knew you would be coming to eat."

Jim had to laugh at that, shaking his head. "And that's not love?"

"Uhura called it a crush when she witnessed two ensigns acting in a similar manner. I do not want to risk our futures on something as insubstantial as a crush."

"It's not just a crush. We are meant to be together. And I regret you don't feel as certain about that truth as I do," Jim said, picking up his Dos Equis. "I'm going to bed. We'll finish this discussion …later when we both aren't quite so tired."

"Yes," Spock agreed, watching Jim disappear into his bedroom, instantly regretting allowing him to leave. But chances were good that Jim was right. They needed a little time. Because apparently Spock didn't know what he wanted. Not really. Outside of never loosing Jim, making love with him, marrying him, growing old with him, having his babies if it were at all possible.

Spock gave an uncharacteristic sigh, going into his own bedroom and closing the door. Meditating for an hour provided no clarity and he gave up and got into bed. He sure hoped this was love because if it wasn't, he could not imagine how much more complicated love could be than this already was.


	8. Chapter 8

Spock woke slowly the next morning, taking a moment to remember where he was. The unusual quiet was very loud, the familiar hum of the ship not in the background. As his eyes drifted open, he took in the hotel room where he had slept. Alone. Because he was too determined to hold onto his Vulcan stoicism to admit to the man that he loved the true depths of his feelings. And why had he done that to Jim? He had been looking forward to finally making love with Jim, eliciting the kind of responses to which he had been accidentally privy courtesy of their connecting wall. Instead, Jim had asked about bonding and Spock had, well, freaked out. There it was, in a voice unhappily reminiscent of the Dr. McCoy's. He _was_ a green blooded hobgoblin. One who could not face the man he loved and admit it.

Spock groaned softly and indulged in a moment of self-recrimination. How could he be so stupid? So stubborn? So _Vulcan_? "Do what feels right," his elder self had advised him. Fat lot of good that had done him last night. If he had heeded those words, he'd be waking up next to Jim. Or on top of him. Or underneath him. Any of those scenarios were preferable to his current reality.

Taking a deep breath and pulling his Vulcan control tightly around his tumultuous emotions, he left his bed, going to the sitting room after visiting the bathroom. Jim was sitting at the computer terminal looking much more awake than Spock had expected.

"Good morning," Jim said in a completely neutral voice, his eyes equally flat.

"Jim," Spock returned, going into the kitchen to find the kettle already hot and waiting for him.

"Turns out that the Des Moines Registry knows we're here," Jim said in resignation. "They want an interview."

"Is that appropriate under the circumstances?" Spock asked, bringing his cup and an apple to the table where Jim was sitting. The apple he gave to Jim, the tea he sipped.

"No. But they have the address of the farm. If I don't talk to them, they'll come out. If I do talk to them, you can bet Frank will come."

"What do you want to do?" Spock asked.

Jim shrugged, munching on the apple and studying the computer screen.

"Jim," Spock said, leaning just that much closer.

"Spock," Jim returned, turning to look at him. He remained impassive under the kiss when Spock's lips met his own.

"You were right," Spock confessed. "I am concerned that I cannot love you enough. If, however, you are willing to accept that which I have to offer, I give it all to you."

"Love isn't a commodity, Spock," Jim said softly, his blue eyes beginning to thaw. "Loving me is all I can ask. There is no degree to it."

"Yes," Spock agreed. "Will you please come back to bed with me? I wish to make up to you for the hurt I inadvertently caused you last night." He held one hand out to Jim, very much hoping Jim was going to accept his invitation.

Jim looked up at him, considering the words that he had said. "You are in love with me?"

"Yes. I love you, Captain James Tiberius Kirk. More than is healthy for my Vulcan heritage."

"I like the sounds of that," Jim said, standing up after taking hold of Spock's hand. "We'll start with making love and take it from there."

"Very well," Spock agreed, willingly following him into the bedroom where Jim had slept, the one that he hoped to be the only one occupied until they left for San Francisco.

"Do you have experience with a man?" Jim asked, before kissing him soundly so that he could not possibly answer. The kiss was full of passion and promise and left them both utterly breathless.

"I do not," Spock said, gasping softly as Jim bit his lower lip, sucking it gently, Jim's hips grinding into Spock's. Spock was very aware of the desire present in Jim's firm erection, pressed up hard against his.

"That's okay. It's not so different," Jim assured him, whispering into his ear. He returned to Spock's lips, kissing him and exploring his mouth as his hands went under Spock's black shirt to explore his warm, firm skin. "Mmm…" Jim sighed.

"Don't tease me," Spock requested, working to pull Jim's pajama top off so he could see Jim, really see him.

"It's what you deserve. For keeping me awake all night," Jim replied, chewing on his ear before turning his mouth and his attention to the cords of Spock's neck that were standing out.

"I am sorry."

"I know," Jim said, pulling his own shirt off before helping Spock out of his. "Beautiful," Jim breathed, kissing Spock's chest.

"As are you," Spock agreed, slowly pushing down Jim's loose pants until they pooled at his feet. Spock had to make himself breathe as he looked at Jim anew. The body before him was more beautiful than he remembered. Now that he had complete permission to appreciate it, he took the chance, grazing a warm hand over the prominent hips bones, the flat stomach below the hard abdomen, down to the dark curls at his groin that were in contrast to his pale skin. "Very beautiful."

Jim stepped out of his pants more gracefully than Spock would have expected, watching as Jim pulled down his own black pants, freeing his erection that matched Jim's in firmness. Jim's was pink to Spock's green, the colors complementary, Spock decided.

"Don't analyze them," Jim laughed, kissing him to distraction.

"How did you know?" Spock asked.

"You got that 'I will eventually figure this out' look on your face," Jim teased, guiding him over to the bed. He kissed Spock backward until he landed on the bed, Jim collapsing on top of him, sharp bones impacting but not causing any pain to either of them.

"I have no such expression," Spock claimed in indignation.

"Oh yes you do," Jim said, kissing his almost-frowning lips. "You have a lot more expressions than you want to believe."

"Hmm…" Spock responded, distracted by other desires, like touching Jim's body everywhere he could, especially his rounded, beautiful backside.

"Nice," Jim decided as he continued to kiss Spock. He spread his legs apart a little more in invitation. "Go ahead and touch me, love. You need to get used to it."

Spock accepted his invitation, dipping his warm fingers in between Jim's firm mounds, skimming over his most private opening. When he added more pressure, Jim's squirming became noticeably more active as did his moans of pleasure.

"Oh yeah," Jim said, rocking up and down on Spock's body, his erection enjoying the increase in friction.

"You are not dry-humping me the first time," Spock scolded, flipping them over so he lay on top of Jim.

"Dry-humping. Where did you learn that term?" Jim laughed until Spock silenced him with a searing kiss.

"I am not entirely naïve in the ways of sex, Captain," Spock huffed, if a half-Vulcan could ever be described as "huffing."

"Uh huh," Jim responded, his hands exploring Spock's warm body as Spock kissed his face, his mouth, his eyes. Spock jerked slightly when Jim's fingers followed the crease of his ass to his opening, Jim whispering into his ear. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to do anything that you don't want."

"Yes," Spock agreed, moving off of Jim to lay next to him, kissing his mouth as his hand explored Jim's body.

"Did I make you uncomfortable touching you?" Jim asked as Spock kissed down his body, stopping at his pink nipples to tease them with his teeth.

"No. I want to know your body," Spock explained, leaving his firm buds and sealing Jim's mouth with a breathtaking kiss, his hand roving up and down Jim's shifting body. "I want you inside me."

Jim shook his head, pulling down Spock's head to kiss him. "You need to enter me first, love. To give your body time to adjust to the idea."

"Does it hurt, the penetration?" Spock asked as he continued to kiss Jim.

"It can be uncomfortable," Jim admitted. "But I will do everything I can to prepare you.

"Yes," Spock agreed absently, kissing Jim again.

"Oh wait," Jim said in realization. "We can't have sex. We don't have any lubricant."

"You did not bring it?" Spock asked.

"Why would I have, Spock? I wasn't planning to have sex with anyone," Jim reminded him.

"I find that reassuring," Spock said, kissing him silent. "Then we will wait."

"There are other ways to enjoy each other," Jim whispered into a gracefully pointed ear. His right hand went between their bodies, grasping Spock's erection, making Spock gasp softly.

"Oh," Spock whispered, rolling onto his back to stare blindly up at the ceiling, his eyes huge and black as Jim caressed him.

"Don't you ever masturbate?" Jim teased, licking his ear.

"No."

"Oh," Jim responded, sounding vaguely sad about his confession. "Well, I have experience enough for us both."

"You need not remind me, Captain," Spock said, turning glazed eyes to study Jim.

"Captain?" Jim laughed, kissing him before he moved down Spock's body.

"Is it inappropriate?" Spock breathed.

"Little out of place, Commander," Jim said. "Not like I mind."

"What are you doing?" Spock asked, struggling to lift his head to see what Jim intended.

"I'm going to blow your mind," Jim warned, licking across the tip of Spock's hard erection.

"Just my mind?" Spock asked, making Jim laugh, his breath teasing Spock.

"Nope. You ever had this done before?" Jim asked, licking him again.

"I have not. I do not have the skills necessary to reciprocate."

"I don't want paybacks, Spock. Eventually you can do it for me, if you want to learn," Jim said, licking up the side of Spock's beautiful jade erection.

"I do wish to learn, providing you instruct me."

"Nobody else is going to," Jim promised, taking the tip of Spock's erection into his mouth, Spock gasping in reaction.

"Oh, Jim," Spock breathed, the fingers of his right hand buried deep in Jim's blond curls. "Ohhh…."

"Mmm…" Jim hummed against Spock, slightly increasing the suction. He had to use his left hand on Spock's groin to still his movements, his hips thrusting by themselves and threatening to choke Jim.

"Apologies," Spock whispered, trying to hold very still as Jim did incredible things to his body and his mind. The entire universe had distilled down to the area between his legs where his Captain, his lover, his t'hy'la was doing unbelievable things to him. Nothing in his Vulcan heritage had prepared him for the intensity of the pleasure that Jim was providing to him. And he wasn't quite sure how he was going to handle it except he never wanted it to end. "Oh t'hy'la," he moaned, Jim humming in response, the pleasure increasing even more.

Spock lay as still as he possibly could, his breathing too fast, his body growing even hotter than normal. When he felt the coming explosion, he wanted to warn Jim, to allow him to ease off if he chose. But it was too late. With a loud moan, he erupted into Jim's mouth, Jim remaining around him until he was complete and euphoric and…even more in love if it were possible.

Jim slowly crawled up the bed, kissing Spock as he went. He was smiling at Spock's awe-struck post-orgasm expression, enjoying the fact that he had stripped him of his control. "Come back," he whispered into Spock's ear that was a little greener than normal, as was his entire face. He sat back on his feet, watching Spock struggle to focus on him, his eyes glazed over.

"Wow," Spock said, making Jim laugh.

"You have never said that before. Ever."

"I have not," Spock agreed. "I have never felt the need."

"I see," Jim said with a loving smile.

"Kiss me," Spock requested, staring up at Jim who shook his head.

"You are still in my mouth. I'll brush my teeth and be right back."

"Is it objectionable to share the remnants?" Spock asked, rolling on his side and wrapping one very warm hand around Jim's firm need.

"Some people don't mind. But it's too soon for you to experience that. It can be a little overwhelming," Jim explained absently, watching Spock's hand going up and down on his needy cock.

Spock nodded in agreement, backing off the bed, never releasing his delicious hold. "Come."

Jim followed him into the bathroom, Spock leaning up against his back as Jim brushed his teeth, Spock's hand still around him. "Oh god," Jim moaned when Spock increased the friction. "I'm going to come."

"Is that not the purpose?" Spock asked, turning Jim so he was facing Spock. Spock captured his mouth, exploring his minty teeth and tongue as he continued to stroke him.

"Oh god," Jim repeated, leaning hard against the sink, Spock following. "What does it mean, t'hy'la?" Jim whispered into Spock's mouth.

"Friend, brother, lover," Spock responded, licking Jim's lips.

"All the things you are to me," Jim agreed hoarsely, looking down between their bodies where Spock was still caressing him, enjoying the sight of his pink hardness disappearing in Spock's hand as he slid up and down. "You are really good at this, 'specially since you don't do it."

Spock shrugged at that, kissing him again. "Do what comes naturally. That is the advice I have received from… others."

"Thank you for not mentioning her right now," Jim whispered, moaning. "Little faster."

Spock increased the speed of his motions, Jim erupting with a low moan of pleasure, Spock's arm around his waist keeping him upright.

"Oh wow," Jim whispered into Spock's neck when he hugged him close, their stomachs slick with Jim's fluids.

"Indeed," Spock agreed, kissing Jim's face as he continued to catch his breath, waiting for the world to solidify around them once more.

"Will you come nap with me?" Jim asked very softly, his body threatening to melt into Spock's.

"It would please me to do so," Spock agreed, his warm arm still around Jim as he guided him back to the bed. They climbed in together, Jim facing Spock, his hand draped over Spock's warm body, a loving smile on his face.

"You sleepin'?" Jim asked, trying to get his beautifully blue eyes to focus on Spock.

"Possibly. I will remain until you wake," Spock promised, turning on his side and fitting their bodies closer together, Jim's head snug beneath his chin. "Sleep, Captain."

"Mmm…" Jim sighed, wedging his leg between Spock's before falling into the first deep, peaceful sleep he had had since the Admiral had contacted him with the news.

_TBC_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: This chapter's a real shorty. I had to break it up somewhere. Hope that's okay. Frank's in this chapter, but not for very long, I'm glad to report!  
To everyone who has reviewed, "favorited," and/or "alerted" this story, thank you so much!! You rock the most!! Reviews = Love. Ya' know? Hope you enjoy this chapter too!_

_

* * *

  
_

"Hi," Spock whispered when Jim's eyes fluttered open.

"Hi yourself," Jim responded with a smile just for Spock. "You sleep?"

"I did. It was quite restful."

"That's for sure. How long did I sleep?" Jim asked, running his fingers through Spock's black hair that was no longer in perfect order.

"Two hours and 33 minutes," Spock said, kissing his nose.

"'Kay. We need to take a shower and get to the house," Jim said reluctantly.

"We are in no particular hurry," Spock reminded him kindly. "Are you going to contact the newspaper?"

"I may as well. I can't pretend we aren't here. They can come to the farm. What difference does it really make?"

"None," Spock confirmed. "You will need to eat before we go."

Jim shook his head at that. "I'm not hungry."

"You have barely eaten since we left the Enterprise, Jim. It is not healthy."

"I know," Jim sighed. "I…uhm…."

"We will stop at the grocery store for apples and Oreos. And Pepsi," Spock decided in his best 'don't mess with your Vulcan' voice.

"Oh we will?" Jim laughed, rolling onto his back to look over at Spock.

"We most certainly will," Spock agreed, moving over enough to kiss Jim's mouth. "And lubricant."

"Definitely."

"Have you decided about the memorial service?" Spock asked between kisses.

"How in God's name can I think about that while you're kissing me?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"You are capable of multi-tasking. I have witnessed it on numerous occasions," Spock responded, kissing him again.

"That's really a myth, you know. Except for you."

"Perhaps. But few Humans are as smart as you, Captain. If any Human can successfully multi-task, it is you."

"Thank you, Commander. But I still can't think about a memorial service for my mother while you are making me think of how much I wish we already had lubricant."

"Yes," Spock said, laying back beside Jim, their sides pressed close together. "I can see how there would be a disparity in those two thoughts."

"To say the least," Jim agreed, reluctantly leaving the cozy bed. "I won't be long."

Spock nodded, following him with his eyes until he disappeared into the bathroom. It wasn't long before he heard the sounds of the water running and he decided to go into his own bathroom to shower as well.

When he emerged, Jim was at the computer, dressed in a pale blue long sleeved tee shirt and well worn jeans, frowning at the screen.

"What is wrong?" Spock asked, sitting next to him.

"Huh?" Jim said, turning to focus on Spock, and the black pants and shirt he was wearing, thinking how incredibly sexy he looked, and if that was such a good idea.

"Why are you frowning at the computer as though it just committed mutiny?"

"Oh," Jim said. "I sent the Des Moines Registry a message. They said they would come out tomorrow morning if that was convenient for me."

"Did you respond?"

"I told them it was fine. I'll make sure Maddie's at least there. It will help."

"Yes," Spock agreed.

"You must be hungry," Jim said, studying Spock.

"We can purchase fruits and vegetables at the store. That will be sufficient."

Jim nodded at that, standing to stretch, smiling at the expression on Spock's face when his shirt rode up, providing a tantalizing peek of his flat stomach. "We have to leave right now, love. You can't continue to look at me like that."

"I can look, Captain. I will not touch," Spock promised, making Jim laugh.

"Alright." Jim temporarily returned his focus to the computer, requesting that the valet bring their car to the front of the hotel. "I want to stop downstairs for a cup of coffee."

"Of course," Spock agreed, making sure they both had their keys before leaving the suite, Spock in his warm coat, Jim in a light jacket.

Jim stopped for his coffee and two muffins, a banana nut for Spock, apple crunch for him. No raisins, the cheerful girl at the coffee shoppe assured him.

When they got to the front desk, their rental was waiting, the valet handing over the keys after asking if they needed directions. Clearly he failed to recognize the two famous visitors or he'd know that Jim didn't need directions to anywhere in all of Iowa, but neither remarked on it, simply politely refusing his assistance.

Jim drove to the grocery store, finding a convenient space in front.

"Piggly Wiggly?" Spock asked as he stared up at the sign above the door.

"Yeah, I know," Jim said with a shrug. "We've always shopped here. All of Iowa does, practically."

"In this particular store?" Spock asked making Jim laugh.

"This chain. I even worked here briefly in junior high school."

"Briefly?" Spock repeated wondering about the rest of that story.

"I didn't get in any trouble. I kept trying to rearrange the canned goods in alphabetical order and the manager finally asked me to quit."

"I see," Spock said, following him in through the sliding doors. "Do we need a conveyance of this type?"

"No, we won't need a buggy," Jim decided, not wanting to spend a whole lot of time in the store if at all possible. "You pick out the fruits and vegetables. I'll go get the milk and Oreos."

"Very good," Spock said, stopping by the apples on display.

Jim heard the unspoken "Captain" and was smiling still as he went down the cookie aisle for the Oreos. Although there were 23 varieties of the cookies available, his only interest was the Double-Stuffs. When he had two packages, he went three aisles over to find the personal care products. That done, he proceeded to the refrigerated section inevitably located in the far reaches of the store for a gallon of milk. He decided on 2% thinking it might be a little more palatable to Spock than whole milk. And he couldn't stand skim milk, especially since he would be using it for his coffee and he hated the color it turned when he poured it in.

Being absorbed in all of those thoughts about the relative merits of milk meant he failed to notice the approach of an older man with an unpleasant frown etched on his unshaven face, the reek of alcohol clinging to his disheveled and ill-fitting clothes.

"So it's true," the man snarled at Jim as he closed the cooler door. "Little Jimmy Kirk. Come back to Iowa."

"What do you want, Frank?" Jim asked in a hard voice, his body instantly coiled for fight. The flight instinct had been first beaten and then trained out of him, and he was not running from this living nightmare.

"To see if what I heard were true. Had to lay eyes on you myself," Frank said, sweeping Jim with his eyes in cold dismissal.

"You've seen me. Now you can go," Jim said in his best Captain voice.

Frank laughed at him, a grating sound that Jim had hoped to never hear again. "Too big and mighty to talk to your own kin?"

"You are not my family," Jim informed him in a low angry voice. "You are Winona's bastard ex-husband."

"I knew you'd be coming back 'round now she's dead. Pick over her bones for what you can get from her."

"You are welcome to believe what you will. You always did," Jim retorted.

"I know you ain't coming back here to live, Jimmy. You can hand the farm over to me. I kept it goin' all these years."

"I would burn down ever structure and plow under every field before I'd let you step foot on my farm," Jim replied, his anger growing the more he talked.

"Ain't your farm. More like it's mine," Frank snarled.

"It is my farm, Frank. And you will never lay claim to it."

"Why you little snot nosed…" The rest of Frank's statement was cut off when he took a swing at Jim, one Jim knew was coming. He easily ducked, retaliating with a swing of the gallon milk jug he was clutching in his right hand. The cartoon practically exploded when it impacted with the side of Frank's head, increasing his fury. He made to pounce on Jim until he crumpled in an inelegant heap at Jim's feet, Spock looking down at him with one eyebrow raised in a mix of amusement and barely disguised anger.

"Thanks," Jim said, looking down at his milk covered adversary.

"Why did you not alert me?" Spock asked, turning with Jim to watch the approach of a worried looking man who rushed up to them.

"I considered it," Jim admitted, waiting for the store employee to gather enough breath to speak.

"What happened here?" he tried to demand. But he was too small in stature and too breathless for it to sound like anything but simple curiosity.

"This man was attacking… my friend," Spock said in his very own reasonable fashion. "I prevented harm from coming to either of them."

The employee looked from Jim to Spock and back to Jim, a light of recognition coming on. "Jim Kirk?"

"Yes," Jim had to admit with a nod.

"He is _Captain_ Kirk," Spock confirmed, emphasizing his title, a little unnecessarily, Jim thought, but adorably protective.

"Yes, of course, Commander Spock. We had heard you were coming," the man agreed, extending his right hand to Jim. "I'm Don Fortian. You were in school with my brother Edison."

"Of course," Jim agreed. "It's good to see you again, Don. Edison still at U of I?"

"He is. Studying for his MBA," Don nodded. "Do you want me to call the police?" he asked, looking down at Frank who remained unconscious.

"Can you request that Deputy Noulaul Koie come? He knows I'm here."

"Of course. You already talked with him?" Don asked.

"I spoke to Noik. He said he would alert Noulaul," Jim explained.

"Of course. Of course. And may I suggest, Captain, that you and the Commander leave quickly. Deputy Koie can arrest him without you being here. The longer you stay, the more… public this will become," Don said sensibly.

"Yes, of course," Jim agreed, looking down at the Oreos he was holding. He extended them to Don who shook his head.

"Complements of Piggly Wiggly. We know we'd all be dead if it weren't for you," Don said with a smile.

"Thank you, Don," Jim said with a nod. "We'll come back this afternoon after things have calmed down. And you'll tell Noulaul I'll contact him later?"

"Certainly, Captain."

Jim and Spock went toward the front where the two cashiers were staring at them with open mouths and expressions of awe. As the glass doors slid closed behind them, Jim heard Don's voice over the loudspeaker: "Clean up on aisle 5."

_TBC_


	10. Chapter 10

"Should we expect this sort of greeting everywhere we go?" Spock asked as they entered the rental.

"Well," Jim said, looking over at him. "If Noulaul can keep Frank in jail until we leave, it will help. Otherwise, yeah, pretty much."

"I can see now the true reasons you hesitated to return."

"Yeah," Jim shrugged. "To say it's complicated would be an understatement."

"Indeed," Spock agreed, handing Jim an apple.

"Thanks," Jim said, accepting it to munch on it. "At least we got the Tube O'Lube without anyone asking awkward and embarrassing questions."

"A fortunate outcome to an unfortunate event."

"We'll stop again on our way back to the hotel. For milk and beer," Jim said as he maneuvered the rental on the road that would take them to the farm.

"What do you wish to accomplish while at the farm today?" Spock asked in the tone he normally reserved to request a mission briefing.

"Well," Jim said, considering the question and trying to think of it in terms of a mission. What were the outcomes he expected from being at the farm? What were the tasks that eventually needed to be accomplished? And was there a priority to them that he needed to factor into his planning?

He asked these questions of Spock after realizing he wasn't entirely sure what needed to be done in what order. Spock helped him think through the tasks they would be faced with and to make a mental to-do list. They also added to that list contacting Jim's lawyer the next morning, both to discuss selling the farm to Starfleet and to alert her that Frank had been arrested.

They had an informal plan of action when they pulled up at the farm, going into the kitchen to find the table completely covered with cakes and cookies, fruit baskets and crackers, and gallons of tea.

"What is all this?" Spock asked as he surveyed the table practically groaning under its burden.

"From the neighbors," Jim said, looking at the attached cards.

"Why did they place food here?"

"It's what we do, Spock. When someone dies, the neighbors bring food to the family. I'm sure the refrigerator is chock full of casseroles and salads."

"Neighbors react to death with offerings of groceries?"

"Well," Jim laughed softly. "We don't think of them as groceries. It's so the bereaved family doesn't have to worry about cooking. Or feeding the friends and family that will inevitably stop by."

"You have no family. And you are not bereaved," Spock pointed out.

"I know. It's still what's done," Jim explained patiently. "It's what they can do. It's their way of helping and offering their sympathy."

"I see," Spock said although he wasn't entirely sure he actually understood. "How do all of these people know that you are here?"

"Maddie told them. And Noik. This is from his mom," Jim explained, showing him a pineapple upside down cake in a pretty cake dish.

"You cannot possibly eat all of this food."

"No. But once the memorial service is over, everyone will stay and eat. And I won't have to worry about feeding them. Maddie will make sure there's enough food if this is gone."

Spock could only shake his head at the wonder of it. "I had no idea."

"It's what we do," Jim repeated, carefully collecting all of the cards. The dishes would be returned by Maddie or the neighbors would stop by for them after he had left.

"What will you do with those cards?" Spock asked, watching him make his collection.

"Write thank you notes. Tomorrow I'll probably get flowers. Or more food."

"I see. And you do not lock your doors?"

"No. Not much point. Even if I did, anyone who wants to break in would be able to. Most people don't bother," Jim said, taking off his light jacket when the cards were carefully stored in his pocket. "I think we should have the memorial service on Wednesday."

"That seems appropriate," Spock agreed. "Will it be held here?"

"Yeah. Winona wasn't much of a church-goer. I'll ask Tyrl to preside. He's done it before. We can have it in the backyard," Jim said, going to the window over the sink to look out at the expanse of yard at the back of the house, the daffodils undisturbed by the circumstances of the humans inside.

"That seems appropriate," Spock agreed. "Might you show me around?"

"Sure," Jim agreed, leading him out the back door. Jim showed him the yard and the tree house where he and Sam played or hid from Frank when he was on a tear. He took him over the barn where the farm equipment and tractors were stored, showing him the root cellar underneath. He took him out to the edge of the fields, showing him the acres that had belonged to the Kirk family for centuries, stretching out before them as far as the eye could see.

"You have no wildlife on your farm?"

"Wildlife?" Jim asked, turning his focus from the fields to Spock.

"Fowl. Bovine. Swine," Spock said, enumerating those things he had always thought would be located on an Earth farm.

"Oh," Jim said in realization. "Livestock."

"Is that not what I said?" Spock asked quizzically.

"Well, there's a difference between wildlife and livestock," Jim said, trying hard not to laugh. "Chickens, cows, and pigs are livestock. Deer, pheasants, and foxes would be wildlife."

"I see," Spock said, one eyebrow raised. "They are not the same?"

Jim had to laugh at that, shaking his head. "No, they aren't the same. And there was a time the farm had livestock. Not in my lifetime. My grandfather Tiberius did."

"And you have no reservations about giving up your farm?" Spock asked thoughtfully.

"No. I won't come back," Jim said with a shrug, his hands deep in the pockets of his jeans. "It's not home. Hasn't been for a really long time."

"I am sorry," Spock said most illogically.

Jim shrugged again, turning to look at Spock. "There's no reason for you to be. Enterprise is my home now. So long as you are there."

Spock nodded at that, leaning closer to very lightly kiss Jim's mouth, no other response necessary.

"Come on. I'll show you around the house."

Spock followed him back into the house, seeing the living room where Jim rarely spent time as a child, most activities occurring in the kitchen; the parlor where they would erect the Christmas tree each year and spend evenings in front of the fire. Upstairs, Jim showed him the four bedrooms, the one where he had slept empty except for a twin bed.

"Where are all of your childhood belongings?" Spock asked.

"In the attic. Or thrown out by Frank," Jim said in indifference. He went to the bedroom next door, finding it equally empty. "This was Sam's room."

Spock nodded, not making any comment. What would he say if he did speak?

"And this was Winona's room," Jim said, showing him the largest room with a double bed and the usual assortment of furniture generally found in a bedroom. It was in perfect order, the bed covered with a white spread, ready for any who needed rest.

The wooden stairs creaked under their feet as they climbed up to the attic. It was darker and faintly musty as all attics had been since time began. There were chests and dressers and boxes with labels slightly askew.

"We'll need to go through all of this," Jim said as they stood side-by-side surveying the storage area. He waved a hand vaguely at the accumulated evidence of those who had lived here. "Most of it we'll throw out. Some of it I'll put in storage for when I retire. Some I'll give away."

"Do you wish to begin sorting now?" Spock asked.

Jim sighed and turned to look at Spock, his eyes clouded.

"In what way can I best assist you?" Spock asked, some sympathy creeping into his voice but not so much that Jim couldn't stand hearing it.

"I honestly don't know," Jim admitted. "I shouldn't care. She wasn't much of a mother. But then I wasn't much of a son. But this… there's something so… permanent about this."

"Permanent?" Spock repeated, hoping to assist his friend in finding clarity.

"It doesn't make any sense," Jim confessed. "I don't suppose I can just sell the house and let Starfleet clean it out, can I?"

"You… I do not understand, Jim."

"I know," Jim sighed, turning to look at Spock. "I don't think I'm ready to face this yet. I know I have to do it. And I will. But…."

"What do you want to do?" Spock asked in a quiet voice, some part of him wishing that Dr. McCoy was in fact with them, suspecting he would have a much better idea of what the Captain needed. Because Spock was utterly lost in knowing what to say to ease Jim's burdens.

"I want to go back to the Enterprise. I want to return to being Captain Kirk, giving orders, charting unknown solar systems, visiting exotic and semi-dangerous planets. I don't want to be anyone's fucked up son. Anyone's mistake. Anyone's whipping post. And I want to make mind-blowing, brain-numbing love with my First Officer. That's what I want."

Spock could only nod at that, understanding the need behind the words, the ache behind the barely disguised pain, the anger disguising something deeper. "Come," Spock said gently, leading him to the steps that would take them back down to the hallway. From there he made sure Jim was following him down and out to the porch. When Jim was sitting in one of the rocking chairs, Spock sat next to him, waiting. When Jim didn't seem inclined to speak, Spock finally broke the silence. "If you want to return to the hotel, that is what we will do. If you want to stay here and talk, that is what we will do. If you want me to leave you, that is what I will do but I will regret it."

Jim nodded but didn't speak, still staring out the porch screen at the yard and the windmill that was quietly humming on the far side of the driveway.

"Do you need me to decide, t'hy'la? Would that help you find peace?" Spock asked.

Jim just continued to stare straight ahead, no change in his expression. He didn't know what to say, what to do. He couldn't think about it. Not right now. It was…too much. Too many conflicting emotions, and too many memories that were flooding back, taunting him. This house….this place. It was his past. The past he had finally escaped and now he was immersed back into it with no escape possible. Not until he had discharged his duties as a son and an heir. For a woman who spent her entire life pretending he didn't exist. And now that she was dead, his whole life was turned upside down and he had no control over what was demanded of him.

"I would rather face 5 Klingons Warbirds than the contents of my mother's attic," Jim finally admitted. "It's stupid and I know it. I'm Captain James Fucking Kirk and I'm paralyzed by boxes. By boxes, Spock. I've faced life threatening world ending cataclysmic catastrophes and been less… affected. I can't face an attic filled with fucking boxes."

"I believe that I understand," Spock told him quietly.

"Then you need to explain it to me. Because I sure as hell don't understand it," Jim said, his tone bitter and hard.

"You are coming face to face with your past, t'hy'la. A past that no longer defines you. A past that can no longer be altered."

"No longer altered," Jim repeated, tasting the words.

"As long as your mother was alive, the possibility of a reconciliation existed. Now there is no such possibility."

"We would have never reconciled," Jim told him firmly.

"I acknowledge that. However, it is my observation that Humans often believe the future holds boundless alternatives, endless possibilities. That had the circumstances been 'just right' you and your mother could have found common ground. Made peace as it were."

"Made peace," Jim repeated, trying out Spock's words for himself. "When I was talking to first-Spock, on Delta Vega, he told me that in his time, my father had lived to see me become Captain. Which I took to mean that my mother was also still alive when it happened. First-Kirk must have known he was loved."

"Many things changed with the arrival of Nero," Spock agreed very quietly.

"I'm sorry," Jim said softly. "My loss in no way compares to yours. Mine's not even so much a loss as an…inconvenience."

"We have both suffered, Jim. I grew up knowing my mother loved me. My father did as well in his own way. He still does. I was no one's after-thought."

Jim nodded at that, silent for several minutes. "Are you sure you want to bond with me? I'm pretty much fucked up."

Spock shook his head and gave Jim his version of a smile. "I am aware."

Jim had to laugh at his answer, a strange sound breaking the silence engulfing them. "Not exactly reassuring there, love."

"I love you fully and completely, James T. Kirk. Under no circumstances could I love you more or want more to bond with you," Spock said, reaching over and covering Jim's hand with is own.

"That will do it," Jim said with a smile that finally reached his eyes.

"Do you love me?" Spock teased.

"Not really. I'm just using you for your body."

"That is acceptable," Spock said with a nod.

Jim laughed at his answer, leaning over to kiss him. "We could make love for the first time in my mother's bed."

Spock shook his head at that, a light in his eyes. "We could but we are not."

"I suppose that would be inappropriate," Jim had to acknowledge. He straightened with a small sigh when his communicator sounded, taking it out of his pocket. "Kirk here."

"Jim, it's Noulaul."

"Hi, Noulaul. Don from Piggly Wiggly call you?"

"He did. I need your statement. And the statement of…" there was a brief pause before he continued "Commander Spock."

"Of course," Jim agreed. "We're at the farm. Can you come out? Or should we stop by the sheriff's office?"

"I'll come there. I'm 7 minutes away."

"Alright," Jim said. "We'll be here."

"Very good. Koie out."

"We need to rent chairs for the service," Jim said absently before stuffing his communicator back in his pocket.

"Where does one generally procure them?" Spock asked.

"One of the funeral homes. I'll ask Courtney when we see her. She'll know where I can get them. And there is a small stone memorial in the town cemetery for George. I should add one for Winona," Jim said in resignation.

"Is there one for your brother?" Spock asked quietly.

"Not unless Winona put it there. I guess I should add one for him too." Jim turned his expressive eyes to Spock, studying him intently. "When I die, I want you to swear to me you won't add a memorial to me there."

"I will not," Spock assured him. "You will be appropriately acknowledged in the Starfleet Memorial Cemetery."

"That's okay then. Tell Bones just in case."

"I will," Spock said with a nod.

"When we get to San Francisco, would it be inappropriate to find an apartment? So we'd have a place on Earth that was our home?"

"I find the idea appealing," Spock said, considering it. "You do not wish to purchase a small house?"

"Eventually. But for now we need an apartment. So someone else takes care of the utilities. In case the toilet decides to overflow. We could sub-let it to someone teaching at the Academy, providing they were willing to get out when we wanted it."

"We could. But it is not necessary. I would prefer it remain ours alone."

"Ours," Jim said with a smile. "I like the sounds of that."

"As do I," Spock agreed, turning to watch the sheriff car pull up the drive. Jim stood and went out into the driveway, Spock following him.

"Jim," the deputy said, holding out his hand. He was shorter than Jim and much rounder, his belly soft and his cheeks plump. His short black hair was mostly hidden under his Smokey the Bear hat, his brown uniform monochromatic and well ironed, with sharp creases up the fronts.

"Noulaul," Jim returned. "This is Commander Spock."

"Commander," Noulaul responded with a nod. "Good to meet you."

"You as well, Deputy," Spock said with a slight incline to his head.

"Come on in," Jim invited, turning to return to the house. "You want something? Some coffee or iced tea? We have plenty."

"I bet," Noulaul agreed with a smile. "Mama said she'd bring some potato salad by once she knew when the service would be."

"Wednesday," Jim said, going into the kitchen when Noulaul requested a glass of tea. Jim automatically went to the cabinet that held the glasses without thinking about it, taking one out before filing it with ice. Once he'd poured the tea, they all went back out to the porch.

"You're looking good, Jim. Starfleet agrees with you," Noulaul observed, putting his hat under his chair before sitting.

"It does. You still enjoy being a deputy?"

"Sure do. Hope to run for sheriff one day. Once old man Burnes finally retires," Noulaul said.

"He still terrorizing the youth?" Jim asked.

"You know it. Purchased four more robocops to try and stop the drag racing. We told him he could buy 40 of them and it wouldn't help. But he doesn't listen," Noulaul said in resignation.

"Never did," Jim agreed.

Noulaul shook his head, taking his padd out and reviewing the information. "Frank's in the holding cell. Blood alcohol of almost .2 means he's in violation of parole. Drunk and disorderly. Disturbing the peace. Enough to keep him locked up for minimum of 10 days."

"I appreciate it," Jim said. "Noik said he thought Frank'd been sober for 2 years."

"He was. Until he heard about Winona. Mama thinks he used it as an excuse. Plus he knew you'd be coming."

"Yeah," Jim sighed. "It's a wonder he hasn't gotten himself killed before now."

"Fools and children, Jim."

Jim nodded, catching Spock's quizzically raised eyebrow. "God watches over fools and children," Jim explained to Spock's nod. Jim knew he didn't really understand nor would he ask about it any further. Not yet.

"What happened before you knocked him unconscious?" Noulaul asked.

"I didn't hit him, except with the milk," Jim said.

"Don said he was out cold," Noulaul said referring to his notes.

"I am the reason for that," Spock said, speaking up.

"You knocked him out?" Noulaul asked.

"Not precisely. I employed the Vulcan nerve pinch on him when he attempted to assault the Captain. It is quite effective without overt violence."

"I see," Noulaul said in respectful tones. "Quite effective is an understatement. Report says he was out for some time after we hauled him off to jail."

"It will do that," Jim agreed. "I've tried to learn it. But Humans can't generally do it."

"That's too bad. Be an effective law-enforcement technique."

"It would," Jim said. "Do I need come press charges?"

"No. Don did it. His signature is plenty. And since I have your statement. I'll send you the official version and you can return it with corrections or approval."

"Of course," Jim agreed.

"We'll send a copy to Ms. St. Peter, so she'll have the record," Noulaul said, Jim nodding.

"We're going to see her probably on Tuesday," Jim confirmed.

"Yeah. I guess you would need to settle up some things."

"We do," Jim agreed, some of his exhaustion coming through despite his best efforts to disguise it.

"If you want Mama to come over, you know she will. Help sort and… you know," Noulaul said kindly.

"I appreciate it. I'll let her know?"

"Of course," Noulaul said, standing up. "Unless there's anything else I can do for you, I need to be getting back."

"Thank you for coming," Jim said, also standing to shake his hand. "I think the service will be around 4. Can you come?"

"Of course I'll be here," Noulaul said, leaving the porch with Jim and Spock. "I'll see you then. Commander."

Spock nodded, watching with Jim as Noulaul left, a faint dust cloud following the car as he pulled away. "Come," Spock said.

"Come where?" Jim asked, his eyes squinted as he looked over at Spock.

"We are returning to the hotel where you will be going to sleep."

Jim shook his head at that. "There's too much to do."

"We are on leave, Jim. Starfleet specifically said we are not to return until we are ready. We may remain in Iowa and then San Francisco for as long as necessary." He held up one hand when Jim began to protest. "Your ship is in spacedock. Your chief engineer is fussing over every modification they are thinking of making. Your crew is safe."

"Fussing?" Jim laughed.

Spock shrugged one elegant shoulder. "Do you have further protests you would like to try and make?"

"No," Jim said. "Will you sleep with me?"

"If sleeping is all that we do, yes. We will pursue more interesting and satisfying activities at a later time. Possibly later today."

"If I have your promise," Jim said.

"Have I ever lied to you before, Captain?"

"Hmm…" Jim said, pretending to consider it. He laughed at Spock's raised eyebrow. "Okay. I concede."

"Wise," Spock said, returning to the house for Jim's jacket and the fruit basket. "Do you need me to drive?"

"No. I'm fine. I'm just sorry…." Jim stopped, looking over at him. "I know. Apologies are unnecessary and illogical."

"Yet very typical for you, especially in your current state of mind," Spock said, entering the rental with Jim.

"You didn't think it would get this bad, did you?"

"'Bad' in what way?" Spock asked.

"That I could be such a mess."

"I do not find you to be a mess. I see that you are coming to terms with a difficult and trying loss. Anyone in your circumstances would be undergoing the same emotional turmoil," Spock said.

"I guess so. You always think you know how you'd handle it until it actually happens to you," Jim said thoughtfully.

"As is often the case with life circumstances," Spock agreed.

"I hope so," Jim said. "When we get back, I want to see if I can reach Bones. You won't think that…."

"I will think that you miss him. That you have not been away from him for any length of time since you entered the Academy," Spock said when he interrupted. "And I also know that if he were here and I was not, you would be contacting me."

Jim laughed at that, glancing over at him. "You are right about that. Do you know what time it is on Ritilla?"

"I do not," Spock said.

"Okay. I'll try contacting him and see what happens. If I wake him up, he'll just grumble at me."

"A likely occurrence even if you do not awaken him," Spock said to Jim's laughter.

"Yeah. He can be contrary," Jim agreed.

"None of us take offense at it."

"Good thing. Chances are good he's never going to change," Jim said.

"My observation as well."

"I also need to contact Chris. Let him know about the service. Starfleet will want to send someone, don't you think?" Jim asked, glancing over at Spock.

"It would seem appropriate," Spock agreed. "As she was an active member of Starfleet. And your mother."

"And George's widow," Jim added.

"Indeed. Whose farm is this?" he asked as they drove by an entrance to another farm.

"Noulaul's parents. They are our closest neighbors. When things with Frank were especially unbearable, I'd sometimes go to their house. I'd stay as long as I could. But I didn't want him to come take it out on them."

Spock could only shake his head at that, still unable to comprehend an adult's intentional cruelty to a child. "That is why the Deputy said that his mother would come and help."

"Yeah. She and Winona weren't exactly tight. But Aleola would do everything she could to protect me."

Spock made no response to that instead looking out the window. How could Humans be so casual in hurting their offspring? Even those not biologically related who were entrusted to their care? In Vulcan society, children were cherished and nurtured. By parents and strangers alike. The idea of raising a hand to a child was anathema to all that Vulcan stood for.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: First and foremost, thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, and/or favorited "Ephiphany." Your responses and comments have been awesome! Do you KNOW how much I love getting reviews???? (Yeah, I'm pretty sure you do. So thanks!! :-)_

_This chapter is fairly short, by my standards. Mostly because Chapter 12 is going to be really long. It got away from me - to no one's surprise, I'm sure. I don't know when I'll get the next chapter posted. Real Life is about to demand its "pound of flesh" but I will update as soon as I can._

_Thanks again. Enjoy. And let me know???_

_

* * *

  
_

They remained wrapped in their own thoughts, a reflective silence between them until they reached the hotel.

"You did not wish to stop at the Piggly Wiggly?" Spock asked belatedly.

"We will tomorrow. I think we've caused enough excitement there for one day," he said as he collected the items they had gotten from the store while Spock got the fruit. "We can get milk and Dos Equis from room service."

"Very well," Spock agreed, following him to the elevator after they had turned over the keys to the valet.

When they entered the suite, it was to find a dozen flower arrangements present, the small table near the kitchen covered with fruit baskets of all types and descriptions. Jim sighed softly when he saw all of it, taking off his jacket and hanging it up.

"We will sleep for a time. Then we will deal with the attached cards," Spock said, gently guiding him toward the bedroom.

"Wait," Jim said, evading him enough to go to the computer. "I want to contact Bones. And Pike."

"Very well," Spock said, going over to sit by him. Neither were surprised that the indicator said that there were 4 messages awaiting their attention.

Jim took a steadying breath, activating the message program. The first was from Noik, explaining that he had seen to the deliveries and if they wanted other arrangements, please let him know and he would see to it. Jim typed his response, asking that further deliveries be held at the front desk until he contacted them at which time they could bring them up. The message program acknowledged the delivery of the message, Jim playing the next. It turned out to be from Aleola, repeating what Noulaul had said, that if Jim wanted her assistance with dealing with the contents of the house, he only had to let her know.

He kept that message, to reply to it later.

The third message was from Bones, checking in. He told them that it was 9 a.m. on Ritilla and to call if they needed him. The program indicated that he had called around noon their time so Jim tried the comm code, smiling when Bones actually answered.

"Hey," Jim said with a smile at the sight of his perpetually grumpy friend.

"Hey, Jim. How ya' doin'?" Bones asked, even from half a galaxy away studying his friend with all-knowing eyes.

"You know. I showed Spock the farm," Jim said with a shrug. "The memorial ceremony will be Wednesday."

"Good," Bones said with a nod. "Pike coming?"

"I don't know. I haven't talked to him yet. We figured someone from Starfleet would come."

"Without a doubt. How much weight have you lost?" McCoy asked with a frown.

"None," Jim claimed.

"Spock?"

"I am uncertain. I will however find out before the day is out," Spock assured him.

"Are you sleepin'?" Bones asked.

"Yeah. You know."

"Spock?" Bones repeated.

"It is somewhat disrupted and sporadic. However, recently it has gotten more restful. We will be taking the opportunity to sleep as soon as we contact the Admiral."

"Good," Bones said with a nod.

"How's your convention?" Jim asked just so Bones would scowl at him.

"Fine. Nothing you'd understand," Bones said in his typically irritable way. "Found some great new hyposprays I'm lookin' forward to tryin' out on you."

Jim just shrugged innocently at that. "You can't come to Earth, can you?"

Bones shook his head. "By the time I got there, it'd be time to leave."

"I know," Jim said with a sigh. "Had to ask."

"I understand. Why don't you go wash your face or brush your teeth?" Bones suggested.

"If you want to get rid of me, just say so," Jim laughed.

"Go," Bones ordered, smiling even so.

Jim nodded and left the sitting room so that Bones and Spock could talk about him in peace, something that should have irritated him but he found he could not be annoyed. He understood even if it did make him feel like a four year old being discussed by his parents. Loving parents but still.

Deciding his face and teeth were clean enough, he stripped off all his clothes and climbed into the bed, waiting. It wasn't too long before Spock came in the bedroom, studying him as he approached.

"Hey," Jim said, sitting up to accept Spock's light kiss.

"He is worried about you."

"I know," Jim sighed. "I'm okay. I promise."

"He said that if you need him to come, he will. He wanted to know from me what my opinion was."

"What did you tell him?" Jim asked, gently caressing the side of Spock's face.

"That you are stronger than you appear. That your emotions are multiple and conflicting. And that I have no doubts about your ability to undertake all that must be accomplished as you have always done."

"Thank you," Jim said, kissing him gently. "Get in bed with me?"

"I will. However, I will be wearing my sleeping pants."

"You spoil all my fun," Jim claimed.

Spock shook his head at that, disrobing as Jim watched in approval. "You need to sleep, Captain. Not undertake any strenuous activities."

"Having sex with you doesn't have to strenuous," Jim said.

"If we do it correctly, it will be," Spock replied, making Jim laugh much as he had planned.

"That's some sexy talk, Commander."

"Indeed. An area of expertise in which you can tutor me."

"Okay…wait. Did you just insult me?" Jim asked.

"Not intentionally," Spock said, looking down at him with a light in his eyes that Jim recognized.

"You're the one who dated the linguist," Jim pointed out.

"You are the one with the talented tongue," Spock said, making Jim collapse backward and cover his face with his hands.

"She told you?" he asked, incredulous.

"Nyota and I kept no secrets in the time we were together," Spock teased, entering the bed to lay next to him.

"I'm demoting her. And you too. I hope you can live on a yeoman's salary," Jim threatened.

"If I cannot, I am certain I can depend on the kindness of my Captain to provide for my needs."

"Maybe," Jim said, removing one hand to look at Spock. "Why did you two break up?"

"It was a mutual parting of the ways," Spock said thoughtfully. "I love her. I do not believe, in retrospect, that I was ever in love with her."

Jim nodded in understanding. "She loves you."

"Yes. As she loves you. Even when she claims otherwise."

"I know," Jim said. "I heard that you broke up with her. Is that true?"

"As I said, it was mutual. We knew that our relationship was not for the long term."

"I'd say I'm sorry. But I'm not really."

"Nor am I. I am with the person I am supposed to be with," Spock said with a light kiss.

"I sure am glad. I think that Bones should date Uhura," Jim said.

"It must be their decision," Spock scolded gently.

"Maybe they need a little push in that direction," Jim suggested with a familiar glint in his blue eyes.

"They do not. They will decide or they will not. Interfering never comes to good."

"Alright. Spoilsport," Jim complained, yawning before he could stop himself.

"Go to sleep. I will be here," Spock said, kissing his forehead.

"Did you check the fourth message?" Jim asked, his head nestled in his pillow, sleepy blue eyes looking up at Spock.

"It was from the Des Moines Registry. Acknowledging that they would be at your farm at 10:00 tomorrow morning," Spock said.

"Okay," Jim sighed. "We need to contact Chris when I wake up."

"We will," Spock assured him with a light kiss. "Sleep now."

"Mmm…" Jim responded, relaxing and very soon falling asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

As Jim slept, he dreamt that he was again a child, sitting at the round wooden table in the farmhouse, a tall glass of cold milk in front of him. On the table were freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, still hot from the oven. His mother was humming as she went about putting more dough on the baking sheet and checking the cookies still in the oven. Sam was eating the cookies a little faster than was Jim but he was older and that was his due. Jim worshipped Sam and his brother could do no wrong in his eyes, even eat more hot cookies.

As they enjoyed their snack, they talked about what they had done at school, their mother paying rapt attention to their stories, laughing at all the right places, giving advice, saying all those things devoted mothers say to their beloved children.

The dream began to fade as Jim got closer to the surface of wakefulness and he had to take a deep breath before he could consider opening his eyes. He knew it wasn't sweat making his cheeks wet and dreaded seeing the scorn in Spock's eyes when he realized it too.

"It is all right, t'hy'la. I am here," Spock soothed, caressing his hair and waiting to be acknowledged.

"I'm sorry," Jim said, one arm over his eyes.

"You have no reason to be. Your dreams are not within your control," Spock assured him, gently kissing his forehead. "Tell me."

Jim shook his head, taking another deep breath before lowering his arm and slowly opening his eyes. Instead of scorn, he found sympathy reflected in Spock's eyes, which might be even harder to handle. "Don't you dare feel sorry for me."

"I am not," Spock responded, backing up slightly.

"I can see it."

Spock shook his head, leaving the bed to go into the bathroom soon returning with a glass of cool water which he handed to Jim. "Do you wish me to stay?"

Jim shrugged, finishing the water and staring at the empty glass. That was an apt metaphor for how he was feeling right now. Empty. Drained. Missing a vital component that would make him useful. "I'm going for a run."

"All right," Spock said, taking a step backward so that Jim could leave the bed. He quickly dressed in his running clothes, leaving without another word. Spock knew that running was a coping mechanism and only wished they were engaging in a different type of physical activity that could also release his bent up anger and frustration.

Spock pulled on his clothes and sat at the computer, checking for his own messages. He had one from Mr. Scott, asking about renovations to some of the science labs. Spock sent him the instructions and said that if he could reach Lt. Sulu, he would advise him on the modifications to the botany labs. If not, Spock would provide Mr. Scott with the information as he had understood it.

There was also a message from the Interplanetary Astrophysics Society about the journal article he had submitted. It would be published in the upcoming edition, due to be out in the next six weeks. They additionally requested that he attend the next Biannual Conference to present his research to the gathered experts for their review. He couldn't make the decision to attend or not without first discussing it with his Captain so did not reply.

He reviewed three other messages before the door opened to allow Jim to enter. He crossed over to stand next to Spock, looking down at him.

"I love you and I don't want you to ever doubt that."

Spock nodded, studying his Captain. He looked calmer but also distant. As though those things he found most disturbing had been deeply suppressed, not handled in any constructive way. Spock knew he would not be open to any questions and so did not attempt to ask, except for the polite, inconsequential one. "How was your run?"

Jim shrugged, leaning down to kiss Spock on the head before going into the bathroom where he stripped off his sweaty clothes as the shower heated up. He looked at himself in the mirror wondering if he looked as God-awful to Spock as he did to himself. But then he doubted Spock ever saw anything but the man he loved. Those words brought a brief smile to Jim's face but it disappeared as quickly as it had come. Rather than consider his reflection any further, Jim stepped into the steaming water, hoping it would take away the rest of the tension he was not willing to admit was there.

He turned to the stall door when it opened, Spock silently joining him under the water. Jim put his arms around Spock's neck and kissed him as though his very existent was dependent on it. And at that moment, it was entirely possible that Spock was the only thing keeping him sane if not alive.

Spock's hands were everywhere, sliding over Jim's wet body, caressing, touching, learning. Their mouths were sealed, tongues battling for dominance and a need to taste the other. Between their bodies their erections grew firmer, trapped as they were between the hard bellies of the men. Spock's right hand slipped down their stomachs to grasp them both, stroking them into even harder need. Jim groaned into Spock's mouth, a sound of want and desperation and pleading.

Spock wanted to provide what Jim needed but didn't know if he had the requisite skills. _You can't do it wrong_ Jim had said. But the mechanics of this coupling were unfamiliar to him. Jim sensed his uncertainty, kissing him soundly before turning his back to Spock, his legs wide apart. Jim's forearm rested against the tile wall, his cheek on his arm. His free hand guided Spock's down the round curve of his ass, Spock emboldened by the silent permission, unspoken request. While his right hand grasped Jim's yearning need, his left skimmed lightly, too lightly, over Jim's skin, teasing, loving. Jim whimpered deep in his throat, his legs moving further apart in silent desperation. Spock's fingers traced down his crease, no pressure, barely a touch. Jim tried to back into Spock's hand, his touch no more than a promise.

When Spock grazed over Jim's opening, Jim gasped, looking over his shoulder, his blue eyes wide and yearning. The water cascaded over them, warming them and providing shelter to their need. Spock touched him more boldly, barely penetrating Jim's willing body. But he could not enter, would not cause his t'hy'la pain. Jim understood that hesitation as well, using his free hand to give Spock the soap conveniently available to them. Spock frowned at it momentarily before catching the urgency reflected in Jim's eyes. He wanted Spock and was not concerned about the possible stinging from using soap, this their first time.

Spock nodded once in acknowledgement, coating his palm before transferring the slick bubbles onto his hard erection. Certain he was thoroughly covered, he rubbed the soap onto Jim's opening, Jim moaning in unfulfilled desire. That small sound nearly drove Spock over the brink.

Leaning against Jim's hard wet back, Spock guided his need into the waiting warmth of Jim's body. Jim moaned at the penetration, a sound of pleasure and want, greed mixed with joy. Never had Spock thought one noise could signify so many emotions simultaneously.

When Spock was sheathed in Jim's body, he held very still inside and out to savor the sensation, relishing the feeling of becoming one with Jim, being surrounded by him, knowing him the way that he now did. Rinsing the residual soap off of his hand, he reached for Jim's meld points, hesitantly requesting silent permission. Jim understood, pressing Spock's fingers to the places that had previously been occupied by first-Spock.

Spock carefully entered the dynamic mind that was the very core his t'hy'la. Spock was entranced by the vivid colors and images that inhabited the thoughts of his love. There were memories of his childhood, thoughts about the ship and her crew, warming embrace of love that Spock knew was only his.

//Are you with me?// Jim asked, not certain if Spock could hear. He had not tried to communicate with first-Spock, overwhelmed by his presence and the information he was conveying. This meld felt different, not as… powerful but Jim wasn't entirely sure what that meant to him.

//I am here, t'hy'la,// Spock responded, kissing his neck as he carefully entered deeper into the essence that was Jim, his right hand still around the hard need of his love.

//You are… uhm… I can't breathe,// Jim whispered to him. He relished having Spock's thoughts but they were competing with his own, threatening to drown him out, making it hard to think, even for his body to control his vital involuntary responses. His erection had begun to soften, all sensation being submerged by Spock's presence.

//I apologize,// Spock said, backing slightly away, leaving more space between him and the core that was Jim.

//It's wonderful and mesmerizing,// Jim said when he could again sense himself. //Will you move? It's getting… uncomfortable.//

Spock kissed the back of Jim's neck once more, separating their minds further so they could both concentrate on the physical rather than the mental. Spock was still with Jim but it was a feather light touch. Jim felt the trickle of Spock's thoughts where as before his presence had been a waterfall, drowning out Jim's own existence.

//Water is an apt representation,// Spock said softly. He was stroking Jim's hard need in time with his thrusts, easing into a rhythm that was satisfying to them both.

Jim heard Spock's comment about the water but he could not respond, his entire focus on having Spock inside his body and stroking him. It was exquisite and fulfilling and brought with it completion. The physical aspects were deliciously familiar even though it had been several years since Jim had made love to man. Spock was larger than most and far warmer than any, his previous experience confined to human males.

//Is it appropriate for you to be thinking about that now?// Spock whispered inside Jim's head.

//No,// Jim admitted, moaning softly as Spock's strokes became harder, distracting Jim from any thoughts but those that had to do with the pleasure Spock was providing to him.

//Am I hurting you?// Spock asked, sensing some discomfort emanating from Jim's physical being

//A little. Because it's been so long. I don't mind,// Jim assured him.

Spock responded with a noise that sounded suspiciously like a purr, Jim trying to back further into his body. Spock's thrusts strengthened, driving Jim ever closer to the brink.

"Oh my God," Jim whispered. "Faster."

Spock complied, his strokes outside matching his thrusts until Jim clinched all of his muscles, the orgasm cresting over them in a wave of pleasure and gratification that neither had fully anticipated.

"Oh my God," Jim breathed, slipping down the wall, Spock descending with him, his right arm wrapped tightly around Jim's body until they were squatting beneath the cascade of hot water.

"Indeed," Spock finally said, his voice rough and unused. "It was…more than I had believed."

"Yeah," Jim agreed, turning to study Spock's beautiful face. "Yeah."

Spock's only response was to kiss Jim lightly, conveying all those things words could not.

"I want your thoughts again," Jim requested, staring at Spock's black eyes as though sight alone would return Spock's presence to him.

Spock nodded, slowly standing and lifting Jim with him. After turning off the water, Spock reached out for the towels, first drying Jim and then himself. He led Jim out of the bathroom and over to their bed, taking a moment to appreciate the fact that he could indeed think of it as _their_ bed. He sat with his legs folded before him, watching as Jim did the same. When they were face to face, knees touching knees, Spock reached for Jim's meld points, allowing a trickle of his thoughts to embrace Jim's.

//Do you sense me?// Spock as quietly.

//I do. Can I follow the stream to your side? So far you've been on mine.//

//Yes,// Spock responded, showing him the mental image of a meandering brook. //Follow the water.//

Jim did as instructed, crossing over the shallow water to the bank that represented Spock. He entered Spock's thoughts, not surprised at the orderliness of them. Each concept, every idea was filed carefully away in its proper place, no floating observations, no wisps of impressions that might get in the way of concrete consideration. //You are mentally very tidy,// Jim said, suppressing his internal laugh but knowing Spock felt it even so, the bubbles of amusement bouncing harmlessly off of his consciousness.

//Yes. That is why you can be so unorthodox in your thinking. It is not rigid and contained.//

//You can be original when you try. Where is the Human side of your thoughts?// Jim asked, careful not to rummage around places he sensed he was not welcome.

//Carefully restricted,// Spock told him.

Jim nodded inside his own head, following the stream back to his side, finding Spock's comforting presence still with him. //Are we bonded?//

//We are not,// Spock said. //When we meld during intercourse, it will grow into a bond. As of now you will be aware of me but you will not be able to read my thoughts. Nor I yours.//

Jim nodded again, leaning closer and kissing Spock. Bubbles of affection rose from their watery connection, tickling their minds with delight.

"I love you," Jim said against Spock's mouth.

"I know," Spock answered, licking Jim's lips and savoring the flavor.

"I'm sorry I was angry when I woke up."

Spock barely shook his head, his fingers threaded through Jim's wet curls. "You were not angry with me. I understand."

"I know you don't need me to apologize. But I need to tell you."

Spock nodded at that, his hand trailing down Jim's shoulder, touching him reverently, wanting to memorize the feel of his skin. "You are hungry."

"Yeah. Not great timing, I admit."

"I am simply relieved that you want to eat. You have not really eaten since we were with Admiral Pike."

"I know," Jim sighed. "I need to contact Chris."

"Yes," Spock agreed, kissing him gently, his fingers still skimming Jim's body. "Do wish to order from room service?"

Jim considered the question, having trouble concentrating as Spock continued to barely touch him. "Uhm…I think I would rather go down to the restaurant."

Spock nodded at that, leaning close enough to kiss him.

"Will you mind if I eat a steak?" Jim asked against Spock's mouth.

"I do not object, t'hy'la. It is what you need."

"I'll brush my teeth before I kiss you," Jim promised, demonstrating the type of kiss that would require him to use his toothbrush first.

"Yes," Spock said, no longer sure what question he was answering.

"Are you hungry?"

"I would welcome something to eat," Spock said, not surprised when Jim laughed at his answer.

"Okay." Jim took a deep breath, kissing him once more before leaving the bed. Spock also left, both dressing in casual clothes.

"Do you wish to contact the Admiral now or afterwards?" Spock asked when they both were ready to go downstairs.

"What time is it?" Jim asked.

"It is 4:45 here."

"Okay. I'll contact him when we get back up," Jim decided.

Spock nodded at that, checking that he had his key before leaving the suite with Jim. They went down to the restaurant, escorted right away to a secluded booth where they would hopefully not be disturbed.

"Once I joined Starfleet," Jim said thoughtfully after they had ordered, "I never thought I'd come back here."

"Life does not generally follow the course we anticipate," Spock observed.

"That's for damn sure," Jim had to agree. "I'm sure Winona never thought she'd be widowed with two small children."

"She had no reason to think of it."

"Yeah," Jim said.

"Was she… unkind to you?" Spock asked, wondering if Jim would answer.

"No. Not intentionally. Mostly she was indifferent. When she was on Earth. She was gone more than she was home. My grandmother mostly raised me and Sam until she died. And Maddie was there. And then of course there was Frank," Jim said with an unhappy sigh.

"When did they marry?" Spock asked.

Jim answered and began talking about what it was like to live with Frank, who was never satisfied with the efforts Jim and Sam made to keep peace. The slightest infraction of his never-ending rules was met with the most severe of punishments. Jim didn't elaborate but Spock had some idea what that meant.

Jim told him about driving George's antique car into the ravine rather than allow Frank to sell it, about his scuffles with the law, about Sam finally getting so fed up that he ran away. Spock could see the pain on Jim's face as he talked about his beloved brother, and knew Jim could not blame Sam for his sense of self-preservation.

Jim talked and talked, telling Spock things about his family he had never uttered to another soul, not even Bones. And the Doctor knew far more about James T. Kirk than did any other being alive. Spock listened and asked the appropriate questions, mostly letting Jim talk. Spock knew it was a catharsis for Jim, one he had needed for a very long time.

Jim's torrent of words finally slowed when they had finished dessert and Jim had had one too many glasses of the very fine wine the waiter had recommended. Jim looked at Spock, a little startled. "You haven't run away."

"I have no intentions of it," Spock promised, reaching over to cover Jim's hand with his own.

"Everyone else did," Jim whispered, unaware he was about to say those words until they were out of his mouth.

"I will not. Vulcans do not scare easily and I scare less easily than do most," Spock said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Jim nodded, looking into the black eyes that saw all of him and still loved him unquestioningly. "Thank you."

Spock nodded in acceptance, his love and understanding transmitted through their joined hands.

"Did you gentlemen want anything further?" the server asked when he stopped once more by the table.

"We just need our check, please," Jim said, looking up at him.

"Compliments of the hotel, Captain," the server said with a smile.

"That's entirely unnecessary," Jim protested.

"In gratitude, sir," he said, clearing away the last of their dishes before leaving them once more to themselves.

"Well," Jim said with a shrug.

"Indeed," Spock agreed. "Are you ready to return upstairs?"

"Yeah. Providing I can walk after all I ate," Jim said, sliding out of the booth to walk next to Spock.

They went back up to their suite, Jim contacting Pike who responded almost immediately. "Jim. Spock. How are you?"

"I'm okay," Jim assured him.

"As am I, sir," Spock agreed.

"Good. How are things going there?" Pike asked kindly.

Jim explained some of what had already occurred including their encounter with Frank at the Piggly Wiggly, Pike nodding. "So he'll be in jail until you leave?"

"I think so," Jim said. "I'm going to see Courtney on Tuesday probably. I'm sure she'll see what she can do to keep him locked up."

"That would be for the best," Pike agreed.

"We're having a memorial service on Wednesday," Jim said. "Do you think Starfleet will send someone?"

"They'll send me, Jim. I'll make sure," Chris said.

"I appreciate it, Chris. I don't have a dress uniform with me," Jim said.

"Okay. I'll bring you one. Spock?" Chris asked.

"I will need one as well, sir. I have only a standard uniform."

"Not a problem. I'll bring one for you both."

"Thanks," Jim said. "Do you want to spend the night here? We have two bedrooms but we're only using one."

"This is new," Chris laughed.

Jim shrugged, his cheeks turning lightly pink.

"But not surprising. Congratulations on finally realizing it," Pike said with a broad smile.

"Yeah. You know," Jim said with a shrug.

"I do know. I've known for some time," Chris assured him. "What time will the service be?"

"At 4 our time. So by the time everyone leaves the house, it could be late," Jim said.

"You are certainly welcome to stay with us, sir," Spock added.

"I have a meeting Thursday morning but if I can get out of it or reschedule it, I'll stay over," Chris decided.

"Good," Jim said with a nod. "Do I need to go wash my face so you and Spock can talk about me?"

Chris laughed at his question, shaking his head. "No. McCoy called a little while ago. I talked about you with him."

"Okay. You know everything he said was a lie, right?" Jim laughed.

"Yeah, he warned me you'd say that," Chris responded with his own laugh, his face lighting up.

"He would."

"Is there anything else you need, Jim?" Chris asked a little more seriously.

"No. I think I'm okay. It's just a lot, you know, to deal with," Jim admitted.

"I know it is, son. Which is why you are to stay in Iowa as long as it takes. You aren't expected back until you're ready."

"I know," Jim agreed. "If I had my druthers, I'd go back to Enterprise right now."

"Understandably," Pike agreed. "You'll be back soon enough. Don't rush through this process. I know you aren't feeling it right now, but one day you'll see this as a milestone. Don't risk regretting the process."

Jim nodded, studying Pike with intense blue eyes, hearing even more than the Admiral was saying. Chris had in some way - at some time - been where Jim was now. That had never occurred to him before and he found it oddly comforting. "I'll live in the here and now. For as long as I can manage."

"Very good," Pike agreed. "And if you need anything at all, you only have to let me know."

"I remember. And I appreciate it," Jim said with a nod.

"Very good," Chris repeated.

With additional assurances that he would contact Chris if he needed anything, even just to talk, Jim signed off, turning his gaze to Spock, finding his presence to be the most reassuring that he could ever imagine.

"Are you ready for bed?" Spock asked Jim softly, caressing the side of his face.

"It's still a little early, isn't it?" Jim asked.

"You have not been sleeping. I know you are still exhausted."

Jim laughed at that, shaking his head. "I see. And how do you know these things?"

Spock just raised one eyebrow in response, studying his love's face, seeing the lines around his eyes that always spoke of interrupted sleep and too many things weighing on his mind.

"Okay," Jim conceded. "I am tired. Are you sleeping?"

"Not yet. I will come to bed and read."

Jim nodded at that, standing up and looking down at Spock. "We have to be at the farm by 10 to talk to the newspaper. And before we go, I need to contact Courtney."

Spock nodded, standing to kiss him gently. "We will take care of it all."

"Okay," Jim repeated with a sigh. "God, why does it have to be so complicated?"

"I do not know. But life changes always are," Spock said as he followed Jim through _their_ bedroom and into _their_ bathroom. "I need to go for my toothbrush."

Jim laughed and shook his head. "You're welcome to use mine. Not like you have to worry about my germs."

"True," Spock agreed, emptying his bladder as Jim brushed his teeth. They traded places before returning to the bedroom to strip out of their clothes and climb into bed, Spock with his padd.

Jim lay on his side, looking up at Spock propped up against the headboard. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing of any importance. The Interplanetary Astrophysics Society informed me that the article I submitted would be published in the next edition of their journal. They also invited me to present my research at the next conference. I am about to decline their invitation."

"Why? When is it?" Jim asked, his right hand resting on Spock's thigh.

"It is in five months. On Muxylu. I had considered requesting permission from my Captain to attend but have changed my mind."

"Why? Do you think your Captain will say no?" Jim asked.

"I have no way of predicting my Captain's response. As I do not plan to elicit it, it is of no consequence."

"I can say with a fair degree of confidence that had you requested permission to attend, you would have received it," Jim said with a sleepy smile.

"That is reassuring."

"So why aren't you? Asking?"

"Primarily because of the distance to Muxylu. While I have no way of knowing where we might be at the time of the conference, the planet is still located in an extremely remote portion of the galaxy. I would be away from my Captain for an extended period of time to facilitate my attendance."

"I see," Jim said thoughtfully. "And what's your research on again?"

Spock explained it, Jim asking periodic questions until the soothing sound of Spock's voice lulled him to sleep, a deep and restful sleep thankfully devoid of disturbing dreams.

* * *

_A/N: I got a temporary reprieve from Real Life and thought I'd post this chapter while no one was looking! Hope you enjoy it. The next chapter may be in about a week. Hopefully sooner._

_You know how I love reviews. And I love those of you who review my stories. Okay, I still love you if you don't review._


	13. Chapter 13

"Jim," Spock's soft voice said, the sound accompanied by gently caressing fingers carding through his hair.

"Uhn," Jim groaned quietly. "You're going to tell me I have to get up, aren't you?"

"I am," Spock agreed with a kiss. "We need to leave the bed to dress."

"Uhn," Jim groaned again, turning over so his face was buried in his pillow. "No."

"If you do not get up shortly, there can be no coffee for you," Spock warned into one rounded ear.

"Fine," Jim said into the pillow.

"I know you do not mean that, t'hy'la. We have an hour and a half to dress and get to the farm before the reporter is due to arrive."

"You go. Tell him anything you want. Make it up."

"You certainly are cranky this morning," Spock said gently, kissing the back of his neck.

"Yeah? So?" Jim asked with a pout, turning his head enough to look up at Spock. "Maybe I'm always like this in the morning. Maybe you've just never seen me like this."

Spock shook his head at the words, kissing Jim's warm, pink cheek. "I have accompanied you to the Bridge during enough late night emergencies to know that you are fully capable of waking instantly when it suits you. You choose not to wake up in this instance."

"Shut up," Jim requested, looking up at Spock with a twinkle in his blue eyes.

"Is that an order, sir?"

"Would it help if it were?" Jim asked, rolling onto his back to look up at Spock.

"No," Spock admitted, leaning down to kiss Jim's mouth that was slowly curving into a much more characteristic smile. "Do you wish to shower before we go?"

"Nah. I don't care what the Des Moines Registry thinks. Maybe if I look like hell, they won't insist on publishing my picture."

"First of all, Captain, you would need to skip many more showers before you would like anything remotely like 'hell.' And secondly, they can easily obtain your official Starfleet picture should they wish to have one accompany the article."

"Yeah," Jim said with a shrug. "Sometimes being a Captain sucks."

"And sometimes a Captain sucks," Spock said, making Jim laugh.

"Oh yeah," Jim agreed. "And sometimes Captains teach their First Officers _how_ to suck."

"Lessons which I look forward to receiving," Spock assured him with a kiss.

"Okay. We have to stop talking about it if we're ever going to get to the farm."

"Indeed," Spock agreed, leaving the bed and the room to find his casual clothes. When he entered the sitting room fully dressed, it was to find Jim also ready, dressed in black jeans and a green button-down shirt. "Are you ready, sir?"

"Sir?" Jim asked with a laugh, approaching Spock to kiss him lightly. "Where did that come from?"

"I was thinking about our relative positions on our ship," Spock admitted. "And the changes that might occur because of our more recently acknowledged relationship."

"Ahh…" Jim said in understanding. "How we'll be t'hy'la and officers."

"Yes. You have considered it as well?"

"Of course. I thought about it a lot when we were on the Dierdre. I decided it won't really change anything. Because you are the finest first officer ever."

"You cannot know that with any degree of certainty," Spock teased, kissing him not-so-lightly.

"Alright. When we get back, I'll do the research and prove it."

"It was not a challenge, sir. Merely a statement."

"Hmm," Jim responded, putting his arms tightly around Spock in order to really and truly kiss him. Spock reciprocated until they had to break apart in order to breathe. "That may have been a mistake."

Spock took a careful stop back, providing the necessary distance between them. "I apologize."

"No please don't. I don't regret it. You know that," Jim said, looking at him with a mix of love and amusement shining in his bright blue eyes.

"I do know," Spock assured him. "Are you planning to contact your lawyer?"

"Yeah," Jim sighed. "I need to."

"You talk with her and I will go down for a cup of coffee."

"You don't drink coffee," Jim laughed.

"Perhaps I will begin to do so," Spock replied before leaving the suite, Jim's laughter following him.

Jim sat at the computer, contacting Courtney's office. A man about the age of Chekov responded, looking decidedly unfriendly and most unhelpful. "I'd like to speak with Courtney," Jim requested.

"Ms St. Peter is unavailable," the man who reluctantly identified himself as Kyle Vernon told him.

"Then I'd like to leave her a message," Jim responded, an edge of impatience creeping into his voice.

"She is accepting no new clients," Mr. Vernon told him somewhat smugly.

"Good for her," Jim replied, not bothering to hide his sarcasm as he said it.

"Is that all?" Mr. Vernon asked impatiently.

"I'd like to speak with Courtney," Jim said as though they hadn't had this conversation just seconds earlier.

"And I said she is unavailable," Mr. Vernon retorted.

Jim's eyes narrowed as he looked at Mr. Vernon, studying him closely. "Don't you think _she_ might want to decide whether or not she has the time to speak with me, young man?" Jim asked, a hint of his Captain voice coloring his tone.

"**I** don't know you. Therefore you are not one of her clients. She is not accepting new cases. Our conversation is therefore concluded."

"Don't you at least want to know my name before you hang up on me?" Jim asked, barely disguising his annoyed amusement.

A look of anger briefly washed over Mr. Vernon's face and Jim could see him taking a deep breath. He couldn't help but wonder if Courtney knew this was how he treated callers to her office.

"Fine," Mr. Vernon said in obvious exasperation. "What is your name?"

"Jim Kirk," Jim replied simply. That answer was met with a derisive laugh.

"That's a good one. And I'm Admiral Christopher Pike."

"No. The real Admiral Pike is still asleep in San Francisco. He will, however, be here on Wednesday for the memorial service for Winona Kirk. A service at which Courtney will be in attendance. At my farm which Courtney will assist me in selling to Starfleet," Jim told him, the other man's arrogance and self-importance draining a little more with each word Jim said to him.

"Let me connect you directly to Ms St. Peter," Mr. Vernon finally said in a very quiet voice, the voice of someone who recognized what a gigantic mistake he had just made.

"I appreciate it," Jim said, waiting as his face faded off the screen. A little more time elapsed than strictly necessary before Courtney appeared, a smile of apology on her face. She was what Maddie would call a "handsome" woman, not beautiful in the traditional sense. She was a couple of years younger than Winona would have been, and had been Jim's attorney since the first time he was arrested at far too young an age. Her mostly-grey hair was held back from her face with twin clips, the free ends brushing against her shoulders, her grey eyes studying Jim knowingly.

"He confessed," she said with a laugh.

"He always so self-important?" Jim asked her.

"I honestly don't know, sweetie. He's from a temp agency. Delores is having her third baby any day now. I thought it better she not deliver this one in the office."

Jim laughed at that, shaking his head. "You are a taskmaster."

She shrugged at that, studying him from his screen. "You okay, sweets?"

"Yeah. You know," Jim said.

"I do know. Can you come by this afternoon? Three o'clock?"

"Sure. Did you hear about Frank?"

"I did," Courtney agreed. "Sheriff Burnes assures me he will remain in custody at least for as long as you are here. Probably after that. Whatever your friend did to him took quite a bit of the winds out of his sails."

"A nerve-pinch will do that," Jim agreed. He looked over at the door as it opened to admit Spock bearing two cups and several muffins. "Spock will be with me when I come."

"Of course. I'm looking forward to meeting him," Courtney said with a smile for Spock when he sat next to Jim. "Commander."

"Please, call me Spock," he requested to her nods.

"Thank you," she agreed. "Do you want me to come to the farm early on Wednesday?" she asked kindly.

"If you don't mind. Chris Pike is coming. Tyrl will preside. Don't bring any food," he laughed.

"I won't. I'll make a donation to the Starfleet Survivors and Orphans Fund," she promised.

"Good. I appreciate it. Can you take care of the death certificate? Or do I need to talk to the county clerk about it?"

"I'll handle that. Should I plan to get to the farm at 3? Will that be okay?"

"That will be just fine, Courtney. I really appreciate it."

"I think you know that there's not much I wouldn't do for you, sweetheart," she reminded him.

"I do know. Will you bring Vladimir with you?"

"If he's not in court. I don't think he has anything scheduled in his courtroom after 2 on Wednesday. When we talked about it last night, he said he'd try to keep his docket clear," she said.

"Good. How are the kids?" he asked with a smile.

"Wonderful, as you would except. Alex is in Moscow this term. He's loving it. Stacy is slowly trying to take over Sacramento State, and I expect her to succeed any day. And Patrick will finally graduate from law school in May. He thinks he's going to come practice with me," she laughed.

"That's a no?" Jim asked.

"He got out of Iowa, sweets. There is absolutely no reason for him to come back."

"Except his mama's here. And his father. I doubt he'll ever leave again," Jim predicted.

She nodded at his words, smiling sadly at him. "I really am sorry about Winona."

"Thanks. As you might imagine, I'm having some mixed feelings about the whole thing."

"I know you are. So you aren't eating and you're barely sleeping," she said.

"You been talking to Dr. McCoy?" he asked with a laugh.

She shook her head at that, laughing at his. "Of course not. But I know my Jimmy Kirk."

"You do," he had to agree. "We need to get going. Some reporter from the Des Moines Registry is coming out to ask a bunch of nosey questions."

"You are Captain James T. Kirk, sweetie. There's no such thing as nosey questions any longer."

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Do you need me to call them and reschedule to a time I can be there?" she asked in a firm voice which warned any listener that she was not a woman to be taken lightly.

"No. I'll be fine. Spock will be there," Jim said, smiling over at him. "And Maddie will be there."

"Alright. I'll see you this afternoon at 3."

"You sure will," he agreed, disconnecting after saying his farewell.

"Another member of the James T. Kirk fan club," Spock teased, not that anyone else would have readily recognized that that was in fact what he was doing.

"Not really," Jim said with a shrug, turning to face Spock. "She's always been very good to me."

"As I can tell. Are you paying for the education of her children?"

"Only indirectly," Jim laughed. "Thanks for the coffee."

"You are most welcome. I asked that the rental be brought to the entrance for us."

"Thanks," Jim said, standing to stretch. They made sure they had their keys and their jackets before leaving the suite to drive to a local moving company, purchasing a couple of dozen boxes before continuing on to the farm. They each remained mostly wrapped in their own thoughts until they arrived, taking several of the boxes in with them. Maddie greeted them in the kitchen with a smile and a fresh cup of coffee for Jim.

"You finally sleep?" she asked Jim, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah. You know," Jim said with a shrug.

"I have some idea," she agreed with a smile. "Would you like a cup of tea, dear?"

"If it is of no trouble, ma'am," Spock agreed politely.

"Of course not. The kettle'll take just a minute to reheat," she assured him, turning up the burner under it.

"The Des Moines Registry will be here at 10," Jim reminded her, sipping his coffee.

"They called a little while ago," she agreed. "I said you would be here."

"Thanks," Jim said. "You're going to be close at hand, right?"

She put her fists on her ample hips, studying him with a familiar gleam in her eye. "Captain James Kirk. Worried about a _reporter_."

"He isn't coming about me. He's coming about Winona," he told her.

"No he isn't, Jimmy. He's interested in you, not your mother."

"That's even worse," Jim decided.

"You became very adept at interviews," Spock told him, accepting the tea from Maddie. "Thank you."

"That doesn't mean I liked doing it," Jim protested.

"Well. There's no getting out of it, my dear," Maddie told him, shaking her head affectionately.

"Yeah," Jim agreed with a shrug. "I'm going to see Courtney today at 3. We'll read Winona's will."

"Alright," Maddie agreed. "I don't expect there will be any surprises."

"I wouldn't think," Jim said. "And Admiral Pike is coming for the memorial service."

"That's nice for you," Maddie said, turning to busy herself with the dishes in the sink.

"It is unkind to tease her," Spock said quietly.

"She doesn't mind. Do you?" Jim asked, kissing the back of her head.

She turned around to swat him with a dish towel, her only response to his question. "What are you doing with the furniture, sweetie?"

"I hadn't gotten that far, honestly. Is there any of you want? They don't allow brass beds on starships."

"Shame, really," she said.

"I suppose so," Jim said with a shrug. "Do you want it?"

"I hadn't thought about it," she admitted. "I'll talk with Tyrl and let you know."

"Of course. And if the kids want any of it, you know they can have it."

"I do. I heard about Frank, dear," she said, her disapproval of his step-father clear. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Maddie. He'll probably be in jail until I after I leave."

"Best place for him. Should have never been released to start," she said in anger.

"I know," he sighed.

"Did you really knock him out with the milk?" she asked with an unmistakable tone of pride in her voice.

"I hit him with the milk. Spock rendered him unconscious with a Vulcan nerve pinch," Jim said, glancing over at Spock who was listening to their exchange with barely disguised amusement.

"Either way, he deserves to be unconscious the majority of the time," she agreed.

"I couldn't agree more," he responded. "Where can I get chairs for the service?"

"I'll call the McCarthy Funeral Parlor. How many do you want?" she asked. "100?"

"Do we need that many?" he asked, considering it.

"With you and Spock here we will, honey. I'll see about a few tables too. So we can set them up in the backyard. Don't need all God's children traipsing through the house," she said firmly.

"Okay. We have enough food, right?" he asked, looking at the food that seemed to have multiplied since the time they had been there the day before.

"Yes, we have plenty. You don't need to be worrying about that," she said.

He nodded, refilling his coffee cup and looking out the back window. He was vaguely aware of Spock and Maddie talking quietly but he couldn't seem to focus on what they were saying.

Something about needing 100 chairs seemed so excessive. He had practically raised himself, with Maddie's help. His mother had no time for him and the neighbors generally referred to him in dismissal as "that Kirk boy." Now those same neighbors who had mostly turned their backs to him would be coming to his mother's memorial service and signing her praises. Before it was over, he'd be the son of Mother Theresa. And Maddie was right – they would come out of curiosity and nosiness and the need to see for themselves. Not out of any sense of respect for Winona, or mourning for her passing. Purely for the spectacle of it. "That Kirk boy" couldn't possibly be the same person as Captain James Kirk of the Flagship of the Federation.

He wasn't that person any longer. He had grown up. Saving the universe did that to a man. Maybe that's what it was. He left a boy and he returned a man. And for that he would be eternally grateful to Chris Pike. He hadn't seen "that Kirk boy" in the bar. Chris saw potential and promise. And, Jim thought, he had fulfilled that promise. Yeah, he was sure he had.

If he could hold out until this was over, he could go back to being Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise and all of this would be in his past. Just like "that Kirk boy" was his past, one that no longer defined him. That's what he had to remember. And he knew Spock would help him to keep that knowledge in the forefront of his thoughts.

"Jim?" Spock asked quietly when he stood next to him. Spock was studying the Captain as Jim continued staring out the window.

"Lost in thought," Jim admitted, looking over at him, his blue eyes clouded.

"There is much to consider," Spock agreed.

"Where'd Maddie go?"

"To contact the funeral parlor," Spock explained. "What do you want to do until the reporter arrives?"

"What time is it now?"

"9:33," Spock responded.

"Okay," Jim said, taking a deep breath. "What did we decide yesterday?"

"The attic. As the majority of your mother's effects are stored there."

Jim shook his head. "Not yet. After he leaves we'll tackle it."

"Very well," Spock said. "The living room?"

"Yes," Jim agreed, leading him into it, each carrying two boxes. They folded them out, using the sturdy packing tape the moving company had provided to them. That small chore done, Jim sipped his coffee and looked at the bookshelf that took up nearly an entire wall of the living room. "Can you believe there are this many real books?"

"Many people prefer the tactical experience of actual paper," Spock observed. "Are any of these from your youth?"

Jim tilted his head to read the spines, picking a bright green book with red letters. "This is one of my all time favorites," he said with a smile that was a reflection of the happier childhood memories. "_Green Eggs and Ham_."

"That seems…disturbing," Spock commented, leaning a little closer to see the cover. "Why would anyone eat something so oddly colored?"

Jim laughed and opened the book to the first page. "That's what the narrator says. He doesn't like green eggs and ham. But Sam I Am wants him to try it."

"To what ends?"

Jim shrugged, looking fondly at the familiar words. "I always thought it was about getting children to try foods they automatically turn their nose up at. Because in the end, the narrator _does_ like green eggs and ham. Sam I Am was right along."

"As one's parents would be," Spock said.

"Something like that," Jim agreed. "It always made me laugh. The words and the rhymes and the general silliness of it."

"Do you wish to take it with you back to the ship?" Spock asked, accepting it to look at the words and bright illustrations.

"I don't really care. It's just paper and a cover."

"It is much more than that, Jim. It is a memory. A memento of the happier days of your childhood. Did your mother read it to you?"

"No," Jim said.

"I apologize," Spock said, retuning the book to its place.

"No, don't. Apologize, I mean. It's not your fault that… well. It's not your fault."

"Nor is it yours," Spock reminded him.

Jim took a deep breath, studying all of the books still arrayed before them. "I would like this one," he said, taking down a thick volume of Shakespeare and handing it to Spock.

"Certainly. It is quite lovely."

"It is," Jim said, putting it in the box before returning his attention to the shelves.

"What will you do with the ones you do not wish to keep?"

"I have no idea," Jim admitted. "I have no idea what I'll do with any of the contents of the house. If Maddie doesn't want the furniture, what am I going to do with it?"

"Would Starfleet not need the house to remain furnished?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Well. I'll talk to Chris on Wednesday. He can help us decide what should stay and what I need to get rid of. I guess the books can stay too. The cadets that study here can read them."

"That is true," Spock said, looking over as Maddie entered the living room.

"Okay, sweetie. I asked them to bring 100 chairs and 8 8-foot tables. They're going to bring a tent too. For the food."

"We need plates and cups and silverware," Jim said.

"I'll stop by Piggly Wiggly and get them. You don't need to worry about it."

"Okay. There's enough in the house account, right?" Jim asked.

"There's plenty. That's not a concern. Do you want me to pick up some wine?"

"Sure. If it's not inappropriate."

"I'm pretty sure everybody will be glad of it," Maddie told him.

"Okay then. I'll be glad for some."

"You taking these books with you?" Maddie asked, looking at the titles.

"A couple of them. This one," he said, showing her the complete works of Shakespeare already waiting in the box. "Not most of the rest."

"I can see how you'd have to leave them," she said with a nod. "You want to donate them to the library in town?"

"I was thinking of just leaving them. Since Starfleet is going to use the farm as a living classroom."

"That's a fine idea," Maddie agreed. "When I go to town, do I need to get more boxes?"

"I think we got enough at the mover's," Jim decided, looking around the living room.

"Alright, dear," Maddie said.

"Jim, a car has arrived," Spock said, Jim nodding and returning to the kitchen. All three of them went to the porch to watch a woman unfold herself from the front seat and cross over to the house. She wore sensible shoes and khaki pants that looked like they had seen better days. Her hair was unnaturally black, a color that did not exist in nature. She sported a blue woven shirt and a vest of the type generally worn by old-time war correspondents. Jim hoped it wasn't a sign of hostility that she was attired that way.

"Oh my," Maddie said quietly, Jim thinking the same thing. He could feel Spock tense slightly where he stood just barely touching Jim's shoulder.

"Well," was all Jim could think to say, watching the woman climb the steps.

"Is this the Kirk residence?" she asked in a booming voice, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand, her eyes crinkling as she squinted at them.

"It is," Jim agreed, crossing the porch to open the door. "Come in."

"Thank you. I'm Marcia Spangler from the Des Moines Registry," she explained as she entered the porch, as though they could not tell she was a reporter.

"I'm Jim Kirk. This is Spock. And Madeline Grant."

Marcia Spangler nodded and studied them with an intensity that Jim found slightly unnerving. "I am sorry about your mother's passing, Captain."

"Thank you," Jim said hoping he disguised his surprise at the sincerity of her words. "Won't you please come into the kitchen?"

She nodded again and Jim gestured at the open kitchen door, allowing her to enter first, followed by Maddie, Jim, then Spock. They sat at the table, except Maddie who bustled about, making a fresh pot of coffee and reheating the kettle for Spock's second cup of tea.

Ms Spangler sat her oversized canvas bag on the floor, extracting a padd. "Will it be all right if I record our conversation, Captain?"

"Sure," Jim agreed, glancing at Spock who nodded.

"It will make it easier for me to write the article," she said, studying him again.

He wondered briefly if he had spinach caught in his teeth but since he didn't eat spinach, that seemed very unlikely. In fact it occurred to him that they hadn't eaten at all yet. Not that it was at all relevant.

Maybe her contemplative expression was because she was trying to decide how best to begin the interview. He thought he might be right when she finally spoke again. "I know you've been interviewed countless times," she said, her voice more modulated. She had apparently realized that there was no need to try and be heard over the enemy fire.

"We've had our share," Jim said.

"Not everyone saves the Universe," she said evenly.

"Thankfully," Jim responded, looking at Maddie when she stood next to him.

"Would either of you care of a cup of fresh coffee?" Maddie asked after giving Spock his tea to his thanks.

"Yes, please, love," Jim agreed with a warm smile.

"Ms Spangler?" Maddie asked.

"Thank you, no. If I could trouble you for a glass of water, I'd appreciate it," she said.

"Certainly," Maddie agreed, getting Jim's coffee and Ms Spangler's ice water. "I'm going upstairs, sweetheart. Let me know if you need me," she said, kissing Jim's head.

"I will. Thanks," he replied, watching her walk out of the kitchen, taking some of her warmth with her.

"How long will you be in Iowa?" Ms Spangler asked Jim, sipping her water and studying him over the rim.

"We're not entirely sure," Jim told her. "We think until Thursday or Friday. Once we finish up everything that has to be done."

"I see," she said with a nod. "You are on leave?"

"Starfleet granted us bereavement leave," Jim confirmed.

"They granted it to you both?"

"I chose to accompany the Captain to Earth," Spock said, deciding that was enough of that particular topic. "I was granted leave to do so."

She nodded at that, tapping her padd lightly. "We know you're here on a sad errand, tying up your mother's affairs after her tragic death. How would you describe your mother's influence on your life and career?"

"Inconsequential," Jim replied.

She looked up at him with open curiosity. "You didn't join Starfleet in order to follow in her footsteps?"

"No I didn't," Jim said. He knew she was waiting for something more but there wasn't any more he had to say about that subject. That would undoubtedly make him come across as a cold-hearted bastard but he wasn't going to lie to her or her reading public.

She realized she wasn't going to get any more of an answer than that and took a different tact. "You originally came into the public eye in a pretty splashy way, saving Earth from the rogue Romulan Nero, for which we are all extremely grateful. What would you like to tell our readers about what you've been up to lately?"

"Exploring strange new worlds. Seeking out new life and new civilizations. Going boldly where no one has gone before," Jim said, seeing the dissatisfaction reflected once again on her face.

"Isn't that the mantra of Starfleet?"

"I suppose. Many of our missions are classified, Ms Spangler. We take the Starfleet motto as our general orders. Since we left Earth, we've discovered 21 new planets, of which 7 were inhabited. We did not visit any of those because they did not have warp capability and to do so would violate the Prime Directive. We've been to 28 planets that do have warp capability." He paused at the expectant look on Spock's face.

"31 planets, sir," Spock corrected.

"Of course," Jim laughed. "You would know precisely. Of those," he paused to look at Spock. "12 joined the Federation?"

"Yes sir. 12 joined. 4 more are considering it. 9 requested we leave and never return. You were injured on 7 of those away missions."

"You were injured?" Ms Spangler asked.

"Comes with the job," Jim said with a shrug. "Fortunately we have the best CMO in the fleet."

"CMO?" she asked purely for clarification, he was certain.

"Chief Medical Officer. Dr. Leonard McCoy," Jim explained.

"And the other 6 planets?" she asked.

"Two of those expressed mild interest in our presence," Spock said. "Four asked that we leave without overt violence of any type."

"That's our preferred way to be asked to leave," Jim said. "Politely and with no projectiles or weaponry."

"I can see how you would prefer that," she agreed seriously. "What would you say is the most rewarding part of being the captain of a starship?" she asked, reverting back to what Jim had taken to calling inside his head as 'reporter mood.'

"My crew. They are the best in Starfleet. We're younger than most and some would say less tried. But we are one cohesive unit, working seamlessly and sometimes without having to speak."

"Your crew is younger than the average," Ms Spangler agreed, glancing at her padd. "There's probably something to be said for all that youthful energy."

"I think so," Jim agreed. "We are smart, disciplined, skilled."

"As is obvious from the successful outcomes of the majority of your missions," she agreed. "What is the biggest challenge you face as Starfleet's youngest Captain?"

"The same challenges as faced by the more veteran Captains. Keeping the crew healthy and alive. Losing any member of the crew is losing a member of the family. We are well trained and cautious but that doesn't mean a whole lot when faced with a mob who thinks you are evil incarnate."

"That happens a lot?" she asked.

"The mobs? Or crew deaths?"

"Angry mobs," she clarified.

"Rarely," he said. "But it does happen. If our sudden appearance does not conform to their belief system, or confirms some of their superstitions, they believe we are their version of Satan. Those are the most dangerous planets to visit. Where there is a sudden and unexpected eruption of anger."

She nodded at that. "All of us in Iowa are proud to say that you're one of us. What are some of your fondest memories about growing up here in the Hawkeye State?"

Jim considered that question a moment, glancing over at Spock. What could he say in response to that? Lying never came to good. But neither would telling the truth in this instance. "The beautiful white winters," Jim said, those words the solemn truth. "I still miss snow. I visit snowy planets whenever I have the opportunity. I also miss the wide open spaces. As much as I love serving on a starship, there are times when it _feels_ closed in. In Iowa, you never feel boxed it. You can see forever. Looking out of the windows of the Enterprise you can see forever too. But it's in a different way.

"I also miss the smell of Earth. The smell that gets in your clothes and hair. The bright sunshine on your face. And swimming in a pond on a hot summer day."

"I can see how you would miss Earth," she agreed with a smile that took years off of her face. "Have you visited many planets that resemble Earth?"

"We can only go on away-mission when we visit class M planets," Jim said. "So they all have some components of Earth. The atmosphere. A sun to provide light and nutrients. But I can honestly say that no planet we've visited is as beautiful as Earth. Probably a Human prejudice."

"That's really interesting," she said with a nod, glancing briefly over at Spock but not addressing the almost-expression on his face. "You are both a Starfleet captain, _and_ the son of two Starfleet officers. What would you say to a young person here in Iowa who might be considering Starfleet as a career choice?"

"The usual – stay in school. Study hard. Take lots of math and science. Don't get in any serious trouble. Apply for Starfleet Academy as soon as you can. It's a wonderful experience. Exemplary instructors. Challenging work. And if you do go to Starfleet Academy, it helps if your best friend is a doctor," he laughed.

"So he can smuggle you on board?" she asked with a smile.

"It helps," Jim agreed.

"We are all grateful that he did so," Spock said evenly. Jim at least detected the faint humor in the words but was sure that Ms Spangler didn't hear it.

"Do you still think he cheated?" she asked Spock with a smile that softened her words.

"I am of two minds about then-Cadet Kirk's actions," Spock said. "I do not believe he should have changed the programming to the test. I also believe that he was correct in his assertion that he does not believe in no-win scenarios. His faith has saved many of our crew countless times."

"And Earth," Ms Spangler added with a nod.

"Indeed," Spock said.

"Do you think you cheated?" Ms Spangler asked Jim.

"Cheat is an awfully strong word," Jim said lightly. "I believe I evened the playing field. My point was that there is always an alternative if you try hard enough to find it."

"Or create it," Spock added, laying his hand on Jim's knee under the table and infusing Jim with warmth and affection. Which was welcome but distracting. Not that he minded especially.

"Yes," Ms Spangler said with a nod. "I think I speak for the citizens of Earth when I say how much I appreciate the fact that you didn't think facing Nero was a no-win scenario."

"It could have been," Jim acknowledged. "I regret that we couldn't save Vulcan. That's the true tragedy."

"It is," Ms Spangler agreed. "I have heard that Vulcan II is taking shape fairly well."

"It's slow going but they are making progress," Jim said. "The Federation is doing everything possible to make sure the colony flourishes."

"Would you consider requesting reassignment to the colony, Commander?" the reporter asked.

"My place is on the Enterprise," Spock answered. "My father is working with the resettlers. As are many experts on colony formation. I do not believe my presence would in any way enhance their efforts."

Ms Spangler could only nod at his words, looking from Spock to Jim and back to Spock. If her eyes held a new light of recognition, Jim chose to ignore it. At least until she asked her next question. "And all of our single readers would be upset if I failed to ask you this important question: Is Iowa's favorite son and most eligible bachelor still on the market, or have you found a special someone?"

Jim chuckled at that. "Thank you. It wasn't so long ago that parents warned their children about being seen in public with me. But as to your question, if I could keep my private life…private, I'd appreciate it."

"There is something you don't want to tell?" she asked with a laugh.

"Now, Ms Spangler. If I answered that question, you'd know the answer to the first one," he said with all of the considerable charm he had at his disposal.

"True. Can't blame me for asking," she said lightly, and little flirtatiously, he thought.

"It's your job. And my job is public enough without discussing my personal life too," he said with a smile that generally guaranteed he got what he wanted, even from Spock.

Ms Spangler nodded at that, turning off the recording and putting away her padd. "Thank you for your time, Captain. Commander. The Registry has assigned me to cover your mother's service. So I will see you again on Wednesday."

"Thank _you_," Jim said, standing as she did, Spock going out of the kitchen with them.

"The service is at 4:30?" she asked when they all stood on the porch.

"4:00," Jim corrected.

"4:00 o'clock, then," she said, holding out her hand to shake Jim's. "I'll see you on Wednesday."

"Certainly. You know how to get back, right?" he asked, opening the door for her.

"I do. Thanks again." She went across the drive and entered her car, driving off with a final wave.

When she was safely gone, Jim turned to Spock and laughed.

"Jim?" Spock said, one eyebrow raised in curiosity.

Jim just shrugged and went to the bottom of the steps. "You can come down, Maddie. She's gone." He could hear her vague snort and the sounds of her crossing one of the wooden floors. "Let's go back into the living room," Jim suggested, Spock automatically nodding in agreement.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Whoa - this chapter got a little out of hand. I didn't mean for it to be quite this long. But they were very busy and I couldn't rein them in. Our reward is the s-e-x they have at the end of this chapter! Hope you enjoy reading it half as much as I enjoyed writing it!! Let me know? Thanks!!_

_

* * *

  
_

They spent the better part of the day sorting through all of the items in the living room, the den, and the kitchen, their cleaning and sorting interrupted when Maddie insisted that they stop long enough to eat lunch. After they ate, Jim went upstairs into Winona's room to discover that Maddie had done the majority of that cleaning already.

"These boxes are for charity," Maddie explained, pointing to the 3 packed boxes. "This one is to be thrown out. And these two, you'll need to sort through," she said gently. She sniffed as she looked around the nearly empty bedroom, stripped of all the signs that it had been inhabited.

"Thank you for doing this, love. I know it was hard on you," Jim said, kissing her head.

She shrugged at his words, looking up at him. "No way you could do it, baby," she said, wiping her eyes and nose with a crumpled tissue.

"Aleola would have come and done it," he told her, one arm around her shoulders.

"I know. But it was my place. Winona was…." She stopped, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, Maddie."

"Me too, baby. Me too."

They carried the boxes to be sorted down with them, putting it with the others. By the time they had to leave for the appointment at Courtney's office, there were 6 total boxes of donations, 7 bags of trash to be disposed of, and 2 smaller boxes that Jim would arrange to have put in storage. Those boxes contained mostly photo albums along with a few mementos of his childhood. There was an even smaller box that Jim wanted to take back to the Enterprise with him. It held a picture of his mother, his brother and him in happier times. There was also a picture from Winona's bedroom he wanted. It was taken right after his mother married Frank, looking beautiful and content. He had debated about whether or not he wanted it but the expression on her face was so lovely, he didn't have the heart to leave it behind.

After washing off the dust that inevitably accumulated despite Maddie's best efforts, they said their good-byes and drove back to town to meet with Courtney. Jim found a convenient space on the street where Courtney's office was located, leading Spock to a brick building that had a hardware store on the street front.

"Your lawyer's office is in a hardware store?" Spock asked when they stopped before it.

"No," Jim laughed, going past the window front. "Her office is above it," he explained, pointing at the door between the hardware store and the cheesecake bakery next door. The door was old-fashioned wood, with a grainy window at the top on which was painted 'Courtney St. Peter – Attorney at Law.'

"I see," Spock said, following Jim through the door and up the wooden steps that creaked beneath their feet.

When they reached the top of the steps, they came to a second door that had a buzzer next to it. "Yes?" came the response when Jim pressed the button.

"Jim Kirk here to see Courtney," Jim said into the antiquated speaker. His words were followed by the buzzing of the lock, and he pushed open the door to enter the outer office. It was old fashioned in some ways, wooden floors gleaming in the afternoon sun that shone through the huge picture window that overlooked the street. Beneath the window were several comfortable chairs and a coffee table with magazines. Opposite the window was situated a large desk with two computers, behind which sat a young man, presumably Kyle Vernon.

"Mr. Kirk," Kyle said, standing up to greet him.

"_Captain_ Kirk," Spock corrected, making Jim smile on the inside.

"Yes, of course. I apologize," Kyle said with a nod. "Ms St. Peter is expecting you." He turned to the hallway, leading them back to Courtney's office.

She stood when they arrived, smiling broadly at them. "Jim," she said, hugging him before releasing him to study him with a knowing eye. She finally nodded, turning her attention to Spock.

"Courtney, this is Commander Spock. The finest First Officer in Starfleet. And my best friend," Jim said warmly.

"Commander. It's good to make your acquaintance," Courtney said with a very warm smile.

"Thank you. It is good to meet you," Spock returned.

"Would you like some coffee, Jim?" Courtney offered, gesturing to two comfortable chairs in front of her desk.

"No, thanks. I would take some Pepsi if you have it."

"Of course I do," Courtney agreed with a smile. "Commander?"

"Nothing for me," Spock said.

"Kyle, please get the Captain a Pepsi. And I'd like a glass of water."

Kyle nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

"He didn't insult you again, did he?" Courtney asked with a charming laugh.

"Not this time," Jim assured her with a return smile.

"Good," she nodded.

"He did call the Captain **Mr**. Kirk," Spock said with what Jim knew was a hint of amusement.

"That was his nervousness," Courtney assured them. "He's a little star-struck. As we all are."

"Not you," Jim said. "You've seen me too many times at my worst."

"You are no longer that person, Jim. You haven't been for a long time," she assured him.

"Thanks, Courtney. Frank thinks I am," he said ruefully.

"Frank's an idiot," Courtney reminded him. "And he'll be kept safely behind bars for the next 3 months. Vladimir had a chat with a couple of his judge friends. Suggested that Frank should have never been released to start with. No improprieties were involved, mind you. Just unclear thinking when he was given early release."

"Tell him thank you for me," Jim requested, accepting the glass of Pepsi when Kyle returned with it.

Courtney accepted her water with a nod of dismissal. "I can't really thank him, sweetie. I'm not supposed to know," she laughed.

"Ahh…" Jim said with a smile.

"How was your interview with the Des Moines Registry?" Courtney asked conversationally.

"Fine. They sent Marcia Spangler. Seems decent enough. It didn't last especially long," he said with a shrug.

"I've read her work," Courtney said with a nod. "She is always balanced and even-handed. She'll do right by you."

"She said the Registry assigned her to the memorial service," Jim sighed. "I guess we have to expect more press than just her."

"Seems likely," Courtney said in sympathy. "Winona was your mom."

"Yeah. And George's widow," Jim had to agree.

"That's only secondary, sweetie. The press will be coming because of you, not your father."

"I prefer they didn't come at all. And how do they find out so fast? Is there some secret memorial service underground?"

"There may be," Courtney agreed with a warm laugh. "I haven't gotten any calls from any other news services. So maybe the Registry will be the only one in attendance."

"Starfleet will undoubtedly send a reporter," Spock commented.

"Probably. But he'll be respectful and distant. And if he isn't, Chris will talk to him," Jim said.

"Admiral Pike is coming?" Courtney asked.

"He is," Jim agreed. "Will you discuss selling the house to Starfleet with him?"

"I'll talk with him," she agreed. "I'm looking forward to meeting him."

"He's truly one of a kind," Jim said with a smile.

"So I've heard," Courtney said with a nod. "I have Winona's recorded will and testament cued up to play, sweetie. Are you ready to watch it?"

"Yeah. When did she record it?" Jim asked.

"Eighteen months ago. She had to change it after the divorce went through but she kept putting it off. John Sebastian wanted to know why you weren't coming to his office to view it but I said you were coming here and that was that."

"Thank you," Jim said, glancing at Spock. "Mr. Sebastian was Winona's lawyer. He was never shy in letting me know that he thought I was worse than useless. Especially when I asked Courtney to represent me instead of him."

"It is important to have a lawyer whom you trust," Spock said to Jim's nods.

"That's for sure," Jim agreed, looking back to Courtney. "Should we go into one of the viewing rooms?"

"That's not necessary. You can watch it right here," she said, picking up a remote and pressing one of the buttons so that a screen descended from the break in the ceiling tiles above the side wall of her office. Once it was all the way down, she pressed a second button and a note that said something about "John Sebastian, Esq. Attorney at Law" showed up on the screen. That image faded away and the face of Winona Kirk appeared.

"I know it's cliché to say, but I guess if you are watching this vid, it means I've died," she said with a slight smile.

Spock could feel Jim's tension at the appearance of his mother's face, his face completely still and blank. Spock could only imagine what Jim was thinking as he watched his mother continue.

"I hope that Jim has come home to see this. I can't say I'd be entirely surprised if he didn't but it would be nice if he were in Iowa. Being a Captain is hard work so if you are having to watch this aboard your ship, know that I understand."

Jim's expression did not change at her words, his expression still impassive.

"The written and signed version of my will has all of the required legal language. Do know that I am in sound mind and body as I record this. And it does represent my wishes for such a time as I have died.

"I leave to Tyrl and Madeline Grant the sum equivalent to three years of their salaries. If they choose to leave the farm as a result, that is certainly understandable. They have been tireless, devoted employees and I could not have wanted for better people to help with the farm. Or as better friends.

"To Boston, Morgan, and Arnessa Grant, I leave each of them one year of their parents' salary. It won't pay for all of their college but it will help. I also leave my heartfelt gratitude for their presence in my life.

"To my son James Tiberius Kirk, I leave all of my other worldly possessions, without exception.

"And I'm sorry, Jim, but when I was preparing this will, Mr. Sebastian discovered that you can't sell the farm. I know you won't ever return to Iowa permanently and this is an inconvenience to you. But if you try to sell it, the state of Iowa can claim ownership. Your grandfather Tiberius wanted to make sure it remained the property of the Kirk family and arranged with the state to seize it should any remaining Kirk attempt to sell it. If you never have children, it will transfer ownership at your death to a distant cousin in Minnesota. I asked Mr. Sebastian to see what he could do, but there is no way to alter the terms of the property title." Winona paused, knowing that he would need a moment to absorb her words.

"Please take care of yourself, Jim. You deserve only the best from life."

And with that, the image of his mother faded from the screen. Jim barely knew what to think. Mostly what he was thinking was 'what the hell?' He couldn't sell the fucking farm. He couldn't get rid of it. It was his. Great. Just fucking great. Tied to Iowa forever.

"Jim," Spock said quietly, one light hand on Jim's arm.

"Unbelievable," Jim said a little harshly. "Un-fucking-believable."

"I'm sorry, Jim. When I read her will, I did look into it," Courtney said. "If you try to sell it, Iowa will claim the property. And even though I know you don't need the money from the sale, you still don't want them to seize it."

"Why in God's name would he do that?" Jim demanded.

"I don't know, sweetie. It's unusual, I'll grant you that. Vladimir thinks it's because he didn't want George to join Starfleet and this was his way of keeping him tied to Earth."

"And Vladimir can't do anything about it?" Jim asked.

"No. He tried. He called Senator Blackraven and the Senator said it's ironclad. You try selling the farm, it belongs to Iowa."

"Okay," Jim said, taking a deep breath. "Okay. But I can lease it to Starfleet, right?"

"There's nothing to stop you from leasing it," Courtney agreed.

"That's something, at least. Pike said they wanted to make it a living classroom. So it will still be a farm. And Starfleet will be responsible for it. I'll lease it to them for the cost of the property taxes."

"That will be fine," Courtney said with a nod.

"Can you write up that agreement?" Jim asked her.

"I can. I'll ask Heidi Greenleaf to review it," Courtney said.

"Okay. Make sure that anything that happens on the farm is Starfleet's problem. The well run dries – I don't want them asking me what to do. It's their problem. Not mine."

"I will, sweetie. You will be a true absentee landlord. If there is anything they absolutely cannot decide for themselves, they can contact me," Courtney assured him.

"Thank you," Jim agreed.

"If they make money from the crops, what becomes of the profits?" Spock asked.

"It will go to Starfleet, right?" Jim asked Courtney.

"It can. You can receive a portion. A percentage."

"Do I need to ask for that?" Jim asked in curiosity.

"It doesn't really matter," she said. "Most landlords include the provision so that they know how much the farm is making. But in this case it probably isn't necessary. Since you don't care and Starfleet will undoubtedly use the profits on the farm."

"True. Can I make sure that the profits assist the farm?"

"Of course," she agreed.

"Good. Will the students receive a stipend?"

"That's up to Starfleet, dear. Do you want to include that as part of the leasing agreement?"

"Perhaps that is a question for the Admiral," Spock suggested.

"Yeah – that makes sense," Jim agreed. "You can wait until I talk to him on Wednesday, right?"

"Certainly. It will take a few days to draft the agreement at any rate. I'll have it done before you leave."

Jim nodded at that. "And can I appoint you to act in my stead?"

"Of course," she confirmed. "I'll draw up that paperwork too."

"Thanks," Jim said. "It might have been nice if she had mentioned this to me."

"I know, Jim. And it's entirely possible she tried. I understand you weren't exactly communicative with her," Courtney said mildly.

"I did read all of her messages. Maybe not as soon as I got them. But eventually," Jim said with a shrug.

"I don't blame you, dear. No one does. Not even Winona."

Jim nodded at that, taking a deep breath. "What else do we need to do?"

"Nothing else right now. You'll need to sign the paperwork once it's drawn up. I'll do everything I can to have it done by Wednesday so that the Admiral can also sign it. Then I'll register it with the state."

"Thanks. When will you have Winona's death certificate?"

"I'll have it for you on Thursday."

"Alright. Does her will have to be probated?" Jim asked with a frown.

"I can be appointed executor for you in abstenia. I'll draw up those forms for you. Vladimir can adjudicate them while you are still here."

"There is no conflict of interest in his presiding?" Spock asked.

"No. It's purely a formality. Jim can't stay on Earth long enough to take care of all of it. So I can be made executor for him."

"Good," Jim said. "I guess I'll be giving you power of attorney, as my attorney."

"Something like that," she agreed with a light laugh.

"Okay," Jim agreed. "I think I'd like to put a memorial stone in the cemetery for her. By George's. And one for Sam if Winona didn't do it. Do you know the process for that?"

"I'll call the cemetery, dear. If you need to purchase the plots, I'll have them bill me. And you can talk to the monument maker here in town. Mr. Bachman did George's. Or his father did."

Jim nodded at that. "His building still at the corner of Maple and Greer?"

"It is," Courtney agreed.

"Do you know if Winona put a stone in for Sam?"

"No I don't. I can ask the cemetery. They'll know."

"Oh. I guess I need to contact them now. So I can stop at Mr. Bachman's today," Jim said.

Courtney nodded at that, connecting with the cemetery as Jim waited. She asked Jim's questions, learning that the Kirk family already owned sufficient plots, and George's stone was currently by itself. Once Jim arranged with Mr. Bachman to have the new stones made, Mr. Bachman could have them delivered. It was a simple matter and one for which Jim did not need to be present.

"Thank you for your help, Mrs. Dobson," Courtney said as she disconnected. She called the monument maker, learning that Mr. Bachman was in fact at his shop and would gladly talk with Captain Kirk about his needs. Twenty minutes would be very convenient to him, if it was equally convenient to the Captain.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Bachman," Courtney said, listening briefly. "Yes, Judge Kozlov will be hearing your suit. I am not permitted to say more than that. You know that…..yes, I'll tell Captain Kirk…. Of course…. Goodbye," she said, finally able to disconnect.

"Vladimir is hearing a case involving Mr. Bachman?" Jim asked in curiosity.

"It's an old lawsuit between the Bachmans and their former stone supplier. It's complicated and frankly stupid but the Bachmans won't let it go," she explained with a shrug.

"They always have been a stubborn lot," Jim agreed.

"Sadly. Vladimir wants to throw them all out of his courtroom every time they appear but that would be unseemly," she admitted with a laugh.

"I can imagine," Jim said, standing. "Thanks for everything, Courtney. I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you."

"The same as you always do, dear. Find a way to make it work out. That's why you are Captain Kirk," she reminded him fondly.

He laughed at her words, shaking his head. "From anyone else, that would feel like an insult."

"You know I don't mean it to be," she scolded with a smile. "Call me if you need anything else. And we'll see you at 3 on Wednesday if I don't see you before then."

"I will call," he agreed, hugging her lightly and glancing at Spock. "Anything else you can think of?"

"Not presently," Spock said.

"It was lovely to meet you, Commander," Courtney said, walking them out to the main door.

"You as well, Ms St. Peter," Spock returned politely.

"Please, call me Courtney. We are practically family," she said with a charming smile.

He inclined his head at her words. "If you will call me Spock."

"I will be delighted," she said, opening the door for them. "Try to stay out of trouble."

"I'll do everything I can," Jim laughed, leading Spock down the steps and back out onto the street.

"What does she mean, 'practically family'?" Spock asked as they walked down the sidewalk.

"Courtney is very perceptive. She knows."

"Knows?" Spock repeated.

"That I'm head-over-heels in love with my First Officer," Jim told him with a smile.

"And how did she discern this fact?"

"I told you. She's very perceptive. She knows me better than practically anyone. Except you and Bones."

"And Admiral Pike," Spock added, making Jim laugh.

"Yeah. The monument company is on the next block. Let's just walk over there."

"Very well," Spock agreed, walking down the street with Jim, curious glances coming their way. He wondered if the people in the town recognized them or if they were simply interested in the two strangers. "We seem to be creating some interest."

"You think?" Jim laughed. "Chances are good they recognize us. Or at least you. I'm sure they can't imagine that I'm Captain Kirk. But you are pretty distinctive."

"As are you," Spock said, a hint of admiration in his voice.

Jim laughed at his words and his tone, shaking his head. "But not unique in Iowa."

"Only in so far as you are not a Vulcan in Riverside. Otherwise you are, as Dr. McCoy is fond of reminding you, truly one of a kind."

"Except he's insulting me every time he says it," Jim laughed.

"He has unusual methods for demonstrating his true feelings."

"That's for sure," Jim agreed, turning the corner to walk down the next block. It didn't take particularly long for them to come to the monument makers, Mr. Bachman the junior in the workroom to greet them. Certainly he knew from the records the type of stone that had been used for George's monument. Not everyday they carved a memorial stone for an intergalactic hero. And certainly they would be able to match the stone for the two new ones. Not precisely of course. Then there was the weathering that would distinguish the new from the old but still. Did the Captain have a particular quotation or scripture in mind for the two stones?

That question gave Jim pause. Placing the stones was the right thing to do. What they should say was an entirely different matter. He looked at Spock in some surprise, his mind threatening to close down at the unexpected necessity of deciding.

"What is on the first Captain Kirk's stone?" Spock asked smoothly.

"Engraving of the Kelvin. And a quote from Albert Einstein - _Only a life lived for others is worth living,_" Mr. Bachman explained.

Jim nodded at that. Albert Einstein might not have been his first choice but it seemed fitting.

"Did your mom have a favorite poem, maybe?" Mr. Bachman asked in a tone that implied he often had to ask such a question.

"Probably. I don't know what it would be," Jim admitted, looking at Spock. "I should ask Maddie."

"It seems likely that she would know what would be appropriate," Spock agreed. "And for your brother?"

"He was a great fan of the book _The Little Prince_ and its author, Antoine de Saint-Exupery," Jim said thoughtfully, remembering happier times with his brother. "One quote he used to repeat to me seems fitting: 'He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.'" Jim looked at Spock who nodded.

"It seems to represent your feelings very well," Spock said in agreement.

"We've used it once before," Mr. Bachman said. "Good way to express what you're thinking."

"All right," Jim said with a nod. "Do we need to decide anything else?"

"Not at present," Mr. Bachman said. "I'll send the invoice over to Ms St. Peter to be handled. Take us 'bout 4 weeks to finish the stones. I know you won't still be around. I'll check with Ms St. Peter about puttin' them in the cemetery?"

"She'll have all the details," Jim agreed. "And I'll let you know about Winona's inscription tomorrow."

"That'll be fine," Mr. Bachman agreed. "Can't get a start on it until we get the stone from the quarry."

"Of course," Jim said with a nod. "I appreciate your help."

"Not at all, Captain. Thank you for contacting us."

Jim nodded again, and he and Spock returned to the rental and drove the short distance back to the hotel.

Once in their suite, Jim went to the window, looking out silently. He sensed Spock moving around the sitting room behind him but he was so wrapped in his own thoughts, he couldn't really be bothered to consider what it was Spock was doing.

Maybe thinking wasn't such a good idea. It just managed to make him angry all over again. Angry at his mother for not caring. At his father for dying. At his brother for disappearing. At the universe for the way his life had turned out.

He slowly turned from the window to find Spock sitting at the computer, studying whatever it was on the screen. He sat with his back ramrod straight, his head tilted ever-so-slightly to the right, his left ear in perfect profile against his black hair. Watching Spock filled Jim with love, gratitude washing out the anger. Spock loved him and he loved Spock. That truth made up for a whole lot of wrongness the universe had visited on him.

When he stood directly behind Spock, he wrapped his arms around him and whispered into one perfect ear. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing of any importance," Spock assured him, his hands on Jim's arms in confirmation and warmth.

"So if I suggested we _take a nap_, you would be willing?" Jim asked, kissing Spock's exposed neck and licking up the point of his ear.

"More than willing," Spock whispered breathlessly.

Jim unwrapped his arms and held one hand out to Spock who gladly took it in his. The touch transmitted to Jim Spock's love and warmth and no small amount of desire, which made Jim unreasonably happy.

"Is it wrong for me to be so happy?" he asked Spock as they entered the bedroom.

"It is not. You have had more unhappiness in your young life than most people will ever experience," Spock said.

"I don't feel so young," Jim admitted, kissing Spock before he could respond.

"I understand that," Spock said when he could, when Jim's tongue was no longer taking up all of the space in his mouth.

They continued to kiss as they undressed each other, hands everywhere, gliding, touching, soothing. When they were both gloriously bare, they went as one to their bed, laying down face to face so that they could continue their caresses and their kisses, hot and needy, slow and languid.

"I wish for you to enter me," Spock whispered against Jim's mouth before closing the distance once more.

"You sure?"

"I am. I know that the first time will be…uncomfortable. I am not concerned."

Jim nodded at that, kissing him again and stroking the inside his mouth with his tongue, tasting all of the flavors that were Spock.

"When was your first time?" Spock asked.

"I was 15," Jim said, feeling Spock's tiny shock at that. "I had been arrested for… uhm… I don't remember. I was in county lock-up for eight weeks."

"With adults?" Spock asked.

"Yeah. It was the fourth time I was arrested. The first three times I was sent to juvenile detention but kept running away," Jim said with a shrug. He lay on his back, remembering his first experience, not wanting to tell Spock but knowing he could not keep it a secret. "There was this older guy. At the time I thought he was in his 40s. But he probably wasn't much older than I am right now. He protected me from some of the worst thugs. And in trade, I…."

"You traded sexual favors for protection," Spock said calmly, rubbing ideally up and down Jim's stomach, not getting close to his semi-erect cock.

"I didn't have a lot of choice," Jim confirmed. "Once he claimed me, I was safe. It wasn't great when he forced me to have sex with him but it was better than having the living shit beat out of my every day."

"It was about survival," Spock said.

"Yeah. I wasn't sure I even wanted to survive but I was useful to him. He ran the black market and I kept track of his ledgers. Who owed him what. What he owed to his customers. He taught me a lot about surviving not just jail but life on the outside. He reminds me of Pike. Not that Pike would ever be arrested. But he took me on to raise, as they say."

"He did a remarkably good job," Spock said, kissing Jim. "I should not have asked."

"No. You need to know," Jim said him, enjoying his kisses. He was thoughtfully quiet for a moment, reflecting on how fate could twist and turn. "Ambassador Spock told me that first-Jim was sent to Tarsus IV about the time I was arrested. He didn't tell me what had happened but it was apparently pretty terrible."

"He provided you no details?"

"No. I didn't ask. He wanted to know if I had been sent there. When I said no, he changed the subject. I had the feeling it was something they didn't even talk about very much." Jim looked up at Spock, shrugging lightly. "His past wasn't mine. And I'm not especially proud of _my_ past but I'm not going to hide it from you. It made me who I am."

"And for that I am grateful," Spock said.

"You wouldn't have like me very much then," Jim said with a smile. "But then you didn't like me very much when you first met me."

"An error I have since corrected," Spock said with a kiss.

"But I didn't care that much for you either," Jim laughed. "You were way too rigid. And too distant."

"I was," Spock agreed. "Too Vulcan."

Jim shook his head at that. "No. That wasn't it. I think I was a little scared of you. Not physically even though you did try to kill me."

Spock shook his head at those words, kissing him. "Must you remind me? Now of all times?"

Jim laughed at him, reaching up to kiss him. "You didn't succeed. And I was my fault. I stopped being scared of you when you kissed Uhura right before we beamed to the Narada."

"My kissing Nyota changed your mind?"

"Uh huh," Jim said, somewhat distracted by Spock's kisses on his jaw and ears. "You obviously cared enough about her to kiss her in front of me and Scotty. So you weren't a total hard ass after all."

"I am not," Spock agreed. "I can assure you that I have deep and abiding emotions for you. Love, admiration, desire among the most prominent."

"Is desire an emotion?" Jim laughed before Spock silenced him with a kiss.

"Do you have any other impertinent questions you think it appropriate to ask?" Spock teased, kissing Jim in such a manner that there was no way he could possibly respond coherently. Not unless 'oh… uhmm….yeeeaaaahhhh….' was considered an answer.

Spock kissed and nibbled his way down Jim's writhing body, feeling the pleasure echoing through their barely formed bond. It magnified his own pleasure and he wanted to do everything possible to keep Jim incoherent.

"Ohhh…" Jim moaned, his hips lifting on their own. "I'm going to come soon if you don't stop."

"Mmm…" Spock answered, returning to Jim's mouth to kiss him soundly. "How should we do this?"

"Uhmm…" Jim looked up at him, his eyes unfocused. "Well…"

"Do you know what it is I am referring to?" Spock asked, kissing him again.

"Making love. Me entering you," Jim said with a hot and loving smile.

"Yes," Spock agreed, reaching over for the lubricant they had left in the drawer of the nightstand.

"You must want it badly if you are ending your sentences with a preposition," Jim teased. Spock chose to ignore him except for biting his collarbone, making Jim yip. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Mmm…" Spock barely responded, using his hot, angular tongue to sooth the mark he had left on Jim's skin.

"The best way is with you on your hands and knees. Not the most elegant position, but for the first time it makes the mechanics simpler," Jim said, his right hand caressing Spock's erection in such a way that Spock was likely to agree to almost anything Jim suggested.

Spock nodded against Jim's skin, licking and kissing him. "That seems…"

"Logical?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"Appropriate," Spock corrected, silencing him with a long, lingering kiss which left Jim breathless and only barely coherent. "Are you always so impudent when making love?"

"No," Jim laughed. "Just with you."

"How fortunate for me," Spock said in a rare display of his sarcastic side, one which Jim knew full well existed but was almost always hidden away as carefully as his emotions. Did sarcasm count as an emotion? He'd have to ask Spock... "Come back to me, t'hy'la," Spock whispered into one round ear.

"I'm sorry," Jim said before kissing Spock to make up for any possible hurt feelings his momentary drift might have caused, not that he thought that it was a real concern from the look on Spock's face and the dilation of Spock's pupils. He was on the edge and it wasn't the edge of anger. "Is that way okay?"

"Yes," Spock agreed, kissing Jim once more before going up on his hands and knees. If his desire for Jim hadn't already set his blood ablaze, he might have agreed with Jim's assessment that this was not the most seemly stance to assume. But it hardly mattered to him, even less so when Jim crawled in place and put both hands on his back.

"I'm going to touch you," Jim whispered, kissing his ass lightly. "Let me know if I need to stop or slow down."

"Yes," Spock whispered back, looking over his shoulder to see Jim's face. Jim smiled at him before turning his focus to kissing Spock, his hands stroking Spock's back, loosening the tension that he found under his palms.

"Relax, love. I'm not going to hurt you," Jim coaxed, kissing him again. "Take a deep breath." Spock complied, looking down his body when Jim wrapped a hand around his very hard erection. "Relax," Jim repeated, stroking his back and his erection in the same rhythm. He removed his left hand from Spock's back to pick up the lubricant, dribbling it on the crease of Spock's ass. "I'm going to touch you, love. I won't do anything you don't want me to do. Can you let our bond flow between us so I'll know?"

Spock took another deep breath and closed his eyes, visualizing the stream that had connected them previously. He allowed more water to fill its banks, finding the tributary that represented Jim's inner being. Jim stood on his bank, eyes shining in welcome and in love. //Hi,// he said in greeting, kissing the image of Spock that joined him on his side.

//Love,// Spock responded. //You need not worry so. I am ready.//

//I don't want to hurt you,// Jim said softly, looking into Spock's eyes that even here were the most beautiful he had ever seen. //But there's no way to avoid causing some pain.//

//I understand. I am not concerned,// Spock assured him, kissing him gently.

//Alright. Relax all of your body. Let the tension out of your neck,// Jim instructed quietly. His finger skimmed over Spock's tight opening, Spock reflectively jerking in reaction. Jim continued to lightly touch him, spreading the lubricant and preparing him for the next step. When he felt Spock's acceptance of that intimate contact, he rested the tip of his finger on the crinkled skin.

"I'm going to enter you, love," Jim whispered against Spock's skin. The bond pulsed with assurances that he was ready and Jim carefully eased in his finger, feeling Spock's body trying to repel it. //It's natural, love. Relax,// Jim instructed mentally, soothing the tensely expectant look on Spock's face.

//It is…odd,// Spock transmitted to him, closing his eyes to consider it. //Not entirely unpleasant.//

"Good," Jim said, pushing in further and past the tight ring of muscles. "I know, I know," he soothed when Spock moaned quietly. "Relax and let me in."

Spock took another deep breath, concentrating on the pleasure of Jim's hand still stroking his firm erection, not the almost-pain that Jim's careful finger was causing.

Jim eased his finger in and out of the tight channel, sliding his hand firmly up and down the firm cock. When Spock relaxed around Jim's finger, he eased in a second one, Spock moaning at the addition. //Am I hurting you?//

The vision of Spock shook his head, his eyes closed, his head back in pure, unbridled pleasure, his adam's apple bobbing in reaction to the stimulation.

"I know it's a little uncomfortable," Jim soothed, the two fingers widening and preparing Spock. "It gets easier."

"Uhmm…" Spock breathed, the Spock inside Jim's head tensing slightly.

//What is it?// Jim asked gently.

//Pressure. Fullness,// Spock said, his eyebrows furrowed.

//Too much?// Jim asked, caressing the side of Spock's face.

Spock hesitated a moment before shaking his head. //I want you.//

Jim nodded, kissing the hot taut skin of Spock's backside before placing a third finger into Spock's body. "Don't tense up around me, t'hy'la," Jim whispered.

Spock moaned again, reflectively moving toward the headboard and away from the invading fingers.

"Relax, love. You are doing great," Jim soothed, the three fingers still working to loosen Spock's body. "I know it feels strange. I also know it's enjoyable." As Jim said those words, he twisted his fingers enough to search out Spock's prostate, guessing correctly that a Vulcan's was located approximately the same place as a Human's. When Jim rubbed over Spock's gland, he inhaled sharply and banged his head on the headboard. If Jim hadn't been so aroused and so concerned, he'd have thought it was funny. Instead, all thoughts fled as Spock erupted into Jim's hand, his orgasm taking them both by surprise.

Jim collapsed with Spock, laying curled around his back, his hand stroking Spock's heaving chest and stomach as he tried to get enough air into this lungs. Jim kissed Spock's shoulder and ear as he waited for Spock to come back to him, Jim's erection nestled gently between Spock's mounds.

//Oh t'hy'la,// Spock whispered inside Jim's head.

//Did you hurt your head?// Jim asked with a smile.

//If I did, I did not notice. I did not anticipate the amount of pleasure I would find from the stimulation of my prostate.//

"You didn't know?" Jim asked softly into his ear.

"I did not. Vulcans are…were…are… extremely…reticent in discussing matters of intimacy," Spock admitted, looking over his shoulder at Jim. "Is it true for you as well?"

"Oh yeah."

Spock nodded at that, silently thoughtful for a moment. "I enjoyed having your fingers inside my body."

"Even though it hurt you?"

"Not in such a way that I minded. May we try again?" he asked, turning over in Jim's arms to study him, hungry and love reflected in equal measures in the infinite black depths of his eyes.

"Well," Jim said, reaching down between Spock's legs to find him still erect. Or erect again. "Do you always recover so quickly?"

Spock looked down their bodies at his hard cock, considering the question. "I do not know."

"You don't?" Jim laughed. "Could you and Uhura go more than once at the same time?"

"No," Spock said, looking back at Jim's laughing blue eyes. "She is beautiful but does not fill me with the same wanton desire as do you."

"I see," Jim said with a smile.

"And what of you?" Spock asked, lightly grasping Jim's weeping cock.

Jim shrugged, kissing Spock's mouth. "If I enter you, that's all it will take."

"I would like to attempt penetration," Spock said.

"I'm all for it. I just don't want to hurt you," Jim said in complete honesty.

"I understand. And I do appreciate your concern. I trust you comprehend my intense need of you."

Jim laughed and kissed him again. "Next lesson will be on pillow talk."

"You do not find my vocabulary appropriate?" Spock teased.

"Always. Except in bed," Jim said.

Spock nodded at that, going back up on his hands and knees in invitation, one Jim readily accepted. He retrieved the lubricant, putting it on the palm of his right hand before grasping Spock's erection which was even firmer than it had been before. Jim also added the lube to Spock's backside, making sure his fingers were completely coated.

"Are you ready for me to enter you again?" Jim asked, kissing his bottom and sucking a mark into the skin.

"Yes," Spock whispered, relaxing all of his muscles and letting his head hang loosely from his shoulders. That afforded him a perfect view of Jim's hand gliding up and down his phallus, the greener tip appearing and disappearing as Jim moved.

Jim inserted one finger, Spock having no obvious reaction to that much penetration. Before adding to it, Jim sought out his mental image of Spock, finding him easily. //You're doing just fine.//

//Thank you,// Spock said, kissing Jim's slightly parted lips. //You should not yet have such a command of our bond.//

//Oh. Well.// Jim looked around them, seeing the landscape in clearer detail. It looked like a forest, tall trees offering shelter and welcome. //Is this my vision or yours?//

//It is ours,// Spock told him. //It is what you know and what I desire.//

//Not a desert?// Jim asked, admiring the beauty of their shared bond.

//That is what I know. This is what I choose,// Spock explained, gasping when Jim inserted a second and third finger simultaneously. //Mmm….// Spock moaned, a sound of pain and pleasure. //Enter me.//

//It's going to hurt,// Jim warned gently.

//I understand. I want to feel you inside of me. To know you,// Spock requested, certainty on his face.

Jim's image nodded, fading slightly as he eased his fingers out of Spock's body to pour the lubrication on his erection, certain to coat it completely. He added more slickness to Spock's rectum, raising up on his knees. "Here I come," he said gently.

"Please," Spock requested, backing toward him.

"Relax. I want to be inside your beautiful body. I want to know you, to join with you," Jim said soothingly, leaning closer so that his erection made contact with Spock's warm body. Slowly and carefully, he guided the tip of his hard cock into the edge of Spock's opening, Spock gasping. "Relax, love. Feel me. Let me feel you," Jim said, speaking quietly and calmly as he continued to enter Spock.

"Ohh…" Spock moaned, the pain of being stretched and penetrated echoing in Jim's mind.

"Alright, love, it's alright," Jim said, holding still. "Breathe. I know it hurts but it also feels good. Concentrate on the pleasure. Think of the love it represents." Jim kept up his monologue in the same hushed tones, waiting as Spock's slowly released the tension he was holding in his muscles. Jim eased forward a little more, Spock moaning again, Jim talking him through it. Finally, Jim was sheathed completely in Spock's hot body, Spock's pain more apparent than the pleasure. But he did not seem particularly anxious for Jim to withdraw. Jim eased back before fully reinserting his erection, establishing a slow and easy rhythm.

"Jim," Spock said in a strained voice. "It's too… much."

"Alright," Jim responded, holding still. "Do I need to withdraw?"

"Yes," Spock said in disappointment but in truth he could no longer sense the pleasure, only the pain was present. "The pain is…."

"I understand," Jim assured him, very gradually easing out until he cleared Spock's body. Spock collapsed on the bed, his face buried in one of the pillows. Jim lay over him, kissing his neck and shoulders. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You did not do so on purpose," Spock said softly. "I didn't expect it to be quite so… painful."

"I know," Jim said, running his fingers through Spock's silky black hair and enjoying the chance to cause it to be in disarray. "It's more intense than most people think."

"I also enjoyed it," Spock said, turning his head to look at Jim.

"That's really important," Jim said, shifting off of Spock's body and reaching down for his own erection that was still rock hard and ready.

"May I?" Spock asked, rolling on his side and grasping Jim's firm cock.

"Are you feeling up to it?" Jim asked, studying Spock's face, seeing traces of pain and anxiety.

Spock nodded, removing Jim's hands and replacing them with his own. With great skill and efficiency, Spock brought Jim to a hard, intense orgasm that rocked him and jolted his very being.

"Oh wow," Jim whispered, laying on his back, completely spent.

"Indeed," Spock agreed, kissing his panting mouth.

"How about you?" Jim asked, prying open one eye to try and focus on Spock.

Spock shrugged one shoulder, kissing Jim again.

"You come?"

"I did not. I theorize that the pain negated my erection."

"More sexy talk," Jim teased, reaching up to kiss him, his arms and legs stretching in pleasure. "I'm hungry."

Spock nodded at that, backing up slightly to look down at the wet spots on the bed. "It is fortunate we have a second bedroom."

"It sure is. Otherwise you would have to sleep of the wet spots."

"Why would that be _my_ destiny?" Spock asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Because I outrank you," Jim said innocently.

"I see," Spock said, causing both of Jim's eyebrows to go up in silent rebuke. "I see, sir."

Jim nodded in approval, his bright smile spoiling the almost-seriousness of his expression. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes sir, I am," Spock agreed, kissing his Captain's mouth.

"Good. Let's order room service," Jim said, sitting up and crossing is legs in front of him. He reached over for the menu, holding it so that Spock could also read it. "See something that looks good to you?"

Spock raised one eyebrow and looked Jim's beautifully naked body up and down.

"I meant on the menu," Jim clarified with a laugh.

* * *

_TBC just as soon as real life gives me time!_


	15. Chapter 15

When they had showered and eaten dinner, Jim introduced him to the true joy of Double-stuff Oreos.

"There are several ways to eat them," Jim explained, the package open and resting innocently on the bed between where they say up against the headboard. "You can dunk them." Jim demonstrated, plunging the first into the cold milk they had procured from room service. He ate the semi-soaked cookie, Spock watching intently. "You can eat them straight from the package. Or," Jim said, pausing dramatically, holding one up. "You can open them, eat the cream then eat just the cookie part." This too he demonstrated, Spock licking his lips as Jim lapped the cream off the crispy cookie.

"Is one of these methods more time honored or traditional?" Spock asked, considering all he had seen.

"Nope. Personal preference," Jim said, popping the next in his mouth whole to chew it noisily.

"I see," Spock said, nodding. "True scientific inquiry demands that I experience all methods in order to determine the most effective."

Jim laughed, handing him the package. "Experience away."

Spock carefully extracted a cookie, copying Jim's steps. Spock dunked the first into the milk until he determined it had reached the optimum saturation point. He put it in his mouth, his eyes widening slightly.

"Well?" Jim prompted with a knowing smile.

"Most satisfactory," Spock said, licking his lips. "Most satisfactory indeed."

Jim nodded, waiting as Spock took the next to untwist the top cookie. His angular tongue reached out and took a tentative swipe at the cream before licking it in earnest. "Quite enjoyable," Spock intoned. But Jim could see his delight in his expression. "Although the cookies are somewhat overpowering without the accompanying cream."

"They can be," Jim agreed. "That's where the milk comes in."

Spock drank from the glass, finding the cool milk a good counterpoint to the almost bitter chocolate.

"Now try it whole," Jim said, handing him one.

Spock nodded, putting the entire cookie in his mouth. "Ohmygoodness," he said, his words muffled around the cookie.

"Good huh?" Jim asked with a laugh.

Spock just nodded, taking another and eating it whole as well. "Yes. This is my preference."

"I'm not surprised. But variety can be good too."

Spock nodded again before eating yet another cookie until he forcefully pushed them aside. "I believe I have consumed a sufficient quantity for this session."

Jim reached over and kissed him, enjoying the lingering flavors on his mouth. "Mmm…I like Oreo kisses."

"And non-Oreo kisses," Spock reminded him.

"Uh huh," Jim responded with a yawn. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be. I am ready to retire after I meditate."

"Good," Jim said, pulling off his tee shirt and soft pants under Spock's watchful eye after they had both brushed their teeth. "You're staring."

"I am aware," Spock responded. "I will return when I have meditated."

"Okay. I may be asleep when you get back," Jim said, crawling naked under the fluffy comforter which was probably too much for him but he knew Spock would appreciate its warmth.

"If so, I will endeavor not to wake you."

"I don't care. I'll go right back to sleep," Jim said, looking up at him from where his head was nestled in the pillow.

Spock nodded, reluctantly leaving for the other bedroom to meditate and center his thoughts. His emotions were much closer to the surface than he had formerly been comfortable with but he had no interest in repressing them at this time. Jim had stirred in him feelings and thoughts he usually kept carefully segmented, but he wanted to acknowledge and embrace them - allow them to flourish and expand to encompass Jim as well. It was a novel experience for him, one he wondered if his mother had felt with no reserve. That idea was a little disturbing to him only in that he thought he might very well be washed away by them. He knew Jim would be his anchor, his safe shore if the storm of emotions threatened to completely overcome him.

Once he felt more centered and balanced, he returned to the bedroom to find Jim sound asleep, laying on his stomach, one hand under his pillow and the other protectively on top of Spock's, waiting.

When he was undressed, he slipped into the bed, turning off the single light that illuminated the room, shifting Jim's hand to his chest. Jim stirred slightly but did not wake, affording Spock the opportunity to watch Jim sleep, any lines of tension relaxed out of his face. He looked younger, like the cadet who Spock had first encountered.

Closing his eyes and relaxing, Spock feel asleep almost immediately, only vaguely aware of Jim next to him.

~o0o~

"Hey," Jim's sleepy voice said the next morning when his eyes fluttered open to see Spock watching him.

"Good morning," Spock returned, kissing Jim's warm cheek.

"You sleep?"

"I did. Until 13.5 minutes ago."

"Good. What time is it?" Jim asked, yawning.

"0744," Spock said, caressing Jim's unruly hair. "Go back to sleep. We have no timeline for today."

"No," Jim said, sighing. "I need to get up. Too much to do."

"I understand," Spock said, his fingers still running through Jim's waves. "I enjoyed sleeping next to you."

"You did?" Jim laughed, smiling up at Spock. "You were aware of me?"

"Of course. Your presence. Your warmth. Your dreams."

"Oh dear. I don't know that I want to know you are aware of all of my dreams," Jim joked.

"As they all involved me, there is no reason for you to be embarrassed by them."

"Did you see all of them?"

"Not in detail. Your mind sought mine while you slept. You wished to be connected."

Jim considered that a moment. "Were you still able to sleep? With me wanting you?"

"I was. While Vulcans do not generally dream, I do, on occasion."

"Okay," Jim said, sitting up to stretch. "We should eat breakfast today. Even though we forgot yesterday."

"Maddie will no doubt feed us under any circumstance," Spock reminded him.

"Yeah. She can't help it. Part of her mother-hen trait." Jim left the comfort of their bed for the bathroom, taking care of his morning routine before pulling on his clothes. He wandered into the sitting room to find Spock, as he expected, studying the computer. "Anything interesting?"

"Not in the least. I was checking the Des Moines Registry. The article does not appear."

Jim shrugged at that, making sure he had the key to the room. "They may not publish it until after the memorial service."

"I see," Spock said, switching to their messages. "You have a message from Admiral Pike."

"Anything I need to take care of?" Jim asked, standing next to Spock and leaning lightly against him.

"It is simply a confirmation that he will arrive tomorrow at approximately 1300 our time. And he will remain until Thursday."

"Good," Jim said with a nod. "Maybe we can go back to San Francisco with him."

"I do not know that we will have dealt with all that is required here prior to that time."

Jim sighed. "Yeah. I know. Wishful thinking."

"I understand," Spock responded, looking up at Jim in a way the told Jim just how much Spock did understand, and he was glad for it. Jim reluctantly broke their eye-contact, straightening.

"We better go down for breakfast so we can get to farm."

~0~

When they arrived, the house was empty, a note leaning up against the coffee maker that already had coffee waiting for Jim.

_Had to run to town, love. Be back by 11:00._

Jim poured himself a cup of coffee and looked around the kitchen. "Okay. Here's the thing."

"Yes?" Spock prompted, watching him with love reflected in his black eyes.

"I cannot believe I can't get rid of the farm. I mean, _really_? I'm sorry George disappointed Tiberius but why visit his retribution on his heirs? And I don't even know these 'distant cousins' who will inherit the farm when I die. Because you can be damn sure I won't be having any babies."

"We could adopt a child," Spock suggested.

"Not until after we retire. Then we'll be way too old to have children. Are you planning to have my baby?"

"Would that I could," Spock said, making Jim laugh.

"You're very poetic this morning," Jim said, shaking his head. "No. We'd have to retire and I have no plans of it until they make us. Or me. Or they relieve me of command because I fail to conform to their idea of the ideal Captain."

"We will need to marry in order to be granted spousal assignment."

"Yeah."

"You sound excited by the prospects," Spock teased.

"Well of course we're going to get married. Starfleet doesn't consider a Vulcan bond sufficient. Not between a Vulcan and a Human. I checked," Jim admitted with a smile.

"I am not surprised. You do not want to have a _public_ ceremony."

"Exactly. Seriously. Do we need our picture included in any more press releases?"

"We do not," Spock confirmed. "However, can we in good conscience marry without including our extended family?"

"No," Jim sighed. "I know. We have to get married on board."

"We do. We will keep it as minimal as possible," Spock promised.

"You know I want to marry you," Jim said, getting close enough to him to feel his body heat. "I just don't want it to become a circus."

"I do know," Spock responded, his words creating tiny puffs of warm air to gently caress Jim's face. Jim was very glad when Spock closed the gap between them and kissed him in promise.

"Mmm…" Jim sighed, backing up a little. "I guess we ought to go up to the attic. It's not going to clean out itself."

"I do not believe it is capable," Spock agreed.

They collected some of the empty boxes and went up into the attic, Jim intentionally not considering all that had to be done. He would be totally overwhelmed if he thought about it as a whole. One box, one chest, one trunk at a time was the only possible way he could process what they had to accomplish. He was just thankful, once again, that Spock was there with him or he would have not been able to deal with what was expected of him.

"That is why I am here," Spock assured him from where he sat before one of the areas that had an array of boxes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to project that onto you."

"I am not concerned, t'hy'la. It is natural that you have multiple and conflicting emotions concerning the job at hand."

"That's an understatement," Jim said, settling down in front of two wooden chests. He resolutely opened the first, a faint smell of cedar greeting him. When he peered inside, he discovered that it contained baby clothes. He simply sat and stared at them, uncertain what to think. They were tiny boy clothes. The first one he took out was a pair of bib-overalls, all blue and white pristine stripes. "Why would she have kept these?"

Spock turned around to see what it was Jim referring to, finding a look of amazement mixed with sadness on his love's face. "Do Humans not have a sentimental attachment to their pasts?"

"Yeah," Jim said absently. "But Winona was never really the sentimental type."

"Were these yours?" Spock asked, accepting the overalls to look at them more carefully.

"Most likely they started as Sam's and I inherited them," Jim said, taking out the next item. "What am I going to do with these?"

"I do not know what is customary," Spock admitted. "Are you comfortable donating them to a family in need?"

"I would but they're so old. I should just throw them out, I guess. I can't believe she kept them." He went deeper into the chest, surprised to find his report cards in a brown envelope, together with a second envelope labeled _Sam_. He emptied out his envelope, looking at the reports from primary school. It didn't really surprise him that he had gotten top marks each year until Winona had married Frank. Then his grades had slipped, varying according to whether Winona was home for the term or back in space.

Curious at what Jim was doing, Spock turned to see Jim leafing through the report cards. Jim smiled and handed them silently to Spock who looked at each one carefully.

"Did she misplace the one from second grade?" Spock asked.

"I skipped second grade," Jim said casually. "I was bored in first grade so they decided I would go directly to third."

Spock nodded in acknowledgment, looking at the sequence of reports. "This is where Winona married Frank?"

"Yeah. It was…well, you can guess," Jim said, returning his attention to the contents of the trunk. "Ahh…and closely behind my report cards are my arrest records." He pulled those out, showing the sheets to Spock, the transgressions progressively worse. "If Pike hadn't found me that night, no telling where I would have ended up."

"Remind me to thank the Admiral on Wednesday," Spock said, making Jim laugh.

"I will," Jim agreed. He closed the chest, moving to the second one finding it chock full of things that had belonged to George – his cadet uniform, his medals, his Starfleet commendations. There were also photographs of him and Winona from happier days. "I do look just like him, don't I?" Jim said to Spock, showing him some of the photos.

"You do," Spock said, looking at the picture and back at Jim. "Are you angry?"

"I don't know. A little maybe. About my life that could-have-been and how it changed because he was killed. That he was taken from Winona and Sam. And that Winona blamed me for his death."

"You cannot be certain of that, Jim," Spock said.

"She made it pretty obvious. That if she had been given the choice, she would have traded my life for his."

"I am sorry," Spock said although he knew the words offered no real comfort, no healing to the wounds that were re-opened and raw due to the current circumstances.

"So am I," Jim said, pulling out another photo and laughing. "Look. It's Chris." He passed the photo to Spock, one of Chris Pike and George Kirk standing side-by-side on the Academy grounds in their cadet uniforms, looking proud of themselves, smiling like the world was at their feet.

"I was unaware that the Admiral knew your father," Spock commented.

Jim shrugged at that, looking again at the photo. "They were at the Academy at the same time. I didn't know they were friends. Chris never mentioned it."

"Will you ask him when he arrives?"

"Yeah. Probably," Jim said, taking the rest of the items out of the trunk and sorting through them. Some he put back, some he put in a pile to throw away, some he left out unsure what to do with them.

Spock continued to sort through the boxes in front of him, boxes which held ledgers from the farm, an extremely interesting chronicle of the good times and the bad that the Kirk family had experienced. He showed the oldest paper ledgers to Jim, the first time Jim had ever seen them. They agreed that they needed to stay on the farm but in a better controlled environment. Spock placed the box in a section they named 'Find a better place to store these.'

The next box Spock opened contained bound notebooks with the Academy seal embossed on the front. Curious, he opened the one on top and read the meticulous notes on warp dynamics. The front cover of the notebook had a pocket which held a paper discussing the theoretical ways that warp drives could be improved and made more efficient. The words sounded familiar but Spock had never read it before.

"I was unaware that you had written a thesis on improving the efficiency of warp dynamics," Spock said, glancing over at Jim.

"I never did," Jim said absently as he dug through a box of Christmas decorations.

"I have it right here," Spock said, showing him the thesis with a huge red 'excellent A+' written on it.

"That's not mine," Jim said. "It's George's."

Spock opened it to the first page again, reading aloud the words that were written there. "These could be your words." He handed the notebook to Jim so that he could read from the pages.

Jim read further into the paper, finding the phrasing and syntax strangely familiar, as though he had been the author. There was even a hint of irreverence, echoing some of the milder forms of humor Jim would bury in his papers to see if his professors would catch on.

"Well," he said, looking up from the thesis to Spock. "I'm even more like him than I ever thought."

"Indeed," Spock said, studying Jim with knowing eyes. "When you lost your father, you lost the knowledge of half of what makes you who you are."

"Did you see yourself in your mother and your father?" Jim asked, an echo of melancholy in his voice.

"I did. I believe all children see themselves reflected in both parents," Spock said. "And because your mother was uncommunicative, you were unaware of your resemblance to your father."

"It also goes to explain why she didn't want to have anything to do with me. Because I was so like him," Jim said in regret.

"You would think she would have cherished having a part of your father still with her."

Jim shook his head at that. "I was a constant reminder of what she had lost. Not a source of comfort because part of him survived."

"Did she feel the same toward your brother?"

"He looked just like Winona," Jim said, showing Spock the family picture. "And he was more serious. More studious. Not quite as smart. And he always made me laugh but I don't think he had quite the sense of humor I apparently inherited from George."

"Which would mean he reminded her less of your father than did you," Spock said in understanding.

"Yeah. And I reminded Chris of my father which makes even more sense now," Jim said, looking into the trunk Spock was sorting. "Any more of his papers in there?"

Spock took out the rest, reading with Jim from the papers, Jim laughing at some of the things George had written, sounding so incredibly familiar as though the words were his instead of his father's.

"I wish I had found these a long time ago," Jim said, glancing through the rest of the notebooks.

"Would it have made a difference in how your life unfolded?"

"Maybe. It's hard to say, isn't it? First-Jim had his father's influence. And he didn't get command of the Enterprise until a few years after I did. But he was also never arrested," Jim said, considering the timelines that had been inexorably altered and the continual ramifications. "I think when we get back to our ship, I want to have a long chat with first-Spock."

"I can understand that," Spock agreed. "We will need to tell him that we have admitted the truth concerning our feelings for one another."

"True. Maybe he'll come to the wedding," Jim said, looking down again at his father's notebooks. He smiled when he opened one of the back covers and found George and Winona's names encircled in a heart. "Sweet, huh?"

"If somewhat…youthful," Spock said.

"Juvenile, you mean," Jim laughed, meeting his eyes. "I need something to drink."

"Refreshment would be welcome," Spock agreed, standing up and dusting off his clothes. Jim stretched, his shirt riding up, giving Spock a peek of skin between his shirt and jeans.

"Stop looking at me like that," Jim requested with a smile.

Spock did not respond, simply following Jim down both sets of steps and into the kitchen. When they had their drinks, they carried them to the front porch to clear some of the dust out of their lungs.

"I think it's going to rain later today," Jim said, inhaling deeply.

"What makes you think so?"

"The stillness to the air. And some of the leaves have already turned over," he said, pointing to the maples in the front yard.

"There are no clouds to indicate unsettled weather," Spock observed.

"They'll blow in by this afternoon. I hope it doesn't rain again tomorrow. Maddie will have a fit if everyone has to come inside. Get mud all over her floors."

"What is she doing in town? Do you know?"

"Getting her hair done. Picking up some of the things we need for tomorrow. Gossiping with the other women in town. She may be looking for a new dress to wear tomorrow."

"Is that necessary? Does she not currently have any appropriate attire?"

"She does," Jim said with a shrug. "It's what women do. She doesn't want to necessarily wear a dress everyone's already seen. And all of her Sunday-go-to-meetin' clothes are familiar to everybody in town."

"I see," Spock responded although Jim was pretty sure he did not see at all. But there wasn't a lot of point to explaining it. It was a particularly Human trait and not really so important.

The remained wrapped in their own thoughts as they sipped from their glasses, slowly rocking in their chairs.

"It is most pleasant sitting here," Spock said, glancing over at Jim.

"I think so too," Jim responded. "But we ought to go back up to the attic."

"Of course," Spock agreed, going inside and up to the attic with him. They resumed their sorting and discovery, Jim stopping when he heard Maddie's voice call him.

"We're up here," Jim said down the steps.

"You boys ready for some lunch?" she called back up.

"What time is it?" Jim asked, wiping his forehead with his sleeve.

"Quarter to twelve. I have corn on the cob on the stove. And I picked up a fryin' chicken. It'll be done is just a minute."

"Okay," Jim agreed, turning back to Spock. "You hungry?"

"I am," Spock said, standing up to stretch. "I do not believe, however, that I will be partaking in the chicken."

"Of course not," Jim laughed. "I'm sure she has some vegetables for you."

Spock nodded, going downstairs with him to wash up before continuing to the kitchen.

"Smells good," Jim said as they entered the kitchen. "Look at your hair-do," he said with a broad smile.

"Now, Jimmy. It's no different than usual," Maddie claimed, smoothing down a stray lock only she could see.

"Did you find a new dress for tomorrow?"

She didn't answer except for swatting him with the dish towel she was holding.

"Is Tyrl coming?" Jim asked as he prepared to set the table at her request. He looked out the window, noticing that much of the bright sunlight from earlier had been dimmed by the gathering clouds.

"No, sweetie. I packed his lunch this mornin'."

"Okay," he acknowledged, taking out 3 of everything so that he and Spock could set the table. "Looks like we're going to get some rain."

"Tyrl says by 4 this afternoon. Thinks it'll stop by nightfall," Maddie said as she continued the preparations.

"It won't rain tomorrow, right?" Jim asked.

"Not supposed to."

"Good," Jim said, leaning against the counter out of her way. "I don't know what to do with some of the stuff that's accumulated in the attic. Like our baby clothes. Did you know they were up there?"

"I haven't been to the attic in years," Maddie said, shaking her head.

"What should I do with them? Donate them to a charity? Do they want 30 year old baby clothes?"

"I don't suppose there's much point in you keeping them for your children, huh?" she asked with a smile that crinkled her eyes.

"I'm not having Spock's babies. And he refuses to have mine. So, no, we don't need to save them."

She glanced back at Spock, the smile still lighting her eyes before returning her gaze to Jim. "Do you want me to throw them out, sweetie?"

"I guess so. I can't see any reason to keep them. We also found George's notebooks from the Academy," he said.

"Did you read from them?" she asked knowingly.

"Yeah. I wish I had known."

"Their word usage and syntax is remarkable similar," Spock said.

"You are very much like him," Maddie said with a nod. "I'd even go so far as say the spittin' image."

"One more reason Winona didn't like me much," Jim said.

"She loved you, Jimmy. She didn't know how to tell you," Maddie said.

"She could have started by being here. And not letting Frank be here," Jim said, not sounding as bitter as he felt.

"I know," Maddie sighed. "Chicken's ready. Have a seat."

Jim nodded, going with Spock to the table after taking the rest of the meal out of the refrigerator. There were plenty of choices for Spock that did not involve chicken and they were all full when they finished their meal.

"I picked up some ice cream for dessert," she told them as they helped clear the table.

"I don't want any right now. Spock?"

"Perhaps a little later," Spock said.

"Of course," Maddie agreed with a smile. "Aleola's coming around 3. Do you want me to let you know when she gets here?"

"Sure. I'll come down and say hello," Jim said. "Is there anything you need us to do before we go back up?"

"No, sweetie. I'll see you in a little while."

"Okay," Jim agreed, going back into the attic with Spock. They had been at it for about an hour and a half when the sound of rain on the tin roof attracted their attention.

"It is quite noisy," Spock remarked, turning his attention from one of the chests to the sound of the rain as it steadily increased.

"There may be some hail in it," Jim said, also listening. "Is it too loud for you?"

"It is becoming so," Spock admitted reluctantly.

Jim nodded at that, looking around the attic. "Well, we've made good head-way. We'll come back tomorrow morning. We should be able to work until about lunch."

"Yes," Spock agreed, going back down with him to the kitchen. Maddie was puttering about and insisted on making Jim coffee when he entered. "I would like a cup of tea," Spock agreed.

"It got too loud," Jim explained when Maddie asked if they were done.

"I can understand that. Winona talked about changing to a more modern roof but she just didn't have the heart to take off the tin one."

"Is Tyrl on his way in?" Jim asked when they heard a clap of thunder.

"Should be here any minute," Maddie agreed, peering out the window. "Aleola's here."

Jim nodded, going to the front porch to greet their neighbor. She was about the same age as Maddie, not quite as round but no taller. Her hair was entirely white, her eyes sparkling when she was on the porch looking up at Jim

"Jimmy," she said, enveloping him in a hard hug. "It's wonderful to see you again."

"You too Aleola," Jim agreed, turning to Spock. "This is Spock."

"Of course. Saw you on all the newscasts," she said, not reaching for him although Jim could tell it took all of her restraint not to hug him. She was a hugger from way back.

"It is nice to make your acquaintance," Spock said, a faint hint of amusement in his voice only Jim could hear.

"You too. Good thing you could come with Jimmy. Hard work, this. And I'm so sorry about Winona."

"Thank you," Jim said with a nod. "We've been going through the attic. That's why we look like something the cat drug in."

"Not you, Jimmy," she assured him, accepting the cup of coffee from Maddie. "How long are you here?"

"We're still not sure," Jim responded, sitting at the table with the two women, Spock sitting next to him. "I don't know how long it will take to finish everything up."

"Lot to be done," Aleola agreed. "You keeping the farm?"

"As it turns out, I don't have any choice," Jim said, explaining what they had discovered yesterday. Maddie shook her head at that, clucking. "So you didn't know?"

"No Jimmy. Winona never said a word to me. I figured you could sell it if you wanted."

"I'm going to lease it to Starfleet instead of selling it," Jim said.

"You think Tiberius was afraid someone would develop it?" Aleola asked Maddie.

"Maybe so. Maybe he was afraid Starfleet would buy it and make it another starship yard," Maddie said with a shrug.

"Riverside Shipyard is six and a half miles from here," Jim reminded them.

"I know, Jimmy. But who knows what Tiberius was thinking," Maddie said with a shrug. They all looked at the door when Tyrl entered, his slicker dripping on the porch floor.

"Bottom fell out," he said unnecessarily.

"Leave your slicker and your boots on the porch," Maddie reminded him. "I'll put the kettle on to boil."

"Thanks," he agreed, coming the rest of the way into the kitchen after leaving off his boots and jacket. He greeted Aleola, sitting at the table. "You finished up?" he asked Jim.

"For today. The rain was too loud in the attic," Jim explained.

"Can be," Tyrl said with a nod. When he had his steaming cup of tea, Jim told him what he had just explained about the farm never being sold. "Never heard a word from Tiberius or George about it."

"We figured it was because he didn't want Starfleet to have it," Maddie said.

"Doesn't make sense," Tyrl said, shaking his head. "Irony is that Jim's goin' to lease it to them."

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Aleola said with a nod of approval.

"Thanks," Jim said. "Makes things a lot easier since I can't sell it."

"Would," Aleola agreed. "What can I do to help you for tomorrow, Maddie?"

They discussed what needed to be done, making another list, Tyrl promising to go to town for them. The tent and chairs would be delivered by 10 a.m., in plenty of time for the guests. Tyrl asked if Jim wanted music, a detail they had not considered. He left that to Tyrl and Maddie to decide because he couldn't say what he thought was appropriate.

He told them about the memorial stones he had commissioned, including the passage he had requested for Sam's. Maddie said she would give some thought to what ought to be on Winona's and would tell Jim as soon as she could. He assured her it wasn't any rush since Mr. Bachman wouldn't have the stones for several weeks.

They discussed other topics related to the service and some related to nothing to do with the death of Winona, Spock observing it all with his usual intense focus and patient silent humor.

Jim was vaguely aware of their nascent bond and through it he knew Spock was not in the least bit bored, although he couldn't blame him if he were. Family talk was always different to the ones who did not have all of the background. And as much as Spock loved Jim, he could never fully know the person that Jim was. The history of those years could be repeated but not re-lived. Spock could know the flavor but not the textures and fragrances and richness of them.

"Yes, we'll be here early," Jim assured Maddie when he and Spock decided to take their leave.

"By 9 o'clock," she reinforced when they all stood on the porch, the rain slacking off some.

"Yes ma'am," Jim agreed.

"I'll make you breakfast. And I'll have plenty of coffee."

"Thank you," Jim said, kissing her on the head. "Tyrl. Aleola. We'll see you tomorrow." With that, he and Spock took the rental back to the hotel, going straight up to their room. Jim went into their bedroom, flopping face down onto the bed. "Oh my God."

Spock sat next to him, one hand stroking his back.

"We can't sneak back to the Enterprise, can we? In the dark of night? Just leave town?"

"We cannot," Spock said. "We must stay and see this through."

"You know that sometimes it sucks to be an adult."

"It does," Spock said, leaning down to kiss the back of Jim's neck.

"Totally," Jim agreed, rolling over to look up at Spock. "Do you see a lot of Sarek in you?"

"Yes. And much of Amanda," Spock said, thoughtful for a moment. "Sarek advocated that I be more Vulcan. Amanda said I could find a balance with my Human side as well. From Sarek I inherited my ability at mathematics. From Amanda I got the gift of appreciating nature. She also gave me the ability to fall in love with my Captain."

"I sure am glad," Jim said, looking up at him. "I think I need to take a nap."

"Will it interfere with your ability to sleep tonight?"

"I doubt it," Jim said with a sigh. "Are you hungry?"

"I am becoming so. I will place an order with room service. Is there something you wish to eat?"

Jim shook his head at that. "What time is it?"

"5:42," Spock said.

"So it's too early to go to bed. And too late to take a nap," Jim said.

"We could watch a movie until you deem it late enough to sleep," Spock suggested.

"You hate Earth movies," Jim laughed.

"Not all of them. _Casablanca_ is quite entertaining."

"I haven't seen it in years," Jim said. "Okay. You order from room service. And when it gets here, we'll watch _Casablanca_ in bed."

"A commendable idea, Captain," Spock said, kissing his head before going to the computer to place his order and check their messages. When he returned to the bedroom, he found Jim freshly showered and already in bed, his clothes discarded on the floor. Spock shook his head when he saw the disarray, Jim just shrugging.

"I know. I'll pick them up tomorrow."

"You are not generally so untidy."

"I would be. But I don't want my yeoman to know," Jim admitted.

"What would be the negative consequences of the information being discovered?" Spock asked with no small amount of humor reflected in his voice and making his eyes sparkle in a way Jim especially appreciated.

"Could undermine my command authority. Reinforce my youth and inexperience. Send the wrong message to the crew."

"I suspect that you are repeating statements which have been said to you," Spock suggested. Jim shrugged one bare shoulder and smiled at Spock. "You will neither confirm nor deny my theory?"

"Right," Jim said.

"I see," Spock said with a nod. "Would you like some Oreos?"

"No. I'm really not hungry."

"Very well," Spock said. He found _Casablanca _on one of the movie channels before going to shower. Shortly after he was out his dinner arrived and he returned to the bed to eat. It did not surprise him that Jim fell asleep before Rick and Ilsa rekindled their love for one another. Spock let the movie play until it finished, only then turning it off and laying down next to Jim who continued to sleep soundly.


	16. Chapter 16

"Hey," Jim whispered into one perfectly pointed ear. "If you wake up, we'll have time to make love before we have to leave."

"You are suggesting that we come then go?" Spock asked, making Jim laugh.

"Yeah. You wanna?"

Spock turned over onto his back and slowly lowered the covers until they were both bare, Spock's erection its own answer.

"Oh yeah. You were dreaming about me, huh?" Jim asked, reaching down for Spock and caressing him into an even hard state.

"Perhaps. Perhaps I was wondering when you became so arrogant."

"Always have been. But I like cock-sure better," Jim said, keeping his eyes locked on Spock's as he moved lower to lick the pre-cum from Spock.

"Yes, I can see how you would prefer that," Spock said, trying to keep the rising passion out of his voice.

"You can pretend all you want. I know you need me," Jim said, licking him again.

"I do not wish to give you any additional reason to believe that you deserve the legend you have become in your own mind."

"Well," Jim huffed before licking him again. "We certainly are stern this morning."

"Perhaps it is what you deserve," Spock suggested not entirely convincingly.

"What do you deserve?" Jim asked as his tongue traced up the entire length of Spock's need.

"For you to finish what you have started."

"Even though you are being unkind to me?" Jim asked, trying to sound hurt but not succeeding.

"Had I thought for one moment I had been unkind, I would make amends."

"You can make it up to me when I finish with you," Jim decided.

"Then might you hurry a little more?"

"Hmmm…" Jim hummed, pretending to consider it, all the while caressing Spock with his tongue. "Do you want me to finish this way? Or do you want to enter me?"

"It would be most satisfactory for me to enter you," Spock decided, his breathing picking up speed, his hips rising to follow Jim each time he backed off.

"Most satisfactory," Jim repeated, reaching for the Tube O'Lube before moving to straddle Spock's thighs. "Is it wrong that all I can think about is making love to you on the day of my mother's memorial service?"

Spock took a deep breath, gazing up at Jim with fevered eyes, his brain overloaded by the things Jim's slick hands was doing to his body. "Why must you ask me that now of all times?"

Jim laughed at him, caressing his erection more firmly. "So you'll answer afterward?"

Spock's head shook in short jerks on the pillow. "No I will not."

"Okay," Jim conceded, inching up. He leaned over to spread the rest of the lubricant on Spock's hard stomach before rising up to allow Spock's erection to tease at his opening. "You ready?"

"Need you ask?" Spock asked, panting in obvious need.

"Wanted to see if you could answer," Jim responded, slowly descending over Spock, gladly accepting him into his body. "Oh god you are so hot," Jim moaned, holding still to savor the fullness and completeness their physical union provided them.

"Let me have your thoughts," Spock requested, the bond not yet opened between them.

"Mmm…" Jim sighed, closing his eyes and releasing the flow of water from his side. It connected them fully, their mental union complete and encompassing. //I can't remember what it was like to make love without being with you.//

//I find that reassuring,// Spock returned, the words flowing into Jim's mind along with the pleasure of their joining. The joy Spock found being encased in Jim echoed and rebounded between them until neither was sure whose pleasure they were experiencing. If it was their own or the other's. And it did not matter.

They came together in a rush, Jim laying down on top of Spock and kissing his panting mouth. "God I love you."

Spock stroked Jim's back as Jim raised up on his elbows to gaze down at Spock. //As I love you, t'hy'la.//

//Mmm…as beautiful as you usually are, you're even more beautiful right now,// Jim whispered into Spock's mind.

Spock's eyes drifted closed at Jim's thoughts, Jim kissing his forehead lightly.

"Did I embarrass you?" Jim whispered into Spock's ear.

"No. I am unaccustomed to being referred to in such a flattering manner."

"You should be," Jim said. "You are stunning."

Spock shook his head at that, gazing back up at him. "I am neither Human nor Vulcan. I am not attractive by either standard."

"You couldn't be more wrong about that," Jim corrected. "You are hot. Smokin'. The second most attractive person I've ever known."

"And you would be the first?" Spock asked with a lift of an accusatory eyebrow.

"Uhura," Jim said. "No one alive is as beautiful as she is."

"Except you."

Jim shook his head again. "No. She's first and you are a very very close second. I don't even make the top 20 or 30."

"You don't believe that, do you?" Spock asked.

"I know it. Way too much competition. We aren't only the youngest crew in the 'fleet, we're the most attractive."

"And you are in the top 3. Along with Nyota and Leonard," Spock said.

"Really? You think I'm as attractive as Bones?" Jim asked in surprise.

"More so. And the fact that I am in love with you does not in any way influence my judgment," Spock assured him seriously.

"Sure," Jim laughed.

"You must be aware of how attractive you are," Spock said.

"I know everyone thinks I'm cocky and arrogant," Jim said. "Most of it's bluster. A way of making sure I get what I want. Or that we need."

Spock shook his head, reaching up to kiss his t'hy'la. "I always thought you knew that you are beautiful."

"Not," Jim said. "And beautiful or not, we both need to get up and shower so we can get to the farm."

"Regrettably," Spock agreed. "You go into this shower and I will utilize the other."

"That's probably best since using the same one would not be a good idea."

"Not at this time," Spock said, enjoying Jim's final kiss before Jim stood next to the bed, watching as Spock also stood.

"Is Chris coming straight to the farm?" Jim asked as he gathered his clean clothes.

"That is my understanding," Spock said. "I do not believe he said in his previous communications."

"I'll send him a message and ask. It would make sense for him to come out. Since we'll already be there."

"Agreed," Spock said, leaving the bedroom to go into the other bathroom to shower and prepare for the day. He was relieved that Jim was feeling more centered and did not seem to be dealing with any of the agitation he had felt earlier.

//That's thanks to you,// Jim told him with a laugh.

//It is not appropriate for you to spy on me,// Spock returned with his version of an internal smile.

//You knew I was there. You don't care,// Jim said. Spock couldn't pretend to disagree and did not in fact bother denying it.

When Spock was ready, he went into the sitting room where Jim was finishing up the message to Chris, letting him know they'd be on the farm and he should contact them if he needed to.

With that, they went out to the farm to find Maddie, Tyrl, and Aleola already in the kitchen. The air felt fresh after yesterday's storm, the bright sunshine belaying the sadness that was a part of their day.

Maddie fed them probably too much food but it was nearly impossible to resist her insistence that eating was good for the body and soul. Jim especially appreciated the extra coffee she had for him, drinking it with enthusiasm.

Aleola wanted to hear about being in outer space, Jim and Spock sharing some of their livelier adventures. Tyrl was impressed by some of their stories, something Jim found astounding. Tyrl was a man who took everything in stride and was not easily impressed.

When Maddie had determined that they had finally had enough to eat, they went about taking care of the myriad of details that had to be seen to in order to prepare for the service. The tent arrived precisely at 10 o'clock, the menfolk being dispatched to the backyard to see to its placement. Tyrl showed them the exact place it should be set up without worrying that the stakes would hit electrical or water lines beneath the ground. It only took about 20 minutes for the tent to be up and ready, the workers practiced and efficient.

Before leaving, they accepted the offer of lemonade, with assurances that they would return the next morning to take it down. That done, Jim, Spock, and Tyrl set up the chairs and tables, directing the florists to place the flowers near the front as they began to arrive. The food was placed in the back of the tent, out of the way of the chairs. As they worked beneath the tent, more neighbors and friends arrived. Jim tried to introduce each of them to Spock but he wasn't sure he kept up.

It was 1 o'clock before anyone could believe it. Maddie put plenty of food out under the tent, the friends and neighbors helping themselves, 14 men waiting patiently in line. Jim and Spock were forced to be first, and they sat down with their plates, Jim eating absently. In reality, he was waiting for the sound of Pike's arrival.

"He will be here shortly," Spock assured him between bites of potato salad.

"I know," Jim said with a nod. "Noik," he said as the other man sat next to them. "Glad you were able to come."

"Of course I came, Jim," Noik said. "Makuahine and Kupunawahine will be here at 1:30. They had something to do at the church."

"I understand," Jim said, smiling up at Eielaka and Noulaul when they arrived. "Hi. Thanks for coming."

"Of course we came," Noulaul said.

I appreciate it," Jim responded. "Be sure and get something to eat. We have plenty."

"We will," Eielaka said with a nod. "You doing okay?"

"I'm fine, Eiela," Jim assured her, reaching out to touch her swollen belly. "Soon, huh?"

"Another month. We're going to name her Lokelani."

"A very beautiful flower," Spock said to the nods of approval from the unborn child's parents.

"We think so," Noulaul agreed with a bright smile. "You hungry?"

"I am," she confirmed, going with him to the tables that seemed to have even more food than before.

Jim chatted with those around him, answering the questions with as much focus as he could. But it was difficult. Not that answering the same questions over and over again could be avoided. And he certainly understood their curiosity. Working in outer space wasn't unknown in Iowa, of course. But they didn't know too many people who had actually made their life there.

Spock sent ripples of warm, soothing thoughts to him, helping him channel some of his agitation. //It is natural,// Spock assured him.

//I know. But still.//

//I understand,// Spock returned. He smiled inwardly when they heard the sounds of another car arriving, going out of the tent to greet the Admiral. //He is not late, t'hy'la.//

//He feels late,// Jim said, smiling when Chris left the rental. "Admiral," Jim said, hugging the older man and receiving his embrace in return.

"How are you, Jim, Spock?" Chris asked, studying them in turn, his grey eyes missing nothing.

"I am well, sir," Spock said with a nod.

"Jim?"

Jim shrugged, looking over at Maddie and Tyrl who had come up to them. "You remember Admiral Pike," he said warmly to them.

"Of course. Admiral," Maddie said, accepting his light kiss.

"Lovely to see you again, Madeline. Time has been very kind to you."

She blushed quite prettily and looked up at Tyrl.

"Tyrl," Pike said with a firm handshake.

"Good of you to come, Admiral," Tyrl said with a nod.

"There was no place else I could be," Pike said, looking past the four of them to those who were watching with open curiosity. "Perhaps you could introduce me, Jim."

"Of course, sir," Jim agreed, going with Pike to the gathered crowd and introducing each of their friends and neighbors, Spock close behind.

"Good to meet you." "Nice to make your acquaintance." "Winona would be very proud." "Wish it could have been under happier circumstance."

Pike patiently listened and nodded and responded with complete appropriateness.

//Comes with being an admiral, I guess,// Jim said with a laugh.

//I would imagine it is a requirement.//

//There goes my chances of ever being one,// Jim said, Spock sending waves of humor in return.

The greetings were temporarily interrupted with the arrival of Courtney and Vladimir.

"Admiral," Jim said, a light hand on his arm. "I'd like to introduce you to Courtney St. Peter and Judge Vladimir Kozlov."

"It's lovely to finally meet you, Admiral," Courtney said with a smile. "I've heard a lot about you."

"If it's from the Captain, you know it's all lies, right?" Pike responded, making those listening laugh.

"Wouldn't be surprised," Courtney agreed with an even brighter smile.

"Your honor," Pike said to Vladimir. "It's good to meet you."

"You as well, Admiral," Vladimir said. Jim could see them evaluating one another as influential men often did when meeting someone deemed as powerful. They each decided that the other was worthy and smiled.

"Please, call me Chris," Pike said to Courtney and Vladimir.

"My pleasure. And I am Vladimir."

"Don't you need to change, sweetie?" Maddie asked Jim softly.

"I've asked that of him for years," Pike said, everyone laughing again.

"Me too," Courtney said in exaggerated surprise.

"I'd think I could get a little respect at my mother's memorial service," Jim complained with absolutely no malice.

"_Men are respectable only as they respect,"_ Spock quoted.

"Now you're channeling Ralph Waldo Emerson?" Jim laughed.

"Seems appropriate," Pike confirmed.

Jim could only shake his head before going with Pike and Spock to the Admiral's rental to get their dress uniforms complete with shoes.

"I didn't think Timberlands went with dress uniforms," Pike said with a laugh.

"I suppose not," Jim agreed, looking down at the dusty boots he was wearing beneath his jeans.

Spock silently channeled his approval of his attire, making Jim smile on the inside before going into the house with the Admiral. They went together to Winona's bedroom, closing the door and drawing the curtains. Not that anyone outside could easily see in, but still.

"How are you really, Jim?" Pike asked from where he sat in the old wooden rocker in one corner of the room as they took off their work clothes.

"You know. A lot of mixed emotions," Jim said, removing his jeans and folding them carefully.

"That's natural," Pike agreed.

"I hope so. Yesterday we were cleaning out the attic and I found one of George's trunks from the Academy," Jim said, his voice slightly muffled as he pulled off his shirt.

"What did you discover?" Pike asked knowingly.

"You might have told me I'm a carbon copy," Jim said.

Pike shook his head at that. "You aren't. You are very much your own man, Jim."

"Maybe now. But we found some his old papers. I could have written them."

"I didn't say he wasn't brilliant and funny and a wise-ass in his own right," Pike laughed.

"You never mentioned that you knew him," Jim said.

"You never asked. I assumed you didn't want to know, to be honest. That if you asked, you'd think all I saw when I looked at you is George. But it's not," Pike assured him.

"You were close?" Spock asked.

"Friends. We had a lot of the same classes. We didn't hang out all the time. He'd come home with me on some of our breaks because his father disapproved of his decision. They weren't estranged exactly. But George didn't come here for every break."

"You also live much closer," Spock said.

"True. That helped. Tiberius and Eleanor came to his graduation. Eleanor was very proud. Beaming. Tiberius was less thrilled but didn't take it out on George."

"Did they like Winona?" Jim asked, wondering if he wanted to know.

"Adored her. Considered her their daughter. I see quite a bit of Eleanor in you," Pike said with a smile.

"You do?" Jim asked in some surprise.

"She was incredibly curious. Always wanted to understand how things worked. I don't mean for it to sound as though she was childlike. She spent her entire adult life right here on the farm. And she loved it. She also loved learning anything new that she could. When George attended the Academy, he brought or sent his books home when he was done with them. So Eleanor could read them. He would even send his papers to her to make sure they were theoretically correct. She was the smartest person I'd ever met until you."

"Smarter than George?" Jim asked, sitting on the edge of the bed to study Pike.

"He was brilliant, Jim. But he wasn't on the same level of genius as you are. Eleanor may have been very very close."

"And she was satisfied living and working on the farm?" Spock asked.

"She was happy," Pike said with a shrug. "I think she could have worked off the farm if she had wanted to. Tiberius could have hired plenty of hands. But as far as I know, she chose to stay here."

"That's something else I never knew," Jim said with a sigh. "My entire past feels like it's a complete mystery to me."

"That's what happens when you only have one parent," Pike agreed. "And it's unfortunate that your grandparents also predeceased you."

"And my mother never talked to me," Jim added.

"That is the most unfortunate aspect," Pike agreed sadly. "And I wish there was something that could have been done."

Jim shook his head at that, taking a deep breath. "People mourn in their own way. That's something all this has taught me."

"Are you mourning, Jim?" Chris asked, studying him.

"For what I never had. For what she cheated me out of."

"It was she who was the most cheated," Spock said quietly.

"I agree. She should have….well. What's done is done. I have some holovids of George and Winona from their Academy days. When you come to Frisco, I'll dig them out for you," Pike said.

"I'd like that," Jim agreed, standing with a sigh to pull on his stiffly uncomfortable dress uniform top, Spock already looking splendid in his science blue one.

"Should I plan to marry you two when you arrive?" Pike asked with a laugh.

"No, sir. We will be marrying on board the Enterprise. We both would be honored if you were able to attend," Spock said, kissing the side of Jim's head in a rare display of affection.

"If you are close enough, you won't be able to keep me away," Pike agreed.

"And you'll preside?" Jim asked, stepping into the patent leather shoes that were really more decorative than practical. But at least they were a perfect fit.

"If I can come, of course I will," Pike agreed. "I'll put request for spousal assignment on the list of forms you'll complete while you're at Headquarters."

"Okay," Jim agreed with a nod. "Yes," he called in response to the light knock on the door.

"Are you almost ready, my dears?" Maddie's voice asked through the door.

Jim pulled the door open so that she could come in and she stopped when she saw Jim and Spock in their dress uniforms.

"Oh my," she whispered, bright pink spots on her cheeks.

"I take it you approve," Chris said with a laugh.

"What?" she said, turning her unfocused eyes on the Admiral. "Oh – oh of course," she said, reaching up to smooth a few of Jim's curls that had been disrupted.

"Thank you, love," Jim said, kissing her lightly on the cheek. "This is a beautiful dress," he added, admiring the black dress with tiny white polka-dots.

"Thank you, dear. Are you ready? People are starting to ask for you."

"Yes, we're coming," he assured her.

"And you know what you're going to say?"

"Yes," he said with a firm nod. "Tyrl ready?"

"Of course he is, Jimmy. Are you speaking, Admiral?" she asked.

"That's up to the Captain," Pike said, glancing at Jim.

"I had thought you would," Jim said. "If you don't mind."

"Of course not," Chris said. "I'd be honored."

That settled, they all went down the steps and back out to the tent, even more people gathered. Jim spoke to as many as he could, introducing Spock and the Admiral as he went, Spock a little overwhelmed by all the strangers and their rampant thoughts to which he was privy when they accidentally came into contact.

It was a relief to them all when Tyrl quietly informed them that it was a quarter to four and maybe it was time that everyone started taking their seats. Aleola sat next Maddie on the front row, her family just behind them. Jim, Spock, Chris, and Tyrl sat on the other side of the aisle from Maddie, a wooden podium placed in the middle of the front. Quiet music played from speakers placed out of the way.

At four o'clock precisely, Tyrl stood behind the podium and waited for the overflow crowd to quiet down. It was only moments before a respectful hush fell over those assembled beneath the tent.

"We are here today united in our common sadness and our mutual love for Winona Kirk. She was a good friend, neighbor, Starfleet officer, and we mourn that she was taken from us before her time.

"Of those gathered here today, I believe that had to privilege of knowing Winona the longest, except possibly for Aleola," he said with a nod for her. "Winona was barely 20 years old the first time George brought her home with him. She radiated kindness and joy, and that she adored George was clear to any who met her. Eleanor and Tiberius fell in love with her instantly and knew they were meant to be together.

"I do not need to speak on the sadness that came to Winona's life at too young an age. The joy of being a mother to two fine boys was all that kept her going. But we know that even that was not enough. She remained dedicated to Starfleet throughout her life and found comfort in being out among the stars she cherished.

"With us today is Admiral Christopher Pike of Starfleet Headquarters to share with us their expressions of grief. Admiral," Tyrl said, nodding to him.

Pike took his place behind the podium, looking out over all those gathered, waiting respectfully. "Saying farewell to a member of the family is never an easy task to undertake. Winona Kirk had a long and eventful career with Starfleet and she came to signify all that was good and right about serving. She was a tireless worker and a dedicated servant to the greater good. I know that you are all familiar with the circumstances of her untimely death but I don't know if you are aware of precisely how she died." He stopped and looked again out over the crowd.

"She was a part of the rescue efforts on Platleta Major. The rescue workers knew that a storm was blowing in and that they needed to leave the planet before the storm reached them. But there was one last group of refugees who had not yet gotten their supplies. The storm that was approaching the relief crew had slowed the journey of this family. They had four small children and the mother was due to deliver their fifth any day. Winona would not allow the shuttle to leave until after she had made sure that the entire family had eaten. She also gave them the emergency blankets from the shuttle and all of the fresh water that they had left.

"She thought there was still time to return to their ship but the storm shifted course unexpectedly and caught them mid-take off. They could neither land nor rise above it. The storm battered the shuttle and despite their most valiant efforts, it crashed and exploded after it was hit by lightening. Had Winona not been more concerned about the refugees than her own safety, she would be with us still." Pike waited a moment, again looking at those listening to his every word. He took a quick glance at Jim who seemed to be taking it in stride. At least Pike hoped he was.

"This selflessness, this idea of putting others before self, this is the ideal we want to be equated with Starfleet. And Winona proved that we have this attribute in abundance."

Pike nodded and sat down back by Jim who looked over at him and nodded. "You okay?" Pike asked quietly.

"I'm fine," Jim assured him. "Was she the shuttle pilot?"

Pike nodded again, watching Jim. But there was nothing to see. Jim was fine. At least on the outside. A quick look at Spock seemed to confirm that Jim was equally fine inside.

//He thinks I'm going to lose it,// Jim said to Spock.

//When you are no longer so angry, you may very well lose it,// Spock responded.

//I'm not angry,// Jim said, considering it. //I'm…angry,// he finally conceded. //But only because I never knew that person.//

//Yes,// Spock said in understanding. //Does it help to know the circumstances of her death?//

//It doesn't much matter,// Jim decided. //I never knew her like that.//

//True,// Spock agreed as he carefully withdrew to his side as Tyrl introduced Jim.

Jim approached the podium, his breathing steady and even. When he was behind the podium, he looked out at his friends, his neighbors, those he had not thought of in years. And he was filled with warmth and security. "I know it's no secret that my relationship with my mother was…strained," he said with an edge of his best Captain's voice. "That was mainly my fault. I was too young and too angry to reach back when she reached out to me. And now that it's too late, I regret my stubbornness more than I can express. I apparently inherited that from my father and his father," he said to the soft laughs of those listening so intently.

"Until the Admiral explained how Winona had died, I refused to think that she would have acted so bravely, so admirably, so selflessly. But I should not have been surprised to hear it. She was, as the Admiral said, an exemplary Starfleet officer. I can only hope to live up to the standards she set." Okay, some of that was not entirely true but Jim knew that those who were aware of it would forgive him for it.

"My mother was a fan of literature and especially of poetry. One of my fondest memories is a time when I was sick in bed with the flu and she stayed with me, reading me Shakespeare. I had only the vaguest idea of what the words meant but I knew they were beautiful.

"She loved all poetry. And it seems fitting that I share with you one of her favorites. It isn't by Shakespeare but by a 21st century poet named Jayne Kenyon. It brings me comfort and I hope that it will do the same for you. It is called _Let Evening Come_."

_Let the light of late afternoon  
shine through chinks in the barn, moving  
up the bales as the sun moves down._

_Let the cricket take up chafing  
as a woman takes up her needles  
and her yarn. Let evening come._

_Let dew collect on the hoe abandoned  
in long grass. Let the stars appear  
and the moon disclose her silver horn._

_Let the fox go back to its sandy den.  
Let the wind die down. Let the shed  
go black inside. Let evening come._

_To the bottle in the ditch, to the scoop  
in the oats, to air in the lung  
let evening come._

_Let it come, as it will, and don't  
be afraid. God does not leave us  
comfortless, so let evening come._

* * *

_TBC_


	17. Chapter 17

Jim woke suddenly. It was dark. And quiet. He didn't know where he was. He sat up, looking around. When Spock sat up next to him, he felt calmer. If only a little. But he wasn't alone. Spock was there.

"What is it, t'hy'la?" Spock asked, a very warm hand on the side of Jim's face. Jim's breathing was rapid and uneven, his blue eyes wide and frightened. "What were you dreaming?"

"Dreams?" Jim repeated as though uncertain what the word really meant.

"What is wrong, love?" Spock asked, studying his Human. He carefully released the bond from containment, allowing it to flow gently between them. Jim shuddered as the connection opened, leaning toward Spock in a reflective gesture. "I am here."

Spock wrapped warm arms around Jim, holding him tightly against his body. Spock could feel Jim's confusion and sorrow and anger. The confusion was the most troublesome to Spock. Very careful not to dislodge Jim from his position against his chest, Spock reached over for the bedside lamp, switching it on. Jim started at the sudden light, hiding his eyes in the curve of Spock's neck. "It is all right, t'hy'la. I am here."

He felt Jim nod against him, his breathing slowing but still labored. Spock simply held Jim, content to wait until he was ready to speak. Because Spock knew he would eventually. It was his nature and the words would come to ease the emotions threatening to overwhelm Jim.

"I don't have words to describe this," Jim whispered against Spock's shoulder.

"You will find them. You always do," Spock assured him.

"When your mother died…" Jim said very softly, almost hesitantly.

"When she died," Spock prompted.

"Did you feel like the legs were knocked out from under your chair?" Jim asked.

Spock considered the question, picturing what Jim had just described. Did he feel as though he had tumbled, been jolted, lost control? "Yes," Spock decided. "That is an apt description." He felt Jim nod against his shoulder, Jim's breath brushing lightly against his exposed skin. They both wore tee shirts and shorts in deference to Pike being in the other bedroom. And doing anything other than falling asleep once they returned to the hotel was not even a remote possibility at least for Jim. Spock and Pike had stayed in the living area for about an hour, Jim going directly to bed. He barely moved when Spock joined him, shifting in his sleep toward the warmth of his love.

"My mother didn't love me," Jim said, his voice stronger. He put some distance between their bodies, Spock's hands resting on Jim's forearms in connection and reassurance. Jim was looking down at Spock's hands, unable to meet Spock's worried eyes.

"Maddie said that she did," Spock said, careful not to sound like he was contradicting Jim.

Jim shrugged at that. "Maybe she did. But if I didn't know, isn't it the same thing?"

"I suppose that it is," Spock had to agree.

"I feel safe with you," Jim said, finally able to look up at Spock, to meet the black eyes that were so worried. "From the beginning. I knew I could count on you."

"I marooned you, love," Spock said in regret.

Jim shrugged that off in dismissal. "I deserved it. That's…" Jim waved his hand, brushing aside Spock's guilt and regret. "After that. After we came back from the Narada. I knew there wasn't anything _we_ couldn't do."

"Which we have proven 56 times since," Spock said.

"You're making that up," Jim said, a tiny smile on his lips.

"Perhaps."

"You are the only person besides Bones who has ever made me feel…safe. That I could count on you. Different from Bones. He has my back."

"I have all of you," Spock said with a soft kiss.

"Exactly. You always do. Even when you still didn't like me, you believed in me. More than I believed in myself."

"Yes," Spock confirmed. "Why are you troubled by this, love?"

"I'm not troubled. I'm trying to understand. Why do you love me? What have I done to deserve you? What if you find out…."

Spock waited, wishing he had the magic words to ease Jim's anxiety, his fear. But all he could do was wait for him, wait to decide what he needed to say.

"One day you're going to realize they were right. That I'm not worth it," Jim whispered, staring down at the bed. "One day, I'll wake up and you'll be gone too."

"There is one difference that you are forgetting, t'hy'la. You are not factoring in that we are bonded. I know you as no one ever has – as no one else ever can. I love all that you are, all that you were, all that you will become. The only realization I will ever make is that I love you more each day."

"But why?" Jim asked, staring at Spock, his eyes wide and solemn. Searching. Questioning. Wanting to understand.

"There is no why," Spock said simply. "You have taught me that matters of the heart defy explanation. They are to be cherished and honored. Not to be analyzed and understood. I love you. You love me. That is both the question and the answer."

"The question and the answer," Jim repeated thoughtfully, tasting the words. "Yes."

"Yes," Spock said, caressing the side of Jim's face. "I will get you some Pepsi to drink."

"I'll come with you," Jim said, easing out of the bed as Spock left. "What time is it?"

"2:13," Spock said as they went into the sitting area together. Jim went into the kitchen for two glasses, one he filled with ice and Pepsi, the other just water. He sat next to Spock on the couch, leaning against his warmth.

"You must be cold."

"I am somewhat chilled. It is not entirely uncomfortable," Spock said.

Jim reached behind them for the blanket that was there, covering them both with it, Spock nodding in appreciation. "I'm sorry we ended up having to stay at the farm so late."

"It is of no consequence. I perceive that it is how it is done," Spock said.

"Yeah. I still thought we'd get back here a lot earlier." He looked over at the second bedroom door as it opened so that Chris could frown down at them. "Hey."

"Why aren't you asleep?" Chris demanded, one hand running through his hair and making it stand up even more.

"Bad dreams. Why are you awake?" Jim asked.

Chris shrugged, slumping down in one of the easy chairs. "Have anything stronger than Pepsi to drink?"

"There is bourbon in the kitchen," Spock said, not attempting to get up for it since Jim was leaning fully against him.

Pike nodded, stumbling over to the kitchen and pouring a measure into a glass. He brought the bottle with him, pouring a healthy dose in Jim's glass. "Medicinal purposes only."

"Thanks," Jim said, sipping his spiked soda. "You seemed to have a lot to say to Marcia Spangler."

Chris shrugged again. "She wanted to know more about you. What kind of student you were. All that crap."

"Oh," Jim said. "What'd you say?"

"That I wanted to have you expelled on a regular basis. But you turned out to be top of your class. Every class. Made it hard to get rid of you."

Jim laughed softly at that. "You said no such thing."

Chris just ignored him, swirling the drink in the glass and watching the interplay of the light as it bounced across the amber liquid.

"You'll have time to meet with Courtney before you leave, right?" Jim asked.

"I told her we'd come see her first thing this morning," Chris agreed. "I have nothing pressing on my schedule so I don't have to rush back."

"Good," Jim said. "I still can't believe I can't just sell the farm to Starfleet."

Chris shrugged at that. "Hardly matters. Long-term lease works just as well. We'll take care of all the maintenance, taxes, what-have-you."

"When do you anticipate that the first students will arrive at the farm?" Spock asked.

"We'll need to build additional housing," Pike said. "And make sure the well and sewer are adequate or make provisions for new ones." He shrugged. "I have absolutely no idea how long any of that takes."

"So probably not for another year?" Jim asked.

"Seems likely. If you are close enough, you want to come for the ribbon cutting?" Pike asked him.

"I don't really care," Jim admitted. "If you need me here, I'll come. But I'm fine not being here."

Pike nodded at that. "It's all pretty complicated, isn't it?"

"What's that?" Jim asked, studying the older man who seemed lost in thought. Jim wasn't even sure Pike knew he had spoken aloud as he continued to study the swirl of the liquid in his glass.

"Memorial services. Farewells. What's expected of you when a family member dies."

"I don't know that I expected you to be feeling it," Jim admitted, still watching Pike closely and seeing the various emotions flicker across his face.

"Everyone feels to a different degree, Jim. Otherwise none of us would have been at the memorial service. I'm not here solely to represent Starfleet. I came…for other reasons as well."

"I know," Jim acknowledged. "I may have been the least affected of anyone there."

"I do not believe that that is true," Spock said, holding tightly to his hand beneath the blanket to convey warmth and understanding.

"You feel it more than you want to admit," Pike agreed. "And eventually you're going to have to come to terms with it."

"Have you been talking to McCoy?" Jim asked, his eyes narrowed as he looked over at Pike.

"I don't need to talk to anyone, son. I know what you are going through. And I know you're trying your damnedest to pretend you aren't." The last was said with an edge of a challenge, one Jim was trying very hard to ignore. If he could just ignore all that had happened, he'd be way better off. Just like his mother had as much as ignored him his entire life.

"I'm not pretending anything, _sir_," Jim finally said with a hard edge. "I'm fine."

"It's 2 fucking 30 in the morning, Jim. Why are you awake? We didn't get back here until nearly 11:00. If you are so 'fine' why aren't you sleeping?" Pike demanded.

Jim stared at him, wanting to react, to run away, to yell at him. Only the warmth of Spock's body kept him still. Only the fact that he had nowhere else to go kept him motionless. "I know what you are trying to do, _Admiral_. And it won't work," Jim said in a monotone.

"What am I trying to do, _Captain?_" Pike retorted, baiting him, almost taunting him. Pike could see Spock stiffen behind Jim but he did not otherwise move. And he did not attempt to speak, for which Pike was grateful.

"I'm not some raw cadet who quivers before the all-mighty Admiral Pike," Jim responded. "I am fine. My mother is dead. My life goes on."

"That's just it. You shouldn't be quite so _fine,_" Pike pointed out. "You should at least give a damn that she's dead. If you don't care that your own mother has died, how can I know you'll give a damn if a member of your crew dies? Are you so cold-blooded that you can't mourn the woman you brought you into this world?"

"And who are you to judge me, Admiral?" Jim retorted. "Who are you to decide whether or not I am sufficiently affected by my mother's death? She's not my responsibility. She chose to leave Earth. To leave me behind. And if you think for one second that I don't mourn every one of my crew that I've lost, then you only pretend to know who I am."

"Whether she left you or not, she was your mother. The only one you'll ever have. There aren't any do-overs. You can't rewrite that history," Pike said.

"What kind of mother leaves her two children to the care of others?" Jim responded in anger. "Now that she's dead, you're going to hold her up as a paragon of motherhood? Do you know how many times she contacted me after I joined Starfleet? Do you have any idea?"

"How many times did you contact her?" Pike asked.

"So this is my fault," Jim spit out. "I'm to blame for the fact that she didn't care enough to wish me a happy birthday. Ever. Or to congratulate me when we managed to save Earth. I didn't deserve her love. Is that it?"

"I didn't say that, Jim," Pike said in a softer voice. Maybe he had pushed too hard. Maybe it was too soon for this 'tough love.' But he was genuinely worried about the lack of emotion Jim had demonstrated the entire time.

"You as much as implied it," Jim said, his anger at full steam. He sat up away from Spock, putting a physical distance between them to match the mental divide that was already in place. Spock was respectful of his anger and did nothing to interfere, although it took all that he had not to tell Pike that he was to stop. Now. "You don't think I deserved her love. Just like everybody else - you don't think I'm good enough."

"I think you are too good for her, Jim," Pike said much more gently. "I think she didn't know what to do with a son as smart and as talented as the one she had."

"She could have started by giving a damn," Jim said between clinched jaws.

"That was her loss. And it doesn't mean that _we_ don't care, son. We know Winona was wrong about you. You are the only one who believes she was right."

Jim gasped at his words, the look on his face one he got after someone punched him. And that's what it felt like – that Pike had physically struck him, his words as powerful as his fists would have been. "I don't believe that," Jim finally whispered.

Pike watched him, seeing the recognition dawning on Jim's face. Needing reassurance, Jim turned to Spock, pleading silently for confirmation.

"You still judge yourself by what you perceive were her standards," Spock told him gently.

Jim shook his head, his tongue peeking out to moisten his lips. "No."

"You think you did not deserve her love. Nor ours," Spock said in the same even tone. "You said yourself that you expect me to realize I have erred in my belief in you. That eventually I will no longer love you."

"You do love me," Jim said, trying very hard to prevent the pleading from being heard.

"I love you enough to bond with you," Spock said. "It is a life-bond, t'hy'la. One only death can break. I want you to be mine for the rest of both of our lives. That is how much I love you."

Jim nodded at that, looking over at Pike, questioning.

"You deserve Spock's love, Jim. And that of your crew," Pike said with a nod.

Jim tilted his head, wanting one more sentence. Just one. It wouldn't make up for all the hardships in his life but it would go a long way to heal some of those wounds.

"And mine," Pike assured him. "I'm not here primarily for Winona, son. I'm here for you."

Jim released the breath he didn't know he had been holding, finally relaxing. Why was Pike's affirmation so important? Well, it was and he couldn't figure it out right now. He was too….tired to think any more. Before he knew what was happening, he was leaning back against Spock who wrapped warm arms around him. His last conscious thought was…_home_.


	18. Chapter 18

When Jim woke, it was to sunlight streaming through the window, splashing across the bed where he lay. He squinted against the brightness, not surprised he was alone in bed. He could hear Spock and Chris in the sitting area, talking softly. About him, no doubt.

/We have other subjects which we discuss,/ Spock informed him with an internal amusement and warmth.

Jim returned a snort, slowly getting out of bed, wondering why he felt like he had been rode hard and put away wet.

/Because you are dealing with multiple reactions and emotions,/ Spock assured him.

/I guess,/ Jim said, finishing up in the bathroom and wandering into the sitting area. He frowned when Pike laughed at him.

"You look like hell. You know that, right?" Chris said.

"Thanks," Jim said, sitting pressed next to Spock on the loveseat. "What time it is?"

"10:23," Spock answered, kissing his head.

"Oh lord," Jim said. "Did you call Courtney?"

"We did. She said she will be in court until 4 and will stop by here on her way home," Spock said.

"Do you have time to stay?" Jim asked Chris in some concern.

"I do. I already called my office. I'm staying until tomorrow," he announced.

"I see," Jim said, looking at Chris and back at Spock. "In your bedroom, right?"

Chris laughed at that. "Do I need to get my own room?"

"Nope," Jim assured him. "I'm glad you can stay."

"Me too," Chris said warmly.

Jim nodded in appreciation, standing up slowly to go to the kitchen, glad there was still coffee in the maker.

"I made it…earlier this morning. Hope you can drink it," Pike said over the back of his chair.

"Doesn't much matter," Jim said with a shrug, pouring a cup. "Are you coming back to the farm with us to sort boxes?"

"We are not sorting boxes today, t'hy'la. We are remaining here. We are eating and swimming and sleeping," Spock said in tone that said it had already been decided.

"Oh," Jim said, carrying his coffee back to the loveseat to sit leaning up against Spock. "The boxes won't sort themselves."

"They will not. However Starfleet will not be concerned if they remain in the attic," Spock said.

"You can come back any time to finish," Pike added. "Or you don't ever have to. Makes no difference. The attic can be declared off limits if you want."

"And you told Maddie?" Jim asked.

"We did. She is remaining at her house today. I believe she also appreciates the time away," Spock said, a tone of sympathy that Jim recognized though few other people would have heard it.

Jim shrugged at that, looking into his cup. "It's supposed to be this hard, right?"

"It's been my experience," Pike agreed.

"Okay," Jim said, taking a deep breath. "What made you decide to stay?"

Pike shrugged. "I have time. Haven't spent many days outside of Starfleet Headquarters in a long time. You tend to forget there's a real world with grocery stores and fruit stands on the side of the road."

"Yeah," Jim agreed, sipping his coffee which in truth was pretty terrible. "You think I could still get breakfast from the hotel?"

"I believe they serve breakfast all day," Spock said, reaching for the menu to confirm that they did have a complete selection. "Should we go downstairs?"

"Have you two eaten?"

"Earlier," Pike said. "I could do with something right about now. I'll jump in the shower."

"Okay," Jim agreed, watching him leave. "Is he worried about me?"

"Not actively," Spock assured him. "His main motivation is simply to 'play hokey' as he said."

"Good," Jim said, shifting to look at Spock. "You okay?"

"I am. You slept so I was able to as well. The Admiral and I discussed the plans for today and agreed that some time away would benefit us all."

"You're feeling it too," Jim acknowledged.

"I am," Spock said. "Certainly not the extent that you are. I believe it is natural."

"Especially since it wasn't so long ago that you had to deal with the impact of losing…so much more," Jim said softly.

"It is not a contest, t'hy'la. My suffering does not diminish yours. You must find your own level of resolution."

"Yeah," Jim agreed, taking a deep breath. "Let's take a shower. I'm starving."

"A good sign," Spock said, standing as Jim did.

"When we've eaten, I'd like to contact Bones. Is it too early there?"

"Once we have eaten and returned here, it will be about the time he is getting up," Spock said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Aren't you coming in?" Jim asked as he stripped off his bed clothes.

"I am not. I will wait until you are finished. We will both be finished much more quickly that way."

"Oh," Jim said, frowning. It might be said he was pouting but Starship captains certainly did _not_ pout.

"We will shower together after we swim," Spock promised.

"In our bathing suits," Jim said, shaking his head. "Okay. I won't be long."

"I am not concerned," Spock assured him, admiring his bare body until it disappeared into the bathroom.

When they were both dressed and ready, all three went downstairs for a late breakfast. They chatted and laughed and paused each time someone approached, wanting to have a word with the famous visitors.

"Gets old, doesn't it?" Pike asked with a sympathetic laugh.

"More so than I ever thought it could," Jim agreed, finishing his coffee. He smiled up at Noik when he approached their table. "Noik. You remember Admiral Pike."

"Certainly, Admiral," Noik said with a nod. "Everything satisfactory with your stay?"

"Couldn't be better," Jim assured him. "Everyone has been as helpful and as kind as we could possibly want."

"Good, good," Noik said in approval. "Are you going back to the farm?"

"Not today," Jim said. "Taking it easy."

"Good," Noik repeated. "If there's anything I can do for you, you know you only have to ask."

"I was wondering if Helen still has that motorcycle rental place on Wrenn," Jim said.

"Her daughter runs it now. But if you want to take a ride, you can borrow mine," Noik told him.

"I wouldn't dream of imposing," Jim said.

"I don't think you are," Noik said with a laugh, taking the key out of his pocket. "It's parked right outside the pool area. Should be the only one there."

"Bright blue, right?" Jim said, accepting the key.

"You know it. Have a good time. Park it back there when you're done."

"What time do you get off?" Jim asked.

"At 2. But don't worry about it. Aeola will pick me up if you aren't back," Noik said with a wave of dismissal at any concerns.

"Thanks so much," Jim said. After assurances that he would be careful and return it without a scratch, Noik wandered off to see to other patrons in the restaurant.

"Where are you planning to go on his motorcycle?" Spock asked.

"_We_ are going to Riverside Shipyard," Jim said with a smile just for Spock.

"You and the Admiral?" Spock asked somewhat hopefully.

"Nope. Me and you. I have never wrecked. We'll be perfectly safe," Jim said. Jim glanced across the table at Pike who was having some considerable trouble not laughing at Spock's expression.

"Why am I to be included in your desire to relive your youth?" Spock asked sounding all disapproving. But Jim knew it was mostly for show.

"_Because_ it's such a part of my youth. You need to know what it's like. The freedom of it. The sun on your face. The wind in your hair," Jim insisted.

"The bugs in your teeth," Chris added, earning him a scowl from Jim.

"You're not helping," Jim said in a dramatic whisper.

"I am perfectly content to remain here," Spock said.

"I could make it an order," Jim threatened.

"You're off duty, Jim. That bird won't fly here," Chris told him with a laugh.

"_Again_. This isn't helping," Jim pointed out. Chris just laughed. "Please," Jim said to Spock, giving him _that_ look, the one that even Spock could not ignore.

"Very well," Spock conceded. "If, however, anything unfortunate should occur, I will hold you personally responsible."

"Understood," Jim said brightly. "Let's go talk to Bones then we'll ride."

"Telling him good bye?" Chris laughed.

Jim just snorted and made to leave.

"Don't you think we should pay first?" Chris asked, looking up at where Jim stood next to him.

"Oh," Jim said, looking over at Spock, embarrassment evident in his expression.

"We have not been required to pay since we arrived," Spock said with the barest hint of amusement, one even Chris could detect.

"I see," Chris laughed. "And you are mortified by this."

Jim just shrugged, waiting for the other men to leave the booth so they could all return to their suite.

When they arrived, Jim sat at the computer, Bones answering almost right away. Jim had to smile when he saw his friend, with his hair still wet and wearing a bathrobe. "Hey," Jim said.

"Hiya kid. How ya doing?" Bones asked, sounding far less grumpy than usual.

"Good. Spock and Chris declared today a day off. So me and Spock are going for a motorcycle ride."

"Spock and I," Bones corrected with a smile.

"Not you too," Jim said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, me too. You're going to be careful, right? I don't want to have to break in a new first officer," Bones teased.

"Oh right. Worried about Spock but not me," Jim said in mock indignation.

Bones shrugged at that. "I have my priorities," he claimed.

"Of course," Jim said, shaking his head. "How's it going there?"

"We're wrapping up. I'm goin' back to Enterprise tomorrow. Well, at least headin' back. I'll get there, finally, in four days."

"You aren't taking a shuttle the whole way, are you?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"Part way. Too bad you aren't here so I can throw up on you," McCoy retorted.

"There's drugs for that, you know. Try giving yourself a hypospray before you board," Jim suggested.

McCoy snorted at that. "I'm savin' all of them for you. You sound better."

"I am," Jim said with a nod. "The service is over."

"Oh gracious, Jim. I completely forgot. I'm sorry. You're okay?"

"I fine, Bones. Really. I got the fruit basket you sent. Thanks for the chocolates."

"You're welcome. Tell me about the service," Bones requested.

Jim told him what had been said, who had been there, what his friends had said afterwards, all the people that came and how he really appreciated them being there. "I was worried they would blame me but they didn't," Jim confessed.

"They understand, kid. And if they don't, that's on them. Not you. You arrange the sale of the farm to Starfleet?" McCoy asked.

"Well," Jim huffed. "Turns out I can't." He explained what they had learned, McCoy shaking his head at the stubbornness of Jim's grandfather.

"Now I see how you come by your hard-headiness," McCoy said.

"Thanks," Jim said, turning thoughtful. "Turns out I'm a lot more like George than I knew."

"Are you?" Bones asked, waiting.

Jim told him what he and Spock had discovered, Bones listening and asking the right questions at the right times. Jim was vaguely aware that Pike and Spock had left the suite which he appreciated even though he didn't think it was entirely necessary. "That was a blank slate, before."

"It was," Bones agreed. "He was a man, just like you. He wasn't always a hero any more than you were. Will you finally be able to stop trying to live up to his standards?"

"I do no such thing," Jim claimed. Bones just raised an eyebrow, waiting. "I don't."

"Jim. This is me."

Jim sighed, frowning at Bones. Damn him and his perceptiveness. "I don't do it intentionally. But I've been his disappointment my entire life."

"No you weren't. You never were anyone's disappointment. Except your own," Bones said gently.

Jim nodded at that, staring at Bones. "Spock doesn't think I'm a disappointment."

Bones laughed at his confession. "Good for you. Spare me the details."

Jim shrugged, smiling at his best friend. "Will you be nicer to him now?"

"I doubt it. Somebody has to keep him humble. You sure won't."

"Nope. We'll get married once we can make the arrangements. Pike will preside if he's close enough."

"Where's Chris now?" Bones asked. "He go back already?"

"No. He's staying until tomorrow. Purely social. He and Spock are…walking in the park next door. Giving us time to ourselves."

"That's good of them," Bones said. "Seriously, be careful on the motorcycle, please."

"I will. I've never crashed. I don't plan to start when I have Spock with me."

"Good. I'll contact you as soon as I'm back on board. Will you be in San Francisco by then?"

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "We'll probably leave here in a couple of days."

"Alright," Bones said. "You need anything else?"

"No. I'm good. Looking forward to being back aboard Enterprise."

"I know, Jim. Live in the here and now as much as you can," Bones advised.

"Yeah, I got that advice already from Obi-Wan," Jim assured him with a laugh. "About the time I was having a meltdown."

"It was only a matter of time, really. Even Jedi Knights can only take so much," McCoy reminded him with a smile.

"So I'm learning. Take care of yourself and please tell the pilots to deliver you safely."

"I will," Bones laughed. "Comm me if you need me."

"You know I will. Now I'm going to drag Spock onto the motorcycle and drive out to Riverside Shipyard."

"Okay. Avoid the bar, please."

"I will," Jim responded with a laugh. "Talk to you later."

"You know it," Bones said, signing off.

Jim smiled for a moment before standing to go out and find Spock. He and Pike were sitting under a maple tree, chatting as he approached. "You ready?" he asked Spock.

"I suppose," Spock said in resignation. "Express my regret to my father if I should not return," he requested of Pike.

Chris laughed, shaking his head. "I will. I'm going to see if I can get the Enterprise back."

"Not likely," Jim said with a laugh, turning back toward the hotel, Spock going with him.

"Leonard is well?" Spock asked.

"Yeah. He's leaving tomorrow. Said he'll be back on board in a few days."

Spock nodded at that, stopping when Jim did and eyeing the motorcycle with a mix of distaste and distrust.

"It's fine, Spock. Stop acting like it's going to intentionally try to throw us," Jim said with a laugh.

"Where will we acquire the appropriate safety helmets?"

"We aren't wearing helmets," Jim said. "They aren't required."

Spock stared at him as though he had really and truly lost his mind. "We are riding without appropriate safety equipment?"

"Just get on," Jim requested, gesturing to the motorcycle.

"I have the impression that I am going to regret this. Should I live long enough," Spock said, throwing one very long leg over the seat. He backed up until he was on the elevated passenger "seat" such as it was.

"Put your feet on the rests," Jim instructed, pointing them out. When Spock had done it, Jim joined him on the motorcycle. "If you feel safer, put your arms around my waist."

Spock nodded and did it, transferring some of his real anxiety to Jim.

"Would you relax?" Jim said over his shoulder. "Nothing is going to happen."

Spock simply looked back at him, still holding tightly to his waist.

Jim started the motorcycle, allowing Spock to adjust to the noise and the sensation before slowly easing out the brake. "Okay?"

Spock did not respond, hiding his eyes against Jim's shoulder as Jim maneuvered to the edge of the street.

"When we are rounding a curve, lean into it, not away from it," Jim instructed. Spock barely nodded, his grip growing even tighter when Jim had the motorcycle on the street and began to pick up speed. Jim took them out of town and onto the service road that paralleled the main road. Not that there were very many people out and about but he thought Spock would be more comfortable with less traffic.

/I would be more comfortable were we standing still,/ Spock told him.

/Stop spying on me,/ Jim laughed. /Are you still worried?/

Spock did not answer, putting his barriers back in place so Jim would not know of his reactions. In truth, the sensation of falling was less prevalent and he was beginning to relax. He lifted his head enough to look at the landscape, finding it flat and empty. Which was curious. Where were the crops? The houses? The inhabitants?

/There are no farms here?/ he asked when they had gotten further out of town.

/Starfleet owns all this,/ Jim explained.

/I see,/ Spock said, actively looking around. /Are we permitted to be here?/

/Yeah. The shipyard has a fence but we're not prohibited from being on the service road./

Spock leaned the same way as Jim as they rounded a curve, mindful of Jim's instructions. When they had straightened, they were within view of the shipyard, the towers rising out of the plains to stand as guardians.

He tightened his grip slightly when Jim pulled off the road, the ground underneath rougher and making for a bumpier ride. When Jim stopped, he also put down his feet although he knew it was not necessary.

"That's the new Farragut," Jim told him, looking up at the starship under construction, so far over their heads.

"It is quite beautiful," Spock said.

"Not as beautiful as the Enterprise was when it was up there," Jim said with a smile. "It was still being built when Chris found me in the bar."

Spock had no response to that, looking up at the starship being built before their eyes.

"Do you want to go into the shipyard?" Jim asked.

"Do you have your Starfleet identification with you?" Spock asked in response.

Jim laughed at his question. "Do you seriously think either of us need our IDs?"

"It is against regulations to allow personnel into the shipyard without appropriate identifying documentation," Spock told him.

Jim just laughed again. "Let's try and see what happens."

"If we are arrested, the Admiral will not come and rescue us," Spock warned.

"We'll leave if we have to," Jim promised. "He won't need to come get us."

"Very well," Spock agreed, placing his feet back on the rests as Jim eased the motorcycle into motion. He still held onto Jim's waist but not with the bruising strength he had previously employed.

When they reached the gate, the security guard approached, eyeing them suspiciously. "This area is restricted, sirs."

"We're aware of that, Lieutenant," Jim assured him. "We simply wanted to take a quick look around. See the progress being made on the Farragut."

The guard shook his head before focusing back on Jim and Spock. "Captain Kirk? Commander Spock?"

"Sure are," Jim agreed with a smile. "May we take a look around? We promise not to be in anyone's way."

"You are not allowed on the premises without official identification, sir," the guard said.

/As I told you,/ Spock informed Jim in his best you-should-try-listening tone.

"Understood," Jim said, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans to extract his Starfleet ID.

/You said you did not have it,/ Spock said.

/No, I said we'd leave if we had to,/ Jim laughed silently, amused by Spock's indignation.

"Commander?" the guard asked.

"I do not have my identification," Spock said.

"I see, sir," the guard said, looking at his two very famous visitors and not quite knowing what to do. "Well, Captain Kirk can vouch for you. And there's no doubt that you are Commander Spock."

"If our presence will cause you to be reprimanded, we will leave," Spock assured him, scolding Jim silently.

"I think they'll make an exception for you, sir," the guard said, returning Jim's ID to him. "Enjoy your visit."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Jim said, going through the gate when the guard had it opened. "Stop being mad."

"I am not angry," Spock informed him. "You should not use your position to gain what you want."

Jim shrugged at that, slowly going toward the construction area. He wasn't surprised when they found Captain LaBlanca waiting for them at the base of the Farragut. He knew the guard would alert the commanding officer of their arrival.

"Captain Kirk. Commander Spock," Captain LaBlanca said to them as they dismounted from the motorcycle.

"Captain LaBlanca," Jim said, shaking the other man's hand. He was somewhat older than Jim and much rounder. Not someone who kept himself as fit as he ought, which could explain his presence on the ground rather than on a starship.

"I heard of your mother's passing," LaBlanca said to Jim in sympathy.

"Yes," Jim said with a nod. "We had the memorial service yesterday."

"I'm very sorry for your loss," LaBlanca said, looking from Jim to Spock and back. "I thought it might be only a matter time before you paid us a visit."

"It's hard to stay away from the shipyard when we're this close," Jim agreed, looking up at the skeleton of the Farragut. "Will it be completed on time?"

"We're hoping it will be completed six weeks ahead of schedule. We have a reputation to maintain," LaBlanca said with a booming laugh.

"Indeed," Spock agreed, also gazing up at the ship.

"I've heard that you're slated to be her Captain, Commander," LaBlanca said casually to Spock.

Spock could feel Jim's shock at the words, the same shock that he was feeling. "I do not believe that to be accurate, sir," Spock said smoothly.

"Admiralty said you were in line as soon as it was commissioned," LaBlanca went on as though Spock had not spoken. He was so involved in imparting the information to them, he failed to notice the surprise on either of their faces. "What with the shortage of captains. Almost all Commanders will be getting their own ships, just as quick as they are commissioned. You're first in line. I've heard they will try to assign as many Vulcans as desire the posting to the ship."

"I see, sir" was all Spock could think to respond.

/They can't make you take it,/ Jim assured him. /Especially once we're married./

/Yes,/ Spock said. /How does he have this information when we do not?/

/An excellent question. One I'll be asking Pike as soon as we get back./

"Yes we would like to see the work up close," Jim agreed when LaBlanca finally stopped talking long enough to ask if they wanted to go up to the top.

They all entered the lift which swiftly took them up the tower to the observation level where they had an unobstructed view of the crew working on the starship.

"It will be slightly larger than the Enterprise," LaBlanca told them. "I'd say state of the art, but then they all are. We're using the plans from the original Farragut. It will be dedicated to all those lost on her."

"As it should be," Jim agreed, trying not to think about the cadets who were among those lost. His classmates, friends, acquaintances.

LaBlanca failed to notice their reaction as he continued telling them the technical specifications for the rebuilt Farragut. He also failed to notice that Jim had pretty much tuned him out, letting his words wash over him like so much background noise.

/Ask to be excused,/ Spock suggested with sympathy. The droning of the Captain's voice was also grating on him, though he was loath to admit it even to himself.

/I will. If he ever pauses to take a breath./

To their combined relief, Jim's communicator decided at that moment to chirp for his attention. "Pardon me, Captain."

"Of course, Captain," LaBlanca said, going further down the observation deck to chat briefly with two other visitors.

"Kirk here," Jim said.

"You two get lost?" Pike laughed.

"We're at the shipyard. Chatting with Captain LaBlanca," Jim told him.

"Oh lord. No wonder."

"Yeah. This was perfect timing. How'd you know?" Jim asked in a quiet voice.

"Can't say exactly. Glad I could intervene."

"Me too," Jim said, watching LaBlanca approach. "Yes, sir. We can return to town right away."

"I appreciate it, Captain," Pike said in his best Admiral voice. "I regret pulling you away."

"Understood, sir. We should be there in 20 minutes."

"Very good," Chris replied. "Pike out."

"Admiral Pike is here?" Captain LaBlanca asked in surprise.

"He is here representing Starfleet for the memorial service," Spock said.

"Of course," LaBlanca said with a nod. "Do you imagine he is planning on paying us a visit?"

"He hasn't mentioned it if he is," Jim said. "This trip is primarily social. Although we do need to return for our scheduled meeting with him."

"Indeed," Spock said with a nod.

"Yes, of course," LaBlanca repeated, going down with them in the lift. He escorted them back to the motorcycle and with thanks sent them on their way.

Spock held on until Jim pulled off on the side of the service road around the bend from the shipyard.

"Hey Chris?" Jim said when Pike had answered his hail.

"Yeah?"

"LaBlanca said he heard Spock was slated to be appointed Captain of the new Farragut."

"That's just not true, Jim. If it were, you'd be the first to know. Not LaBlanca," Pike assured him.

"That's what I thought. But he seemed pretty sure," Jim said in relief.

"He talks way too much. About things that he has no business discussing. One of the many reasons he's assigned to the Riverside Shipyard," Pike said in exasperation.

"Okay. We're on our way back. You need anything from town?"

"Nope. I'm good. You going to go swimming with me when you get back?" Pike asked.

"You know it," Jim said, turning to look at Spock when he had said goodbye to Chris. "See. He was wrong."

"It makes no difference whether or not he was wrong. I have no desire to be Captain. I only wish to be _with_ my Captain," Spock assured him, the warmth of his words reflected in his beautifully dark eyes.

"Good. Because I like being Captain. And if you get your own ship, I'll have to give mine up."

"No such possibility exists," Spock promised him.

Jim smiled at him, that smile that made sure he got, and kept, everything that he wanted, one he knew Spock was not immune to. And he was very glad. "You ready?"

"I am," Spock agreed, settling his feet on his rests and holding lightly to Jim's waist as he put the motorcycle in motion.

By the time they arrived back at the hotel, Spock had moved his hands to Jim's hips, simply resting them there because he could. The need to hold on for security had gone by the wayside but Spock relished the fact that riding in tandem provided him with the opportunity to touch Jim in public without raising any eyebrows, his included.

Jim parked the motorcycle right where it had been, taking a moment to appreciate its beauty before going inside with Spock. He stopped by the front desk, returning the key to Noik with many thanks for the loan.

"I rode yours enough times," Noik laughed. "It'll take a long time to even that score."

Jim shrugged and with additional thanks, went upstairs with Spock.

"No wrecks?" Chris laughed as they entered.

"Nope," Jim assured him. "All in one piece. Both of us."

"So I see. What'd you think, Spock?"

"It was an interesting experience," Spock said, Jim's silent laughter ringing in his head.

"He liked it. Once he relaxed," Jim said affectionately. "I'll have bruises where he was holding on."

Pike shook his head at that, shooing them into their bedroom to put on their swim trunks. Spock decided to not swim, remaining dressed as he was, trading his boots for light shoes.

"You sure?" Jim asked when he stood in his black trunks and casual shoes.

"I am. While I have no objections to the exercise, I am not as accustom nor as accomplished as many Humans," Spock explained.

"I can understand that. Can't be too many pools on a desert planet," Jim said.

"There were not. I would like to improve my swimming technique. Perhaps on our next shoreleave."

"You got it," Jim agreed happily, conjuring up mental images of the lessons. All that touching. Wet bodies. Warm sunshine.

"You need to stop," Spock said somewhat breathlessly.

"Really?" Jim said, sitting astride Spock, their bodies in delicious contact. "Is that what you really want?"

"Chris is waiting for us," Spock whispered, kissing Jim in contradiction to his words.

"Yeah," Jim said reluctantly, backing off and leaning over to kiss him quickly. "Tonight."

"Yes," Spock agreed, taking a deep breath and slowly standing. They were still somewhat breathless when they entered the sitting area but Chris pretended not to notice, to Spock's silent gratitude.

"We ready then?" Pike asked. Once they had bottles of water from the refrigerator, they went down, deciding to start on the inside half of the pool. As it was still only April, the unheated outside would probably be too cool to be comfortable.

Chris and Jim dove in, swimming leisure laps under Spock's watchful gaze. Chris swam to the side first, turning to watch Jim. "Jim," he called when he surfaced briefly during his turn.

"Huh?" Jim responded, treading water and breathing heavily.

"I think 25 laps is enough."

Jim shook his head. "I didn't swim that many laps."

"You did," Spock assured him, approaching and reaching down a hand. Jim accepted and with one tug, Spock lifted him clear of the water. Once he was wrapped in a large towel, Jim say in the lounger next to Spock, still trying to catch his breath.

"I had no idea," Jim said, scrubbing his face with the towel.

"You were swimming off your stress," Chris acknowledged, taking a long pull of water. "Drink some water."

Jim nodded, doing it and coughing briefly. "Thanks."

"For what?" Chris asked.

Jim shrugged, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"Are you planning to sleep?" Spock asked quietly.

Jim opened one eye to look up at him, seeing the concern barely etched on his face. "No. Just catching my breath. I really didn't know I had done that many laps."

"You find relief in intense physical activity," Spock said.

"Yeah. I wasn't feeling especially stressed," Jim assured them both.

"It's the accumulation of it all," Chris assured him, looking up at the pool attendant when he stopped beside them.

"Can I get you gentlemen anything?" he asked politely.

"Are we allowed alcohol poolside?" Chris asked.

"Certainly, sir. We ask that you be extremely careful and not take the drinks into the pool," the attendant said.

"Of course. I'd like a Coors. He'd like a Dos Equis," Chris said.

"Certainly. Sir?" he asked Spock.

"Nothing for me," Spock said, the attendant nodding and leaving them.

"What time is it?" Jim asked, looking over at Spock.

"2:53," Spock said automatically.

"Okay. There's a restaurant in town I'd like to go to for dinner. A little hole in the wall but it makes killer Italian."

"Sounds good to me," Chris agreed. "We can go as soon as we finish up with Courtney."

"Good," Jim agreed. "I still need an inscription for Winona's stone."

"That poem you read was beautiful," Chris commented.

"It was one of her favorites. But I don't think the whole thing should go on her stone. Do you?" Jim asked, turning to look at Chris.

"Probably not. I read an ancient Jewish inscription that I always thought was fitting. It's from Midrash Tanhuma: _Birth and death are like ships: why do we rejoice over a ship setting out on a journey when we know not what she may encounter on the seas? We should rejoice when the ship returns safely to the port_."

Jim considered those words, asking Chris to repeat them. When he had, Jim looked over at Spock. "What do you think?"

"I think there is much wisdom to be gained from ancient religious texts," Spock said with a nod.

"Me too. Okay. I'll send a message to the Bachmans," Jim said, accepting the beer when the attendant returned with it, Chris also accepting his with a nod. "You know," Jim said thoughtfully, looking over at Spock. "You probably need to tell Nyota before we get back."

"He's right," Chris said casually. "You don't want her finding out when everybody else does."

"She would find that …distressing," Spock agreed. "I should tell her soon."

"You should," Chris agreed. "Do you want to go contact her now?"

"Would you mind if I absented myself?" Spock asked politely.

"Nah," Jim said, turning his head to look over at him. "Tell her hi for me, providing she doesn't plan to kick my ass."

"I believe she gave up that particular goal quite a while ago," Spock told him as he stood.

"You coming back when you're done?" Jim asked.

"I will. Unless you return before hand."

"'Kay," Jim said, letting his eyes close when Spock had left. "Did you get rid of him on purpose?"

"Nope. Trying to save you from an ass-kicking," Pike laughed. "Not that you don't deserve one. On general principle."

"Have I ever denied it?" Jim asked with a smile.

"You know better. You didn't really think Spock was assigned the Farragut, did you?" Chris asked.

"Starfleet can be stubborn and single-minded. They may have decided and not told me," Jim said with a shrug.

"They might not tell you. But I would. You know that," Chris said.

"Yeah. Where do you think he got that idea?"

"No telling. LaBlanca's always had an over-inflated sense of self importance. Hasn't changed much."

"Apparently," Jim said, tilting his head slightly.

"What?" Chris asked, studying him.

"Uhura's not on the ship. So Spock left her a message and is on his way back down. He's a little worried about her," Jim said, frowning briefly. /Akia doesn't know where she is?/

/Apparently not. I left a message for Mr. Scott. He will know where she is./

/Where was he?/ Jim asked.

/Unavailable. Akia had no further information./

Jim looked up at Spock when he arrived. He repeated for Pike what Jim already knew, Pike looking up at him.

"Are you worried about her?" Pike asked.

"It is not like her to leave the ship without following proper protocol," Spock said.

"The Enterprise is docked. I'm sure she's on the station. Probably having her hair done," Pike said.

"I am certain you are correct," Spock said, resuming his seat. He reached over and lightly brushed Jim's hand with his own, transmitting love and apologies.

/Don't be silly. Of course you're concerned. I'd be concerned if you weren't concerned,/ Jim told him.

/Thank you,/ Spock said, relaxing into the chair. He stirred when his communicator beeped, opening it to discover it was Lt. Uhura. "You are well?"

"I'm fine, Spock. I forgot to tell Akia where I was going. I'm sorry if I worried you," she said. Jim could her the smile in her voice even across the great distance.

"So long as you are unharmed," Spock said.

"I'm fine, sweets. What did you call about?" she asked.

Spock left the recliner and wandered outside, wanting a measure of privacy, not that he especially cared if Jim and Chris heard the conversation. But Uhura deserved the consideration.

Spock was gone for 20 minutes before returning to sit next to Jim. He was more relaxed, more at ease than he had been.

/You were feeling guilty,/ Jim said in realization.

/I was unaware of the fact until I spoke with her,/ Spock agreed.

"It's rude to exclude me," Chris protested with a laugh, looking from one to the other.

"Apologies, sir," Spock said.

"Don't _sir_ me. Just tell me what she said," Chris said, still laughing.

Spock told them both, that she wasn't surprised. She had seen the signs and was happy for him. She knew he had found the one he really needed. He did tell them that she had a message for the _Captain._

"And what is that?" Jim asked, his eyes closed.

"She said, and I quote, 'you hurt him and I will kick your ass,'" Spock said.

"What did you say to that?" Chris asked with a laugh.

"I would convey the message," Spock said seriously, making the other two laugh.

"No chance of that happening," Jim said with a bright smile, one that Spock very much enjoyed.

"Much as I told her," Spock said, relaxing back in his chair, the fingers of his right hand entwined with those of Jim's left, conveying all of the emotions and thoughts and _love_ for which there were no need for words.

* * *

_A/N: I'm sorry this chapter was so long in coming. RL has been...well, you didn't come here for my tale of woe. I will try very hard to update much more quickly next time!_

_2 other things (because 7000+ words in this chapter apparently aren't enough?): 1. Reviews = writer crack! Cheaper, safer, legal! 2. My undying love and appreciation to Lyricoloratura for way way more reasons than I can list here. Just trust me when I say she rocks the most!_

_Hope you enjoyed chapter 18! Do let me know? Thanks! Peace out!_


	19. Chapter 19

_When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be_. - Lao Tzu

* * *

Courtney arrived at 4:15 with the papers for the Captain and the Admiral to sign. All formalities but there were a gracious plenty of them. Jim was sure his fingers would be permanently curved around his pen before she said they had reached the final form. That was included in the pile that gave her authority to make the decisions for Jim in his absence.

She assured them that once they had been registered and filed, copies would be sent to all the concerned parties.

Business complete, Jim invited her to join them for dinner. She readily agreed, also very much enjoying the food at Marcella's. They decided to walk the four blocks, the evening cool but not uncomfortably so. Spock had on a warmer jacket, enough to add to his comfort.

They found a booth near the back, isolated enough that they would only be noticed by the wait staff, they hoped. It didn't take long for one of the waitresses to come over to take their orders. If her eyes lingered just a little longer on Jim than the rest of those present, no one bothered to mention it.

"You ate here a lot?" Pike asked Jim as he drank from his beer.

"Yeah. There would be gaps, periodically," Jim admitted.

"When you were thrown out and told not to return," Courtney added.

"Isn't that confidential information?" Jim asked in indignation.

"I will allow the question," Spock said, making the others laugh.

"There was no question," Jim reminded them with a smile.

"He caused more than his share of trouble," Courtney told them, her affectionate smile directed mostly at Jim, who just shrugged.

"How many times total were you arrested?" Chris asked with a laugh.

"Mmm…a few," Jim hedged.

"Seven," Courtney clarified. "Mostly minor. His sentencing got more sever as the arrests mounted."

"We could talk about something else," Jim suggested.

"Nothing as interesting," Chris countered. "Did your husband ever preside?"

"The last few times," Courtney agreed. "The prosecutors weren't as interested in sentencing Jim as reforming him. Vlad is an advocate of community service over incarceration. How much of our highways did you patrol for trash?"

"All of them," Jim said. "I was grateful to him that he didn't think I should be hauled off each time. I didn't do anything to deserve to be sent to that prison."

"It was the accumulation of your crimes," Courtney reminded him gently. "If your first one hadn't been stealing the antique car, you might have gotten off easier later."

"Yeah," Jim said. "I wasn't going to let Frank sell it."

"I know, dear," Courtney said, covering his hand with her own. "We all understood. But when Frank pressed charges, there wasn't anything anyone could do."

"The bastard," Jim said.

"He is," Courtney agreed. She intentionally lightened the mood by telling Chris and Spock about some of the other trouble Jim had caused, generally if not always for a good reason. "I think stealing the goat may be my personal favorite," she said with a laugh.

"Why would you take a goat?" Spock asked, his humor inside Jim's head.

"It wasn't just any goat," Jim said in some indignation. "It was the school mascot for Kalona High. It was a time-honored tradition for our high school to steal their goat."

"And you were arrested for it?" Chris asked, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Yeah," Jim shrugged. "Something about a pattern of criminal intent and behavior."

"He was let off with a warning. Which he barely heeded," Courtney added.

"That's not true. My record was mostly expunged after that," he insisted.

"Mostly," Chris said with a laugh. Jim shrugged, accepting more iced tea from the waitress, the others also accepting beverage refills.

"You were a perfect child?" Jim asked Chris with a grin.

"Entirely perfect. Never a spot of trouble. Much, I would guess, like Spock."

"In fact, there were times when I engaged in childish scuffles," Spock corrected.

"About what?" Jim asked casually.

"Childish behavior," Spock said. "As you would expect." Something in his tone and the low level of anxiety he was feeling made Jim know to change the subject.

"What about you, Courtney? You ever cause any trouble?"

"I stole the goat too," she confessed, making the men laugh. "Yeah. It was a tradition. And I'm nothing if not traditional."

"How was the thief determined?" Spock asked. "Did you draw lots?"

"I was chosen because my father was a judge. They figured if I got in trouble, he'd get me out of it," Courtney said.

"And the fact that you were the head cheerleader didn't hurt," Jim added.

"I was no such thing," she said.

"Okay, not the head cheerleader. But you can't deny you were a cheerleader. I saw your yearbooks," Jim told her.

She shrugged at that, smiling at him. "Well, Vlad was on the football team. I had to cheer for him."

"High school sweethearts?" Chris asked.

"We were. Then we broke up during college. We didn't get married until 10 years after we graduated and both came to our senses," she said.

"How were you chosen to steal the goat?" Spock asked Jim.

"I don't really know. Because I only went to school sporadically? So if I was expelled it would hardly matter I guess."

"If you only occasionally attended, how did everyone know you would do it?" Spock asked.

"I don't know. The captain of the football team asked me to do it. He's Noik's cousin. So I said yes. What the hell, right?"

"What the hell indeed," Spock agreed, making the others laugh.

"Noik and Noulou helped me. We used Noik's father's truck. It wasn't especially hard. You think they'd have taken better precautions."

"Did those from Kalona steal your mascot?" Spock asked.

"No. Our mascot is an eagle. And we didn't have a real one. We had a guy who dressed up as one," Jim said with a laugh. "That was a job I wouldn't have taken in a million years."

"Me neither," Courtney agreed.

When the waitress stopped by once again to see if they needed anything further, they decided that they had had enough to eat and that it was in fact time for them to be going. Courtney left them at the parking lot and they returned to their suite.

Chris had four messages, responding to two of them. His yeoman had contacted him but he deemed his questions unimportant and could wait until he returned to San Francisco. Spock had one message, and Jim had six. He wanted to ignore them all but two needed a response which he provided. Those last four could wait until the next day. Or not be replied to at all.

"So I think we'll come to San Francisco day after tomorrow," Jim suggested when they were settled in the sitting area, drinks all around, water for Spock.

"That makes sense," Chris said. "You're going back to the farm tomorrow?"

"Yeah. There are a couple of boxes I want. I need to arrange to have the rest put in storage. And somebody is going to need to check on the house. It can't just stand empty until Starfleet starts work on it."

"Would Maddie continue to check?" Chris asked.

"I don't know. They said something about going to Hawaii. Visit Morgan," Jim said.

"Perhaps Aleola would be amendable to checking in periodically," Spock suggested.

"I can ask her tomorrow. How long will it be before Starfleet comes?"

"I have no idea. But I can let you know as soon as I'm back in my office. I'd imagine within the next month," Chris said.

"Okay. I'll ask Tyrl if he'll see to the harvest. I don't think Starfleet wants to worry about the current crops, do they?"

"The lease is in effect the first of May," Pike said. "I think at that point we'll be responsible for all of it."

"True," Jim said, considering it. "I should ask Tyrl and Maddie if they'll stay until then. If they don't want to wait, I'll make other arrangements."

"That makes sense," Pike said, looking over at Spock. "Are you still worried about what LaBlanca said?"

"I am not. You have assured us that his information is incorrect," Spock said.

"It is. And you'll be taken off the list of possible Captains. Removed without prejudice," Pike assured him.

"As it should be," Jim said with a bright smile for Spock. "We can sign the spousal assignment forms before we're married, right?"

"Sure. Especially since you're bonded. Even if it's not legally binding, it's recognized as a spousal relationship. Once you're legally married, it will be a done-deal."

"Good," Jim said. "Can't you just marry us in San Francisco?"

"I could. But your crew would never forgive you. Or me," Chris reminded him.

"Oh yeah. And you need to tell Sarek," Jim said to Spock.

"I do. He will not be surprised," Spock assured him.

"Good. And the Ambassador definitely won't be surprised," Jim said happily.

"He will not," Spock agreed.

"You haven't told them?" Pike asked in curiosity.

"We have not," Spock said. "Other matters have taken precedence."

"True," Chris agreed.

"I wonder if they can come to the wedding. Unless the Ambassador would rather not. Might be too hard for him," Jim said.

"I believe he would rejoice in our happiness," Spock said, kissing Jim's head.

"I hope so," Jim said with a nod.

"You know you shouldn't spend too much time with him," Chris scolded lightly. "The timeline has already been irreparably damaged. You learn too much about your other lives, no telling what might happen."

"As it is already altered, we cannot do any further damage," Spock said.

"I don't know about that," Chris laughed. "Considering who I'm talking to."

"I think I resent that," Jim said.

"The Ambassador said in his timeline, I was severely injured in a training mission. Several years ago on our timeline. Hopefully I've avoided that fate," Chris said.

"Now who is mining for information?" Jim accused with a laugh.

"I'll have you know, he volunteered it," Chris claimed.

"Sure." Jim yawned before he could stop it, turning to face Spock. "I think I need to go to bed."

Spock nodded in agreement. "I too am ready to retire."

Jim stood, waiting as Spock also left the couch. "When are you leaving?"

"7:00 o'clock," Pike said.

"In the morning?" Jim asked, frowning.

"Yeah," Pike laughed. "I'll be really quiet."

"No no. Let us know. We'll go back to sleep," Jim requested.

"All right," Chris agreed. "I'll tell you good bye before I go. Just please don't let me interrupt anything."

Jim shook his head at that, looking over at Spock who seemed to be trying to distance himself. "I doubt I'll be awake until you come in."

"I sure hope so," Chris laughed. "Sleep well. And I'll see you day after tomorrow."

"Good night," Jim returned, Spock also adding his wishes for a good night. It wasn't long before they were both in bed, Jim falling asleep right away. Spock followed soon afterward.

~o0o~

As promised, Chris told them good-bye before leaving the next morning. Jim decided since they were already awake, they might as well get up. Spock agreed, also agreeing that an afternoon _nap_ sounded quite appealing.

They went out to the farm once they finished breakfast to find the house still empty. More empty than Jim had ever felt before. Spock thought it was because of all the people who had been there for the service, bringing with them their laughter and love and simple presence. Jim thought he was probably right.

They sorted out the boxes, arranging to have several of them shipped to San Francisco and put into storage. Jim rented a unit located not far from Starfleet headquarters, one often used by members of the service. He received a substantial discount, both for the long-term nature of the lease and just because it was him renting it. He thought to argue but decided it wouldn't really help. And if they wanted to practically give him the storage unit for free, well, he'd accept graciously.

That done, Jim talked to Maddie who had arrived soon after they did. She thought that she and Tyrl would wait until May to go to Hawaii and she would certainly continue to check on the house until then. And if Starfleet needed her to come around after they took possession, that was also fine. Not on any regular basis, but now and again.

Jim recognized that the farm had been such a major part of her life that giving it up was much harder for her than it was for him. He knew she was of two minds about leaving it behind but life often brought its own changes that could not be avoided or altered. He said as much to her, sorry when she started to cry. But he knew the tears were not solely hers. They were for George, and Winona, and for him.

Leaving the farm and Maddie was much more difficult than Jim had anticipated as they stood next to car, the final small box in the trunk.

"I'll call you as soon as we're in San Francisco," Jim promised Maddie as he hugged her a final time.

"Alright, baby. Please take care of yourself. And each other," she requested, her eyes shining with tears.

"You know we will. Tell Tyrl I said good-bye. And thanks."

"I will, Jimmy. I love you," she said, kissing him when he had bent down to receive it.

"And I love you. Always will," he promised, getting into the car and resolutely driving away. Spock did not attempt to engage him in conversation, all too aware of the various emotions Jim was feeling. All of which were natural, reassurance Spock sent to him, receiving Jim's gratitude in return.

When they arrived back at the hotel, Jim decided he'd like to go swimming, Spock understanding his need to work off the emotions. After 15 laps, he stopped and looked up at Spock who was standing on the edge of the pool.

"I'm okay," Jim told him. Spock shook his head slightly, reaching down to pull Jim out.

"I know that is not true. Nor does it need to be."

"I'm really better than I have been. I've closed that chapter, Spock. I'm ready for the next one."

Spock studied him, considering his expression and the calm that seemed to have come over his emotions. They were still present – regret, sadness, nostalgia for the way things never were. Also joining them were satisfaction and anticipation. Perhaps leaving behind the farm did allow Jim to leave behind many of the doubts and sorrows that had been his constant companion for so many years.

"We're starting fresh," Jim told him with a smile. "You, me, and the universe."

"They had better watch out," Spock said, making Jim laugh.

"You're right about that," Jim agreed, kissing him lightly and with a promise of so much more. A promise Spock knew that he would keep.

* * *

_TBC_


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning they went to the Riverside Shipyard where Pike had arranged for them to take a Starfleet shuttle to San Francisco. No need in them taking a commercial flight when there were shuttles going to California already.

Jim and Spock arrived at the shipyard in plenty of time, Captain LaBlanca's assistant Lieutenant Byron, assuring them that someone from the yard would return the rental to town for them. That done, they entered the shuttle, quiet murmurs from the Starfleet personnel already on board. Jim did all that he could to ignore the glances and the speculation as to whether or not that really was Captain Kirk and Commander Spock. The fact that they were wearing their leisure clothes made for some uncertainty about Jim's identity which was fine with them both.

They found two empty seats, slightly apart from the others, providing them a measure of solitude, for which they were grateful.

"I think this is the same shuttle Bones and I took when we joined," Jim told Spock.

"Surely they are all very similar," Spock said.

"Yeah," Jim said with a shrug. "But I still think this is the same one."

"Did Leonard actually vomit?" Spock asked.

"No," Jim laughed. "Even though he threatened to. And that was after the attendant forced him out of the bathroom."

"It continually puzzles me that he chose Starfleet as a career."

"It confuses him too. If it hadn't been for the Narada, he'd have petitioned for a ground assignment. But once I became Captain, he wasn't about to let me out of his sight," Jim said with a fond smile.

"Fortunate for us all," Spock said.

Jim nodded at that, gazing out the window as the shuttle lifted off. They chatted quietly during the trip, none of the other passengers approaching, for which Jim was thankful.

When they arrived in San Francisco, they collected their totes and waited patiently in line to disembark. They felt more curious gazes coming their way but everyone kept their distance.

Once they were inside the Starfleet hanger, they were approached by a tall young man wearing a yeoman's uniform. He looked all business, his hair short brown, his eyes focused and hard, his mouth not accustomed to smiling.

"Captain, Commander," he said as he approached, his spine straighter than even Spock's normally was.

"Yes," Jim acknowledged, waiting.

"I am Yeoman Gerald Thompson, sir. I was told to meet you. Admiral Pike is unavailable," the yeoman explained in a firm, unnecessarily loud voice.

"I see," Jim said. "Thank you for coming for us."

"If you will come with me, sirs," Thompson said, turning and marching through the hanger. He did not look back to make certain they were coming, intent on reaching his destination.

/Charming, isn't he?/ Jim laughed.

/He is clearly not in the position for his diplomatic skills,/ Spock agreed.

/Think he's part Vulcan?/

/We have much better manners,/ Spock reminded him.

/That's true,/ Jim agreed, stopping when Thompson did. He opened the trunk so that Jim and Spock could put their totes in the car.

"I am instructed to take you to the Admiral's house, sirs," Thompson informed them, his tone making it clear that he was nobody's taxi driver despite the current evidence to the contrary.

"That's just fine," Jim agreed, entering the back seat of the car, Spock sliding in next to him. /Our trip was fine, thanks. Yes the weather is beautiful for this time of year./

/Did you require food or drink?/ Spock added, surprising Jim. Spock was never sarcastic but Thompson had gotten under even his skin in the short amount of time they had been in his presence.

/Surely he's not Chris's regular yeoman, right?/ Jim asked.

/It does not seem likely./

"How long have you worked for the Admiral?" Jim asked in a conversational tone.

"I am not assigned to Admiral Pike, Captain. His yeoman is unavailable," Thompson explained.

"I see," Jim said. "Thank you for coming for us."

"I did as I was instructed, sir," Thompson said.

/Do you think I've done something to offend him?/ Jim asked with an internal laugh.

/I have no explanation for his behavior,/ Spock said. /Will you ask the Admiral?/

/Damn straight I will. They can't be sending Thompson to pick up anybody if this is how he treats them./

/You are correct about that,/ Spock agreed. "The weather is very mild for this time of year."

"It does seem that way," Jim said. "Is it going to rain today, do you know?"

"Not that I'm aware, sir," Thompson said.

"What time is it?" Jim asked Spock out of curiosity.

"11:35 local time," Spock said.

"Okay. So it's 9:35 in Iowa?"

"It is 1:35 in Iowa," Spock corrected with a smile in his voice that only Jim could hear.

"Oh crap. That's right. I get that backwards all the time," Jim said. "And it's Saturday, right?"

"It is. Earth time has little meaning aboard the Enterprise," Spock told him warmly.

"That's true. We never really know what time it is, do we?"

"I do," Spock reminded him. "Others are not as certain."

"Others, huh?" Jim teased.

Spock did not respond aloud, instead looking out the window and sending warm, loving thoughts to Jim.

/You sure are being flirtatious,/ Jim teased.

/Am I?/ Spock asked.

/Uh huh. Are you afraid I'm going to run off with Gerald?/

/Perhaps. You cannot be immune to all of the natural charm which he exudes./

Jim had to laugh out loud at that, Thompson glancing back at them in the rearview mirror, his expression disapproving.

/He really does hate me,/ Jim said.

/Which is unfortunate for him,/ Spock said.

/It will be even more unfortunate when I tell Chris how he acted,/ Jim responded.

Spock did not need to answer when Thompson pulled into the driveway of Chris's house. It was a medium sized Victorian, painted pale blue with white trim. It had two stories and a wide porch facing the street. It was located on a pleasant tree lined street, one Jim knew from previous visits was occupied by mostly Starfleet personnel.

Thompson popped open the trunk so that they could collect their totes before he escorted them up the four steps and across the wooden floor of the porch. They followed him into the foyer of the house, stopping again when he did.

"Denton," he called.

"What?" a disembodied voice answered from upstairs.

"Come down here."

It wasn't long before a body appeared that belonged to the voice. When he was half way down the steps, a smile broke out on his face. "Jimmy."

"Hiya, Denton," Jim responded, shaking the man's hand. He was older than Jim but with the unmistakable air of ex-military, even under the jeans and faded denim shirt he wore.

"I'm so sorry about Winona," Denton said, shaking his head.

"Thanks. It's mostly taken care of now," Jim responded. "Have you met Commander Spock?"

"I have not," Denton said, smiling at Spock. "It's great to finally meet you."

"Thank you," Spock responded with a small nod.

"You still putting up with Chris?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"Yeah. You know. He's a hard task master but what can you do?" Denton laughed. "You can leave now," he said to Thompson all humor gone.

"You are in no position to dismiss me," Thompson said, bristling at Denton's words.

"Consider yourself dismissed anyway. You surely aren't planning to hang around here, are you?"

"I am not," Thompson informed him, all stiff and disapproving. "I was instructed to see them here."

"And you have," Denton pointed out.

"The Admiral should arrive by 14:30," Thompson said, directing his remarks to Jim and Spock.

"Okay," Jim said, still looking from Thompson to Denton and back, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Come on, Jimmy, Spock. Let's get you settled in," Denton said, turning and going back up the steps, effectively ignoring the fact that Thompson was still standing in the foyer.

"So what's with you and Gerald?" Jim asked when they were upstairs and the front door had closed behind the yeoman.

"He's a fucking pain in the ass," Denton said. "Excuse my language, but God almighty. Talk about your holier than thou attitudes."

"Why does Chris tolerate that kind of attitude?" Jim asked as he followed Denton into the guest bedroom where he and Spock would be staying. It was on the opposite end of the house from Chris's bedroom and was dominated by a queen sized brass bed that looked comfortable and inviting. The room was painted pale blue with a dark blue bedspread that matched the curtains over the windows.

"Because he's Hershfield's nephew. An untouchable. The other Admirals have tried to get him booted but Hershfield pulls strings every time. I can only guess that Chris didn't know he was the one sent to the hanger for you."

"You'd have thought I torched his house from the way he treated us," Jim said.

"Don't take it personally, Jimmy. He treats everybody that way. Especially anybody he perceives as more powerful than he is."

"He's a yeoman. Everyone's more powerful," Jim pointed out.

"Yeah," Denton agreed. "Well, he's gone, thankfully. Do you want something to eat?"

"I'm hungry," Jim agreed. "Spock?"

"I would appreciate something to eat," Spock agreed.

"Bring down any clothes you need washed. I'll take care of them for you," Denton said, leaving the bedroom after their assurances they would be right down.

"You are acquainted with him," Spock said unnecessarily as they retrieved the clothes in need of washing.

"Yeah. I used to come over when I was at the academy. Denton has worked for Chris for at least 12 years. He's generally here Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'm sure he's here today so we didn't come to an empty house."

"And what are his responsibilities?" Spock asked.

"He tidies after Chris. Does the grocery shopping. Makes sure Chris eats. You know, house stuff. Chris has never been very good at those domestic things. Denton's wife Helena comes sometimes too. She's a great cook. Denton knows his way around the kitchen but he's not as talented as Helena."

"I see," Spock said, an expression on his face that Jim knew meant he was considering it.

"What?" Jim asked with a smile.

"I suppose I am wondering if we will need a Denton when we retire or return to Earth," Spock said.

Jim laughed at that, kissing him lightly. "Probably. I can't cook and I'm not a great housekeeper."

"As I have noticed," Spock said, making Jim laugh again.

"That's why I have a yeoman," Jim reminded him.

"Indeed. Fortunate," Spock said, gathering his dirty clothes before following Jim out and down the steps.

"Put those in the laundry room," Denton instructed, pointing over to it just on the other side of the pantry. "I'm making potato soup. You won't mind the milk, will you?"

"Not in the least," Spock assured him. "Is there anything we can do to assist?"

"No but thanks," Denton said, shaking his head with a smile. "Sit. Would you like something to drink? There's plenty of Pepsi."

"I'd love one," Jim agreed, standing up and getting a glass out of the cabinet. "You want some Vulcan spice tea?"

"Does the Admiral have some?" Spock asked.

"He does," Denton agreed, putting the kettle on.

"I would appreciate a cup," Spock agreed.

"Is Chris working today because he was in Iowa?" Jim asked Denton when he was sitting back by Spock. The table was in the bay window, affording them a view of the tidy backyard that would be in bloom once the spring weather was consistently warm.

"No, Jimmy. It's a meeting about changing the curriculum requirements for in-coming students over the age of 26 or already graduated from college. It finally occurred to those damn stuffed shirts that if you already have a degree, maybe you don't need to take the really basic stuff."

"I see," Jim said with a smile. "A certain Dr. Leonard H. McCoy wouldn't have anything to do with that, would he?"

"Not that I'm saying," Denton laughed. "How is Dr. Grumpy?"

"Grumpy as ever. Still hates anything to do with flying through space. Lucky for us sick bay doesn't have windows. That way he never knows," Jim laughed.

"Tell him I said hello," Denton requested.

"You know I will," Jim agreed. They chatted about the time Jim spent at the Academy and how he had ended up spending time at the Admiral's house, Chris reasoning that if Jim was at his house, he wasn't out raising quite so much hell. "It didn't work quite as well as he had hoped."

"That is no surprise," Spock said, making Jim laugh.

"Shouldn't you be on my side?" Jim asked.

"I speak the truth," Spock reminded him.

"Yeah. But still," Jim said, shaking his head. "Denton, did you know George while you served?"

"I knew of him, Jimmy. I never met him. Chris did," Denton said as they enjoyed the soup which was quite tasty.

"Chris told me while we were in Iowa. I had no idea."

"He probably thought you didn't want to know," Denton said. "Which is understandable."

"Except I discovered that I really am his spitting image. Not just how I look. Same sense of humor. A lot of the same outlook on life."

"I can imagine," Denton said with a nod. "Do you want more soup?" he offered, standing.

"I'll have more," Jim requested.

"I will as well," Spock said.

"When we finish eating, I need to contact Maddie. I promised I would," Jim said to Spock.

"Of course. Tonight I will contact Sarek," Spock said.

"Okay," Jim said. "He won't be disappointed, will he?"

"Of course not. He only wants good things for me. And you qualify as the best," Spock assured him.

"As long as he thinks so," Jim said with a smile.

"So when are you two getting married?" Denton asked as he sat back down with them, refilled bowls at each place.

"Once we're back on board and can make the arrangements," Jim said. "I'd prefer Chris just do it while we're here but our crew deserves to be there."

"They do," Denton agreed. "You can keep it to a minimum."

"We will as much as possible," Spock agreed.

"That you Chris?" Denton called out when they heard the front door open.

"I sure hope so," Chris said, coming into the kitchen with a smile. "Taking in strays again are we?"

"They looked so pitiful sitting on the front porch, cold and hungry, how could I refuse?" Denton asked, laughing with Chris and Jim.

"Hey," Jim said from where he was still sitting at the table.

"Admiral," Spock said.

"Jim, Spock," Chris said with an easy smile for them both.

"Things break up early?" Denton asked as Chris got himself a bowl of soup.

"Pretty much. Especially once Richard decided that Reginald really is a horse's ass and said so during the meeting."

"Admiral Barnett called Admiral Morris a horse's ass? At a meeting?" Jim laughed.

"Yeah. You know Richard doesn't mince words. And Reginald was being a horse's ass," Chris assured them.

"Wow," Jim said, shaking his head. "Who knew academia could be so exciting."

"Hardly exciting," Pike corrected. "Annoying as hell. Anyway, Richard is coming over tomorrow for lunch. So you'll want to be on your best behavior," he warned Jim, pointing at him with his spoon.

"When am I not?" Jim asked innocently.

Pike just shook his head at that. "Will you two come to my advanced tactical seminar on Monday?"

"Sure," Jim agreed.

"I would be honored," Spock added.

"I guess you're expecting us to wear our uniforms, huh?" Jim asked.

"It would be for the best. Maybe they'll take _you_ seriously if you do," Pike said.

"Me?" Jim asked in mock horror. "I'm Captain James T. Kirk."

"Yeah, I know. I see you in my nightmares every night," Pike claimed, shaking his head.

"Are your nightmares about how incredibly brave and smart and attractive I am?" Jim asked.

"Sure. Let's go with that," Chris said.

Jim laughed, finishing his soup. "That was really good, Denton. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Denton said. "Do you know Gerald Thompson picked them up?"

"Oh Lord have mercy," Pike said. "I'm sorry. I told K'tin'eil to find someone to go to the hanger. I didn't think I had to tell her _not_ to send Thompson."

"What's his deal?" Jim asked. "He doesn't even have manners."

"I know," Pike said. "But he never does anything serious enough to be brought up on charges. 'Bad attitude' isn't enough to get him thrown out."

"Perhaps it should be," Spock suggested.

"Did he say anything offensive to either of you?" Chris asked.

"He barely spoke to us," Jim said. "And it was clear that we were a bother. We should have gotten to your house on our own."

Chris shook his head at that. "I'll tell Richard tomorrow. Maybe it will help."

"You think?" Jim asked. "Admiral Barnett isn't exactly president of my fan club."

"That's not true, Jim," Chris said. "He has a great respect for you. Why do you think he doesn't?"

"He rarely voices his approval of Jim's actions," Spock said.

"Then tomorrow will be the perfect opportunity for you to prove him wrong," Chris said.

"I need to contact Maddie," Jim said to Chris who nodded in understanding.

"Of course. You can go in my office," Chris said, helping Denton clear the table, insisting that Spock most certainly did not need to help.

"Okay. I shouldn't be long," Jim said, mostly to Spock.

"Speak to her as long as you like, Jim. She may need your company," Spock reminded him.

Jim nodded and went into Chris's office. He only closed the door in case Maddie started to cry. He didn't need any privacy but recognized that she very well might. "Hey Tyrl," he said when they connected.

"Hi Jim. You doing okay?" Tyrl asked kindly, studying Jim over the distance.

"I am. We got to San Francisco about an hour ago. We're at Pike's house now."

"Good," Tyrl said with a nod. "Maddie's not here, son. She's at Aleola's."

"Oh okay. I'll call her tonight then," Jim said.

"You want to give her a call over there?" Tyrl suggested.

"Do I need to? Is she okay?" Jim asked, an edge of concern in his voice.

"She's fine, Jim. You don't need to worry about her. She is a mite worried about you," Tyrl confided.

"Okay. I'll call Aleola's. If I miss her, tell her I'll call again tonight, okay?"

"Of course. I know she's looking forward to talking to you."

"We'll be at Chris's for a couple of days. You'll call me if you need me, right?" Jim asked.

"Of course, son. You've got nothing to worry about," Tyrl assured him.

"Alright. I'll call before we leave San Francisco. Say good-bye."

"We'd appreciate it," Tyrl said, signing off with a final word.

Jim connected to Aleola, who answered with a bright smile.

"Hello Jimmy! You in San Francisco safe and sound?" Aleola asked happily.

"We are. We've been here about an hour. We'll probably stay 3 or 4 days. Not really sure how long it will take."

"I can understand that. Here's Maddie. Take good care of yourself, Jimmy," Aleola said before leaving so that Maddie could have her seat.

"Hey," Jim said, studying Maddie carefully. Her eyes still looked swollen but she was smiling at him. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Jimmy. Really. Aleola and I were talking about Winona and George. When they first got married. Happy stories," Maddie assured him.

"Okay. I'll be at Chris's for 3 or 4 days. You know how to reach me if you need me, right?"

"Yes, Jimmy. But you don't have any reason to worry about me. I'm fine."

"Okay. When Spock and I get back to the Enterprise, we're going to have the wedding ceremony. I'll send you holographs."

"You had better or I'll turn you over my knee next time I see you," she threatened.

"I know that, ma'am," he assured her. "When is the next time I'll see you?"

"I don't know, Jimmy. The next time you come to Earth, I'm guessing. Do you have any idea when that'll be?" Maddie asked.

"No. We never know," Jim said. "But hopefully in the next year or so."

"That'd be grand," Maddie said. "You could come to the dedication of the farm."

"I'll try. It just depends on where we are. If I can't come, will you be there?" he asked, some sympathy in his voice.

"I can't say, Jimmy. Not right now," she admitted, her eyes welling up.

"I know. You sure don't have to decide right now."

"I know that," she agreed with a brave nod and a sniff. "You and Spock take good care of each other. And tell him for me if he doesn't, it'll be him that's turned over my knee."

"I'll tell him," Jim promised with a laugh.

"Good. Now go see San Francisco. And call me before you leave," she reminded him.

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too, Jimmy," she said before she faded off the screen.

He had to remain in the office alone for a few minutes, time he used to regain his composure. He had almost no regrets about choosing Starfleet, and if he admitted to himself that leaving Maddie was his one and only regret, well, who could blame him.

/It is understandable that you feel as you do,/ Spock assured him.

/I'm sorry. I didn't mean to project it onto you./

/You are not. I am simply aware of your mixed emotions. Do I need to come?/

/No. I'll be there in just a minute,/ Jim assured him, going into the bathroom. Splashing his face with cool water helped and he felt collected enough to return to the kitchen, smiling at the other three men.

"What are you doing this afternoon?"

"I'd like to go to the Bay. Look at the boats. Watch the seagulls," Jim said.

"That sounds most satisfactory," Spock agreed.

"Okay," Chris said with a nod, taking his car key out of his pocket. "Ghirardelli's closes at 3:00 on Saturday."

"Then we better get a move on," Jim said with a laugh. "Yes, we'll drive carefully."

Chris shrugged at that. "It's a Starfleet car. I don't really care."

"Where's yours?" Jim asked.

"Dead. Gone. Kaput. Finished," Denton answered for him. "Something about it being 18 years old."

"Seriously, Chris? You're on Earth now. Buy yourself a good car," Jim said.

"You better hurry if you're going to get to Ghirardelli's before it closes," Chris said, frowning at him. Jim just laughed and after making sure Spock had his jacket, they left the house.

"This is a piece of junk, isn't it?" Jim said when they stood beside Chris's Starfleet issued car.

"It appears that they devote all of their resources to spaceships and not automobiles," Spock agreed.

"Just as well," Jim agreed, getting in the car as Spock did.

They drove down to the Bay, their first stop the chocolate factory. Jim bought several pounds, some of which he planned to give Chris, some he was going to send to Maddie and Tyrl, some to take back to the ship, and some he was going to share with Spock, mostly to see what effect it would have. Spock ignored that last part, buying a box himself but refusing to say why. Deciding it wouldn't melt into one huge lump, they left the chocolates in the car and walked down to the harbor. The wind was brisk and brought the smell of the salt water to them. Over their heads, the call of the gulls mixed with the sound of the sea lions on the banks below them.

"Did you come down here often while you were at the Academy?" Spock asked Jim as they leaned on the guard rail overlooking the blue water.

"Yeah. Helped clear my head," Jim said. "And when you grow up in Iowa, the ocean is always fascinating."

"I find the same to be true," Spock agreed. "Tell me about the time you spent on a sailing ship."

"It was after my first year at the Academy," Jim said. "Chris knew I had no intentions of going back to Iowa for summer. So he got me a job on a training ship. We sailed from here to San Diego and back. It was a really interesting experience. And hard work. But it was fun too."

"You enjoyed it?"

"Yeah. Being on the ocean. Learning to sail the ship. The sea is where it all started. It felt like going back to the beginning, going home to be on the ocean. Captain Nesterowicz was in charge of the training voyages. He was stern but fair. Made us all memorize the John Masefield poem. We couldn't get our stripes until we did," Jim said with a smile.

"Do you remember it still?"

"Of course," Jim said with a shrug.

"Perhaps you would recite it for me," Spock asked, turning to study Jim. Not in doubt but in something Jim thought looked a little like admiration. Which made no sense but there it was.

_I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,  
__And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,  
__And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,  
__And a gray mist on the sea's face, and a gray dawn breaking._

_I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide  
__Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;  
__And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,  
__And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying._

_I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,  
__To the gull's way and the whale's way, where the wind's like a whetted knife;  
__And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,  
__And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over._

Spock nodded when he finished, looking out over the water again.

"Did I get it right?" Jim laughed.

"You did."

"You know it too?"

"I do. I never fully understood it until I came to San Francisco. My mother would recite it from time to time, when I would ask her what an ocean was like. The poem is very evocative of what it means to stand on the seashore."

"It is," Jim agreed. "I really wish we could get married on the beach."

"I understand," Spock said. "You know that we owe it to our crew to marry on board our ship."

"Yeah," Jim said, smiling at Spock. "What about the honeymoon?"

"What about it?" Spock asked in innocence.

"Are we spending it on board?"

Spock refused to answer, instead walking off the overlook and onto the beach where he promptly removed his shoes to feel the sand beneath his feet. He watched Jim discard his shoes as well, racing to catch up.

"What's your hurry?" Jim asked with a laugh.

Spock turned to face him, looking up and down the deserted beach before pulling him up tight to his body and kissing him in promise and desire and love.

"Mmm…" Jim said, leaning back enough to look at Spock, his sparkling blue eyes slightly crossed. "What brought this on?"

"You. The sun. The smell of the sea breeze."

"Oh," Jim said, kissing Spock, tongues offering greetings. "I sure am glad the guest bedroom is on the opposite end of the house from Chris' bedroom."

"As am I," Spock said. "Otherwise we would need to go to a hotel."

Jim laughed at that, taking Spock's hand into his and walking down the beach by his side, enjoying the sound of the ocean and the feel of Spock's love. It was the feeling of warmth and home and _promise_ for all of their tomorrows.

* * *

_TBC_


	21. Chapter 21

After sharing a delicious dinner with the Admiral, Jim and Spock retired early, pleading fatigue and time change. Pike didn't believe them but was too well-mannered to pretend that they were going upstairs for any activity other than sleeping.

Making sure the door was securely closed, Spock leaned against it, staring at Jim who was going about his routine – taking out his pajamas, unpacking his shave kit. Jim knew Spock was watching him even as he pretended that he didn't. And Spock knew Jim knew.

When Jim smiled over at Spock and reached for the bottom of the shirt he was wearing, Spook shook his head and approached, his graceful movements reminding Jim of a jungle cat stalking its prey – slow, lethal, fully focused. Jim knew he was the prey and it sent a small thrill down his spine.

Spock was being careful to keep their mental barriers in place, no trickle of his thought flowing to Jim. He wanted this encounter to be purely physical. The mental would always be available but for tonight, he wanted to know Jim's flesh, his reactions, his muscles as they bunched and relaxed.

Spock kissed Jim when he reached him, his tongue entering and demanding. It was loving and forceful, seeking and giving. When Spock lifted his head to shower Jim's face with kisses, Jim was panting for air, his hips thrusting against Spock's body, wanting more contact. Spock shifted so that his hips were no longer pressed to Jim's, making Jim groan at the loss of even that much contact. Spock shook his head, pulling Jim's shirt up over his head, leaning down enough to kiss his strong chest, pausing at the rosy buds beckoning him. Satisfied when they were both hard and reddened, Spock kissed his way down to the top of Jim's jeans, the heel of his right hand rubbing over the firm erection trapped inside the unforgiving denim.

"Uhnn…." Jim groaned, pressing himself more firmly into Spock's hand. Spock eased off. _Ahhh_… Jim realized, knowledge swimming upstream against the rising tide of passion. Spock was in charge. Spock would decide. So be it. Jim was good with that, if he would just hurry up.

Spock felt his acquiescence, his willingness to be led rather than lead, receive rather than give. Spock guided Jim to the edge of the bed, kissing him breathless as he opened Jim's jeans and eased his hand down the front. Jim gasped at the teasing contact but did nothing to increase the pressure. Spock kissed him again, this time in acknowledgement and approval.

Jim waited as patiently as he could as Spock slowly and teasingly lowered his jeans and his briefs at the same time, freeing Jim's erection to spring fully to turgid life. Jim looked down at himself and at Spock where he knelt before him, helping him out of his crumbled jeans. Spock's eyes held love and worship and need - most of all need.

Jim allowed himself to be guided onto the bed, Spock lifting his hands over his head and instructing him silently to hold onto the brass headboard. Jim obediently gripped the sturdy, decorative swirls and loops, his breathing growing increasingly ragged as Spock kissed his body, laving his skin with his hot tongue, sucking marks into his skin that would last for days. Branding him, marking him with his mouth.

/I am yours,/ Jim promised, not sure if Spock would hear.

/Yes,/ Spock confirmed before reinforcing his barriers once more.

Jim moaned in loss and need, and at the fire burning beneath his skin. His hips raised by themselves as Spock got closer and closer to his erection but Spock ignored it. At least for now. Nudging apart Jim's strong thighs, Spock caressed his legs with his tongue, Jim lifting his head in an effort to watch. Spock momentarily stopped kissing Jim in order to place an extra pillow under his head so that Jim could see all that was happening. And all that was to come.

Satisfied that Jim had an unobstructed view of the exquisite torture Spock was inflicting on him, Spock continued kissing down Jim's restlessly shifting legs, learning each movement, each ripple of muscle. Jim moaned with every breath, his erection ignored and weeping.

Spock slowly kissed his way back up, leaving a trail of warm impressions each place he touched the cooler skin of his Human. He lifted his head enough to stare at Jim, his black eyes saying everything that needed to be said - and more. Jim was panting from the fire in Spock's gaze. Part of him hoped Spock was going to quench the fire. Part of him was sure they would both be consumed by it. And he didn't care.

Spock slowly and sensually crawled over Jim, reaching for the Tube O'Lube that Jim had strategically placed on the bedside table. The black clothes he still wore were in stark contrast to the golden skin of his love beneath him. Spock stared down at Jim, consuming him. Jim's breathing was too fast, his need too great to contain. Spock kissed him on the mouth, Spock's hot tongue plunging into Jim's, making no allowances for his.

/Please undress,/ Jim pleaded.

Spock his head, kissing Jim again, laying full on top of him, their erections pressed tight between their hard bellies.

"I need you," Jim moaned when Spock lifted his head enough to let Jim breathe.

"I am aware," Spock assured him, whispering into his ear before biting his lobe, Jim's moans his reward.

"Please," Jim whispered breathlessly.

Spock kissed him silent, easing down Jim's body and sitting up to look at him in reverence. Keeping eye contact the entire time, Spock unbuttoned his shirt, slowly removing it to reveal more delicious inches of hot green skin by fractions. Jim could only moan, his hands itching to touch the body hovering just over him.

When Spock undid the waist of his pants, Jim licked his lips, his eyes wider and hungrier. Spock let his pants drop, revealing his own erection, hard, wet, ready.

"Ohhh…" Jim gasped.

"I take it you are pleased," Spock teased, shedding his pants with his usual grace and efficiency.

Jim nodded, staring at him in rushing need and burning desire. "Are you sure you're ready to take me in?"

"I am. I will prepare myself and will accommodate you," Spock assured him. When he said the words 'prepare myself' Jim could only gasp and lick his lips. "You wish to observe?"

Jim nodded enthusiastically, the wonton desire etched on his face. "Please."

Spock nodded, pouring lubricant on his hand and coating his own long, elegant fingers.

"I could do it for you," Jim whispered.

Spock shook his head, turning sideways on the bed, feeling Jim's eyes on him the entire time. Slowly and carefully, Spock inserted his well oiled fingers into his own body, Jim groaning as more and more of them slipped inside Spock's body. Jim wanted to be those fingers, wanted to be consumed by Spock's body, engulfed in it, surrounded by it.

"Please…." Jim said.

Spock turned his head just enough to look at Jim, an expression of love and lust and understanding soothing some of Jim's fire. "Soon, t'hy'la."

"_Please_…"

Spock shifted again, straddling Jim's thighs, just beyond the touch of Jim's yearning erection. He carefully coated Jim, nearly bringing him over the edge but easing off just in time to prevent the coming explosion.

"In the name of the gods," Jim moaned, lifting his hips in an effort to remain in contact just a little longer. Spock used his free hand to press Jim back to the bed, caressing his hard stomach and stroking the hip bones that framed his groan. "Please, Spock. Oh please."

Spock finally relented and positioned himself over Jim's hard need, lowering himself until he made tentative delicious contact.

"Yesssss…" Jim said, in relief and yearning and passion for the man who was about to provide him what he so desperately needed, had needed for hours. Or was it days? Or years? He couldn't remember. All he could remember was the desperation that was coursing through his veins.

Spock stared at Jim's dazzling blue eyes as he lowered himself, accepting Jim into his body. He flinched in barely acknowledged discomfort until Jim breeched the tight ring of muscles, slipping fully in. Spock was gasping for air, the pleasure of having Jim inside his body more intense and exquisite than he remembered or anticipated.

/Let me have your thoughts,/ Jim pleaded, his thoughts threatening to melt in the heat of their physical joining. He wanted their merging to be mental as well.

/I am here, t'hy'la,/ Spock soothed, his presence taking away some of the flames that had threatened to scorch Jim to his soul.

/Am I hurting you?/ Jim asked as he thrust with as much control as he could maintain.

/It is of no importance,/ Spock responded.

/May I please touch you?/ Jim asked in desperation.

"Yes," Spock breathed. He sighed when Jim released the brass spirals and caressed his stomach. The sigh turned into a gasp as Jim wrapped cool welcome fingers around his yearning erection. /Oh yes./

Jim thrust up in counterpointe to Spock's movements, needing to release the pent-up desire. But he also wanted this exquisite torture to go on, not concerned that he could be engulfed in the flames, never to emerge.

/You will not be consumed,/ Spock promised him.

Jim's only response was a moan and faster strokes up and down Spock's hard need. Spock increased the rate of his motions, Jim thrusting increasing at the same time. He knew it also added to the discomfort Spock was experiencing but the pain was being overpowered by the hunger driving him down onto Jim.

There was no more words or thoughts shared as they both shattered at the cresting tide of ecstasy that crashed over them both, leaving them breathless and sated and one – in thought and soul.

When Jim finally returned to himself, slowly emerging from the place where only pleasure existed, he stoked Spock's back in lazy motions, humming with each breath. "God I love you."

"Mmm…." Spock returned, moving his head just enough to kiss Jim's neck.

"Are you in pain?" Jim asked, trying to convey his concern. But mostly it sounded like a contented purr even to his own ears.

"It is of no concern, t'hy'la. You needn't worry."

"Hmm…" Jim responded, his hand wandering down to Spock's delicious backside. He could feel the buzz of pleasure in Spock's thoughts, his peace and utter contentment. And Jim was glad it was a gift he could give to his love.

"I am at peace. Because you provide it to me," Spock confirmed softly, sounding uncharacteristically sleepy. Generally he was either awake or asleep. Jim rarely ever saw him in the in-between state he currently occupied.

"Sleep now, t'hy'la," Jim coaxed, hugging him tight.

"I am too cold to sleep. Now that we are still," Spock confessed.

"I'm sorry," Jim said. "I can't reach the blankets."

"I will in a moment," Spock assured him, kissing him once more before simply laying still on top of him.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked into one elegant ear.

"Enjoying your body. Your breathing. Your heartbeat. You."

"I see," Jim said with a smile. "Carry on then."

"Aye sir," Spock teased, rousing himself enough to reach down for the comforter and pulling it over them both. "I'll leave if you need me to."

Jim shook his head at that, tightening his arms around Spock's relaxed body. "No. Stay right there."

Spock nodded, letting his eyes drift close and his mind be absorbed in the softness of Jim's loving thoughts, providing shelter and warmth and _home._

~o0o~

Spock's eyes slowly drifted open to discover the room was flooded with light. That was odd. Surely they had not slept so long. When his inner clock caught up, he realized that it was 9:13 San Francisco time. That was a little disturbing.

"Disturbing?" Jim asked from where he lay next to Spock, watching him with a sparkle in his eyes.

"I am unaccustomed to sleeping so late into the day," Spock explained, looking at Jim with love reflected in his eyes.

"It's only 7:15 in Iowa. And what compelling reason do we have to get up?"

"True," Spock agreed, untangling one hand and running his fingers through Jim's unruly hair. "Is the Admiral up?"

"I don't know. I've only been awake for about 10 minutes."

"And you are hungry."

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "More importantly, I want some coffee."

"Of course," Spock agreed with an internal laugh.

"I'm going to jump in the shower," Jim said, kissing Spock's head. "Thanks for last night. It was awesome."

"Thank _you_," Spock said.

"Are you in pain?" Jim asked with a tiny frown of concern.

"I am not. I am fine," Spock assured him.

"'Kay. I won't be long."

Spock nodded into his pillow as Jim left the bed to gather his clothes. He very much enjoyed watching Jim's beautifully bare body move around the room, no hesitation or modesty evident.

/Why should I be modest in front of you?/ Jim asked as he disappeared into the bathroom.

/You should not,/ Spock agreed. /I trust you show more restraint with others./

/What others?/ Jim laughed, starting the shower and stepping beneath the wonderful warm water. When he was dressed and out, Spock was up and wearing one of his meditation robes. "Will you come down when you've meditated?" Jim asked, stepping closer to fill Spock's senses with freshness – the fragrance of his shower, his shampoo, _him._

"What?" Spock asked, kissing Jim lightly, far too distracted to concentrate on what Jim had said.

Jim laughed, kissing him before taking a step backward. "Are you coming down after you meditate?"

"I am," Spock agreed.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I can wait," Spock said.

"Okay," Jim said. "Can you tell if Chris is awake?"

"He is. I will be down in about an hour."

"That's fine. I'll miss you but I promise not to contact you," Jim said, going to the door.

"I am not concerned, t'hy'la," Spock assured him, waiting as he left before settling on his meditation mat behind his glowing idol.

Jim went down to the kitchen to find Chris in the middle of making coffee, standing barefoot in his jeans and a ratty tee shirt. "Hey."

"Good morning," Chris said, glancing over at him before returning his attention to the coffee.

"You planning to wake up any time today?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"Maybe. What are you so damn chipper about?"

"You know," Jim said with a shrug. "It's a beautiful day."

"It's raining cats and dogs. And there are flash flood warnings out for the entire city," Chris said, shaking his head.

"Don't you love rainy Sundays when you don't have anywhere you have to be?" Jim asked cheerful.

"You need to cheer the hell down," Chris scolded.

"I'll try," Jim said with a bright smile. "What's for breakfast?"

Chris frowned even more at that before reaching into the cabinet under the island for his waffle maker. "What'd you do with Spock? He sneak out under clock of darkness?"

"Nope. He's meditating. He'll be down in about an hour."

"Fine," Chris said, getting out a mixing bowl. "Here. Take care of this."

"Yes sir. Right away sir," Jim teased, accepting the bowl and the waffle mix. Chris sat at the table, watching Jim.

"Make them good or it's the brig for you," Chris warned.

"Of course sir," Jim agreed. "When's Admiral Barnett coming over?"

"About 1 or so," Chris said, looking up at the clock above the sink. "I was going to cook steaks and vegetables on the grill. This rain keeps up and we'll have to go to plan B."

"Which is?"

"Send you outside in the rain," Chris said.

"I don't think Spock would appreciate it if I got hit by lightening," Jim laughed.

"I don't know. It'd make him Captain."

"There is that," Jim said, mixing the waffle batter with great enthusiasm.

"Are you planning on making the bacon after we eat the waffles?"

"Oh. Bacon," Jim said, going to the refrigerator to take it out. "Is it okay if I microwave it?"

"Yeah. It's fine. I'm sure Spock would prefer it so the entire house doesn't smell like it."

"Probably so," Jim laughed. He poured two steaming cups of coffee, giving one to Chris black and adding a splash of cream to his own.

"Thanks," Chris said, his chin propped in his palm. He sipped the coffee, watching Jim move around his kitchen with practiced ease. "I've missed having you make me breakfast."

Jim laughed at that, nodding. "I've missed it too. Not your crabby attitude first thing in the morning, though."

"Watch who you call crabby, young man. I can still have you brought up on charges," Chris warned in a much lighter tone.

"You don't scare me. You know that, right?"

Chris ignored him, drinking more of his coffee. "Have you talked to Dr. Grumpy lately?"

"Mmm…before we left Iowa. He was on his way back to the Enterprise. So I don't know that I can reach him."

"He'll call as soon as he can," Chris assured him.

"I know. I'm fine. Leaving Iowa helped. How long do you think we'll be here?"

"I don't know, honestly. Three or four days I'd think."

"Then we need to find transportation back to the Enterprise. Do you know who can take us?" Jim asked as he poured the batter into the waffle iron.

"I don't know yet. We'll check tomorrow when we're in my office. We'll find someone going that way. It may take two or three ships but you'll get back safe and sound."

"I'm not worried. Just…anxious I guess. Ready to be back. Issuing orders. Exploring new planets."

"Finding new and exciting ways to nearly get yourself killed and take 5 more years off my life," Chris said.

Jim shrugged innocently at that, taking out the bacon when the microwave beeped and adding Chris' waffle to a plate before giving him his breakfast. When his own waffle was done, he sat next to Chris and ate it, enjoying the food and the conversation. They were lingering over their coffee when Jim felt Spock getting ready to come down to join them.

"Good morning," Chris said with a smile up at him when Spock arrived in the kitchen

"Good morning," Spock returned with a nod.

"You feeling more centered?" Chris asked knowingly.

"I am," Spock said.

"You want a waffle?" Jim asked brightly.

"I believe I will eat some fruit," Spock decided, filing up the kettle and putting it on the stove to heat.

"There's plenty of apples and some melons in the frig," Chris said. "Not the best cantaloupe but not too bad for this time of year."

Spock disappeared temporarily behind the refrigerator door before emerging with his hands full of fruit. He gave an apple to Jim before slicing open the melon and bringing it to the table after emptying out the seeds. "Is the rain going to last all day?"

"At least until 2," Chris said. "Could have flash floods later."

Spock nodded at that, peering out the window beside him. "This is quite a storm."

"Spring in San Francisco," Chris confirmed.

"Indeed," Spock agreed, looking over at Jim who was enjoying his apple, crunching it noisily.

"Sorry," Jim said, wiping off the juice that had dripped down his chin.

"I have no objection," Spock assured him, handing him a napkin.

"Are you going to try to reach Sarek again this morning?" Jim asked. Spock had tried the night before but Sarek did not answer which didn't concern Spock, only left him curious.

"I will at 4. That will be morning on New Vulcan," Spock said to Jim's nods.

"Okay."

They chatted ideally about things of little importance until Spock had determined he'd had quite enough to eat, thank you. With that, they took their cups into Chris's study where he took out the holovids from his Academy days. Spock and Jim were ensconced on the couch, warm and cozy and ready for the show.

Chris activated the first holovid, the projection of Chris talking to a familiar man with blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. Chris was telling George about the cadet he'd just met, the one named Winona who was the prettiest young thing he'd ever seen. George looked like he was only paying partial attention, checking his watch.

"Who took this?" Jim asked, watching the projection.

"Our friend Ky'Dra. He was a couple of years younger than most cadets and took to following us around," Chris explained. "He died on the Kelvin."

Jim nodded, watching his father catch his first glimpse of his mother who looked so young and fresh and beautiful. "Oh my."

"That's what George said," Chris confirmed. "After this, they were never apart."

Jim watched the projection, mesmerized by seeing his parents at a younger age than he was at the moment. It was…weird but also nice to see them as real people, not as a hero or a widow. Just as two people so clearly in love.

"Did you have affection for Winona?" Spock asked when the three of them were shown walking across the campus arm in arm.

"No. She was always meant for George," Chris said with a sad smile. "I occasionally dated Winona's roommate Saralia. She was the polar opposite of Winona. Dark hair, dark eyes. Looked a lot like Nyota now that I think about it. She was very very smart but a little too serious, I think."

"Where is she now?" Spock asked, glancing at Chris.

"On Beta Canopus, trying to produce synthetic strobolin," Chris said.

"Fortunately, there have been no outbreaks of choriocytosis on New Vulcan," Spock said.

"What happened between you two?" Jim asked, still watching the images.

Chris shrugged. "Wasn't meant to be. You know."

"Yeah," Jim said, watching until the holovid faded out completely. "Do you have any more?"

"I have two more," Chris confirmed, activating the next.

They watched them both, Jim feeling all kinds of emotions simultaneously. Spock did what he could to help Jim sort through them. He was pleased when Jim laughed at some of George's antics, at one point doing cartwheels all the way across the crowded quad. The other cadets moved out of his way, leaving him space for his unique mode of locomotion.

"How many times did you do that?" Chris asked Jim.

"Never," he said, Spock raising one eyebrow and Chris laughing. "I swear. I never did a cartwheel on the Academy grounds."

"I will check with Dr. McCoy to see if that statement is true," Spock said very seriously.

"What? You aren't calling me a liar, are you?" Jim asked with a laugh. "I can barely do a cartwheel."

"I find that somewhat hard to believe. I have seen enough of your physical abilities which suggest you are capable of most gymnastic maneuvers," Spock said.

"Maybe so. But I can't do a cartwheel," Jim insisted.

"Hmm…" Chris said, raising his eyebrows as he studied Jim. "I too am skeptical. Where did you say Bones was?"

"I have no idea," Jim said with a shrug. "You'll just have to wait."

Chris shook his head, standing to stretch. "I need to get into the shower before Richard gets here. Can I trust you two to stay out of trouble while I'm upstairs?"

"Who? Us?" Jim asked all innocent.

"Spock I trust. You not at all," Chris laughed before leaving them in the study.

"Are you okay, t'hy'la?" Spock asked, studying Jim's expression.

"Yeah. You know. There were times I felt like the holovids were of me. Which I guess makes sense. I really wish I had had the chance to meet him. And to know Winona like that. Instead of always so sad and… burdened. She looked so young and…light. Free. Does that make sense?"

"It does. She seemed weightless which I would imagine you never had the opportunity to experience."

"I didn't," Jim agreed. "She was always…not just sad. But melancholy. As though her only reason for living had been taken from her. And she was just marking time. I never saw her when she was off Earth. We always stayed behind. So it's possible she was different in space. When she was involved in her job. I don't know."

"Will you contact her Captain and ask him?" Spock asked.

"Her. She served under Captain Debra Raylye. I'm a little surprised she didn't contact me."

"It does seem strange that she did not," Spock agreed. "Will you ask Chris?"

"Yeah. I mean, I know they are on the other side of the galaxy but she knows how to reach me."

"You are not difficult to find," Spock agreed. "Are you acquainted with her?"

"I've never met her in person. I think Chris thinks highly of her. Do you know her?"

"I do not. She was not at the Academy at the time I was there. And our paths have never crossed," Spock said.

"Well. I'll ask Chris about her. See what he says," Jim said, looking around the study. "What time is it?"

"11:54," Spock answered automatically.

"Okay. We should go in the kitchen and start preparations for lunch," Jim said, standing and stretching, primarily so his shirt would ride up and he could watch Spock watch him.

"Do you suppose you will need to nap this afternoon?" Spock asked suggestively.

"Oh definitely. What with the time change. And…uhm…."

"The emotional turmoil which you are experiencing," Spock suggested helpfully.

"Yeah. Especially that," Jim agreed, going into the kitchen and looking over his shoulder to make sure Spock was coming.

They gathered all of the vegetables that Chris had in the frig, scrubbing and peeling and preparing them. Looking out the window, Jim decided the rain was going to let up and went out to ignite the grills which were conveniently placed beneath the over-hang of the deck.

Chris was in the kitchen when Jim returned, looking fresh scrubbed in his jeans and flannel shirt. "Go ahead and put the corn on. The rest will wait until Richard gets here."

Jim did it, returning very soon after putting the corn on the rack of the green grill, the one Chris only used for vegetables. The red grill would be used for the steaks which would also be put on with the arrival of the Admiral.

"Do you know Captain Raylye?" Jim asked Chris when they were all seated at the table.

"A little. Not very well. Did she contact you?"

"No," Jim said. "I expected her to."

"It would have been the right thing to do," Chris agreed. "But Debra does things her own way for her own reasons. Which is one of the reasons she hasn't risen any further in the ranks."

"Oh. That's not a subtle warning, is it?" Jim asked.

"Not at all. You are stubborn but you generally do as you're told," Chris assured him. "Debra defies Starfleet just because she can. She apparently believes being a Captain gives her free rein. It does to a certain extent. But she takes that latitude way too far."

"So she didn't contact me because she refuses to do what is expected?" Jim asked.

"I don't think that was it," Chris said.

"Why do you think she did not contact Jim?" Spock asked.

"She and Winona never really saw eye-to-eye," Chris admitted.

"Why is that?" Jim asked.

"Lots of reasons," Chris said. "Mainly because Debra thought Winona traded on being George's widow."

"Traded on it?" Jim asked with a frown.

"It's not true, Jim," Chris assured him. "But Debra thought she had to keep Winona in her place. Debra has never felt entirely secure in her position as Captain. She took command when Derrick Franken was killed and thinks we'll eventually realize she doesn't deserve it."

"But she does," Jim said. "She would have gotten her own ship anyway, right?"

"Yes," Chris sighed. "She has never defeated her insecurities. So she's defiant to Starfleet and verging on paranoid with her crew."

"It does not sound as though she is fit for her command," Spock said.

"I know," Chris said, shaking his head. "I've tried having her removed. Richard's tried. We so far have had no luck."

"That's too bad," Jim said, getting up when the doorbell rang. "No no. I'll get it."

"Damn straight," Chris agreed with a laugh.

Jim went to the front door, opening it to find Admiral Barnett and his wife on the front porch. "Admiral. Mrs. Barnett," Jim said, inviting them in. It was strange to see the Admiral dressed so informally, wearing dark blue jeans with a starched white shirt. Jim decided it suited him.

"Jim," the Admiral said with a smile once they were inside, their umbrella left on the porch.

"Hello, Jim," Mrs. Barnett added, her smile lighting her face. She was a petit woman, in stark contrast to her husband at least in size. She wore a tidy denim skirt and paisley top, exactly suited for her slim body. Her dark eyes surveyed Jim, seeing everything at once. Everyone knew that of the two Barnetts, she was the smarter, which was saying something. The Admiral was a genius so no one attempted to quantify Eliza Barnett's intelligence. As CFO of the Bank of San Francisco, she was responsible for overseeing much of the money that made San Francisco the thriving city that it was.

"Chris and Spock are in the kitchen," Jim said, turning to go back that way.

Spock stood when they entered, Chris smiling up at them.

"Richard, Eliza," Chris said happily.

"Chris. Spock," Richard said with a smile. "You are looking good."

"Thank you, Admiral. It is good to see you again, Mrs. Barnett."

"Thank you, dear. I hope you will both call me Eliza. You are no longer cadets," she pointed out kindly.

"I'm sorry about your mother," Richard said to Jim when they were all seated at the table, water and sodas for those interested.

"Thank you, Admiral. It's been an…interesting experience," Jim said.

"Before you got here, we were talking about the fact that Captain Raylye didn't contact Jim," Chris said.

Richard had to shake his head at that. "She is an odd one," he said. "Not that you aren't."

"Thanks," Jim laughed. "I've never met her."

"She tends to believe Starfleet regulations don't apply to her," Richard said.

"That's unfortunate," Jim said.

"Something you've been accused of on more than one occasion," Chris reminded him.

"But this isn't about me," Jim said with a laugh, standing up. "Mrs. Barnett, do you want a steak?"

"Yes please," she said. "Do you need any help?"

"No thank you. I've got it covered," Jim assured her, taking the food out of the refrigerator and onto the deck.

"I'm not sure it's entirely appropriate that you are making him cook lunch, dear," Eliza said to Chris with a laugh. "He's not one of your cadets any longer."

Chris shrugged and winked at Spock. "Helps keep him humble."

"There is that," Richard laughed. "His ego is out-sized."

"It only appears that way, sir," Spock said lightly.

"Oh we all know that, Spock. Not to worry," Richard laughed. "You are one of the reasons he's as grounded as he is."

"Thank you, sir," Spock said with a nod.

"Are you doing all right, dear?" Eliza asked Spock. "This can't be easy for you."

"I am quite fine, ma'am. I am able to assist Jim while still maintaining a distance."

"Good," she said.

"Okay," Jim said, nearly bursting through the door. "Steaks are on. Vegetables are on. About 15 minutes everything will be ready."

"You need to watch them," Chris said, shooing him back out the door.

"Are you getting rid of him on purpose?" Richard asked with a laugh.

"No. I don't want the steaks ruined. And if he comes in here, he'll get so distracted he'll forget to turn them," Chris said.

Spock had to agree with that and after excusing himself, went out to the deck to watch Jim watch the steaks.

"You aren't going to get too cold, are you?" Jim asked with a smile.

"I am fine," Spock assured him, wrapping his arms around Jim in proof.

"You sure are being affectionate," Jim said with a smile over his shoulder.

"They cannot see us standing right here."

"Hmm…" Jim sighed, leaning back against him. "Richard's looking good, isn't he?"

"He is. And Mrs. Barnett continues to be lovely."

"She is," Jim agreed. "She's always been so nice to me."

"As you deserve. You do not mind that Chris is having you make lunch, do you?"

"God no," Jim laughed. "I knew he would when he said we should stay with him. He hates to cook. And even though I'm not very good at it, I'm still better than he is. I always did it whenever I was over here. It's like coming home to be standing on the deck in the drizzle making lunch."

Spock nodded in acknowledgement, kissing Jim's neck. "You need to turn them."

Jim did it when Spock had released him, monitoring their progress and turning the vegetables as well. Spock went in for two giant platters and once all the food was ready, Jim loaded up them up to take them inside.

"Beautiful," Richard said in appreciation.

"Well done," Eliza agreed with a smile for them. "Are you cold, Spock?"

"I am fine, ma'am. Thank you," Spock said, sitting between Jim and Mrs. Barnett.

They all enjoyed the excellent food, complimenting Chris for his skill at purchasing the food when in truth Denton had done it. They gave begrudging kudos to Jim for cooking it, deciding that that he had in fact not ruined it.

"Thanks so much," Jim laughed. "All this praise is going straight to my head."

"Can't inflate your ego any more," Chris assured him.

Jim shrugged at that, smiling over at Spock who was talking with Eliza and mostly ignoring the other conversation. /You know I don't mind./

/Yes,/ Spock agreed.

"Are you completing the paperwork for spousal assignment while you're here?" Richard asked Jim.

"We will tomorrow," Jim agreed.

"You aren't married yet," Eliza commented with a question in her voice.

"We are bonded," Spock said.

"Of course," Eliza said with a smile. "Good for you."

"I have not yet told my father. I am certain that he will approve," Spock said.

"Of course he will," Richard agreed.

"Before you got here, we were watching holovids of George and Winona," Chris said. "You served with George, right?"

"Briefly," Richard said. "We were on the USS Cairo together for a time."

"Was Winona with you?" Jim asked in a carefully even voice.

"She wasn't at that time. She joined George later," Richard said.

"What were your impressions of Jim's father?" Spock asked because he was certain Jim was not able to articulate that question.

"He was a good man and an excellent officer. Smart. Funny. Serious when he needed to be. But he never took himself seriously. Much like another Kirk I know," Richard said with a laugh.

"I take myself very seriously," Jim said with mock indignation.

"Sure," Chris scoffed. "And I'm King of England."

"You only think so, your majesty," Jim said with a laugh.

Chris shook his head at that. "You have a disturbing lack of respect."

"Do I?" Jim asked, all innocence.

Chris snorted at him, returning his focus to Richard. "Why did we promote him?"

"Your idea, Chris. I voted no," Richard claimed.

"Richard," Eliza said with a laugh. "You aren't supposed to say that to him."

"Oh. Sorry, Jim. Of course I voted yes," Richard said in a rush.

"I'm sure all of the admirals did," Jim said in confidence.

"Sure," Chris said, watching as Jim stood, still laughing and collecting their plates. "We have ice cream for dessert."

They all agreed that they couldn't possibly eat another bite and once the dishes were in the dishwasher, courtesy of Jim and Spock, they went into the study, to talk and laugh and enjoy their own company.

The Barnetts reluctantly left at 4:30, wanting to stay but needing to go to another engagement they could not refuse. Jim and Spock promised the Admiral that they would see him the next day and gladly accepted the dinner invitation for Tuesday night, Chris also assuring them that he would be there.

Spock returned to the study as Jim and Chris stayed on the porch to enjoy the freshness of the air now that the rain had stopped.

"Father," Spock said when Sarek answered.

"Spock," Sarek said with a nod. "You are well?"

"I am, Father. Quite well. I am at Admiral Pike's house. Jim and I arrived yesterday."

"Everything is settled in Iowa then."

"It is," Spock agreed. "Jim and I are to be married."

"Married," Sarek repeated, studying Spock intently across the distance.

"Yes," Spock said, waiting for Sarek to tell him what he thought of the idea. Spock wasn't sure Sarek was going to give them his blessings after all.

"This is unexpected," Sarek finally said.

"Unexpected?" Spock repeated.

"It was believed you would eventually return here. To marry and have children."

Spock shook his head. "I never intended to return, Father. I thought you understood that."

Sarek remained silently thoughtful, studying Spock. "You are certain in your decision."

"Yes, Father. We are bonded already." Spock saw the surprise in his father's slightly widened eyes. Well, with or without his approval, he was going to marry his t'hy'la.

"Then the decision has been made," Sarek said.

"It has. I had thought you would approve. I regret you do not."

"I do not disapprove, Spock. I was not expecting this."

"Have you talked with the Ambassador about his relationship with his Captain?" Spock asked with a hard edge to his voice.

"I have not," Sarek said. He waited as Spock looked over at the door when Jim entered the study.

"Ambassador," Jim said, standing next to the chair where Spock sat.

"Captain," Sarek said. Not a good sign.

"Spock thought you'd be happy that he is happy. I'm sorry we have disappointed you," Jim said.

"I am not disappointed, as I told Spock. This is unexpected."

"You need to talk to first Spock," Jim said with a smile. "Then it won't be surprising."

"You seem certain," Sarek said.

"I am. Mind melds leave very little to the imagination, sir," Jim reminded him.

"Indeed," Sarek said, lifting one eyebrow. "When are you to be married?"

"When we return to the Enterprise and can make all the arrangements," Spock said. "We will complete the spousal assignment forms while we are with Admiral Pike."

Sarek nodded, shifting his gaze in order to study Jim. "I grieve with thee for thy loss."

"Thank you, Ambassador," Jim said with a nod. "If we are close enough, will you and the Ambassador come to our wedding?"

Sarek remained thoughtfully silent for a moment, studying Jim and Spock in turn. "It would be my honor."

Jim could feel Spock's relief at those words. Sarek had accepted it even if he wasn't thrilled. "Thank you, Ambassador. I'm going back to talk to Chris." After kissing Spock on the head, just so his father could witness it, Jim went back out to the porch. "Sarek's not thrilled."

"I see," Chris said, looking at Jim. "Is Spock okay?"

"Yeah. He doesn't want to disappoint him or defy him but if it comes down to it, he'll choose me," Jim said somewhat sadly.

"Don't you imagine it's partially the surprise of it?" Chris suggested.

"First Spock and First Jim were bonded. How could Sarek not know that?" Jim asked.

"It's not widely known, Jim. Not to anyone who hasn't melded with First Spock," Chris reminded him gently.

"I know," Jim sighed. "Spock was sure Sarek would approve. I'm disappointed that he's disappointed."

"It will be fine. You're repeating history. They were accepted. You will be too."

"Except Amanda was alive for the First Jim and First Spock. Maybe she's the reason Sarek accepted it."

"Sarek will be fine," Chris promised, one hand on Jim's arm. "You have my word."

"How can you be so sure? You're the boss of us. But not the boss of him," Jim said.

"I'm barely the boss of you. And I know Sarek well enough to know all he wants is happiness for Spock. And you give him that. Sarek loves you in his own Vulcan way."

"You sure?" Jim had to ask.

"Yes, I am sure," Chris said, watching Spock emerge from the house in a warm sweater. "You okay?"

"I am. I spoke briefly with Ambassador Spock. He said that Sarek will be accepting of our decision once he has had the time to consider it."

"I'm sorry he's disappointed," Jim said quietly.

"You are not the reason," Spock assured him. "The elders who remain believe that all Vulcans must eventually live on New Vulcan, in order to populate it."

"Can you even have children?" Jim asked.

"I believe that I am capable of reproducing. I have never had reason to be tested," Spock admitted.

"I guess not," Jim said, shaking his head. "But First Spock said it will be okay?"

"He did. And I believe him," Spock said, leaning closer to kiss Jim lightly on the head. "You do not need to think any more of it."

"Okay," Jim said, smiling at Spock, all of his love shining in his bright blue eyes. That helped Spock believe his own words. And even if his father did not entirely approve, Jim was an inexorable part of him. Nothing would ever change that.


	22. Chapter 22

Chris left very early the next morning, not waking Jim and Spock before quietly leaving his house.

When Jim and Spock finally made their way down to the kitchen, Denton gave them the note Chris had left, reminding them that he would meet them in his office at 10:00. They would complete the necessary paperwork, have lunch, then go with him to his class. "So uniforms are the order of the day, _Captain._" Jim laughed when he saw that part of the note, shaking his head.

After Denton fed them, they got ready for their day, Denton running them over to Starfleet Headquarters. They could have walked but the drizzle from the day before had decided to revisit so they accepted his offer to take them.

They were walking down the main corridor of Headquarters when Jim grabbed Spock's hand to pull him backward one office.

"What's a beautiful girl like you doing in a dump like this?" Jim asked the back of a familiar head, cascading red curls bouncing as she spun around.

"Jimmy!" Gaila flung her arms around his neck and kissed him, holding him tight.

"Hi Gaila," Jim finally said, slightly breathless from her enthusiastic greeting.

"Hi Spock," Gaila said, smiling practically ear to ear. "What are you doing here?" She had released him, putting an appropriate distance between them.

"Meeting with Admiral Pike," Jim explained.

She frowned at that, glancing from Jim to Spock and back. "Are you in trouble for something?"

"No, Gaila," Jim assured her. "My mother was killed in an accident. There are forms to be filed."

"Your mom died?" she repeated, shaking her head.

"Yes," Jim said. "What are you doing here?" He looked around the room where they had found her which seemed to be filled with old fashioned file cabinets, the type that held ancient paper folders.

"I was sent here after the incident on Wadi. Something about a pattern of behavior?" Gaila said with a shrug.

"You are exceptionally skilled at programming nanotechnology arch interfaces," Spock said, studying her. "Are you assigned to the file room?"

"Thanks, Commander," Gaila responded with a smile. "It's a temporary assignment. Admiral Strickler agreed to watch out for me until I had reformed. Then he'll get me an assignment back in the computer labs."

"You aren't sleeping with him, are you?" Jim asked seriously.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I know better than that, Jimmy. Really."

"All right," he said although he remained doubtful.

"How long are you here?" she asked brightly.

"I'm not sure. A few days, we think," Jim said, looking over at Spock.

"That is what Admiral Pike indicated," Spock agreed. "We need to proceed to his office if we do not wish to be late."

"Not like he'd be surprised," Jim said with a laugh.

"Can I see you before you leave?" Gaila asked Jim with a familiar smile.

Jim shook his head. "That's really not a good idea, love. It will only end badly for us both."

"Badly?" she asked.

"Spock and I are bonded, Gaila. We're filling out the spousal assignment forms while we're here," Jim explained gently.

Gaila just shrugged at that. "Okay. But we could still have dinner."

Jim laughed and shook his head again. "You are incorrigible. We aren't having dinner."

"Okay," she conceded, her smile never fading. "It sure was nice seeing you again."

"You too, Gaila. Try to behave, okay?" Jim said, kissing her cheek.

"I'll try," she said, watching them walk away.

"She is quite a force of nature," Spock remarked as they continued toward the elevators.

"Always has been. It's a wonder Uhura didn't end up throwing her out."

"Nyota enjoyed her company for the most part," Spock said. "Except for the near constant parade of sexual partners through their room."

"Yeah, I know," Jim said trying not to be too embarrassed at being a part of that parade. Well, not embarrassed that he had dated Gaila. That he was discussing her with Spock.

"You had many sexual partners, t'hy'la. Part of who you are," Spock assured him quietly.

"Could we change the subject?" Jim asked with a smile, very glad when the elevator doors opened. As soon as they were closed, he turned and kissed Spock, dispelling any residual discomfort Jim may have been feeling.

"I am pleased to be of service," Spock teased, kissing his forehead as he held him close.

"Have you ever done it in an elevator?" Jim asked backing up slightly, an unmistakable leer sweeping Spock's body.

"I have not. And if you have, I prefer to be kept ignorant of the details," Spock said, making Jim laugh.

They separated when the elevator slowed and stopped on the correct floor. Pike's office was down the hall and to the left, not one of the largest at Starfleet but it did have a fine view of the Golden Gate Bridge.

His yeoman looked up at them when they entered his outer office. "Captain. Commander," Yeoman K'tin'eil said when she had stood up behind her desk.

"Hello," Jim said with a smile.

"The Admiral asked that I apologize on his behalf, sirs. His meeting has run long. He will be here in half an hour," she said.

"That's fine," Jim said, looking over at Spock. "What do you want to do?"

"We can simply wait here."

"Do you have any coffee?" Jim asked K'tin'eil.

"No, sir, I'm afraid not. You can get some in the cafeteria," she reminded him.

"You mind going down?" Jim asked Spock.

"That would be acceptable," Spock said with a nod.

"You'll let the Admiral know if we're late getting back?"

"Of course, sir. I am certain he will contact you should he arrive back earlier than expected."

"That's fine," Jim said. "We'll see you later."

"I look forward to it, sir," she said, the first warmth that had been in her voice.

"Member of your fan club?" Spock teased when they were back in the hallway.

Jim shrugged, smiling at Spock. "I've never met her before. At least she didn't proposition me like Gaila."

"Gaila suggested you have dinner," Spock corrected.

"That never means _just_ dinner when it's Gaila," Jim assured him. "It means breakfast too."

"Indeed," Spock responded, entering the elevator when it opened to admit them.

"And you think it's hysterical. Even though you won't admit it," Jim said with a laugh.

"I think no such thing," Spock denied, studying the rows of buttons which could not possibly be of any interest to him.

Jim laughed again, shaking his head. "Lying is neither possible nor becoming, my love."

Spock's only response was one arched eyebrow which only made Jim laugh harder, although Spock had been sure that wasn't possible.

When they exited the elevator on the lowest level of the building, there was a buzz of voices, all heads turning to watch them. Jim could feel Spock's discomfort at the attention suddenly turned to them and instantly regretted suggesting coffee. He had failed to anticipate being the center of attention.

/It is all right, t'hy'la. They are more interested in you than me,/ Spock said as some of those present slowly made their way up to them.

/I wouldn't have suggested it if I'd known,/ Jim said in apology. It didn't take long until they were engulfed by Starfleet personnel who seemed to be asking question simultaneously. Jim answered as many of them as he possibly could, checking periodically with Spock to make sure he wasn't overwhelmed by their rampant thoughts. Those gathered were careful to keep a physical distance from Spock but with 25 to 30 people gathered around them, some incidental contact was unavoidable.

"This is not entirely appropriate," a booming voice said off to their left. The crowd parted to allow Admiral Barnett to approach. "Captain, Commander. If you'd like to come with me."

"Thank you, sir," Jim agreed, smiling at those who were telling them good-bye. The Admiral took them into the Officers' Formal Dining Room, closing the door behind them. This dining room was only large enough to accommodate 40 people and was reserved for special meals by the upper echelon of Starfleet. "In retrospect, we shouldn't have come down, sir," Jim said in explanation.

"You have every right to come for a cup of coffee, Jim. They were out of place mobbing you like that," Barnett assured him. "Are you okay, Spock?"

"I am, sir. Their reaction was somewhat unexpected."

"To you," the Admiral laughed. "The news that you were coming spread like proverbial wildfire. I don't know how they found out so quickly."

"Thank you for rescuing us, sir," Jim said, looking around the vacant dining room. "We really did come down so I could get some coffee."

"That's not a problem, Jim. Wait right here and I'll be right back with it."

"It is hardly appropriate for you to get us refreshments, sir," Spock protested.

Barnett laughed and shook his head. "You want it now, right? Because if you go back out there, it'll be dinner time before you reach the coffee. And surely you know I don't mind. You aren't cadets any longer."

"Thank you, sir," Spock said in agreement, also requesting a cup of tea, Vulcan spice if it were available.

"Think there's a back door out of here?" Jim asked when they were seated at one of the tables.

"If the Admiral has the time to escort us back up, it will not be a concern."

"True," Jim agreed, studying Spock as he studied the dining room.

"What are you doing?" Spock finally asked.

"Admiring you," Jim admitted. "Because you are so beautiful."

Spock shook his head at that, meeting Jim's eyes and conveying everything he needed to say.

They broke eye contact when the door opened to admit Admiral Barnett and Admiral Pike. Jim and Spock stood when they entered, Chris shaking his head.

"You can't avoid trouble, can you?" Chris asked with a laugh.

"I swear I try," Jim laughed. "I just wanted some coffee."

"I know," Chris said. "Here you are." He handed Jim a cup of steaming coffee, tea for Spock.

"Thank you, sir," Spock said, resuming his seat when the Admirals sat at the table.

"I'm sorry I wasn't in my office. I had no idea that meeting would run so long," Chris said as he sipped his coffee.

"What caused the delay?" Richard asked Chris.

"They got all wound up and started going on and on about changing the entrance requirements. Because apparently the ones that have been in place since the Academy opened are no longer valid. Honest-to-God, Richard, why does everything have to change just because we have a new chancellor?"

"An excellent question, Chris," Richard said, shaking his head.

"You are not on the admissions committee, sir?" Spock asked.

"I was until I was reassigned off of it," Richard said. "Apparently serving on it for ten years means I'm no longer qualified."

"He's decided to change things primarily because he can," Chris said. "Not that I would engage in gossip."

"Of course not," Jim confirmed with a smile. "We saw Gaila on our way in."

Chris shook his head at that information. "You manage to not have sex with her?"

"Admiral," Jim said in mock horror. "Not in front of the Commander, please."

"I am fully aware of your history, Captain," Spock assured him.

"But still," Jim said. "Will she be reassigned to the computer labs soon?"

Chris and Richard traded a look before turning to study Jim.

"What?" Jim asked in suspicion, frowning at the Admirals.

"Would you take her back? Now that you are safely off the market?" Chris asked Jim.

"Oh Lord, Chris. Are you serious?" Jim asked, glancing at Spock.

"You keep her in line better than anyone else does. God love her. And Scotty wouldn't mind, would he?" Chris asked.

"What do you think?" Jim asked Spock.

"She is very talented. At her work," Spock added.

"And she wants to go back into space. Most Captains won't take her," Richard said casually.

"What about this? What if I ask Scotty if he'd mind having her on his crew?" Jim said.

"That's fair," Chris said with a nod. "And Dr. Grumpy can make sure she takes her pheromone suppressants. Even though she hates doing it."

"I'll ask him too. Do you think Nyota will mind?" Jim asked Spock.

"I have no reason to think she will object. As she will not be living with Gaila."

"Okay. If Scotty agrees, I'll ask Bones and Nyota. If they say okay, we'll take her," Jim decided.

"Very good," Richard said in agreement. "I appreciate it."

"We'll owe you one," Chris told Jim with a wink.

"I'll take it. Bank it for the next time we cause trouble we didn't mean to cause."

"You're already in a deficit in that category," Richard reminded him with a laugh.

"True," Jim had to agree with a shrug.

"We need to get upstairs," Chris said reluctantly. "So we can get some of the forms completed before lunch."

"Thank you again, Admiral, for rescuing us," Jim said when they were all standing.

"No charge," Richard assured him. "And I'll see you Tuesday night if not sooner."

"Of course," Jim agreed, Spock also saying farewell.

They made it back up to Pike's office with much less interference, sitting at his small round conference table, a pile of padds waiting for their arrival.

It took over an hour to complete them all – spousal assignment, transfer of death benefits, change of next of kin, forms for the farm, forms to authorize the forms. By the time they were finished, Jim and Spock were pretty sure they had signed away their entire lives, not that they didn't already belong body and soul to Starfleet.

"You sure that's all?" Jim asked when Pike stood to take them to K'tin'eil.

"I don't have the latest version of 'why are you such a smart ass' form but as soon as I do, I'll get it to you," Chris said, making Jim laugh.

"You can sign it on my behalf. I'm pretty sure I signed a form making you my legal guardian," Jim joked.

"Maybe," Chris said with a wink before leaving the office. "Let's go get some lunch," he suggested when he came back in.

"Sounds good," Jim agreed, standing to stretch, some of his joints popping in protest.

"You are getting old," Chris said, shaking his head.

"Yeah. Comes with the job," Jim said. "Where should we go?"

"Spock, you have any preference?" Chris asked.

"I always appreciated the food at the Greek restaurant around the corner," Spock said.

"That sounds good," Jim agreed. "Minos Little Deli was one of my favorites too."

"You weren't ever thrown out, were you?" Chris asked.

"Not there," Jim said with a shrug. "They loved me. I'd speak Greek to them and they thought I was cool."

"You speak Greek?" Chris asked as they went down the corridor together.

"A little. I dated a Greek girl for a while. She taught me a few words and phrases. Some of what she taught me would have gotten me thrown out," Jim said.

"Permanently," Chris guessed as they entered the elevator.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"You dated someone of Greek descent long enough to learn the language?" Spock asked, studying Jim.

"Hey. Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" Jim retorted over Chris' laughter.

"It's a fair question, Jim," Chris pointed out.

"Yeah. You know," Jim said with a shrug as they rode down together on the elevator.

"That's hardly an answer," Chris said.

"Only one you're going to get," Jim decided with a smile.

Chris ignored him, telling them instead about the content of his advanced tactical class in the afternoon. The discussion would be about evasive maneuvers and when they were best used. They continued to discuss the possibilities as they enjoyed their lunch, Jim thinking a beer would have been perfect but respecting Chris' request that he not drink before he met with his students.

"I know you came to class half sloshed," Chris said as they enjoyed the baklava the café insisted they try.

"I did no such thing," Jim said with as much indignation as he could muster. "I never drank during the week."

"That doesn't include Sunday nights," Chris said.

"Okay. Maybe I wasn't always at my best some Monday mornings," Jim finally conceded. "Especially if Bones was pissed at me and refused to give me a hangover hypo."

"And how often was he angry with you?" Spock asked knowingly.

"Sometimes," Jim hedged. "You know."

"I can imagine," Spock said, raising one eyebrow at Jim.

"Good thing you are a genius," Chris said. "You'd have never made it otherwise."

"It was my charm and good looks that did that," Jim said, Chris laughing at him.

"A genius and completely delusion," Chris said. "It's not too late for me to stop the spousal assignment form."

"I am willing to take my chances," Spock said, Jim laughing.

"Okay. Don't say I didn't try to save you from yourself," Chris said as they prepared to leave.

"So noted," Spock said with a nod.

/I'm sorry. I don't know why it always becomes all about me,/ Jim said as Chris paid their tab, at his insistence.

/It is of no consequence, t'hy'la. You know that I prefer it that way,/ Spock said, sending waves of warmth to Jim.

/I guess that's lucky for me, huh?/

/I would have it no other way,/ Spock assured him, very subtlety reaching over and stroking his fingers against Jim's, making Jim smile at him.

"What are the two of you up to?" Chris asked with a frown.

"Not a thing. Just waiting for you," Jim said, smiling innocently at him.

Chris could only shake his head, chatting casually with them as they walked back to Starfleet. He took them to his office to collect his materials before going over to the next building and into the conference room where the seminar was held. The room was empty when they arrived but class didn't begin for another 15 minutes.

"Did you inform them that we would be here?" Spock asked.

"No. I wasn't sure you'd come. And I didn't want them dragging their friends along," Chris explained.

Jim nodded at that reasoning, standing up when his communicator beeped. He took it out of his pocket, smiling when he saw that it was Bones contacting him. "Hey."

"What are you up to?" Bones asked with no preamble.

"Spock and I are visiting Pike's seminar," Jim explained.

"Oh Lord. I hope it's on How Crazy Is Not Really Contagious," Bones said.

"That's next semester," Pike said with a laugh.

"Good," Bones said.

"Where are you?" Jim asked him.

"On your ship. Or I will be this afternoon when they let us back aboard," Bones said.

"Oh good. How was your trip? Did you throw up on some poor unsuspecting Starfleet officer?"

"I did not," Bones said gruffly. "Are you doing okay, kid?"

"I'm fine. Really. I should be back at Pike's house in a couple of hours. Will you be around?"

"I'll be back in sickbay by then. See what kind of damage they've done in my absence."

"Okay. I'll contact you when we get done here," Jim promised, watching the first cadet enter the conference and stop in surprise. "I need to go."

"All right. I'll talk to y'all later," Bones said before disconnecting.

"Captain, Commander," the cadet said, brown eyes wide in surprise and excitement.

"Have a seat, Johnson," Pike said. "We'll have formal introductions once everyone has arrived."

"Of course, sir," Johnson agreed, never taking his eyes off the two famous visitors. The other cadets slowly filtered in, most of them as surprised, and some unable to contain their excitement. A couple of them looked completely bored and Jim made a mental note to ask Chris about them afterwards.

/They do seem uninterested,/ Spock agreed, watching the two young men who were talking with each other too quietly for anyone else to hear, even Spock with them at the opposite end of the table.

/Hard to believe Chris has let them stay in his class,/ Jim said, watching Chris stand to indicate that class was coming to order.

"Laurel and Hardy. You know you are not allowed to sit next to each other," Chris said, frowning down at the two men. They both stood, one going right, the other left and switching places with two unhappy looking cadets. "Thank you, gentlemen. And as I'm sure you have not failed to notice, we have two visitors with us today. Captain Kirk and Commander Spock. Each of you will state your name, your home, and the track you have chosen. Then we will begin our work for the day."

The twenty cadets introduced themselves as instructed, the one Pike called Laurel telling them that his actual name was Theodore Carniceria, from San Francisco, in the Command Track. Hardy was actually Woody Murren, from Nevada, in the Command Track. They sounded respectful if still completely uninterested.

/They will never succeed,/ Spock said, Jim agreeing as he listened to the final two cadets, both of whom were in complete awe of their famous visitors.

Chris reminded them of the topic and discussed the evasive maneuvers covered in their assignments for the day, several which didn't exist until Jim had invented them in his time as Captain.

The cadets asked several appropriate, probing questions, some which Chris answered, most answered by Jim or Spock, the cadets listening intently to their explanations of how they manage to make the impossible part of their everyday existence.

"Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott is responsible for the engines not imploding," Spock told them at one point. "As he is the finest Starfleet Engineer, we are dependent on his skill nearly every day."

This launched a lively discussion on the abuse a starship can be expected to withstand before it just gives up.

"If a starship was ever going to surrender to her Captain, it would be the Enterprise," Chris told them, most of them laughing in response. "Class has been over for 10 minutes. You are dismissed."

Most of the cadets requested permission to remain, not wanting to cut short their opportunity to talk further with two real life heroes.

"You have class," Chris said with a laugh. "I have a meeting."

"Please, Admiral. Just 15 more minutes," Cadet Angel Landis requested on behalf of her classmates.

"How about this?" Chris finally conceded. "How about you all come over for dinner Wednesday night?"

This idea was met with great enthusiasm, Cadet Landis agreeing to be responsible for arranging the food, who would bring what, when they would arrive.

"That's fine," Chris agreed. "Just let me know what you've decided. I'll provide the beer."

"Deal, sir," Cadet Landis said as they left the conference room.

"You don't mind, do you?" Chris asked Jim and Spock as he gave them his car keys.

"Not in the least," Spock agreed for them both. "It will be interesting to talk further with them."

"That's for sure," Jim agreed. "They won't bring friends or half the Academy, will they?"

"No. They know better. And with any luck, Laurel and Hardy won't come."

"What's with them?" Jim asked.

Chris shrugged at that. "Carniceria is a legacy. Father was an Admiral. Killed in action. Murren fell in with him. Woody's a good kid. If I could get him away from Carniceria."

Jim shook his head at that, glancing over at Spock.

"How will you get home?" Spock asked Chris.

"If it's not raining, I'll walk. If it is, you can come get me," Chris said with a smile. "I'll call when I'm ready to leave. Denton should be there to feed you so go ahead and eat without me."

"How late will you be?" Spock asked.

Chris shrugged at that. "You know. I hope to leave by 6:30 or 7:00. But that may be overly optimistic."

"All right. Call us," Jim said as he left with Spock for the parking garage.

"You believe I equate you with Cadet Carniceria," Spock said evenly as they searched for Chris' car.

"I don't think that," Jim said. "But I was called a legacy more than once."

"And what I said at the hearing did not help," Spock said, the regret coming through.

"We're way past that, t'hy'la," Jim assured him. "Carniceria doesn't need to be in the Academy."

"It does seem unfortunate that he is allowed to remain," Spock said, stopping and taking out his communicator. "We neglected to ask you for the location of your car," he said to Pike when he had responded.

Jim could hear Chris laughing. "I'm sorry. It's on level 3. Space number 32."

"Thank you," Spock said before disconnecting and going up one level with Jim to find the car.

They made it back to Chris' house in short order, Denton telling them that he was planning to have dinner ready in a couple of hours. That was perfect for Jim since he wanted to talk to Bones. He thought he'd see if he could reach Uhura and Scotty too – ask them how they felt about Gaila being assigned back to the Enterprise.

He and Spock contacted Bones who was back aboard, not too unhappy about the minor changes that had been made. At least he didn't complain too much which Jim took as a win.

"When will y'all be back?" Bones asked, studying them in turn and seeing everything.

"We still don't know," Jim admitted. "Tomorrow we're going to see if we can find an apartment, and we're having dinner with Admiral Barnett and his wife. Wednesday some of Chris' cadets are coming to dinner. Maybe Thursday or Friday?"

Bones nodded, turning all knowing eyes to Spock. "What's happened?"

Spock gave a very small sigh, telling Leonard about Sarek's reaction.

"You know he'll be fine, Spock. I'm sure it was the surprise of it. He wants you to be happy. And a blind man can see that Jim gives you that."

"Thank you for saying so, Leonard," Spock said. "Chris said much the same."

"And when Sarek has a long heart-to-heart with first-Spock, he'll realize that we are just repeating history," Jim said with a nod.

"Of course. I'm sure first-Bones was just as tired of patching you up as I am."

"You'll have to ask first-Spock that," Jim said.

"Nah. My memories of you are bad enough. I don't need to know about a whole different you."

"That's fair," Jim agreed with a smile. "Soooo…what would you think if Pike reassigned Gaila to us?"

Bones rolled his eyes at that, shaking his head. "Seriously? He hates us that much?"

"He trusts her with Jim more than he does with any other Captain," Spock said, his amusement not entirely hidden.

"Put all the crazies on one ship and spare the rest," Bones said.

"Something like that," Jim agreed. "If Uhura and Scotty agree, will you be all right with her being with us?"

"Sure. Liven things up. In case we ever have 5 seconds when all hell isn't already breaking loose."

"Good to know you still see the bright side of any situation," Jim teased.

Bones snorted at him, shaking his head. "Scotty's in Engineering. You want me to send you down?"

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "I'll let you know when we're coming back."

"Okay. I'm glad you look so good, Jim. Rested. Not so stressed," Bones said seriously.

"Thanks. It's been good being on Earth. But I'm ready to come home."

"I understand that," Bones agreed. "Hold on. I'll get you Scotty."

Jim nodded at that, smiling over at Spock as they waited.

/I love you as well,/ Spock said with great warmth.

/Mmm…/ Jim sighed. "Hiya Scotty."

"Cap't. Commander," Scotty said with his usual good humor. "How's Earth?"

"Good. Really good," Jim said. "How's things on my ship?"

"Couldn't be better, sir. She is missing you but understands."

"As long you are there, she'll be fine," Jim said with a smile.

"Aye, sir. There is that," Scotty agreed, returning his smile.

"We were at Headquarters today and ran into Gaila." Jim paused at that. The look on Scotty's face didn't change appreciably which he thought might be a good sign. "Pike would like to reassign her to the Enterprise. Which means she'll report to you."

"Aye," Scotty said, the word drawn out thoughtfully.

"I told Chris I won't accept her unless you and Uhura are okay with it. I already checked with Bones. He's agreed."

"I see, sir," Scotty said.

"What do you think, Scotty?" Jim asked, studying the other man across the distance.

"I have no particular objection, sir. But her history is well known."

"Her history with me, you mean?" Jim guessed.

"Partial. Her history with half of Starfleet."

"I know," Jim said. "I'm safe from her now. Are you worried about your virtue?"

Scotty snorted at that. "Ach. Not mine, sir. More like I'm worried about the lads in Engineering being distracted by her."

"You can assign her to the labs. She doesn't have to be in Engineering," Jim assured him. "Or if you are worried, I'll tell Chris no."

"She in the engineering labs there?" Scotty asked.

"She is apparently assigned to punitive filing," Spock said.

"What?" Scotty said in surprise. "She's not in their labs?"

"No," Jim said, shaking his head. "That's why I said I'd check with you. So she can get back to engineering."

"If that be the case, of course I'll take her, lad," Scotty said, indignant that they would make someone as talented Gaila a file clerk.

"Good," Jim said. "That only leaves Uhura."

"I can ask her if you like, sir. We are planning on having lunch together," Scotty said.

"I see," Jim said with a smile. "This is new."

Scotty shrugged. "Just friends, sir."

"All right. Make sure Uhura knows that she's not obligated to agree. And if Gaila does join us, she definitely won't have to room with her."

"That's reassuring," Scotty said. That settled, Jim asked about the other repairs and upgrades, acknowledging all of the modifications that had been made.

"Are you worried about the conversion?" Jim asked.

"Not at all, sir. But they wouldn't leave me the schematics. Somethin' goes wrong, there's no guarantee I can fix it."

"All right. I'll talk to Chris tonight."

"Appreciate it, sir."

"Anything else you need?" Jim asked.

"Only for you two to return. Safe and sound," Scotty said in a rare display of sentimentality.

"Thank you," Jim said. "I'm ready to be back."

"As am I," Spock agreed.

"We're ready for ya' to be back," Scotty said, signing off after assuring them that he would continue to take good care of their ship.

"We really are lucky," Jim said, smiling over at Spock.

"We are?" Spock asked, not really paying attention to Jim's words. He was too distracted by his presence and the possibilities of their time together after they had retired for the evening.

"We could take a nap," Jim suggested in a low voice.

"Denton would know," Spock said quietly, leaning close enough to kiss Jim.

"So? We're two consenting adults. You think he'd be shocked?"

Spock shrugged at that, kissing him again.

"You either have to agree to go upstairs with me or stop kissing me," Jim scolded softly.

"You go make our excuses to Denton. I will meet you upstairs," Spock decided, standing to look down at Jim who was laughing up at him.

"You got it. Don't start without me," Jim said.

"You can be certain I have no intentions of it," Spock promised, climbing the stairs in anticipation of all that would happen when Jim joined him. He knew it was not the Vulcan way to be so happy about the possibilities, but now it was his way. And would remain his way so long as he had Jim to provide him such happiness.

* * *

_TBC_


	23. Chapter 23

Chris contacted them the next morning as they were looking at an apartment close by Starfleet Headquarters. It turned out there were, incredibly enough, several forms they had failed to complete. They agreed to come to his office and sign them. Then they could have lunch downstairs.

After agreeing to the long-term lease at the apartment, they went over to headquarters and up to the level with Pike's office. As they were making their way down the hallway, a voice called out from behind them.

"Jim?" a woman's voice said.

Jim turned around somewhat hesitantly before backtracking with a wide smile when he saw who had called him. She was a woman in her early thirties wearing a Starfleet uniform. She was graced with long black hair, caramel colored skin and the most beautiful black eyes he had ever seen until Spock's. "Selema," he said in happiness, holding her in a tight hug. Her rounded belly stopped him from holding her a close as he would normally have done.

"I heard about Winona," she said when they parted, still standing close together, one of her hands on his arm. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Jim shrugged, focusing instead on her. "When's he going to be born?"

She smiled, stroking her unborn child. "First of June. Yaseem couldn't be happier."

"I bet," Jim agreed, looking over at Spock as though he had temporarily forgotten he was standing right at his side. "I'm sorry. Commander Spock, this is Selema Robau Asad. Spock, this is Selema."

Selema smiled at Spock, a knowing look in her eye. "It's wonderful to meet you, Commander."

"You as well," Spock replied, a calculating expression on his face.

"How long are you here?" Selema asked Jim.

"Couple of more days," Jim said with a shrug. "We're not entirely sure. Depends on when we can hitch a ride back to the Enterprise. Chris is working on it for us."

"Can we have lunch while you're here?" she requested.

"Tomorrow?" Jim responded.

"Perfect. I get out of class at 12:45," she said.

"Okay. We'll come by and get you at 1:00. You want to have pizza? Does this baby like it too?" Jim asked with a smile.

"This baby loves it. Yaseem has already given pizza to Keren even though I told him she's too little. But Samnan and Manar eat it so he said Keren should have it too." She shook her head in maternal good humor as only mothers could do.

"Yaseem is going to do what he wants," Jim agreed. "He still enjoys being 'full-time primary parental caregiver'?"

"Revels in it," she agreed. "It's apparently what he was born to do. Not quite sure what he'll do when all the children have gone to school."

"Teach himself," Jim said. "He has the gift."

"I think so to," she agreed.

"How's your mom?" Jim asked, making Selema laugh.

"As feisty as ever. She's in Australia with Memoona. They are researching… something or other. You never know with those cultural anthropologists," she said with a laugh.

"When you talk to them, tell them hi for me," Jim requested.

"Of course I will," she said affectionately. "Gracious, Commander. You must be completely bored. Here Jim and I are going on and on and just leaving you completely out."

"I have no objections," Spock assured her. "We do, however, need to make our way to the Admiral's office."

"Okay," Jim said, kissing Selema on the cheek. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"Good," she agreed, watching them walk away until they rounded a corner and were out of her sight.

"I'm sorry," Jim said to Spock quietly.

"You do not need to apologize, Jim."

"I should have explained already," he said, stopping to face Spock. "All Kelvin survivors are a family. Selema and I share a connection that's deeper than most."

"Of course," Spock agreed. "She clearly adores you."

"Like a brother," Jim agreed with a nod. "And I consider her my sister. Not by blood. By birthright. I have over thousand Kelvin brothers and sisters, and at least a thousand Kelvin aunts and uncles. None of them are like Selema or Memoona."

"That must pose quite a challenge at Christmas," Spock suggested.

"Oh my God. You just made a joke," Jim said in surprise. "Oh my God. Chris is never going to believe this."

Spock raised one eyebrow and turned to continue toward Chris' office.

"Wait. Are you going to deny it?" Jim laughed. "That you did something so un-Vulcan?"

"To deny it would be illogical. As illogical as the pleasure you are receiving from my statement," Spock said, trying to sound all stern and disapproving and failing miserably.

"You need to work on your poker face," Jim laughed as they entered Chris' outer office.

Yeoman K'tin'eil greeted them with a smile and said they should go right on in to the Admiral's office as he was waiting for them.

"You're 10 minutes late," Chris said by way of greeting from behind his imposing desk.

"I'm sorry. We ran into Selema," Jim explained, Chris' face softening at that.

"I forgive you then. Just this once," he said, standing up to sit at his table, Jim and Spock joining him.

"Appreciate it," Jim said with a laugh.

"You find an apartment?" Chris asked, studying them in turn.

"Yeah. It was surprisingly affordable," Jim said with a shrug. "Not entirely sure we're paying the going rate."

"Don't worry about it. It's what you deserve," Pike assured him.

"It's old, Chris. Really," Jim protested mildly.

"Doesn't matter. You're still the ones who saved Earth from annihilation. No one will ever forget that."

"We appreciate their gratitude," Spock said, sounding weary even for him. "It can be tiresome."

"You'll be back off Earth soon. Back with the people who barely treat you like their commanding officers. Much less like heroes," Chris reminded them.

"We have an excellent crew, Admiral. I cannot allow you to say otherwise," Jim said, all puffed up indignation.

"Shut up and sign the forms," Chris retorted, handing him the padds.

"What are these for?" Jim asked as he attached his electronic signature and passed it to Spock.

"Should you not have inquired before signing it?" Spock asked with the barest amount of amusement in his voice.

"Too late now," Chris said. "This one gives us permission to clone you if they ever work out the technology. And this one says you agree to follow some of the regulations that apply to most of the other captains in the fleet."

"Hmm…" Jim said, considering it. "I already sign the one that makes me undisputed ruler of the universe?"

"That was yesterday," Chris assured him, shaking his head. "I'll make sure you both get copies of them all. Do you want me to send a copy to Courtney?"

"Yes please. Isn't that standard procedure anyway?"

"Generally. But when has standard procedure ever applied to you?" Chris asked, taking the small stack of padds to K'tin'eil. "Let's go get something to eat."

"Sounds good," Jim agreed, standing with Spock.

"Have you secured our transport back to the Enterprise?" Spock asked as they left Chris' office with him.

"Not yet. I'm still working on it. I'm sure we'll find a way to get you there by the end of this week."

"Make it soon?" Jim requested as they went down the elevator together.

"Stop whining," Chris said, shaking his head.

"That was not the Captain whining, sir. If he were, your ears would already be bleeding."

"Spock," Jim gasped. He scowled at Chris who was laughing way too hard. "Spock made a joke when we were on our way to your office."

"Do tell," Chris laughed. Over Spock's quiet protests, Jim repeated what he had said, Chris laughing softly. "Well done, Mr. Spock."

"Thank you Admiral," Spock said, glaring at Jim in an affectionate sort of way.

They exited the elevator and entered the cafeteria, Admiral Pike's expression keeping everyone at a safe distance. When they had their food, they went into the Officers' dining room, separating them from their admirers and those who were just plain nosy.

"Chris," Jim said when there was a brief pause in the conversation. He was poking at his hamburger steak in a way that Spock knew meant he had something on his mind that was weighing him down.

"Jim?" Chris returned, studying him.

"Do you know if Sam really is dead?" Jim finally asked, studying only his half-eaten lunch.

"I do know," Chris said gently, putting down his fork. "I figured it was only a matter of time until you asked me."

"Is he?" Jim asked, not entirely certain he wanted to hear that answer. If Chris didn't tell him, he could believe Sam was still out there somewhere, alive and well.

"Are you ready to know?" Chris asked, seeing the hesitation written all over Jim's body language.

Jim glanced up at Spock who was sending him warmth and reassurance over their bond, wrapping him in the strength that he needed to learn the truth about his brother. "Yes."

"He died right before Nero showed up," Chris said softly, watching Jim who had returned to staring at his plate. "I intended to tell you but then all hell broke loose."

Jim nodded, absorbing the information. Spock was still with him but keeping a distance in order for Jim to process the news. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it. Relief that he finally knew the truth. Grief that he'd never see Sam again. Anger that Winona had allowed Frank to drive Sam away. "Did Winona know?" Jim asked, looking up at Chris with sad blue eyes.

"Yes. I told her," Chris said. "She cried. She wanted to tell you. But…."

"I wouldn't respond to her transmissions," Jim finished for him.

"No one blames you for it," Spock assured him.

"No one but Winona."

"She understood, Jim," Chris said.

"What happened to Sam?" Jim asked, looking back at Chris with a determined expression.

"He died in a Klingon prison. He was under deep cover and they found out. He was trying to infiltrate their mining guild."

Jim nodded at the news. That explained why no one would or could tell him if Sam was alive whenever he asked. They weren't sure themselves. He was so far undercover they couldn't keep track of him. "That's why his death benefit is so high."

"One of the reasons," Chris agreed. "Being George's son is another."

"He wasn't married, was he?" Jim asked, ignoring the part about their father. At least for now.

"No. As far as we could determine, he had no attachments. But he had to cover his tracks from us and from them. So it's a little hard to tell," Chris said.

"If he had still been alive after I became Captain, could I have heard all this?" Jim asked, wondering why he was even asking.

"No. There were only three people who knew where he was or what he was doing. I wasn't one of them. Not until he died. That was for his protection and yours. If they found out he was your brother, they would have come after you. And Winona," Chris pointed out.

"Yeah," Jim had to agree, taking a deep breath. "At least now I know."

"I am sorry, Jim," Spock said softly. "I grieve with thee."

Jim nodded, sipping his coffee. "Did he die honorably?"

"They said he died protecting some of the other Human prisoners. They consider it an honorable death," Pike said.

"How did you find out? That he died?" Jim asked.

"They shipped his body to Earth. As a warning as much as anything. From there it was just a matter of DNA matching."

Jim nodded again, thinking that over. "Thank you for telling me."

"You're welcome, son," Chris said with warmth and no small amount of affection.

"Do we need to take anything to the Admiral's house tonight?" Jim asked, more than ready to change the subject.

"We don't need to," Chris said. "But I do know that Eliza is a big fan of yellow roses."

"Yellow roses. Check," Jim said with a nod. "Is that flower stand still right outside the Museum of Art?"

"Sure is," Chris agreed. "You dragging this illiterate to the museum?"

"I am. I can only hope to raise his culture literacy," Spock said, ignoring Jim who was frowning at him.

"I know the difference between Monet and Manet," Jim said, not sounding as indignant as he wanted.

"Of course you do," Pike said soothingly, winking at Spock.

"I talked to my crew about Gaila," Jim said in another change of subject. "They agreed to having her join us."

"Scotty will accept her?" Chris asked just to make sure.

"He wasn't so sure at first," Jim said. "But when I told him she's a file clerk, he was most displeased. Uhura doesn't have any reservations since they won't be living together. And I think she's misses Gaila."

"All right," Chris said with a nod. "I'll draw up her reassignment. She can return to the Enterprise with you."

"Good," Jim said with a nod. "Do you need us to do anything for you while we're out?"

"No, but thanks for asking. Come back by and pick me up at 6:00. Then we'll go to the Barnetts' house."

"Certainly," Spock agreed, standing with the other two men and placing their dishes in the proper area.

Spock and Jim drove over to the museum, deciding against walking all those blocks in the drizzle. They spent several very pleasant hours wondering through the exhibits, blissfully free of anyone who recognized them. After purchasing the yellow roses tied with a decorative ribbon, they returned to Starfleet to find Chris waiting on the sidewalk as he had promised.

Chris was perfectly content in letting Jim drive out to the Barnetts', giving unnecessary directions until they arrived at their driveway. "I told you I knew how to get here," Jim protested as they drove up to the house, two stories on one side, three on the other. Most of the walls on the first floor were made of glass, wood beams in between. The second and third stories also had plenty of windows to overlook the ocean on the other side of the drive.

Chris snorted at his comment, leaving the car and going up to the slate entrance to ring the bell. It didn't take long for Mrs. Barnett to open the door, smiling up at her visitors.

"Right on time," she said, moving aside so that they could enter and she could close the door behind them.

"These are for you," Spock said unnecessarily, presenting her the roses to her acclaim.

"These are gorgeous," she said, smiling even more. "Thank you, Spock, Jim."

"You are most welcome. Thank you for hosting us tonight," Spock said with a tiny bow.

"Richard's upstairs changing. Come into the kitchen," she said, leading the way to the back of the house where they could smell the delicious dinner being prepared. "Would you like something to drink?"

They all accepted their desired refreshment, Admiral Barnett appearing shortly afterwards, coming down the back stairs in his jeans and a faded Xavier University tee shirt.

"Rich, I thought you got rid of that shirt," Eliza said in scolding. He just shrugged. She shook her head in frustration before going to check on dinner.

"I saw Selema today," Jim told the Barnetts when they were all seated at the table and had begun eating the delicious food.

"She keeps track of you," Richard said with a nod. "Since you are the world's worse at returning communications."

"I am not," Jim protested. "I always answer hers. And Memoona's. And any of the other Kelvin family that contacts me."

"All three thousand?" Spock asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, maybe not all 3,000," Jim hedged. "But they are the only children of Captain Robau. I also talk to Manar whenever she contacts me."

"You're scared not to," Pike said with a laugh. "We're all scared of Manar."

"Anyone with sense is," Eliza agreed with a laugh.

"Selema said she's in Australia with Memoona," Jim commented.

"She has been for several weeks," Richard confirmed. "She's on sabbatical from Starfleet. I'm a little worried she won't come back."

"I still think you're wrong, Rich," Chris said. "She'll be back. She'll be disappointed when she finds out she missed seeing you."

"Thanks," Jim said. "At this rate, we may still be here when she gets back."

"There you go pouting again," Chris scolded mildly.

"Earlier you referred to it as whining," Spock clarified very helpfully.

"Spock," Jim said. "Is that any way to talk?"

"It helps, as Admiral Pike says, to keep you humble," Spock said making everyone except Jim laugh.

/You know I don't mind,/ Jim assured him when he felt some low level of anxiety from Spock because of what he had said.

/It is inappropriate,/ Spock was forced to admit.

/No it's not. These are our friends. Jokes are to be expected,/ Jim assured him. He reached over beneath the tablecloth, rubbing his first two fingers against Spock's, receiving his returning affection over the bond. "Yes, please," he said aloud to Eliza. "I would enjoy more bread."

The rest of the evening was much the same, laughter and stories shared between friends. Spock very much appreciated Eliza's presence, helping him feel more balanced. She had a very logical, ordered mind, almost Vulcan in her approach to much of life. He had suspected as much but had never had the opportunity to spend so much time in her company.

He managed to slip into the kitchen while she was in the process of preparing the coffee and slicing the pie she had made for dessert.

"Hello dear," she said to him with a warm smile, not surprised by his lone appearance.

"Is there something I may do to assist you, ma'am?" he asked politely.

"I was planning to ask you the exact same thing, dear," she said, studying him with caring brown eyes, seeing many of those things others overlooked.

To lie to her would be both a disservice and an unkindness. To tell her the truth did not seem entirely possible or appropriate.

"You must know that I have no intentions of repeating anything you say," Eliza said gently. "I can only imagine what this trip to Earth has been like for you."

"It has been…." No. It still was not appropriate to admit it, to her or himself.

"It is clear that you love Jim, Spock. If helping him through all that he is experiencing is trying to you, that doesn't mean you love him any less."

He nodded slowly, wondering why he felt compelled to confide in her - of all people. There was something about her personality that reminded him greatly of his mother – her patience, her ordered thinking, her understanding of what it meant to be Vulcan. "I do love him. More than I ever thought possible."

"Yet it is difficult," she guessed.

He nodded again, wishing he were strong enough to just pick up the pie and leave the kitchen. "I remain uncertain," he finally admitted quietly.

"Uncertain," she repeated in encouragement.

"How much affection is appropriate. How many of the stories concerning Jim ought I share. It could embarrass him. By the same token, it is Human custom."

"Yes," Eliza said. "You have a distinct advantage over us Humans. He can tell you how much is too much without speaking. He doesn't take himself seriously, dear. You aren't going to say anything that will mortify him or undermine his command. It's not your nature and it would take a lot to actually upset him."

"Yes," he agreed.

"But what about _you_, dear? You are not only a reflection of Jim. You are a caring, capable person in your own right. Does he take care of you the way he should?"

"He does. His needs are currently greater than mine."

"All right," she said slowly. "What do _you_ need?"

He met her eyes at that question, wishing she would withdraw it. Because he did not think he could answer it. Not at the moment at any rate. "I informed my father about our bond."

"And he wasn't pleased," she guessed based on his non-expression.

"He expressed some reservations," Spock agreed. "First Spock and First Jim were bonded. My mother may have been the deciding factor."

"Sarek will accept your bond, dear. He loves you enough to want you to be happy. And he knows you are. In his own Vulcan way."

"Yes. There are times that I cannot stop myself from…wishing for things I cannot have," he said, nearly embarrassed to be admitting it.

"Like that your mother were still alive," Eliza said knowingly.

"Is it natural? To miss those who are taken from you? Vulcans do not see the logic in mourning overly long."

"It is as natural as breathing," Eliza told him. "Especially when you go through as many changes as you are right now. Your mother was your anchor, your sounding board. And most importantly she was your mom. Of course you miss her. Logical or not, you are still mourning your loss. I'd frankly be worried if you weren't."

He nodded at that, taking a calming breath. "Jim was barely affected by the passing of his mother."

"That was Winona's fault. She was not at all like Amanda. Don't compare your experiences, dear. It takes more than giving birth to be a mother. Amanda was. Not Winona. At least not to Jim."

Spock considered that for a moment, catching her eye again. "Thank you."

She shook her head at this words, smiling up at him. "You don't need to thank me. And if you ever need to reopen this discussion, please know you only have to contact me."

"I would never presume."

"It wouldn't be a presumption or an imposition, dear. It would be a gift. For us both."

He nodded in acceptance of her words and her promise, taking the pie out as she brought the coffee. Jim pretended he didn't know that Spock had carried on a private conversation with Eliza. The fact that Spock had blocked it from him was information enough. And he could imagine the topic. Jim was just glad that Eliza was able to provide to Spock what it was he had needed. Because he felt much more centered to Jim. And that was a most precious gift. To them both.


	24. Chapter 24

They spent the next morning doing the Tourist thing, visiting those places in San Francisco that there never had been time to visit while they were at the Academy. Jim wanted to visit the redwoods still proudly growing in Muir Woods but recognized that there was not enough time to do it all. He contented himself to do mostly what Spock wanted to do. He didn't care as long as they did it together.

He was surprised when Spock suggested that they purchase gifts for the command crew. Jim had considered the same idea but had dismissed it as overly sentimental and so… Human. When Spock said it was appropriate to show their appreciation, Jim readily agreed. Their first stop was an antique store that turned out to be a real treasure trove. While there, they purchased an ancient, real book for Chekov, of all of Chekhov's short stories in Russian. For Sulu, they found a collection that claimed to contain all Robin Hood movies ever made, including an unlikely one in which the Sherriff of Nottingham was a Klingon and Robin was an Orion girl. Jim suggested that that would give a whole new meaning to the term "merry men." Spock's only response was what Jim thought of as 'the eyebrow of doom' as he walked away, Jim's laughter following him.

They also found a hip flask for Scotty which Spock said might send the wrong message but when Jim pointed out that it would hardly change his habit, Spock had to agree.

Just next door was a jewelry store that sold some of the most beautiful bracelets and necklaces they had ever seen. It wasn't hard for them to settle on a set for Uhura, the cost much lower than they would have expected for such delicate workmanship.

"We should look for wedding rings," Spock said softly into Jim's ear as the very helpful clerk wrapped Uhura's gift for them.

"Really? You want to wear one?" Jim asked in some surprise.

"Most assuredly. It will help keep you safe," Spock said.

"I see," Jim laughed. "Since Starfleet frowns on tattoos as a means of announcing 'hands off - he's mine.'"

"That is one way to express it," Spock agreed, his black eyes light with amusement.

"Okay," Jim said with a nod, waiting as the clerk returned to them.

"How may I further assist you gentlemen?" she asked with a charming smile.

"We'd like wedding rings, please," Jim requested, quite a bit of charm in his smile.

"Certainly. Do you know what you would like as far as the design goes?" she asked.

They both shook their heads, following her to the counter with all the appropriate rings on display. "These are very popular with members of Starfleet," she said, showing them an array of various designs.

"No," Spock said, shaking his head. "We want something less ornate."

"I see. Perhaps one of these," she suggested, showing them the next tray.

"Not quite so plain," Jim requested. "Somewhere in between."

She nodded, opening the next case that held rings not on display. They both knew immediately when they saw the one ring waiting for them. It was engraved with the IDIC symbol all the way around, a diamond representing the circle at the tip of the triangle.

"Perfect," Jim breathed, feeling Spock's more muted delight at finding them.

"Do you know your ring sizes?" she asked, seeing the decision in their faces.

"I have no idea," Jim said, looking over at Spock, who naturally knew his. Why he knew Jim could not even guess but he wasn't surprised. She gave Jim the sizers, writing down the results.

"These are custom made," she said, wishing she wasn't disappointing them quite so much.

"We understand," Jim said with a nod. "How long will it take, do you think?"

"It generally takes three weeks. Do you know where you'll be?"

"No idea," Jim said with a shake of his head.

"Admiral Pike will know," Spock told her. "Will you contact him and ask that he see to their delivery?"

"Of course," she agreed, glad she was able to still provide them with their rings. "When are you getting married?"

"We haven't figured that out yet," Jim said. "Maybe now we'll wait until we have our rings."

"That would be logical," Spock said.

"Would you be interested in stand-in rings?" she asked, taking out a tray of plain gold bands in every imaginable size. "You can exchange these at your ceremony then put on the real ones when they arrive."

"What do you think?" Jim asked Spock, watching him consider it.

"We could begin to wear these now," Spock said. "As women wear engagement rings."

Jim looked at the woman who nodded. "That makes sense," she agreed. "Then you could wear them both when those arrive."

"I'd like that," Jim agreed, picking up one that was the size Spock wore. He smiled at Spock as he slipped it onto his finger, sealing it with a kiss. /My promise to you, t'hy'la. That I am forever yours./

Spock echoed his actions, the love he felt for Jim shining in his eyes. The clerk sniffed softly, blotting her eyes with a crumbled tissue. They looked at her in some surprise.

"I always cry at weddings," she explained happily.

Jim laughed, making her smile at him. "How much do we owe you?"

She told him how much the custom rings cost, the plain ones no charge for them. They gladly paid the named price, including enough to cover any delivery charges that might be incurred. "Thank you both so much," she said when their business was completed.

"We appreciate your assistance," Spock said.

"Will you send me a photo?" she requested, pointing to a bulletin board covered with pictures of happy couples at their weddings.

"Certainly," Spock agreed, Jim also agreeing as they left the shop, Uhura's gift safely tucked in the small backpack Jim had bought from a street vendor, all the gifts sharing the space.

"These are pretty even if they are cheap," Jim said, admiring the gold band gleaming against the golden brown on his finger.

"It was very kind of her to give them to us," Spock said, rubbing his fingers against Jim's.

"It was. I'm sure what we paid for our real rings more than pays for these too," Jim said with a laugh.

"Without a doubt," Spock said, slowing to look into a shop that sold men's clothing.

"What?" Jim asked, looking in with him.

"I would like a pair of jeans," Spock admitted, embarrassed to even say it out loud.

"I'd like you to have a pair," Jim agreed with a smile. "Come on. I'll buy."

Spock reluctantly followed Jim in, allowing him to choose the jeans he should wear. Not certain about the selection, Spock tried them on, Jim assuring him that those were the ones he needed to buy. "You are certain they should fit so close to the body?" Spock asked, looking down at himself.

"That's how they are made. Do you want old lady jeans?" Jim asked, admiring the way that the denim conformed to Spock's very fine body.

"Yours are not so close fitting," Spock said, checking himself in the mirror with a considering look on his face.

"Okay," Jim sighed. "Try these."

Spock accepted the second pair of jeans, nodding when he exited the dressing room. "This is more appropriate."

"You like those better?" Jim asked unnecessarily.

"I do. Less confining," Spock said.

"Okay. We'll take them both," Jim told the clerk who was wisely staying out of the conversation.

"We do not need the first pair," Spock told Jim when he emerged from the dressing room in his own clothes.

"Yeah we do," Jim said with a saucy wink. Spock didn't argue any further. He had the distinct impression that Jim would be the only person who ever saw him in the close fitting jeans.

When their transaction was complete, Jim contacted Selema on his communicator. "Hey love. We're at the pizza parlor. Do you mind coming across?"

"Of course not," she laughed. "It will take me a few minutes to waddle over there."

"We don't mind," he assured her. "You want water with lemon, no ice?"

"Yes, love. And go ahead and order that garlic bread with the melty mozzarella cheese. Nobody needs to know if I have a slice," she said with a laugh.

"Consider it done," he agreed, going into the restaurant with Spock. It was busy but not overly crowded. They were shown a booth located near the back, the waitress accepting their drink orders and promising to return right away. When she brought the glasses, Jim requested the garlic bread, studying the menu with Spock.

"They have vegetarian marinara," Jim assured him. "You've eaten here, haven't you?"

"I have not. I heard about it but never visited."

"Why?" Jim asked, curious why he wouldn't have come to one of San Francisco's landmarks, out of cultural curiosity if nothing else.

"I have no real explanation," Spock admitted. "Nyota never suggested it."

"Oh," Jim said. "Because I ate here a lot."

"I doubt you are the reason she stayed away," Spock said in silent amusement. "She is not a fan of food of the Italian variety."

"Oh," Jim said again. "I guess I knew that. I just never thought about it."

"Were you forcibly removed from this establishment?" Spock asked, making Jim laugh.

"Never. I wouldn't risk it. They have Nearly Free Beer Nights on Wednesday. That's the only time we could afford to drink. And their pizza is the very best."

"What flavor do you prefer?" Spock asked.

"Flavor?" Jim laughed. "You mean what toppings?"

"Precisely," Spock agreed, the very corners of his mouth twitching in an effort not to smile.

"I think we should get a meat lover's special," Jim claimed just for pay-backs.

"I will be content with this garden salad, Captain. Iceberg lettuce. Cucumbers. Sounds quite…delicious," Spock said making Jim laugh.

"Maybe they'll put radishes on it just for you."

"That would indeed be a treat," Spock agreed, his amusement travelling down their bond and warming Jim to his soul.

"Oh wait. You hate radishes," Jim said in supposed realization.

"And iceberg lettuce," Spock agreed.

"That's right," Jim said, standing to go over and greet Selema when she entered the restaurant. She slid awkwardly into the booth, smiling across at them.

"Have you been here long?" she asked, sipping her water.

"Not at all," Spock assured her. "We were debating the relative merits of the various toppings they offer."

"Spock called them flavors," Jim told her in mock confidentiality.

"They are in their own way," Selema told him with a laugh.

"Yeah, but…"

"Never mind, love," Selema said, shaking her head, reaching out for Jim's left hand. "You've been shopping."

"We have," Jim agreed happily. "These are temporary. The ones we ordered will be ready in three weeks."

"Good for you," Selema said with a bright smile. "You getting married on board?"

"We are," Spock agreed. "We have not finalized any of the details."

"What he means is that we haven't even started," Jim told her, laughing.

"I know you don't want anything elaborate," Selema said knowingly. "So there won't be a lot of planning required."

"I guess not," Jim said with a shrug. "We'd like a thin crust vegetarian and a thick crust extra cheese, please," he said to the waitress when she brought them the melty cheesy bread.

"Of course," she agreed, walking away.

"Do you think Sarek will come if you're close enough?" Selema asked Spock.

"I would like to believe he will," Spock said. "It is not possible for me to predict."

"He's…hesitant?" Selema asked.

Spock explained what his father had said, adding that he had reason to believe that there were residents of New Vulcan who held other opinions, and he thought they would convince Sarek of the wisdom of their marriage.

"I've never had the honor of meeting him," Selema said. "But I've heard that you are the most important thing in his life. Which means he wants you to be happy. And Jim clearly gives that to you."

"You have heard that about Sarek?" Spock asked.

"Of course I have. It's common knowledge, love," she said with a smile. "Don't you know that?"

"His is rarely in the habit of communicating his thoughts about me… to me," Spock said quietly.

"That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, Spock," Selema assured him. "Parents want their children to be happy. We are not going to turn our backs on the ones that provide that even if that person is not who we would have chosen. Oh," she said in sudden realization. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lecture you."

"I did not perceive that you were. I appreciate your perspective," he told her. "I believe the scarcity of Vulcans is one of the compelling reasons they expected me to return to the colony."

"Then donate your sperm," she said in a very clinical voice. "You can help rebuild your population without marrying someone the remaining elders choose. I'm not saying they don't have a reason for arranging marriages. But you don't need to be one of their forced unions."

"I had not considered that," Spock said. "I am not entirely sure that I am fertile."

"That's easy enough to find out," she pointed out. "I'm sure Dr. McCoy can perform the necessary tests. And if you are fertile, I'd imagine he'd see if the information couldn't get lost in subspace interference."

Jim laughed at her suggestion, nodding in agreement. "You bet he would."

"Perhaps now would be an opportune time for a change of subject," Spock suggested.

"You don't want to talk about your reproductive abilities any longer?" Jim laughed softly.

"I do not. Thank you for asking," Spock replied, making Jim laugh even harder.

"Okay," Jim agreed, talking instead about the research that was occupying most of Selema's time when she was not teaching. It was advanced theoretical research on thallium fusion. Jim was able to follow the conversation but did not have the grasp on the subtleties that Spock did. It sounded like it would have practical applications when her research was concluded. Spock thought so and that was good enough for Jim.

When they had been in the restaurant for almost two hours, Selema reluctantly said that she needed to get home. She was loathe to leave but she had "mom" things that she had to do. Spock and Jim naturally understood and walked her to her car.

Jim hugged her tightly, kissing her and promising to contact her as soon as they knew when they were getting married. He promised to tell Memoona and Manar as well.

Spock could feel Jim's sadness as he watched Selema drive away and waited until Jim was ready to speak rather than breaking the silence himself.

"I'm okay," Jim finally said, taking a deep breath.

"If you aren't, you know that it is fine," Spock assured him.

"Nope. I'm okay," Jim said with a smile. "We still need a present for Bones."

"Must we?" Spock asked, making Jim laugh.

"You don't fool me for a second, Commander. I know you love Bones in your own particular way."

"Do I, sir?" Spock asked with a raised eyebrow, making Jim laugh again.

"No use denying it. What should we get him?" Jim asked, crossing the street with Spock to return to the area with the shops.

"Perhaps a license to practice medicine. I am not convinced he actually has one," Spock said.

"Spock," Jim gasped, looking up at him. "Another joke? What is this world coming to?"

Spock just ignored him, strolling down the street and looking in the windows. He stopped when they came to an old fashioned hardware store that claimed to sell nails, pliers, hardwood flooring, and sundries. "What are sundries?" Spock asked Jim when they were both gazing in the window.

"Stuff. Miscellaneous do-dads," Jim said.

"I see," Spock said. "Is that item in the window an ice cream churn?"

"It sure looks like it is," Jim agreed. "Why? Do you want one?"

"I have no desire for one. But Leonard has often spoken of the delight in making homemade ice cream with peaches. Do you suppose he would appreciate his own churn?"

"I think that's an excellent idea," Jim said brightly. "You are so smart. Good thing I'm marrying you so I can be sure you'll stick around."

"As I recall, you have been referred to as a genius on many occasions."

"Yeah but nobody believes it," Jim laughed. "Let's go buy Bones an ice cream churn."

Spock nodded, going with Jim into the store, the bell on the door ringing as they opened it. The wooden floor creaked as they crossed over to the counter where an older gentleman was reading a padd.

"Hello," he said cheerfully when he looked up at the sound of the bell. "What can I do for you?"

"The churn in the window," Jim said. "We'd like to buy it."

"Certainly," the man said. "Handcrank or electric?"

"Oh," Jim said, considering it. "Can we plug it into the electric system of our starship?"

"Your starship?" the man repeated, looking more closely at his customers. "Oh, Captain. Of course. We have adapters for Federation starships."

"What do you think?" Jim asked Spock who considered it.

"How long do they take to produce frozen confections?" Spock asked, silently amusing Jim since he had been content calling it _ice cream_ to Jim.

"The automatic one takes about 15 minutes, Commander. The hand crank takes about 25 minutes or so. The automatic one you can plug in and forget. The manual one you have to attend to the entire time."

"I see," Spock said, looking at Jim. "The automatic then?"

"That makes the most sense," Jim agreed. "We'll take the electric one and the adapter."

"Certainly, Captain. We also have this book of the 50 top ice cream recipes if you'd like it," the man said, showing him the brightly bound notebook.

"Excellent," Jim agreed.

"And two doors down they have bowls that can be frozen then when you put the ice cream in them, it doesn't melt as quickly."

"We'll go look at them," Jim said as he paid for the items.

"You're welcome to leave it here if you have additional stops you intend to make," the proprietor said kindly.

"We'll go down to the store with the bowls then be right back," Jim said, Spock nodding in agreement.

"That'll be just fine, sir. I'll have it right here for when you get back."

Jim and Spock went down to the store with the bowls, finding them easily. They bought a box that contained 8 bowls, each a different color and pattern, deciding that the command crew would be assigned a bowl and they would be responsible for bringing it each time there was ice cream churned.

"You found them," the man at the hardware store said when they returned with a shopping bag.

"We did," Spock agreed, accepting the ice cream maker as Jim put the recipe book in the bag with the bowls.

"Thanks for you help," Jim said as they were leaving.

"Thank you, Captain, Commander," he said, watching them leave and go to their car.

Once they had stowed all the gifts, Jim contacted Denton to see if they needed to stop on their way to Chris'. When he assured them that he had everything he needed for tonight, they said they'd be there in short order.

They arrived shortly before Chris, who got a ride from Cadet Landis, the organizer of the cadets' dinner which would be starting in just under an hour. Jim and Spock helped them organize the kitchen and dining room, Denton leaving for the day with Chris' assurances that they could certainly handle a dinner with 18 or so cadets without his supervision.

"Yes, I know you won't clean the kitchen if we leave it a mess," Chris said as he walked Denton to the door.

"Okay. Consider yourself warned," Denton said.

"So noted," Chris laughed, wishing him a good night.

It wasn't long before the other cadets began arriving, most of them still in awe of Jim and Spock but trying not to let their hero-worship show. Jim thought they were doing a sad job of it, Spock telling him not to be so unkind.

Woody Murren of the Laurel and Hardy duo came but Theodore Carniceria, to Pike's relief, did not. Woody was thoughtful and interested, asking appropriate questions which Jim and Spock answered, Jim with enthusiasm, Spock with studied certainty.

As much as they enjoyed the lively company of the cadets, Jim and Spock both felt a measure of relief when they finally left, close to midnight.

"I really didn't think they'd stay this late," Chris said in apology when Cadet Landis finally got the last one out the door with her.

"We don't mind," Jim assured him. "We've got no place to be tomorrow."

"Yeah. Thanks for the reminder," Chris said with a yawn. "Oh. I found you transport, finally. I'm getting rid of you tomorrow afternoon."

"Seriously? You finally found us a way back to our ship?" Jim said, barely able to contain his excitement.

"Isn't that what I just said?" Chris asked with a laugh. "Tomorrow at 15:00. Come to my office. I'll escort you to the transport."

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Jim asked, glancing at Spock who was also pleased they would finally be on their way to their ship.

"Go to bed," Chris laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow at 15:00."

"Should we take you to work?" Jim asked as they all went upstairs.

"I'll take the car and send K'tin'eil to pick you up. Unless you'd rather I send Thompson," Chris said.

"K'tin'eil will be preferable," Spock said way too seriously, making Jim laugh.

"Spock made another joke, Chris. While we were downtown. Do you think this is end-times?"

"Only for your relationship if you keep making fun of him," Chris warned lightly.

"Did you see our rings, Chris? He's not getting rid of me so easily," Jim said, looking at Spock, his brilliant smile lighting the hallway.

Chris snorted at that, shaking his head. "Again. I can stop the spousal assignment form," he offered to Spock.

"How long do I have to decide?" Spock asked, making Chris laugh and Jim protest.

"Hey. Just for that, you can sleep on the couch." Spock raised an eyebrow, Jim shaking his head. "Okay. I forgive you. You can sleep with me."

"I appreciate your kindness, Captain," Spock said.

"'Night Chris. See you tomorrow," Jim said.

"Goodnight Jim, Spock. Sleep," Chris advised with a laugh.

"Sleep well you mean?" Jim asked innocently.

"Sleep at all," Chris said, shaking his head as he closed his bedroom door.

Jim drug Spock into their bedroom, kissing him as soon as their door was closed. "I love you."

"I know you do," Spock assured him, kissing him and making him breathless.

"Okay. Let's get naked," Jim said with the smile that he knew got him almost anything he wanted, including Spock in bed with him.

"I had planned to meditate," Spock claimed, allowing Jim to divest him of his clothes.

"You can meditate on how smokin' hot I am. And how much you love me."

"And how egotistical you are," Spock added.

"Sure. That works," Jim agreed with the same charming smile. "As long your only focus is me."

"How could it be otherwise?" Spock asked, undressing Jim so that they were both gloriously bare.

"Tomorrow night we'll be sleeping back on our ship. Isn't that fabulous?" Jim asked as they slipped into their bed.

"Fabulous," Spock agreed absently, kissing Jim so that neither of them could think about anything but possibly getting enough air. Which didn't seem all that important. Getting as close as they could, feeling skin against skin, hands everywhere, mouths tasting and gasping and wanting – that was all important.

~o0o~

They spent some extra time in bed the next morning, recognizing that it might be their last chance to be lazy and decadent. Chris hadn't said how long the transport would take to get them back to the Enterprise but they enjoyed their time in case it was the last leisure they had for a while.

Once they finally untangled themselves, showered and dressed, they went down to the kitchen, cleaning up from the cadets' visit. It didn't take over-long for them to restore order, the kitchen sparkling clean so that even Denton would approve.

Jim decided to contact Maddie, to say good-bye as he had promised. She cried when he told her he was leaving, apologizing for being so sentimental. He understood and talked with her until she was feeling better, her tears finally stopping.

"Send me pictures of the wedding," she reminded them, Jim promising that they absolutely would. And the next time they were close enough to Earth, he would visit because nothing could keep him from seeing her when he had the chance.

Jim wanted to say a proper farewell to the ocean so he called Chris who agreed to send K'tin'eil an hour earlier, giving them time to detour by the beach. That done, Jim and Spock went out onto Chris' deck, enjoying the sunshine that was pouring down on them. They sat in the deck chairs, Jim's feet in Spock's lap. "You aren't cold are you?" Jim asked, studying Spock.

"I am not," Spock assured him, rubbing Jim's right foot, his left sufficiently relaxed.

"Okay," Jim said, breathing deeply. "I'm ready to get back aboard. But there's nothing like Earth air and sunshine."

"I agree," Spock said, watching Jim who seemed to be kissed by the sunshine. It made his hair more golden, his eyes more blue, his smile more enticing.

"We don't have time to make love before she gets here," Jim said in warning.

"I will attempt to restrain my thoughts," Spock said to Jim's disappointment.

"Probably for the best," Jim agreed. "Do you want to contact Sarek one last time?"

"I will wait until we are aboard the Enterprise. I have nothing further that I need to say to him."

"Okay," Jim said, wishing he could make it all okay for Spock. But it wasn't his place to smooth things over. And he had every faith that First Spock would be able to convince Sarek that they were meant to be together. It was history repeating itself.

"Are you hungry?" Spock asked, feeling the sensation through Jim's skin.

"Mmm…I guess so," Jim said with a shrug. "There's food left over from last night."

"Should I get you some?" Spock offered.

"Absolutely not," Jim said, shaking his head. "I'll get it in a minute. Are you hungry?"

"Not at the moment."

Jim nodded, closing his eyes to absorb the warmth of the sun matched only by the warmth of Spock's hands and the brilliance of the love he felt for his t'hy'la.

"I love you too," Spock said.

"Stop spying on me," Jim said not bothering to open his eyes. He could feel Spock's answering amusement, Spock not otherwise responding.

Jim eventually gathered the necessary energy to go into the kitchen and find some of the food left from the night before, Spock enjoying some fruit. Once they cleaned up after themselves, they went upstairs to gather their belongs, stripping the bed and remaking it so that Denton would not have to do it.

They returned downstairs at the same time that K'tin'eil arrived, helping them put everything in the car. The items they had purchased didn't take up a lot of room but they had quite a bit more than when they had arrived.

K'tin'eil went into a coffee shop as Jim and Spock went down to the ocean, their shoes left in the car. They were silently appreciative, watching the waves wash onto the shore before wandering down the beach.

"If you had not joined Starfleet, you would have made a life on the sea," Spock said softly as they continued their slow way across the sand.

"You think?" Jim said. "What would I do? Be a pirate?"

"I can imagine you as one," Spock agreed. "Except you would not be capable of the violence that is expected of one in that field."

"So I'd be a pacifist pirate?" Jim laughed, the sound to Spock only slightly more delightful than that of the ocean.

"Indeed," Spock said. "And I would be your first mate. Ordering the crew to hoist the mainsail. Secure the rigging."

"Make fast the thingamajig."

"Thingamajig, Captain?" Spock asked with a skeptical eyebrow.

"You know I can't think clearly when you are standing this close," Jim said, looking into the black eyes that always held him mesmerized.

"I see. I am to blame for your lack of eloquence."

"Yep," Jim said happily.

"I regret that we must return to the yeoman in order to arrive at the Admiral's office in time," Spock said in a low voice, making the information sound incredibly seductive. Jim wondered if he did it on purpose, trying to distract him further. "Jim?"

"Huh?" Jim responded, still looking only at Spock.

"We must find the yeoman."

Jim took a deep breath and one step backward. "Okay."

They returned to the coffee shop, K'tin'eil driving them to Starfleet Headquarters and helping them carry their items up to Pike's office. He smiled in greeting as they entered. "Right on time. Thank you, Commander."

"No thanks are necessary, sir," Spock assured him, both of them ignoring Jim's slightly indignant protests.

"You're all ready then?" Chris asked, studying them with an all knowing eye that always made Jim feel like Chris saw every secret he ever tried to hide.

"We are," Jim agreed.

Chris nodded, taking out his communicator. "Two to beam up." And just like that, Jim and Spock were back aboard the Enterprise. It took a second for them to realize that they were indeed on _their_ ship, facing _their_ command crew, all of whom had brilliant smiles on their faces.

"Permission to come aboard," Jim finally said to Scotty with a laugh.

"Permission happily granted, sir," Scotty agreed. Jim was engulfed in hugs when he stepped off the transporter, Spock observing and accepting everyone's less physical congratulations and welcome. Everyone was talking all at once, Jim able to keep up with most of the conversations, answering their questions and smiling in total happiness. His brightest smile, after the one he reserved for Spock, was for Bones who stood with one arm across Jim's shoulders, not talking, just appreciating having Jim back.

Shortly after they were on board, Pike beamed up with Gaila, who was overjoyed to be a part of the crew. Pike made sure that Jim and Spock were okay, saying good-bye properly before beaming back to his office.

Jim and Spock eventually made their way to their quarters in order to leave their totes and change into their uniforms.

"Look," Jim said unnecessarily when they were in Jim's quarters. "Scotty put in a door."

"A welcome addition," Spock agreed, looking at the door that connected their quarters. It was more practical to include a door than it was to remove the dividing wall, and they were delighted that he had done it for them. "And you have a new bed," Spock said, looking down at the bed that had been installed, twice as wide as the original one.

"That will help," Jim laughed. "I was wondering how we'd sleep in our bunks considering how small they were."

"This will make sleeping less of a challenge," Spock agreed, kissing Jim on the head.

"What was that for?" Jim asked happily, looking at him with love reflected in his eyes.

"Because we are back. Because I love you. Because."

"I'll take it," Jim agreed, smiling the way he reserved only for Spock. And Spock liked it that way.


	25. Chapter 25

Two months after Jim and Spock had returned to their ship, the Enterprise was assigned to take supplies to New Vulcan. Jim wasn't sure if Chris had wrangled them the assignment or if it was simply that it needed to be done and the Enterprise was the starship of default for the mission. The remaining elders preferred that the Federation send the Enterprise, considering her crew nearly a part of their family. Starfleet respected their wishes whenever it was possible.

"So you going to get married finally? While we're there?" Bones asked them over dinner in their quarters after Jim had made the shipwide announcement.

Jim glanced at Spock who was studying his fruit with far more intensity than it deserved.

"I know you don't want to defy Sarek, Spock. But you and Jim are meant to be married. He has to recognize that," Bones said in a mix of sympathy and anger. Not anger at Spock or Jim but at the Vulcans who were still trying to make him break off his engagement and marry a Vulcan woman.

"We still don't know if you can have children, t'hy'la. Let Bones do the test," Jim requested. He had not mentioned it since they had returned. It had to be Spock's choice to find out whether or not he could reproduce. The fact that the elders seemed determined to make him come to New Vulcan permanently was the main reason Spock was reluctant to find out. If he could have children, he would have tremendous guilt for not returning. If he were sterile, he would be relieved. Except that meant that he and Jim could not have children with a surrogate. Not a quarter-Vulcan child at any rate.

"Yes," Spock agreed reluctantly. "It is only logical that we know the truth."

Bones nodded and stood. "Come on then. You'll need to come too, Jim."

"So I can lend a hand?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"You are such a child," Bones scolded mildly before leaving their quarters, Jim and Spock close behind.

"Either way, we'll deal with it, t'hy'la," Jim assured Spock, reaching over to gently caress Spock's fingers with his own.

"Yes. I will not give into their pressure to return to New Vulcan if I am able to reproduce."

"I know that. I'm not worried. And if we decide to have a baby with a surrogate, we can use my awesome genes."

"Awesome meaning menacing? Disturbing? Cracked?" Bones asked as he entered sickbay with them.

"Sure," Jim laughed, waiting as Bones got a small specimen jar for Spock.

"There's lubricant in exam room 3. Take as much time as you want. I got nowhere to be," Bones assured them as he went into his office.

Jim and Spock went into the exam room, Spock barely able to look at Jim. "Why are you embarrassed, t'hy'la?" Jim asked, kissing his mouth which was almost frowning. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Of course not. I am uncertain how best to produce the sample. This exam room is not conducive to our usual activities."

"Well, no," Jim had to agree, his cool hands slipping under Spock's shirts. "But it's never stopped us before."

Spock continued to look at Jim, his thoughts a rare jumble. There was desire, concern, a feeling of self-consciousness, regret, love.

"You've got a lot going on in your head," Jim whispered. "Computer, lights at 25%. Increase temperature 5 degrees. Play Ravel's _Bolero_." The familiar music started as the lights dimmed and the temperature went up. "Is that better?" Jim whispered.

"Yes," Spock agreed, leaning against Jim and wrapping his arms around his Human. "Thank you."

"You have no reason to thank me, love. Now, let's get your pants off," Jim said, undoing the fastening and allowing them to drop to the floor. He guided Spock to the exam table, helping him sit on it before kneeling in front of him to remove his boots and crumpled pants. "Do you want me to get undressed too?" Jim asked, stroking Spock's thighs and kissing him.

Spock shook his head, kissing him again with all the passion and want he felt for him. "No. We cannot be too distracted."

"There is that," Jim agreed, keeping one hand on Spock's thigh as he used the other to get the lubricant out of the drawer of the table. "Do you want me to talk to you?"

"Yes please," Spock agreed, watching with glazed eyes as Jim coated his palms with the lube.

"Should I talk dirty?" Jim whispered into his ear, the tip greener than usual.

"You can try. You are not skilled in doing so," Spock reminded him, making Jim laugh.

"I do try," Jim said with a kiss. "How about I tell you all the ways I love you?"

"That would be acceptable," Spock agreed, initiating the next kiss as Jim wrapped skilled fingers around Spock's firming erection.

"I love how you love me," Jim said, showering his face with kisses. "I love that you are more comfortable with yourself now that we're together. I love how smart you are and that it doesn't intimidate me any longer. I love that you allow me to touch you like this. I wanted to for so long before we went to Earth." Jim kissed him on the mouth again before backing up slightly, keeping up his catalog of all the ways and reasons that he was completely and totally in love with his Vulcan. When he reached between Spock's thighs to gently roll his testicles, he could feel them getting ready and reached over for the jar. "I love when we make love and you are inside me. That feeling is like nothing I had ever hoped possible. It makes me feel warm and loved and cared for and desirable. Your love makes me a better person. When you make love to me, I remember that I am yours. And I always will be. Because I never want anyone to touch me the way that you do. Where you do. Where only you will ever touch me again. Because every time you touch me, I feel the love. I know that you cherish me. And I cherish your love in ways I could have never imagined." Those words and a final kiss were all it took to send Spock over the edge and into bliss, Jim carefully collecting the fluid. Spock lay back on the table, staring up blindly at the ceiling.

"You okay?" Jim whispered, kissing his forehead.

"I am. Are you aroused?" Spock asked.

"I'm fine. You can pay me back when we're in our quarters."

"That is acceptable," Spock agreed, making Jim laugh.

"I'll be right back," Jim promised, kissing him again before carefully slipping out and going over to Bones' office. "Here."

"Thanks," Bones said with a nod.

"When will you know?" Jim asked, trying very hard not to let any of his nervousness show on the outside.

"It'll only take me a couple of minutes. Go back in with Spock. When he's ready, come back here and I'll come as soon as I have the results."

"Okay," Jim agreed with a nod.

"So it is green," Bones said with a soft laugh.

"I could have told you that," Jim said with a shrug.

"I know you could have. That's why I never asked."

Jim shrugged again and returned to the exam room where Spock was waiting. He got a medical wipe for Spock, letting him tidy up as he washed the lubricant off his hands. "Bones said he'll know in a few minutes. We'll go to his office and wait for him."

"Very well," Spock agreed, sounding unexpectedly defeated.

"What's wrong, t'hy'la? Are you really that worried?" Jim asked, kissing him and rubbing his thighs in a comforting way.

"I am more concerned than I should be," Spock admitted, resting his forehead against Jim's. "Either way, the choices the information leaves us with are not ideal."

Jim shrugged. "You aren't leaving me. And if we never have children, that's fine. We'd have to retire. And I don't have any plans of it. Not for a long time."

"Yes," Spock agreed.

"And you're worried about what Sarek will say when we get to New Vulcan."

"The most recent time I spoke with First-Spock, he indicated that Sarek is less opposed to the idea than he once was."

"Less opposed. Still not thrilled," Jim said, waiting as Spock put his pants on. He then knelt before him to help him into his boots. When Spock was ready, they went to Bones' office to wait. It was only a couple of minutes before the Doctor returned to them.

"Well," Bones said, sitting on the edge of his desk facing them, using his best Doctor voice. "I don't know whether to say I'm sorry or now. But you are, for all practical purposes, sterile."

"I see," Spock said, holding tightly to Jim's hand. "Thank you, Leonard."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bones offered more gently.

"Not at the moment. It is something of a relief to know the truth," Spock admitted. "And it reduces the chances of additional pressure being exerted by the elders."

"You said for all practical purposes?" Jim said, looking at Bones.

"Normal sperm counts are considered between 15 and 20 million per milliliter. Spock's is approximately one and a half million. The chances of successfully fertilizing an egg are… basically nonexistent."

Jim nodded at that, looking over at Spock who was looking at Jim. "Do you want to talk to Bones without me?"

"That will not be necessary," Spock said, staring down at the floor, his tumultuous thoughts transmitting themselves to Jim.

"What's wrong?" Bones asked gently, squatting before them.

"He's worried that his increased fertility during pon farr would still make it possible for him to reproduce," Jim explained quietly, Spock closing his eyes to distance himself from the conversation.

"It's possible," Bones agreed. "Do you know the percentage of increase in fertility?"

"It's approximately six time greater," Jim said. "It varies. And his mixed heritage could affect that too."

"Yes. Even if you are six times more fertile, the chances of you procreating are extremely low. You could successfully impregnate a woman but it would be highly unlikely to occur."

"I see," Spock said quietly. "The elders will understand this."

"I would imagine so," Bones agreed. "Do you want me to transmit the results to the Council?"

Spock shook his head. "Not yet. If they request it, I will inform you."

"All right," Bones agreed, standing up.

Jim and Spock stood, Spock finally meeting Bones' worried eyes. "Thank you again."

"No charge," Bones said, watching them leave and wishing there was something more he could do for them. But it was between them now. No one else could help ease their burden, if this news indeed qualified as a hardship.

"I am sorry," Jim said to Spock as they made their way back to their quarters, still holding hands to the surprise of any who passed them.

"You have no reason to be, t'hy'la. I am not surprised. Nor am I particularly concerned about the news. Sarek may be disappointed but I do not believe he will be surprised either."

Jim nodded at that, opening the door when they arrived at their quarters. "I'm going to get some work done while you meditate."

"Yes," Spock said absently. "Should I contact Sarek now, do you think?"

"You can. Or you can wait. Maybe telling him now will prepare him for when we arrive. I would like to get married while we orbit New Vulcan. Especially since we have our rings, finally."

Spock nodded in agreement, sitting behind the desk, Jim next to him as Spock contacted Sarek. "Father."

"Spock, James," Sarek responded, gazing back at them from their screen. "You are well."

"Quite well, Father," Spock said. "I trust you are also."

"I am. The elders informed us that you are on your way to New Vulcan."

"We will arrive in 21.6 hours," Spock agreed.

"Then this communication could have waited," Sarek suggested.

"Yes," Spock said. "However, Jim and I just met with Dr. McCoy. His test reveals that I am infertile. And will likely remain so even during…my time."

"Indeed," Sarek said, one eyebrow arching in a familiar manner. "This is not a surprise."

"It is not," Spock said. "Jim and I would like to marry while we are in orbit over New Vulcan. Will you come aboard for the ceremony?"

"Of course," Sarek agreed. "When will the ceremony be held?"

"We haven't gotten that far," Jim admitted. "We're scheduled to be at New Vulcan for a week. We'll probably get married the day before we leave."

"Very well," Sarek said. "Do you wish for me to inform the elders?"

"Yes," Spock agreed. "Will T'Pau perform the ceremony for us?"

"I will ask. I do not anticipate that she would refuse. I am pleased that you have found happiness, my son."

Jim could feel some of the surprise radiating from Spock at his father's words. This was quite a different reaction than Sarek had had when they were on Earth and Spock initially informed him.

"Your words are pleasing to me and to Jim. Thank you, Father."

Sarek nodded, his face softening somewhat as he continued to study his son. "I should not have objected, Spock. Your path must be your own. I certainly failed to do as expected. I cannot fault you for making your own decisions."

"Thank you," Spock repeated.

"I will see you when you arrive, son, James. Will you stay at my house for part of the time you are here?"

"That would please us," Spock agreed.

"We will speak further when you arrive. Goodnight, Jim, Spock." With that, Sarek faded from the screen, Spock slowly turning to study his love.

"Sounds like we're in," Jim said with a smile.

"Indeed. You don't mind staying with him, do you?" Spock asked.

"Of course not. I doubt I'll sleep in the heat but what the hell? It's not forever. And as long as I'm with you, I don't really care."

"Indeed," Spock responded, staring at Jim's tempting mouth. "Is there work that must be accomplished tonight?"

"Nope," Jim said, laughing softly. "Nothing that can't wait."

Spock nodded at that, automatically taking Jim's hand and following him into their bedroom where their 'work' was accomplished with great skill and caring and love.

~o0o~

When they had been in orbit over New Vulcan for five days and most of the supplies had been successfully delivered, Jim and Spock took up temporary residence in Sarek's house. It was almost uncomfortably warm for Jim but as Spock never complained about the relative coolness of the Enterprise, Jim was willing to return the favor.

They had made all the preliminary plans for their wedding, informing Admiral Pike that they had decided on the day and time. He very much regretted that he could not be in attendance and wished them the very best on their day and always.

Jim contacted Maddie who cried at the news, happy tears he knew. After catching up on all that was going on with Maddie and the farm, Jim signed off with promises that he and Spock would visit as soon as they possibly could.

The Command Crew had volunteered to see to the numerous details involved in having a wedding on board, especially a wedding for the Captain and his Commander. Jim and Spock were glad that they could beam down to Sarek's house, to escape the chaos that seemed to have overtaken their crew and especially their quarters.

"Yes," Jim said again when Sulu contacted him with another question. "We'll be back day after tomorrow. I told you that."

"I know, Jim. But _some_ people are worried you'll skip out on your own wedding," Sulu told him.

"Those _people_ wouldn't be one Dr. Leonard H. McCoy would they?" Jim asked in suspicion.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that, Captain," Sulu laughed. "I need to take one of the shuttles to Spacestation Clapton. Yes, I'll be careful. You have to authorize it."

Jim laughed at his request. "Okay, Hikaru. I won't ask why you're going. Take Pavel with you."

"Already done. Gaila's going too. We'll be back tomorrow at this time."

Jim nodded, waiting as Sulu connected him with Scotty in order to provide his authorization for Sulu, Chekov, and Gaila to take the shuttle. "You need me for anything else?"

"Not right now," Scotty said. "You are looking fine."

"Thank you," Jim laughed. "I'm a tad warm but otherwise perfect."

"Aye. That I can see. And I'm happy for ye both."

"You'll stand with Bones, right?"

"I'm honored, Jim. Thank you. Nyota is excited as well. I believe they will be bringing her a new dress to wear."

"Oh dear. She picked it out, right?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"Aye, that she did. She ordered it from the shop. They only have to pick it up."

"Good."

"Do you want to be speakin' to Leonard?"

"Not unless he needs me. He'll be coming down later today. In time for dinner if all goes as planned," Jim said.

"Of course," Scotty agreed with a smile. "Let me know if there's anything you need me to do for you."

"You know we will. Thanks," Jim said, signing off and smiling over at Spock. "We could ask T'Pau to marry us now and skip all the hoop-la."

"Your crew would never forgive you," Spock reminded him.

"_My_ crew? I thought they were _our_ crew," Jim laughed.

"If you skip the wedding, I will not protect you from their wrath, sir," Spock said as seriously as he could.

"Hmmph…some First Officer you are."

"I am the finest First Officer in the fleet, sir. I have my Captain's assurances of that fact."

"I see," Jim said, pretending to consider it. "Well, if that's the case, I'll still marry you."

"It pleases me for you to say so, sir," Spock said, kissing Jim's laughing mouth. Their moment was cut short by the announcement that Ambassador Spock had arrived and it was time for lunch.

They left the study where they had been, crossing over to the open dining area. Spock was in his usual black silk pants and shirt, Jim wearing the same style but his were blue, the same color, Spock noted, as his eyes.

/No they aren't,/ Jim laughed as they took their seats. /This is sapphire. My eyes aren't./

/They are,/ Spock corrected with much warmth crossing their bond.

"We are pleased you could join us," Sarek said to Ambassador Spock when the Ambassador sat at the table, studying Jim and Spock with barely disguised amusement.

"As am I," the Ambassador agreed. "Leonard is well?"

"As ornery as ever," Jim laughed. "He's coming down this evening. He said he's looking forward to the chance to really talk to you."

"As I am," the Ambassador said, turning his focus on his younger self who appeared fascinated by the fruit at his place. "Spock?"

"Yes," Spock said, focusing on the Ambassador. "I apologize."

"There is no need. I understand," the Ambassador assured him. "I too was nervous prior to our wedding."

"Then it is natural," Spock said, holding tightly to Jim's hand.

"Of course it is, my son," Sarek said with surprising warmth. "It happens to everyone."

"Jim has no such nervousness."

"The Captain is unique in many aspects of his personality," the Ambassador pointed out unnecessarily, making Jim laugh.

"I know it's the right decision. I'm not willing to live without my Spock."

"As I feel for you," Spock confirmed.

"I know that," Jim assured him. "But I'm not being pressured by the elders of my planet to turn my back on the one I love."

"Earth has no elders," the Ambassador responded with subtle humor.

"If there were, they'd probably make sure I didn't have children," Jim laughed.

"I doubt that," the Ambassador said, handing Jim the bowl of fruit so that he could help himself.

"Thank you," Jim said, dishing some out onto his plate and sipping his refreshingly cool water.

"What remains to be done?" Spock asked, trying to complete the mental list that he and Jim were making prior to the contact from their ship. Ordinarily he would have it in his mind precisely but the circumstances and Jim's nearness were making it hard to concentrate.

They discussed the plans for the wedding, considering what needed to be accomplished over the next two days. Spock felt relieved when they had listed those tasks left to be finished.

"I will talk with T'Pau," Sarek said to their nods.

"Thank you, father," Spock agreed.

"Do you have your vows?" the Ambassador asked kindly.

"I do," Jim said with a smile. "Do you, t'hy'la?"

"Not yet. I have considered it but not yet decided."

Jim nodded at that, turning to study the Ambassador who was studying him in turn. There was an expression on his face and a look in his eye that Jim recognized. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about the appraisal to which he was being subjected.

/You cannot blame him,/ Spock said warmly.

/I am yours, t'hy'la. Not his,/ Jim said. /Can't he read my thoughts, right?/

/He cannot. Unless he is touching you./

Jim nodded, turning his attention to Sarek. "Yes, Ambassador, we have filed the necessary forms with Starfleet and received their approval."

"I had no doubts, my son," Sarek said to Jim, the use of the term for him warming Jim inside.

"And they have agreed that T'Pau is legally authorized to perform a wedding between two Federation citizens," Spock said.

"They would not refuse her or you," Sarek agreed. "If you have all had enough to eat, we may adjourn into the living room."

There was some general agreement, Jim and Ambassador Spock lingering in the dining room.

"Jim," the elder Spock said in undisguised amusement.

"You have to stop doing that," Jim requested quietly.

"What precisely am I doing?" Spock asked, his black eyes sparkling.

"Looking at me and seeing him," Jim said, a note of sadness in his voice.

"Yes," Spock admitted. "I apologize."

"I understand, Spock. I do. But I'm not yours."

"You are not," Spock agreed. "I should better control my thoughts around you."

"If I didn't know my Spock so well, I wouldn't recognize it. The desire. The sadness."

"The happiness that you are still alive."

"In this timeframe. Not yours. I wish… well, I'm sorry _your_ version of me is dead. I really am," Jim said.

"You do not need to be. Ours was a long and happy life. One you and your Spock will share as well. When I look at you, there are times I see my Jim. Not always, however. You are similar but not one and the same."

"We aren't?" Jim asked in some surprise.

"You are not. My Jim had the love of both his parents. His Sam did not leave him. Leonard was not the first person he was certain cherished him."

Jim nodded at that, sitting in one of the chairs, the weight of this knowledge appreciated but difficult to reconcile. "He knew he deserved to be Captain."

"Just as you deserve the position," Spock assured him.

"Did you hate each other when you first met?"

"No we did not. There were many changes in this timeline," Spock reminded him.

"Yes," Jim agreed, looking up at Spock, really seeing him. "Are you okay? This can't be easy for you. Being out of your own time."

Spock shrugged, sitting next to Jim. "I have accepted my fate. I am useful here, helping rebuild the Vulcan race. I would say I miss my friends but I outlived my Human companions. And I was more comfortable with Humans than I was with Vulcans."

"I'm sorry," Jim said, uselessly. "My Spock prefers Humans. Although he'd never admit it. He'd feel like he was betraying the remaining Vulcans."

"I certainly understand," Spock agreed. "We should join Spock and our father."

"Yes. Spock understands," Jim assured him.

"He would. He loves you more than he can completely comprehend," Spock told Jim warmly.

"Do you know because that was your experience? Or because you see it in him?"

"Both," the Ambassador said, walking out of the dining room with Jim to join Jim's Spock and Sarek in the comfortable sitting area, windows open to the vast desert beyond. The hot breeze did nothing to cool Jim but the Vulcans appreciated its presence.

Jim's Spock held out one hand, Jim taking it as he sat next to him, their love crossing the bond. Jim carefully kept his thoughts contained, not wanting to overwhelm Spock but not entirely sure he could keep them to himself. /I'm sorry./

/You have no reason to be. In a short while, we will nap and you will feel better afterwards./

/You aren't tired,/ Jim said with a silent laugh.

/You are,/ Spock said, turning his attention to his father, answering his inquiries. "Our rings remain on board, father. Leonard and Montgomery will have them for the ceremony."

"Will you continue to wear the plain ones?" Ambassador Spock asked kindly.

"One our right hands," Jim said with a smile. "I couldn't stop wearing it now."

"Nor could I," Spock agreed, looking down at both their hands with the rings in place. "If you would excuse us, Jim needs to sleep for a time."

"Ambassador, father," Jim said. "We'll see you at dinner?"

"Of course, my sons," Sarek said, watching them leave the sitting area for the room they were sharing.

Jim closed the door, staring at Spock as he moved easily about the room. He closed the curtains over the vast window, making it a little cooler.

"Should I shower with you?" Spock asked him as he turned back the silk sheets in preparation.

"I feel a little guilty using so much water," Jim admitted.

"You know that it is recycled. You have no reason not to shower and cool off, love."

"Okay," Jim agreed, removing his silk shirt and pants. "I won't be long."

Spock nodded, also stripping off his clothes, relaxing on the bed, looking more green than usual in contrast to the white silk sheets.

"You are so beautiful," Jim said in admiration, standing by the bed to gaze down at him.

Spock met his eyes, love shining in his. "Go and shower so that you can come back."

Jim nodded, leaning down to kiss him before disappearing into the bathroom. After a few minutes, he returned, looking cooler and refreshed. "Are you napping?"

"I am not, love. I will remain here while you sleep," Spock assured him, kissing his head when Jim lay stretched out next to him. "I will guard you against the elder Spock."

"Jealously does not become you," Jim laughed. "He can't help himself. When he looks at me, he sees his Jim."

"I am aware. You are mine," Spock said unnecessarily.

"Yep. That's the way I want it," Jim assured him, one hand on Spock's thigh, gaining comfort from the contact. "I love you."

"I know that you do. Sleep."

"Mmm…" Jim sighed, closing his eyes and drifting off in a light, restful sleep.

He remained asleep until a familiar voice penetrated his brain.

"Was he feelin' poorly?"

"I'm fine," Jim said, barely opening his eyes to look over Spock at Bones, who was leaning back in a chair, his bare feet up on the edge of the bed. Bones snorted in response, sipping from his glass. Jim figured it was water, knowing it was still too warm for Bones to be indulging in his favorite beverage.

"He is, Leonard. The heat was draining to him so he chose to nap."

Jim stretched beneath the silk sheet, sitting up and making sure it covered him as much as modesty required. "You talk to Ambassador Spock?"

"Not yet. After dinner we'll compare notes on the two Jims, God help me," Bones said.

"Don't yell at him. He doesn't deserve it," Jim said with a smile.

"I have no intention of yellin' at him. You, however," Bones said.

"I haven't done a thing for you to yell at me," Jim said innocently.

"Not yet," Bones said with a laugh. He watched Jim get out of bed and cross over to the bathroom, studying his movements with a critical, all-knowing eye. "Is he okay?" he asked softly.

"He is, Leonard," Spock assured him warmly. "The heat makes it difficult on him but he never complains. I make certain he remains hydrated."

"I know you watch out for him," Bones agreed, studying Spock with a familiar expression. "Are you okay?"

"I am," Spock assured him. "The heat is a welcome change. I am with my family. Both Vulcan and Human."

Bones laughed at that. "Thanks. You seem very centered. Not that you don't normally. But it's good for you to be here."

"I appreciate you saying so," Spock said. "I have mixed…feelings about being here. It does not feel like home. I do not believe my former planet would feel like home. The Enterprise is where I belong now."

"We all do," Bones had to agree with a smile, turning to watch Jim leave the bathroom. "You peein' enough?"

"Oh God, Bones," Jim said, laying down on the bed and hiding his face in the pillow. "Stop being my doctor."

"Nope. Can't do it. So. Are you peein'?"

"Yes. It's pale yellow. Stop asking," Jim requested, his voice muffled.

"Next time show me," Bones instructed.

"No. I am not peeing in a jar for you," Jim said, looking up at Spock. "Make him stop."

"I am not capable of it, sir," Spock said in undisguised amusement.

"Please," Jim said, pulling the covers back over him when a knock sounded on the door.

"Come," Spock called, watching the elder Spock enter the bedroom.

"Hello," Ambassador Spock said. "You are feeling more rested?"

"We are," the younger Spock agreed. "Would you bring a chair over and join us?"

"You could dress and come to the sitting room," the Ambassador suggested. "T'Pau has arrived."

"What?" Jim asked before he could stop himself. "Why?"

"To visit, Jim. You have no reason to be concerned," the Ambassador said, laughter barely contained. "You are far more intimidated by her than you have reason to be."

"No I'm not. She's T'Pau," Jim said with wide eyes.

"And you are Captain James T. Kirk," Ambassador Spock reminded him. "While she is highly revered, she never saved Earth."

"Oh God," Jim said, sliding down in the bed and pulling the covers over his head. "Tell her I have heat stroke. Or that I'm still asleep. Or that I left."

"You are bein' an infant," Bones scolded. "Get up and put your clothes on. She's waitin'. You can't dishonor her by layin' here whinin'."

"I don't whine," Jim complained.

"You most certainly do. Please let her know that we will be there momentarily," Spock requested when Bones and the Ambassador went to the door.

"We will," Bones said. "If you aren't out there in less than 3 minutes, I'm comin' back for you. And you are comin' with me, dressed or buck naked. Your choice."

"I hate you. You know that, right?" Jim said. Bones just snorted and left the bedroom, closing the door behind them. "Do I have to?"

"Why are you so worried?" Spock asked, very nearly laughing at him. "She will be performing our wedding. At our request."

"I thought we wouldn't see her until then. And we'd be so busy, I wouldn't have to talk to her. She scares me."

"She scares you?" Spock repeated as he left the bed. "That is nonsense and you know it."

"It's not. I'm taking you from her people. I'm making you defy her. She won't ever forgive me."

"When do you perceive that I surrounded my will to you?" Spock asked, his tone making Jim turn and study him.

"Oh God. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it sounded," Jim said in apology, the realization of what he had said dawning on him.

"Are you certain?" Spock asked, studying Jim with brown eyes that revealed nothing. And the blankness spoke volumes to Jim. He approached Spock, one hand outstretched.

"You're right. I shouldn't have said that. It's the heat and my nerves," Jim said, trying to reach out to him, verbally and mentally. Spock was blocking their bond, cutting off the flow completely.

"You think I am merely your appendage. That what you want is all that concerns me," Spock said in an even voice.

"No I don't. I really am sorry. I didn't mean it. Not the way it came out. She won't be angry at you. She loves you. She has no reason to love me. I let her planet be destroyed, killing her people."

"You are not Nero. You did not destroy Vulcan," Spock reminded him in the same monotone.

"If I had gotten there sooner," Jim said, his eyes downcast. Their bond was completely quiet, no trickle of affection crossing over to him. "I'm sorry."

"I will be with my father," Spock said, leaving the bedroom and Jim in his misery. Jim sat in the chair that Bones had occupied, slumped under the weight of Spock's disappointment.

"Jim?" Bones said as he entered, sitting on the bed facing him. "What happened?"

Jim looked up at him, his blue eyes reflecting his thoughts and his unhappiness.

"Spock said you'd be out shortly. And that's all."

Jim nodded, repeating what he had inadvertently said, Bones shaking his head.

"You don't think for one minute that you are the only one affected by pre-wedding nerves, do you? Because you aren't. He's better at hiding it but that doesn't mean he isn't scared too," Bones said.

Jim shook his head. "We haven't had a fight since, you know," he said sadly. "And now I say something so stupid. In his father's house. God, I'm a moron."

"You're Human, kid. That's one of the reasons he loves you as much as he does. He knows you didn't mean it. He isn't your shadow. You don't believe it any more than he does."

"You sure?" Jim asked.

"Of course I'm sure. And you sure aren't a moron. An idiot, yes."

"Thanks," Jim said with half a smile. "Should I go out and pretend it never happened?"

"He still blocking your bond?"

"Uh huh."

"And you can't breech his barriers?" Bones asked.

"I'm not strong enough. I may be able to one day. But not yet."

"I think he will start to miss you very shortly. And he's as miserable as you. And nearly as nervous. Which you know annoys him. His vaunted Vulcan reserve is failing him and it pisses him off."

"I guess you're right," Jim said, slipping on the soft shoes that matched his pants and shirt. "I sure am glad you came down."

"I figured I'd have to be peacemaker. It's natural as breathing. And neither of you need to worry about it."

"Okay," Jim agreed, leaving the bedroom for the sitting room. He greeted T'Pau with a smile and a small bow, trying very hard not to fidget under her scrutiny.

"You have brought much happiness to my clanson," she finally said.

"As he has to me, Minister. I am complete because of him," Jim said.

"Yes," she said with a regal nod. "Spock tells me all the wedding preparations have been made."

"Yes, ma'am," Jim agreed, glancing over at his Spock who was studying him thoughtfully. "Thank you for agreeing to preside."

"I would refuse you nothing, my child. Surely you know this," she said formally but kindly.

"Thank you," he said again, feeling the faint flow of love returning to him. He looked over at Spock again, seeing his frozen eyes beginning to thaw. /I'm really really sorry./

/I overreacted, t'hy'la. Of course you do not believe I am merely a reflection of you./

/I don't,/ Jim said, going to sit pressed next to Spock when he was sure T'Pau was done with him. He glanced at Bones who winked at him, making Jim smile in response.

The time until dinner was spent with news of New Vulcan, of the family that remained, the plans for the wedding, the places the Enterprise had visited. If Jim had less to say than usual, they understood and no one pressed him to participate.

Bones added to the conversation when he thought it appropriate, Ambassador Spock clearly enjoying the company of those he had known so well in another time and place. Even after dinner, the lively exchange continued, Jim struggling to remain awake as the night deepened.

"Jim and I must go to bed," Spock said, sensing Jim's losing battle with sleep. "Will we see you tomorrow?"

"I will return," Ambassador Spock said.

"I am needed elsewhere, my sons," T'Pau said, looking up at them. "We will speak on the day of your wedding."

"Yes, clanmother," Spock agreed, kissing her forehead before leading a half-asleep Jim into their bedroom. "I apologize."

"For what?" Jim mumbled as he leaned against Spock in order to remain upright.

"You are overly tired. I failed to recognize that."

Jim shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed before collapsing backward. "Hot."

"I understand, t'hy'la. Do you need to visit the bathroom?"

Jim shook his head, making the mistake of closing his eyes. By the time Spock returned, Jim was sound asleep, not waking when Spock turned him so that he lay the right way on the bed.

"Goodnight, my love," Spock said, kissing him gently, Jim smiling in his sleep.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you, gentle readers, for staying with me through this journey. I really thought this would be the final chapter of Epiphany. But those boys keep changing their minds and wandering off in directions I don't anticipate. So I'm hoping the _next_ chapter will be the final chapter. I guess we'll see if the muses are ready to be finished! Do let us know what you think of this chapter. Reviews = Writer Crack!_


	26. Chapter 26

"Hey," Jim said as he practically burst into McCoy's bedroom through the bathroom that joined their rooms. "You awake?"

"I am now," Bones said, sliding up his headboard with a yawn. "What's up, sunshine?"

"I'm getting married today," Jim said happily as he jumped onto Bones' bed.

"Oh really?" Bones scowled. "You could have announced this to me once the sun was up. At a decent hour."

"Nope. I'm too excited to sleep any longer," Jim said, practically bouncing. "Aren't you excited?"

"Sure," Bones responded, his tone not precisely conveying his supposed emotion. "Where's Spock? He finally realize what he's about to do to himself and sneak out under cloak of night?"

"Nope," Jim laughed. "He's meditating. On the patio. He'll be back in soon."

"All right," Bones said. "Y'all ready?"

"You know we are. I have my vows. He said he has his. Command crew's taken care of the details. We just have to wait."

"True. We're staying here until about four or so."

"That late?" Jim asked with a small frown. "I thought we were beaming up after lunch."

Bones shook his head. "No. At 4. I promised I'd keep you out of the way until then."

"It's our wedding. How could I be in the way?"

"You don't want me to really answer that, do you?" Bones asked with a knowing look in his eyes.

"Probably not," Jim conceded. "Maybe I can talk to Chris before we beam up. What do you think?"

"You probably can. Isn't it Saturday on Earth?"

"I think so. Spock will know for sure. Well, I'll try and see if I reach him."

"Good plan."

"You know what?" Jim said, moving up to settle against the headboard next to Bones, their shoulders in contact.

"What's that?" Bones asked, turning to study him.

"I was in the shower earlier," Jim said, laughing at Bones' frown. "That's not it. But… you know."

"You've taken a lot of showers since you've been here."

"I know. But that's not the point either. I was thinking about mom. And how happy I am that Spock and I finally admitted how we feel. You know what I realized?"

"What's that?" Bones repeated.

"It doesn't much matter what anyone else thinks of you. Not ultimately. Spock loves me and you love me. The rest is just bullshit, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," Bones agreed.

"We spend too much time trying to live up to someone's else expectations. Or trying to prove that their opinion is wrong. When it comes down to it, it's really only what you think that's important. I mean, me. You know."

"I do know," Bones said, studying him with warm brown eyes. "My little boy is growing up."

"Shut up," Jim laughed. "I'm barring my soul to you and you are cracking wise."

"You really have grown up, kid. Not like you had any choice once you made Captain. But you still weren't sure you deserved it. That's all changed."

"Uh huh," Jim agreed. "A lot of that is because of you."

"And Spock," Bones reminded him.

"Yeah. But…." Jim shrugged, leaning more heavily against Bones. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, kid. I am very proud of you. But if you tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it to my dying breath."

"Your secret's safe with me," Jim assured him.

"Good. Because my retribution includes hyposprays and extra physicals."

"Don't think I don't know that," Jim laughed. "You really shouldn't use your medical degree to scare people."

"Why not? It works and nobody crosses me twice."

"True," Jim said. "I can just order them off my ship."

"But you never would," Bones said. "You will do everything you can to correct their behavior. You've never had to transfer anyone."

"There's several people I'd like to transfer off," Jim said with a shrug. "But I won't make them someone else's problem."

"I know that. Shows your maturity. Which is no-end of a surprise to me," Bones told him.

"Why are you so mean to me when you love me?"

"Keeps you humble. If I don't, who will?"

"Yeah," Jim said with a smile. "Him."

"Good morning," Spock said as he entered the bedroom. "You slept well, Leonard?"

"I did. Until an oversized teenager jumped on my bed," Bones said, trying to sound put-out but failing completely.

"I apologize," Spock said, sitting on the end of the bed. "He slipped his restraints."

"Spock," Jim said in mock horror. "You said you wouldn't tell him that."

"My apologies," Spock said over Bones' laughter.

"I'd restrain him if I were you," Bones agreed.

Spock did not respond to that, only watching Jim, a gleam in his eye that might have made Bones uncomfortable if it hadn't become so common.

"I could do with something to eat," Bones announced. "Which means I need to take a shower. So go."

"Yep," Jim said, leaving the bed and standing close by Spock. "Come to the sitting room when you're ready."

"Yes sir," Bones said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No," Jim decided. "It's the brig for you."

"Whatever," Bones said with a shrug, taking clean clothes out of his tote and following Jim and Spock as they crossed through the bathroom. Bones remained, closing both of the doors.

"What were you discussing with Leonard?" Spock whispered, his arms wrapped around Jim who was leaning up against him.

"That I finally don't need to prove mom was right. Or wrong. What she thought is no longer of any importance to me."

"I see," Spock said, kissing him lightly. "Good for you."

"Uh huh. And how much I love you. And how much I love how much you love me."

"You have circular logic," Spock said with a rush of warmth.

"Yeah. Like you didn't know already. We should get dressed before we get distracted," Jim said with a smile that lit his entire face.

"Yes," Spock agreed, kissing him in contradiction to their decision.

"Stop," Jim whispered against Spock's lips. "We can't. Not right now."

"No one will be surprised. We are allowed some latitude on our wedding day."

"You sure we won't scandalize the house?" Jim asked, wanting to be hopeful and to let himself be convinced. But Sarek finally no longer intimidated him and he'd hate to lose the ground he had gained.

"We will not. Would you prefer that we go to elder Spock's house?"

"Mmm… no. I really really want you. I also don't want Sarek to be disappointed in me."

"Disappointed in us, t'hy'la. As you so often note, it takes two to tango," Spock whispered into one round ear before licking it in such a way that generally made Jim's knees buckle.

"Especially the horizontal tango," Jim agreed. "If we lock the doors, nobody will try to come in, right?"

"Our privacy will be respected," Spock assured him, going to the doors to secure the locks. He also drew the curtains, preventing any possible curious eyes from seeing in from the patio. "Do you have any further protests you would like to make?" he teased as he resumed kissing Jim and untying the string that kept his loose pants around his waist.

"None. Except you need to hurry," Jim requested, swiveling his hips so that his pajama bottoms fell into a puddle on top of his feet. They made their way to the bed, doing their version on the tango, Jim feeling ever-so-slightly naughty engaging in that particular activity when the entire household no doubt knew what was delaying them. But Spock's kisses and hands and actions made any rational thought impossible.

/As it should be,/ Spock told him as they both panted in an attempt to recover.

/Yeah,/ Jim agreed faintly, too busy floating to actually concentrate on what it was Spock was thinking. "I can't believe how much I love you."

Spock kissed him rather than answering, his love infusing Jim with warmth.

"We need to shower so we can join them for breakfast," Jim said reluctantly, his hand tracing invisibly patters on the flat plains of Spock's stomach.

"We will momentarily," Spock assured him, content to lay in their cocoon of love.

"Mmm…" Jim sighed, allowing his eyes to drift closed.

"Don't fall asleep, t'hy'la," Spock warned softly.

"I'm not. Just savoring the after-glow."

"Indeed," Spock replied, making Jim laugh.

They eventually conceded to the inevitable and left the bed to shower and dress. Those gathered were gracious enough, or Vulcan enough, to pretend they did not notice that breakfast had been over for half an hour before they emerged from their bedroom. Jim and Spock took their nonchalance as a gift, one they very much appreciated.

When they had eaten, Jim asked about the time on Earth, Spock telling him it was around noon in San Francisco. Jim excused himself, Spock going with him to Sarek's office to contact Admiral Pike.

There was a lapse before Chris answered, his hair sticking up, his eyes barely focused. "Is this some sort of emergency?" he asked, squinting at Jim and Spock.

"Nope," Jim said, shaking his head. "It's our wedding day."

"Yeah. And you couldn't have waited until morning to remind me?" Chris groused.

"Spock said it's noon there," Jim said with a laugh.

"It's midnight. Your personal clock is 12 hours off," Chris informed them, trying very hard to sound grumpy.

"My apologies," Spock said, barely disguising his embarrassed amusement. "I was certain it was mid-day."

"Okay, Spock. If you're the one who screwed it up, I forgive you," Chris said.

"I did make the error," Spock said.

"And you aren't just covering for him, right?" Chris asked, laughing.

"I am not," Spock assured him.

"Not this time," Jim said, smiling over at Spock. "So if it's midnight now, what time will it be at 5 here when we're getting married?"

"What is 5 hours after midnight, Jim?" Chris asked patiently.

"Oh. 5 a.m. No wait. Midnight is the time it is now there. Here it's… uhm…" He looked over at Spock in question.

"It is 10:12 here," Spock told him.

"Oh crap. What time will it be on Earth at 5 our time?" Jim asked Spock in quiet pleading.

"For a genius, your sense of time is nearly non-existent," Chris pointed out with no malice at all.

"I know. It took me forever to learn to tell time on a regular clock. Long hands. Short hands." Jim shook his head in some dismay.

"Our ceremony will occur at approximately 7 a.m. San Francisco time," Spock told Jim.

"We're getting married at 7 a.m. your time," Jim announced to Chris finally. "Will you be awake?"

"I might. It is Saturday here so I won't be going to work," Chris told them.

"It's Saturday coming up? Or Sunday coming up?" Jim asked with a frown.

"I went to bed at 2300 Friday. It's now 12:15 a.m. on Saturday," Chris told him patiently.

"Okay," Jim said with a nod. "So we'll contact you at 4:45 our time and you can watch the ceremony."

"That will be fine," Chris agreed. "Make sure you take the official pictures in your dress uniforms. Starfleet will have your hides if you don't."

"We will," Spock assured him. "We have arranged for Lieutenant aYrYa to take the photos."

"Good," Chris said with a nod. "And no one from Starfleet will contact you today or tomorrow. You and your crew are officially on leave. Just make sure you're ready for your next orders day after tomorrow."

"We will be," Jim agreed with a smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. If you don't mind, I'm going back to bed. I'll be standing by at 4:45 your time," Chris told them.

"Okay," Jim agreed.

"Thank you, Admiral," Spock added with a nod.

"I'll see you both this afternoon," Chris reminded them warmly before they ended their transmission.

"I need to let Scotty know that the crew is on leave," Jim said absently, looking only at Spock, love reflected in his eyes.

"You do," Spock agreed, leaning close enough to kiss him.

"Mmm…" Jim sighed before turning to contact Scotty. He relayed Chris's message, Scotty acknowledging it and agreeing that the crew would very much appreciate it.

"So ye'll be back at 16:00, right, sirs?" Scotty asked.

"That's the plan," Jim agreed. "Unless you need us sooner."

"No thank you, sir. Everything's taken care of. You needn't worry," Scotty assured him.

"Of course," Jim said with a smile. "Our ship's well cared for as long as you are there."

"Thank you, sir," Scotty said, pleased by the warm words. "Anything we can do for the two of you?"

"We're all set," Jim said. After a few more words of assurances, they signed off, Jim and Spock returning to the sitting room to join those gathered.

~o0o~

At precisely 16:00, Jim and Spock beamed up to their ship, the command crew in the transporter room to welcome them aboard. Bones and Ambassador Spock had beamed up just before they did and were still in the transporter room with the rest. Sulu requested permission to be excused after greeting Jim with a warm hug. It had been agreed that T'Pau would not be beaming up. Coming aboard via shuttle was much more appropriate, however unusual. She would be accompanied by Sarek even though he had no particular opinion about the safety or dignity of using a transporter. Sulu promised that he would be extremely careful and he would under no circumstances be late.

With those assurances, Jim gave him permission to take the shuttle, Sulu executing a smart salute before hurrying out.

The command crew excused Jim and Spock to their quarters to change and have the time to themselves, so long as they _promised_ talking and changing were the only activities that were undertaken. Bones agreed to chaperone them, nobody listening to Jim's protests that they didn't need a baby-sitter.

Ambassador Spock agreed to join Scotty, Chekov, and Uhura in the last minute preparations that needed to be made. They all ignored Jim when he offered his help, their mysterious glances and silent exchanges making him even more curious.

"What are they up to?" he asked Bones as they went to their quarters.

"How in the world would I know? I've been on Vulcan too," Bones pointed out, glancing over at Spock who was barely able to disguise his amusement.

"Yeah. But you know stuff," Jim said in accusation. Bones just shrugged, waiting as Spock entered the code to open their door. When they entered their quarters, they were greeted with flowers, streamers, balloons, and several bottles of champagne ready to be enjoyed, elegant flutes next to the bottles.

"Wow," Jim said, appreciating the subtle transformation of their quarters.

"It is quite lovely," Spock agreed, touching one of the roses before sniffing it. "Quite lovely."

"Who has our access code?" Jim laughed, looking at their bed that had been mysteriously covered with a taupe comforter he strongly suspected was made of silk.

"You think Scotty needs something as pedestrian as an access code?" Bones asked with a laugh.

"I suppose not," Jim agreed. "You have something to do with all this?"

"Not a thing. I was on Vulcan," he repeated unnecessarily.

"Yeah, but I know your sneaky ways," Jim said, smiling at Spock. "You okay?"

"Appreciating their efforts," Spock assured him, kissing his head. "It was very kind of them."

"Nothing more than you deserve," Bones said in a rare display of his true feelings, one they both appreciated.

"We can have some champagne now, right?" Jim asked, picking up one of the bottles.

"We can. We will not allow you to over-indulge," Spock said, holding the two flutes. Bones went to their tiny kitchen area to return with a wine glass which Jim filled for him.

"Very uncouth, Dr. McCoy. Drinking champagne from a wine glass," Jim teased as they sat down to enjoy the drink and their company.

"I got couth to spare. You could use some of mine," Bones retorted.

Jim shrugged at that, leaning more heavily against Spock. "Why is he our best friend when he's so mean to me?"

"I have no explanation for that illogical decision on your part. It was you he threatened the first time you met him," Spock pointed out.

"Oh yeah. But he didn't really throw up on me," Jim reminded Spock with a smile.

"No but I may now. If you don't knock it off," Bones grumbled.

"You don't scare me. You know that, right?" Jim said as he often did.

Bones just raised one threatening eyebrow and drank more of his champagne. They continued to chat in the way only the closest of friends can do, Jim careful not to drink too much champagne, not that there was much chance of it under the watchful eyes of Bones and Spock.

Before they knew it, the time came for them to change into their dress uniforms, Sulu assuring them over their communicator that he had safely delivered T'Pau, and Sarek aboard. Bones had his dress blues in their closet and put on his while Jim and Spock also changed.

Jim stuck his hand in the pocket of his pants, looking down at the piece of paper he pulled out. Curious, Bones looked at it too. "I read it at Winona's service," Jim explained, giving it to Bones.

"It's beautiful," McCoy said with a nod. "Very appropriate."

"It was. And much appreciated by those in attendance," Spock added, kissing Jim's head.

"Put your rings on your right hands," Bones reminded them, supervising as they switched them.

"You have our wedding rings?" Jim asked as Bones fussed over Jim's collar that never wanted to stand as straight as it should.

"Scotty has them. You are my responsibility. Everything else is his," Bones said, checking Spock's uniform with a critical eye and a nod of approval. "Come on. We have a wedding to get to."

"Aye sir," Jim agreed with a laugh, his sparkling eyes smiling up at Spock who could not disguise his happiness even if had wanted to. Which he didn't.

They walked the empty corridors until they arrived at the largest Observation Lounge, the doors firmly closed. Waiting outside the doors was the Command Crew, all looking splendid in their dress uniforms, except Uhura who was wearing a dress of deepest blue, crystals sparkling like stars in the sky. She was also wearing the necklace and bracelet that they had brought to her from Iowa, a perfect compliment to her gown,

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked Jim quietly.

"Of course I don't. You couldn't possibly look more beautiful," Jim told her with a quick, chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you, _Captain."_

"You are very welcome, Lieutenant," Jim responded with a smile.

"You may call me Nyota. Just for today," Uhura said, making Jim laugh.

"Now my day is complete," he laughed. He looked at the other members of his command crew, nearly overwhelmed by their presence and their obvious happiness. He could feel Spock's affection echoing his own. "Thank you all for being the finest personnel in the fleet. And the finest friends," Jim said sincerely.

"We have the finest Cap'n, sir," Scotty said for all of them. "And the finest First Officer."

"Thank you," Spock said with a slight bow. "You have our rings?"

"Aye, that I do. They are beautiful," Scotty said. The others had not had the chance to see them and with only a modicum of persuasion, Scotty opened the box to display them to everyone. There was much acclaim for their beauty and their appropriateness, Jim and Spock basking in their approval.

The quiet gathering was broken by Ambassador Spock leaving the observation lounge to look at them with a sparkle in his eye. "Are you going to be late for your own wedding?" he scolded warmly.

"We lost track," Jim admitted, smiling at the Ambassador. "We're ready."

The Ambassador nodded, returning to the Observation Lounge where they could hear the quiet music change to _Air _by Bach, the music they had chosen to play while Chekov and Sulu, Scotty and Bones, and Uhura walked down the aisle. The doors were opened by Security Chief Sam Giotto and his second in command, looking splendid in their dress reds.

With a nod and a smile, the pairs entered the Observation Lounge, stopping when they were in their places to turn and face the doors. Jim and Spock entered and the music changed to _Dance of the Blessed Spirits_ by Christoph Willibald von Gluck.

Everyone stood as they stepped through the doors, watching as they made their way to the front where T'Pau stood patiently waiting, looking more pleased than anyone ever remembered seeing her look before. Sarek sat on the front row beside Ambassador Spock and he nodded to Spock when he caught his father's eye.

"I do not need to tell you what has brought us here this day," T'Pau said when the music had faded away. "It is our honor and our privilege to witness the union of these two men. Two finer men I have never known. My clanson has always been and will always remain the light of my eye. It is not the Vulcan way to admit to these, or any, emotions. That makes no difference when I am in the presence of Spock. The love I feel for him will not be contained and threatens to burst from my heart." Her eyes softened as she looked at Spock who looked shocked and pleased in equal measures. Such words were never spoken aloud, much less in the presence of others.

"And Captain James T. Kirk is one of the two finest Humans I have ever met. Spock's mother would have been thrilled and delighted that her son had the good fortune and the good sense to fall in love with his Captain. James, you give to Spock that which he needs, as he does for you. I rejoice in the happiness you have both found and know that it will continue for many years to come."

Jim was sure his face was going to crack from smiling so wide but he couldn't help it. T'Pau's words were a gift, a blessing, an anointment of _rightness._ /She is… you are…/ He had to stop, no words sufficient to convey his emotions. Spock didn't need the words. He felt the same, their love binding them as one.

"My clansons are already bonded in the Vulcan way," T'Pau continued. "As it should be. The words we speak today will seal their union before the eyes of the law, and Starfleet." She spoke the traditional words, the ones Jim preferred to use when he performed crew weddings. They exchanged their promises, the love they shared infusing those around them with warmth and contentment. "They will share their chosen words," T'Pau said with a nod.

They turned to face one another, their hands clasped between them. Jim was still smiling, sure he would never stop because there would never be a reason for him to.

"I give to thee, my soulmate, these words from an Earth poet by the name of Pablo Neruda. His words express for me that which I do not have poetry enough to say. It is my promise to you, today and always," Spock said, looking into the infinite depths of his love's blue eyes.

_Maybe nothingness is to be without your presence,  
__without you moving, slicing the noon  
__like a blue flower, without you walking  
__later through the fog and the cobbles,  
__without the light you carry in your hand,  
__golden, which maybe others will not see,  
__which maybe no one knew was growing  
__like the red beginnings of a rose.  
__In short, without your presence: without your coming  
__suddenly, incitingly, to know my life,  
__gust of a rosebush, wheat of wind:  
__since then I am because you are,  
__since then you are, I am, we are,  
__and through love I will be, you will be, we'll be._

"We'll be," Jim whispered when Spock finished. The beauty of those words were enough to take away his final breath and he would release it willingly. Spock had just given him everything he would ever need.

/You must continue to breathe, t'hy'la. I cannot continue without you,/ Spock whispered across their bond, warming Jim even more.

"Thank you," Jim said solemnly, blinking back his unshed tears of joy. He straightened slightly, smiling in happiness at Spock. "These words I am borrowing from Shakespeare are my promise to you, my love."

_Doubt thou the stars are fire;  
__Doubt that the sun doth move;  
__Doubt truth to be a liar;  
__But never doubt I love._

"Hamlet," Spock whispered. "Act… uhm…"

/It's not important right now,/ Jim reminded him as they turned back to face T'Pau who still looked inordinately proud of herself and her two clansons.

"You will have the exchange of rings," she said with a nod to Scotty. She accepted them, cradling the two beautiful circles in her hands. "These rings serve as an outward symbol of the love that binds the hearts of James and Spock. Just as a circle has no beginning and no ending, so it is with the love of James and Spock. No beginning, no ending. Continuous. Forever." With a nod, Jim picked up Spock's ring and slid it onto his finger.

"This is my promise to you. Now and forever," Jim said, kissing it when it was in place. Spock picked up the second one, putting it carefully in place.

"Infinite diversity in infinite combinations brought us together. Infinite joy and infinite love will bind us together. Always," Spock said, kissing Jim's ring into place.

T'Pau nodded in approval, looking at her clansons and at the assembled crew, all beaming in happiness. "By the laws of Vulcan and the power of Starfleet, I am honored to pronounce you wed."

Jim quickly kissed Spock before anyone could stop him, smiling at those watching and waiting. The crew stood as they exited followed by the Command Crew, all smiles and obvious happiness. They went directly across the hall to the conference room, talking all at once. The rest of the crew would be going directly to Rec Room 6 where the celebration would be held.

"Yes, we are changing," Jim said in answer to someone's question. "Yes we'll hurry. No, you don't need to come. Of course you can change too. I _promise_ all we'll do is change clothes. Start eating before we get there. Yes I'm sure. We won't be long. Yes I'm wearing jeans. I told you to if you want. Does it matter if it scandalizes the Vulcans? We're married. Signed sealed and delivered. Pike was watching over subspace. Yes, Nyota took care of it. Of course we have his blessing." Jim finally held one hand up and everyone stopped talking. "Please go to the reception. We'll be there shortly, you have my word." The crew reluctantly nodded and filed out, leaving only Dr. McCoy behind.

"Are you overwhelmed?" Bones asked Spock who shook his head.

"I am not. Jim is shielding much of their enthusiasm. It is not disturbing to me."

"All right," Bones said. "Let's get you to your quarters so you can change."

"You don't have to come," Jim said with a smile.

"Oh yes I do. I know how you two are. I leave you alone and we won't see you for the next day and a half. No use pretending otherwise."

Jim laughed, shaking his head. "Okay. Okay. We're coming."

"Damn straight you are," Bones said, escorting them out after making sure the corridor was clear. "Why didn't you bring your jeans here?"

"You are the boss of us," Jim pointed out with a laugh. "Why didn't you?"

Bones snorted at him, running interference with the few crew who tried to chat with their Captain and his Commander. No one was willing to have McCoy's wrath on their heads by making them late to the reception.

Jim changed into a pair of new jeans with a crisp white shirt. Spock put on a black pants and a black shirt with silver symbols woven into the wide placket. Bones echoed Jim's attire, his jeans black and his shirt dark blue.

"What does this say?" Jim asked, touching each symbol.

"A request for blessings on our house and those who reside there," Spock said, looking at Jim in a promise that those blessings were also his.

"Oh," Jim said, looking up at Spock.

"You have no idea what he just said, do you?" Bones asked, shaking his head.

"Me?" Jim responded, looking over at Bones with a smile. Jim repeated exactly what Spock had said, Bones ignoring him for the most part.

"Before we go," Bones said with a rare smile. "I'm charged with giving you your wedding gift." He went into their closet, returning with a small, festively tied box.

"We said no gifts," Jim reminded him with a smile.

"When have I ever listened to you?" Bones asked. "Open it."

Jim held it as Spock carefully untied the ribbon in order to pull off the lid. Nestled inside on a bed of bright white tissue paper were two perfect peach colored rose buds. Spock carefully removed one, admiring the color and the beauty of it.

"The crew and I had 86 of these roses planted on New Vulcan," Bones said. "In honor of your wedding and in memory of Amanda. Sulu made sure they were hardy enough to grow with minimum water. And the elders promised that they would be cared for. There was also a donation of credits to help tend them."

"That's…" Jim had to stop, could only shake his head. "Thank you."

"Your gift is one we could not have anticipated and one we will always cherish, Leonard. Thank you," Spock said, his voice conveying all of the emotions that he could not disguise, including some sadness that his mother was not with them.

Bones nodded, smiling warmly. "I told the crew I needed to give it to you here. So you'd have time to appreciate it. And in case it got to you."

"It has. We couldn't have asked for a better, more fitting gift," Jim said, looking at the perfection of the rose buds. "Why 86?"

"That's the number of nationalities and planets currently represented on board," Bones explained, taking the rose from Jim. "It has a pin so you can wear it." He held it in question only for a moment, until Jim was nodding in undisguised enthusiasm. Spock took out the second one, handing it to Leonard so that he could pin it to his black shirt as well.

"Perfect," Jim said, looking at Spock and smiling up at him. He turned his radiant smile on Bones who had no choice but to return it. "Thank you. And thank you for always being here for us."

"Indeed," Spock agreed, one warm hand on Bones' arm. "Your friendship is priceless to us both. Although we rarely express how meaningful it truly is."

"What are best friends for?" Bones asked, pleased by their words. "Now let's go to your party."

"Indeed," Spock said, making the Humans laugh. They continued to laugh in pure happiness as they made their way to Rec Room 6. A hush fell over the room as they entered, a hush that was shattered by thunderous applause, a few scattered whistles, and a shower of confetti raining down on them from everywhere.

They slowly crossed the rec room, accepting the congratulations of their crew, along with their love, and their best wishes for happiness, always. They answered each one who spoke to them, thanking them for their presence and for the thoughtfulness of the gift of the roses. The crew was clearly thrilled at their delight, pleased and proud that they had done such a wonderful thing.

Jim, Spock, and Bones finally made it to the head table where the rest of the Command Crew waited. Before Jim could sit down, he was caught in an enthusiastic hug by Gaila who looked even more delighted than normal.

"Congratulations, Captain, Commander," she said, her curls bouncing in happiness.

"Thank you, Gaila," Jim said with a wink.

"You'll save me a dance?" she requested. With his promise that he would, she went to the table with the other engineers, sitting down and flirting with whomever was closest at the moment.

"You have confetti in your hair," Uhura told Spock with a smile.

"It is of no importance," he assured her warmly. "You look splendid in your new dress."

"Thank you," she responded with a warm laugh. "You look pretty splendid yourself."

He nodded in acknowledgment, leaning closer to kiss her on the cheek. "Will you dance with me?"

"Of course," she agreed, leaning forward to look over at Jim who was watching them with a smile. "You – not so much."

"I understand," he assured her, trying not so successfully to look hurt. He was quickly distracted by the huge plate of food that was placed before him. He wondered briefly how many people would be eating from it because it surely couldn't all be for just him.

/You do not need to clean your plate, t'hy'la,/ Spock assured him with much warmth.

/Thank goodness. I'd probably explode. T'Pau has a plate, right?/

/She does. She was served directly after us./

/Okay,/ Jim said, taking a bite from his plate and admiring the transformation of the rec room. It was decorated in white and peach, roses the color of their boutonnières on every table. There were white and peach streamers, white and peach tablecloths alternating, white and peach balloons adding a casual air to the room. "Y'all did a great job decorating," he said to Bones when he paused in listening to Scotty on his other side.

"I had nothing to do with it. Chekov, Sulu, and Scotty did it," Bones said.

"It wasn't even your idea?" Jim asked him.

"No, not really. Once we decided on your gift, the rest just made sense," Bones said.

"That's for sure," Jim agreed. "It's beautiful."

"Nyota expressed some concern that it might be too feminine but we figured it's a wedding. White's always traditional and the peach matches the flowers."

"It was an appropriate, lovely decision," Spock said, leaning forward to join the conversation.

"I think so too," Bones said with a nod.

"The peach color your idea?" Jim asked with a smile.

"Maybe. Or maybe some of us know that it's Spock's favorite rose," Bones said, winking at Spock.

"Is it?" Jim asked in surprise, wondering how he didn't know that.

"It is. And it is of no importance that you did not know," Spock assured him, a warm hand on Jim's knee.

"How does Bones know something I don't?" Jim laughed.

"Powers of observation," Bones said mysteriously, pouring Jim more champagne. "You want some more, Spock?"

"Yes please," Spock agreed, holding his flute for Bones to refill it.

They ate and drank and chatted and laughed, enjoying themselves immensely. Spock was clearly pleased by the festivities even if he didn't laugh with the others. Anyone present would know that he was enjoying himself and he was glad for it.

Jim and Spock looked up at Bones when he stood, tapping his flute with a spoon. The age-old signal was honored and a hush fell over the room.

"When the Captain and the Commander requested that I be their best man, I naturally agreed. Someone had to make sure they stayed out of trouble. Well, had to make sure the Captain stayed safe. None of us were particularly worried about the Commander." Bones stopped to let the laughter have its time before continuing. "I agreed to stand with them, but I made it clear that speeches are not my thing. 'I'm a doctor, dammit, not a poet.'" This brought another wave of laughter, Jim smiling up at McCoy in pure happiness. "That didn't seem to deter either of them so here I am. For better or worse. Just as Jim and Spock have promised to remain one. For better or for worse. And we couldn't be happier for them both." This brought new cheers and the Humans at the head table beamed in delight.

"Because I am no man's poet, I did the logical thing – I searched for a poem to expresses what we all wish to tell our commanders, our friends. I found this passage but I was never able to find its original source. I'm sure Commander Spock will be able to help me with that – as time allows. In the meantime, I give to you, our friends, these words with all the love that we hold for you."

_Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Take responsibility for making the other feel safe, and give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship, as they inevitably encroach on all relationships, remember to focus on what is right between you, not that which seems wrong. In this way, you can survive the times when clouds drift across the face of the sun, remembering that even though you may lose sight of it for a moment, the sun has not gone for good. And when each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight._

The room erupted in thunderous applause when Dr. McCoy finished, Jim embracing him in a warm, sure hug before the Doctor sat back down, smiling at his friends.

"It's time for your dance, sirs," Uhura informed them quietly. Jim nodded, Spock looking a little less certain even though he readily accepted Jim's offered hand. There were small gasps as they made their way to the dance floor, all those present enjoying the sight of their commanding officers united in love and looking far too handsome for their own good.

The overhead lights, while already lower than normal, dimmed as they stood on the dance floor, close but not overly so. The music started and Jim had to laugh. They had left the choice of the first dance to the wedding planners and he shouldn't have been surprised when it was the theme from "_Beauty and the Beast."_

/Ours is a tale as old as time,/ Jim agreed as they danced to the familiar music.

/Are you the beast or am I?/ Spock asked with floating bubbles of amusement.

/I shudder to think,/ Jim admitted, smiling up at him. /Seems appropriate, though. Could be our story./

/Indeed,/ Spock agreed. /I am pleased that we made those small changes./

/So am I,/ Jim agreed, leaning close enough to press a quick kiss on Spock's lips, their friends erupting in applause at the small gesture of affection. Jim could only shake his head, staring at Spock in complete love.

When the music faded out and the applause had finally stopped, Uhura came to claim Spock for her promised dance, Gaila taking Jim's hand for hers. They danced and talked and Jim laughed enough for them both.

Spock requested a dance from T'Pau and she readily agreed. The music was appropriately sedate and every person present seemed to be holding their collective breath at the symbolism of their dance. When the music stopped, Spock bowed to T'Pau before escorting her back to the table. She looked especially pleased and watched the remaining dances with a warm, loving expression.

Sometime after 1:00 a.m., Bones decided the party had lasted long enough and began shooing the crew out of the Rec Room. When only the Command Crew, Ambassador Spock, and Sarek remained, they all sat and enjoyed one last glass of champagne together. T'Pau had excused herself several hours earlier, accepting Jim's invitation to spend the night in their guest quarters.

"Thank you all," Jim said, smiling at his friends. "You did an incredible job."

"It was our pleasure," Scotty assured him.

"We vanted it done right, sir," Chekov told him happily. "Vhen Sulu and I are married, you vill perform it, da?"

"Of course," Jim agreed. "Have you decided?"

"Not yet," Sulu answered for them both. "Maybe next time we have leave."

"Da," Chekov agreed happily. "Then ve vill have the honeymoon."

"I don't plan to wait until then," Sulu reminded him with a laugh.

"My sources say you have already started it," Uhura chimed in, the two of them frowning at her.

"I heard the same, lassie," Scotty agreed.

"Not much of a secret then," Ambassador Spock decided.

"Were the first Pavel and Hikaru in love?" Uhura asked him, smiling at them.

"I believe that they were," Ambassador Spock said. "They never married but I do not know the reason."

"As long as they were happy," Uhura said.

"They were that, Nyota," the Ambassador assured them.

"I am beyond pleased for you both, my sons," Sarek said, standing. "However, I am no longer as young as I like to believe. It is past time for me to be in bed."

"Of course," Spock said, also standing. "I will escort you to your quarters."

Sarek nodded to accept his offer and they left, talking quietly.

Jim said good night to the rest of the crew, Bones walking him to their quarters. "I can't possibly get into trouble now," Jim protested with a laugh.

"Yeah. But it may be the last time I have to be with you alone for a while," Bones said, putting one arm across Jim's shoulder. "I'm glad I didn't throw up on you, kid."

"Wouldn't have mattered. We'd still be best friends," Jim promised him. "It was destiny."

"I have to agree. Lucky for you."

"You got that right," Jim laughed, stopping when they reached the door to his quarters. "Go to bed, Dr. McCoy. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Aye sir, Captain Kirk sir," Bones responded, hugging him tightly before going down the corridor to the turbolift. Jim watched him until he disappeared around a corner.

Once Jim was inside their quarters, he took off his jeans and shirt, carefully putting aside the boutonnière. It wasn't long at all before Spock came in, finding Jim already in their bed, sitting up against the headboard.

"I missed you," Jim said with a smile.

"I was gone less than 10 minutes," Spock scolded warmly.

"Seemed a lot longer," Jim shrugged with one bare shoulder. "Undress please. And come to bed."

"You can be certain I have no other plans," Spock assured him, standing beside the bed to disrobe, letting Jim enjoy the private show. Once he was naked, he went into the bathroom, very soon returning to join Jim in their bed, appreciating the new silk sheets that had been put in place.

"As much as I'd love to make advances on you, all I can think about is going to sleep," Jim said with a yawn.

"We have the rest of our lives to make advances on one another," Spock reminded him, laying flat on the bed, Jim's body snug up against his. "I love you, t'hy'la."

"I love you," Jim returned, kissing Spock's beautifully graceful ear. "And I love that you love me."

"There is your circular logic again," Spock chided gently.

"Circular. Like our rings," Jim said, holding up their left hands to admire their wedding rings, their promise of all their tomorrows.

"Beautiful. Like my t'hy'la," Spock said, kissing Jim before wrapping his arms around him to hold him tight. "Sleep, now. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives."

"And we'll live happily ever after. Cause I have your promise," Jim said, his voice laden with sleep.

"Yes we will," Spock promised, absolutely certain it was a vow they would both keep.

_The End_


End file.
